Now i do admit that i never knew what fests were when i was in Dubai,had no freaking idea,this fest thing came full throttle when i came back to calcutta and was in the glorious school whoes name you all should know about,the first fest i did attend was held by the APJ school where adil ,gablu,nagu,babla,afzal and chintoo and i played a couple of songs and won.
Nevertheless i wouldnt attend any fest until and unless i had to do something there,like play in the school band or something,coz ultimately it would get boring and cliched ,plus it would become a collosal waste of my time.
So when me pal rohit called me up on the 5th of december and asked me to come along to a fest i was skeptical to say the least,but since i dont meet me school friends all that much due to most of us being scattered away to different parts of the city and for rohit the country ,i thought what the heck at least the old stb gang will be back,at least a few of us would be.
I was a hell more skeptical about attending the fest cause it was "Umang" ,now for all you noobs like me who dont know jack about fests,this "fest" is probably the biggest in terms of college fests in calcutta,it brings in those MTV splitsvilla and fucking roadies contestants for whom people go ga ga over ,all fucking fake attitude wannabe shit,i hate all that crap,most of me friends hate that crap as well,but i went coz babla was gonna play,adil as well,so it was gonna be a threefor.
So we met at Bhaggu[thats what its called] ,now a little history lesson for all of you,Bhaggu is this college which looks like a housing complex,in the middle of calcutta[my geography aint good so forgive me],where only 2 types of students are allowed,3 types
1:Gujjus
2:Rich snobs
3:People who couldnt get admitted to any other decent college
A few of me pals have studied there and are still studying,so off we went,we met sumitano on the way and before entering the college we were frisked and checked,we saw the real security of the college,most of em were these big intimidating looking guys from the college itself[students] one of em was a kinda school mate of ours Shergil ,you remember him from the maa ka kasam episode,so of course he did meet us talked to us for a while before [and i fucking kid you not] talking and using his "walky talkie" to find out some details etc,i mean come on the college is the size of a housing fucking society how the fuck do you require walky talkies?,nevertheless he was good enough to let us enter a second time without having to go to the back of the line....thats the use of contacts.
We later met babla,gujju ,adil and a few other people who were to play with the guys,babla gujju and a couple of guys played a LP song with a saliva song "king of the stereo" but as usual they had technical difficulties,the performance was brilliant,but the technical snags cost them a lota time,thats the one thing babla has learnt from so many shows
"Umm excuse us,we are facing some technical difficulties,please reset our time,we want to start again"
The other bands were ok ,some were really crap botching up some really good songs,Adil ka band toh sab ko maar dala,playing a medly of RHCP[give it away,californication,dani california] before ripping apart the competition with an original,well that was or at least should be good enough for em to win,i dont know the results yet,but these werent the best parts of the day by any shot.
As soon as babla went on stage,chintoo and i started shouting,along with sumitano "BABLA BABLA BABLA" and since we are former STB students we could shout much more than the netire crowd fo 200-300 people out there,yup just the 3 of us
I chipped in with
"JEET KE AAOGE"
and all that,of course we cheered for Gujju as well,screaming Gujju as loud as we could,no one dared say jack to us even though we were surrounded by the gujju population of calcutta.
One of the best bits started after babla had finished playing and he was in the crowd with us,this freaky hot mc was constantly on the mike asking people to shout out the different sponsors names like Power FM,Y.E.S stationary,Wild Stone perfume and all,we had one simple answer to it all
so
"Can people tell me who are our stationary partners?"
"RRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU"
"Can you all scream out the name of our radio partners?????"
"RRRRRRAAAAAAAAJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJUUUUUUUUU"
"Can people scream out our hospitality partners?"
"GGGGGUUUUULLLLIIIISSSTAAAAANNNN HHHHHOOOTTTTTEEEEEELLLLLL"
They even had this fashion designer called Kalol chakka Dutta
"who is the special guest of our fashion show????"
"RRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAJJJJJJJJJJJUUUUUUUUUUU"
And after each question the lady would throw out chocolates and man people would fight for the chocolates,forturnately sumitano was able to grab a kitkat and we shared it amongst ourselves,the eight of us.
Oh yeah there were parts when people on stage would scream for bhawanipore and we would scream out
"ekbalpore,kidderpore,jamalpara,metiaburuz and sonargachi"
Sumitano even came up with a classic "Carmaker"-karmaker to a chick who sounded him off for the dick he was trying to be,although there were a ton of wannabes and assholes in the entire para,we were the only ones who seemed to enjoy the show,along with a few other mad fucks who wanted to start a moshpit but we couldnt do that coz we are all decent people who dont do jack.....
NOT!
PS:there were a ton of hot chicks present there,but we really didnt give a fuck to any of em,us few guys were having such a blast that all of us later crashed at my place[barring sumitano] and watched a bit of DESHDROHI!
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Friday, December 4, 2009
Retardos
Now of course you people know about the ton of retards in me school,some of em were really freaky,the studious group often constituted of the gays,and there is this incident when a couple of studiays[thats studious gays] were chatting to one another another,and they had some argument so one gay slapped the fuck out of the other,i think it was sourjo or anirudho who got slapped,now what would a Mard/man do if he got hit,that to way fucking hard,well heaven and hell would open up,the skies would have hailstones falling and wrath would be unleashed on earth,but hell no the chakka decides to poke[like that facebook poke] the other guy and then retorts
"I believe i hit you"
Gay cunt
Then there was August Muni who was actually retarded,once i remember,in fact me pal told me that often Muni would sit in the last bench of the class and play around with his ding dong bell[penis,dick,laura for all of you who dont know what i am talking about] and he would do this regularly
But i must say this,he was the best penalty kick taker in the world,no one could ever guess which way he was gonna go coz he was cock eyed,i kid you not,i dont think anyone ever saved any of his penalties
Of course there was Imrano ronaldo gaynaldo,who thought he was cristiano ronaldo,he certainly got that gay persona perfectly in college though,i remember chatting with him in class 10 when he said that if he would do well in these board exams his dad would take him to,again i kid you not,manchester and he would try out and get into the MANU U-17 team and would play for em,that dream changed and he then wanted to go to Anderlecht in Belgium coz it was a sister club of MANU,that didnt happen also,
Imrano's greatest joke of course was that regarding Mr Forran,a teacher with whom we played a lotta football during thw winter vacations in out school,everyday at 6 AM we would go to the field to play,one such saturday chintoo and i reached the field and no one was there barring imrano who told us that
"Mr Forran has gone to Canada......he wont come back"
A few weeks later school opened and funnily enough we saw Mr Forran walking around
we went to him and asked him
"Sir we heard you had gone to Canada....how come you are here back"
Forran replied
"Who told you this?
That imran gadwa right,bloody fool has been telling everyone i have gone to Canada,i bloody told him i was going to Kerela"
That of course wasnt the only time we made fun of our dear imrano
as probably the greatest 2 liner ever made by any student in STB,here it goes
"Imran gaya kathmandu,imran gaya kathmandu
sab usko dekh kar bol....GANDU GANDU GANDU"
"I believe i hit you"
Gay cunt
Then there was August Muni who was actually retarded,once i remember,in fact me pal told me that often Muni would sit in the last bench of the class and play around with his ding dong bell[penis,dick,laura for all of you who dont know what i am talking about] and he would do this regularly
But i must say this,he was the best penalty kick taker in the world,no one could ever guess which way he was gonna go coz he was cock eyed,i kid you not,i dont think anyone ever saved any of his penalties
Of course there was Imrano ronaldo gaynaldo,who thought he was cristiano ronaldo,he certainly got that gay persona perfectly in college though,i remember chatting with him in class 10 when he said that if he would do well in these board exams his dad would take him to,again i kid you not,manchester and he would try out and get into the MANU U-17 team and would play for em,that dream changed and he then wanted to go to Anderlecht in Belgium coz it was a sister club of MANU,that didnt happen also,
Imrano's greatest joke of course was that regarding Mr Forran,a teacher with whom we played a lotta football during thw winter vacations in out school,everyday at 6 AM we would go to the field to play,one such saturday chintoo and i reached the field and no one was there barring imrano who told us that
"Mr Forran has gone to Canada......he wont come back"
A few weeks later school opened and funnily enough we saw Mr Forran walking around
we went to him and asked him
"Sir we heard you had gone to Canada....how come you are here back"
Forran replied
"Who told you this?
That imran gadwa right,bloody fool has been telling everyone i have gone to Canada,i bloody told him i was going to Kerela"
That of course wasnt the only time we made fun of our dear imrano
as probably the greatest 2 liner ever made by any student in STB,here it goes
"Imran gaya kathmandu,imran gaya kathmandu
sab usko dekh kar bol....GANDU GANDU GANDU"
Monday, November 16, 2009
Check this out
No time to talk crap
a simple yet effective post
check out india's new superhero
HIRAMANEK
My 2nd Blog!
http://hiramanek.blogspot.com/
a simple yet effective post
check out india's new superhero
HIRAMANEK
My 2nd Blog!
http://hiramanek.blogspot.com/
Monday, November 9, 2009
The case of the missing shoe
My school is known for all the gundas and criminals from all around the locality,from threatening the cricket team,to starting a fight,to throwing hot
tea at the face of college students,STB were always numero uno in crime.So it should as no surprise that some stealing and looting often occured in school from mobiles to pens to even notebooks to text books ,you leave all your stuff behind at your own peril.
So again it should come as nothing new that i was also the victim of a criminal activity,which turned out to be he stupidity of an asshole.
As i said a lot of things would often at me school and since we were the science students we often had to visit the labs,physics,chemistry,biology and computer labs were all used exclusively by us,the 3 science labs were ok but the computer lab had this one quirky rule that whoever would enter would have to take off their shoes,fro some freaking reason the teachers were allowed to wear shoes in the lab but not us,so we had to leave the shoes on a rack outside the lab.
Next to the lab was the class of 12 E,the most notorious sons of guns in our school,they would fight,abuse and tr to beat up not only themselves but the teachers as well,they locked up a teacher and made him see a porno as well.We had like a hour of computer lab classes once a week and whenever we would come out of the class the shoes would magically dissappear,they wouldnt be on the racks but "mysteriously" they would be found beneath the staircase all in a heap.Fucking class 12 E assholes would throw em everytime they had a chance.That was stlll fine but a few weeks after that a fatter pal of mine came up to me after the computer class as he couldnt find his shoes,the dumb sons of bitches stole his pair of shoes.Size 9 they were i remember and since he was a bengali he wa in fear of returning home without his shoes,but he had to face the
brunt of walking to his bus without shoes ,only in socks.
He did have to ultimately buy a new pair but a few weeks later i was the next victim,as i came out of the lab and me pals were putting on their shoes,i couldnt find my pair ,frantically i searched every nook and corner of the floor ,even below the staircase but it wasnt to be found,and as usual my computer teachers were of no help at all,saying they cant help me at all, and that i should have been more careful wilth my belongings
Me pal rohit[chintoo] and i were searching all over and i was made to walk back to me class on socks when sumitano dickhead comes running over to me and tells me
"Hey Adeem remember Abhijeet sur[the guy whos shoes were stolen previously"
"yeah i remember that fat ass"
"Well you better catch him fast coz i saw him grabbing a pair of shoes from the rack and he kept it in his bag"
So off we went followed by an angry mob of 5 because i was fucking pissed off at walking almost 200-300 metres without my shoes,he was fortunately standing next to the triangle island we had near our building and since it was recess he didnt go off to class.
So i confronted him
"Hey Suar why did you take my shoes"
Sur:"I didnt take your shoes ,these are my shoes"
Me:"From where the fuck did you find em"
Sur:"I found em at the shoe rack,these are my shoes which i lost a few weeks back"
Rohit:"How the fuck do you know these are your shoes?"
Sur:"Coz they are size 9"
Thats when we all blew our fuses,what the fuck is he the only person in the world who has size 9 shoes,look at the fucktards audacity to not only steal a pair,keep em in his bag but also expect that no one else would have size 9 shoes fucking asshole
Nevertheless he did have to return my pair of shoes back ,he did realise his mistake after we threatened his ass off,but i did feel his pain though i didnt have to walk a lot of distance without his shoes,you could say i did walk 300 metres in his shoes.
tea at the face of college students,STB were always numero uno in crime.So it should as no surprise that some stealing and looting often occured in school from mobiles to pens to even notebooks to text books ,you leave all your stuff behind at your own peril.
So again it should come as nothing new that i was also the victim of a criminal activity,which turned out to be he stupidity of an asshole.
As i said a lot of things would often at me school and since we were the science students we often had to visit the labs,physics,chemistry,biology and computer labs were all used exclusively by us,the 3 science labs were ok but the computer lab had this one quirky rule that whoever would enter would have to take off their shoes,fro some freaking reason the teachers were allowed to wear shoes in the lab but not us,so we had to leave the shoes on a rack outside the lab.
Next to the lab was the class of 12 E,the most notorious sons of guns in our school,they would fight,abuse and tr to beat up not only themselves but the teachers as well,they locked up a teacher and made him see a porno as well.We had like a hour of computer lab classes once a week and whenever we would come out of the class the shoes would magically dissappear,they wouldnt be on the racks but "mysteriously" they would be found beneath the staircase all in a heap.Fucking class 12 E assholes would throw em everytime they had a chance.That was stlll fine but a few weeks after that a fatter pal of mine came up to me after the computer class as he couldnt find his shoes,the dumb sons of bitches stole his pair of shoes.Size 9 they were i remember and since he was a bengali he wa in fear of returning home without his shoes,but he had to face the
brunt of walking to his bus without shoes ,only in socks.
He did have to ultimately buy a new pair but a few weeks later i was the next victim,as i came out of the lab and me pals were putting on their shoes,i couldnt find my pair ,frantically i searched every nook and corner of the floor ,even below the staircase but it wasnt to be found,and as usual my computer teachers were of no help at all,saying they cant help me at all, and that i should have been more careful wilth my belongings
Me pal rohit[chintoo] and i were searching all over and i was made to walk back to me class on socks when sumitano dickhead comes running over to me and tells me
"Hey Adeem remember Abhijeet sur[the guy whos shoes were stolen previously"
"yeah i remember that fat ass"
"Well you better catch him fast coz i saw him grabbing a pair of shoes from the rack and he kept it in his bag"
So off we went followed by an angry mob of 5 because i was fucking pissed off at walking almost 200-300 metres without my shoes,he was fortunately standing next to the triangle island we had near our building and since it was recess he didnt go off to class.
So i confronted him
"Hey Suar why did you take my shoes"
Sur:"I didnt take your shoes ,these are my shoes"
Me:"From where the fuck did you find em"
Sur:"I found em at the shoe rack,these are my shoes which i lost a few weeks back"
Rohit:"How the fuck do you know these are your shoes?"
Sur:"Coz they are size 9"
Thats when we all blew our fuses,what the fuck is he the only person in the world who has size 9 shoes,look at the fucktards audacity to not only steal a pair,keep em in his bag but also expect that no one else would have size 9 shoes fucking asshole
Nevertheless he did have to return my pair of shoes back ,he did realise his mistake after we threatened his ass off,but i did feel his pain though i didnt have to walk a lot of distance without his shoes,you could say i did walk 300 metres in his shoes.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Eina
This is a real emotional post by me so please for the sake of goodness dont post any derogatory comments and all.
My dear Grandma passed away on the saturday of diwali and i have to say this is the most painful experience i have ever been through.She was one of the few people who loved me unconditionally,always keeping tabs on me,asking about me no matter who she talked with or where she went.
She was an amazing soul ,probably the only person who wouldnt curse anybody,not even people who have been cruel and uncaring towards her.She had a lot of pain because of the treatment she would get from certain members of the family but she never said a thing about em even behind the backs of those people.
Everyone loved her,she was one of the most joyous people i knew,even after having a lot of pain both physical and mental she wouldnt let the smile go off her face.
She was a proper foodie always loved having food,especially sweets.
Thank you Grandma for all those beautiful memories and the years spent with you were some of the best i have lived,you were taken away from us much earlier than expected,you are in a better place for sure.You will never be forgotten "eina".
My dear Grandma passed away on the saturday of diwali and i have to say this is the most painful experience i have ever been through.She was one of the few people who loved me unconditionally,always keeping tabs on me,asking about me no matter who she talked with or where she went.
She was an amazing soul ,probably the only person who wouldnt curse anybody,not even people who have been cruel and uncaring towards her.She had a lot of pain because of the treatment she would get from certain members of the family but she never said a thing about em even behind the backs of those people.
Everyone loved her,she was one of the most joyous people i knew,even after having a lot of pain both physical and mental she wouldnt let the smile go off her face.
She was a proper foodie always loved having food,especially sweets.
Thank you Grandma for all those beautiful memories and the years spent with you were some of the best i have lived,you were taken away from us much earlier than expected,you are in a better place for sure.You will never be forgotten "eina".
Monday, October 12, 2009
Training Day
The movie of the same name was and still is one of the best movies i have seen to date which isnt a crude comedy[ala borat,bruno etc],infact it was so good that Denzel Washington got an Oscar for it,so it is a must see for people.Moving on ,this post obviously aint about a movie but about the fact that my "training" was about to commence,my college had set up some training thingy for al us BCA students with the help of HP[Hewlett Packard].Most of the bengalis were excited barring me and a few non bongs coz well at least i didnt want to travel half way across Calcutta for some shit hole training which i wouldnt be able to use at all in my life.
So the first thing to do was to decide what subjects training we would take,we had 2 choices Dot net and Java,as usual Sanket wanted to take Java for some God forsaken reason which i cannot remember,the majority wanted to take Dot net so you all know where i would go,and when almost everyone who Sanket knew opted for Dotnet he did the same.We had to go to this place in Karunamoyee near CK market to get the registration done and all.This was done in one day and this of course wasnt the part which got me oh so pissed that i had to post a blog bout it.
Most of us had to join some shitty Yahoo group so that we could get emails regarding all the information of training jobs etc provided by our college,now i dont check my email at all,maybe if i am bored to death i do but otherwise i done,so it was someone else who told me that our dates have been decided for the training i think it was Nikhil,i did get the mail from Nikita which in itself was a problem coz she wasnt in Calcutta at the time,fair enough i saw that my group,nikhil sandeep and i were all in D1 whose timings were as follows
Tuesday :4:30 Pm-6:30 Pm
Friday and Wednesday :9 Am-11 Am
Also written in the email was that training was to commence from the 7th of october
The 7th turned out to be a wednesday so off we went,the 3 amigos of college ,Sandy,nikh paji and the freak show[me],we reached the place at just the right time at 8:55 and entered the room where we were asked to come to,a lot of the students were seated eagerly waiting for something to happen,the 3 of us sat at the back as usual and were making stupid comments,cracking jokes the stuff we normally do,time was passing by 10 mins,20 mins,30 mins,passed,it became 10 Am then the door opened a bloke came in ,slammed a duster on the white board and left,
"Yay.....Magic" we screamed coz the duster wasnt coming off the board at all,stuck like your finger on the mouse when searching for porno,it became 10:15 then a lady came in [HOT PETITE CHICK!] and she said
"Sorry but you dont have class today......your timings have changed....its on saturday monday and tuesday from 2 Pm-4Pm"
WAIT WHAT?
I fucking woke up at 6 in the morning ,i went off to bed at 2 at nite,4 fucking hours of sleep and i had to fucking crap and eat my breakfast before 7 for some douche training,not only that i travelled half way across calcutta in the fucking morning takin me 1 hour to reach this douche place after which i had to walk around 15 mins to reach the fucking training centre and now oh miss pompous comes and tells us we DONT HAVE FUCKING TRAINING.
She then told us the timings had changed and that in anyway the training was to commence from Thursday and not from wednesday,pissed off as we were,we could not do anything but abuse[which as usual is my speciality],i reached home really pissed and all,but at least the timing was a little better and i would get the car for the duration of training,on the same day as soon as i reached home i got a message from Nikhil saying that the timing for training has changed ONCE AGAIN,now my training was only on Saturday from 9-4.....
Son of a bitch what the fuck is that timing?
I cant stay awake for more than 5 hours ,how the fuck am i gonna take this shit anyways?.Then sanket calls and tells me that he wont be goin for training at all coz its not important and that no one is gonna come to the first saturday of training[although this bugger had done 2 days of training already] i said i hadnt decided whether to go or not......he says that the instructor is a gujju[like him] who could be a relative and that it wasnt important ,he had asked the gujju whether we should come or not,nevertheless i did go on saturday again,sanket also did come even though he was hell bent on not coming.
Saturday comes again the same morning shit,again the same distance,again the same unprofessionalism ,we reached the college[now training was to commence there] but the lab where out training is to be is closed,we wait and wait and wait and we get the news that the HP trainers have also come but they dont have the keys to open the labs,the computer science department of our college does and they dont come to college before 10 AM,we reached college at 9 FUCK
When the labs were opened we got the petite teacher who came and told us
"you are going to have a test now,we want to gauge how much you know"
Fuck again i dont know jack bout anything in BCA its just by luck that i get 7.8 all the time,but then she also tells us that we can discuss and then write the answers,well our discussion [sandy nihk and mine] went from Object oriented programming to abusing bongs,abusing college,abusing the teachers,talking bout sex,talking bout chicks with large tits and how a petite chick is not what sandy likes at all.
The teach also told us that after the exam we were free to go and that there would not be any training today at all,so i went all the way just for some shit hole exam even where my attendance was not counted.
And people say that office goers arent punctual and are lazy,well so are the trainers and the whole fucking corporate structure,the only silver lining
out of all this is that the petite teacher is the only reason i am even contemplating attending the shit hole training.
FINGERS CROSSED
So the first thing to do was to decide what subjects training we would take,we had 2 choices Dot net and Java,as usual Sanket wanted to take Java for some God forsaken reason which i cannot remember,the majority wanted to take Dot net so you all know where i would go,and when almost everyone who Sanket knew opted for Dotnet he did the same.We had to go to this place in Karunamoyee near CK market to get the registration done and all.This was done in one day and this of course wasnt the part which got me oh so pissed that i had to post a blog bout it.
Most of us had to join some shitty Yahoo group so that we could get emails regarding all the information of training jobs etc provided by our college,now i dont check my email at all,maybe if i am bored to death i do but otherwise i done,so it was someone else who told me that our dates have been decided for the training i think it was Nikhil,i did get the mail from Nikita which in itself was a problem coz she wasnt in Calcutta at the time,fair enough i saw that my group,nikhil sandeep and i were all in D1 whose timings were as follows
Tuesday :4:30 Pm-6:30 Pm
Friday and Wednesday :9 Am-11 Am
Also written in the email was that training was to commence from the 7th of october
The 7th turned out to be a wednesday so off we went,the 3 amigos of college ,Sandy,nikh paji and the freak show[me],we reached the place at just the right time at 8:55 and entered the room where we were asked to come to,a lot of the students were seated eagerly waiting for something to happen,the 3 of us sat at the back as usual and were making stupid comments,cracking jokes the stuff we normally do,time was passing by 10 mins,20 mins,30 mins,passed,it became 10 Am then the door opened a bloke came in ,slammed a duster on the white board and left,
"Yay.....Magic" we screamed coz the duster wasnt coming off the board at all,stuck like your finger on the mouse when searching for porno,it became 10:15 then a lady came in [HOT PETITE CHICK!] and she said
"Sorry but you dont have class today......your timings have changed....its on saturday monday and tuesday from 2 Pm-4Pm"
WAIT WHAT?
I fucking woke up at 6 in the morning ,i went off to bed at 2 at nite,4 fucking hours of sleep and i had to fucking crap and eat my breakfast before 7 for some douche training,not only that i travelled half way across calcutta in the fucking morning takin me 1 hour to reach this douche place after which i had to walk around 15 mins to reach the fucking training centre and now oh miss pompous comes and tells us we DONT HAVE FUCKING TRAINING.
She then told us the timings had changed and that in anyway the training was to commence from Thursday and not from wednesday,pissed off as we were,we could not do anything but abuse[which as usual is my speciality],i reached home really pissed and all,but at least the timing was a little better and i would get the car for the duration of training,on the same day as soon as i reached home i got a message from Nikhil saying that the timing for training has changed ONCE AGAIN,now my training was only on Saturday from 9-4.....
Son of a bitch what the fuck is that timing?
I cant stay awake for more than 5 hours ,how the fuck am i gonna take this shit anyways?.Then sanket calls and tells me that he wont be goin for training at all coz its not important and that no one is gonna come to the first saturday of training[although this bugger had done 2 days of training already] i said i hadnt decided whether to go or not......he says that the instructor is a gujju[like him] who could be a relative and that it wasnt important ,he had asked the gujju whether we should come or not,nevertheless i did go on saturday again,sanket also did come even though he was hell bent on not coming.
Saturday comes again the same morning shit,again the same distance,again the same unprofessionalism ,we reached the college[now training was to commence there] but the lab where out training is to be is closed,we wait and wait and wait and we get the news that the HP trainers have also come but they dont have the keys to open the labs,the computer science department of our college does and they dont come to college before 10 AM,we reached college at 9 FUCK
When the labs were opened we got the petite teacher who came and told us
"you are going to have a test now,we want to gauge how much you know"
Fuck again i dont know jack bout anything in BCA its just by luck that i get 7.8 all the time,but then she also tells us that we can discuss and then write the answers,well our discussion [sandy nihk and mine] went from Object oriented programming to abusing bongs,abusing college,abusing the teachers,talking bout sex,talking bout chicks with large tits and how a petite chick is not what sandy likes at all.
The teach also told us that after the exam we were free to go and that there would not be any training today at all,so i went all the way just for some shit hole exam even where my attendance was not counted.
And people say that office goers arent punctual and are lazy,well so are the trainers and the whole fucking corporate structure,the only silver lining
out of all this is that the petite teacher is the only reason i am even contemplating attending the shit hole training.
FINGERS CROSSED
Thursday, October 8, 2009
My name Jaki Kabir
St Thomas' is like a goldmine for a diverse range of students,we had the gays,we had the straights,we had the bisexuals,we had the comedians,we had the abusers,we had the quite folk,we had the geeks, we had the nerds,we had the losers,we had those perfect people,we had the jocks,we had the cocks,we had it all cept of course females coz its an all boys school and of course we had the good old
fashioned freaks of nature.
The first few pals i made in the school turned out to be the freakiest bunch ever,one guy became a drug addict in fact two of em are hardcore drug addicts ,another is an alcoholic,but no one takes the cake like my good friend Zaki Kabir does,i mean he is so freaky you dont even need to get him drunk to watch him in full flowing action.
Built like a typical tough guy ,the only reason people didnt consider him tough was coz he was way short,i mean not very short but if you are shorter than me i will pick on you every single day of your life,the dude did have a good set of muscles and all that.A decent enough sportsperson and all around complete retard.
He would often come to my class,during recess,just to see us,most of his good friends were in science and he was in commerce,or he would come just to fuck around i dont know,and all off a sudden he would just start singing any romantic song is his loud booming voice for no reason,i cant remember which songs but for sure some SRK movie songs,and as ever present there would be one guy sitting on
a desk oblivious to what is going on ,he would not even be part of the group or even the conversation but as soon as he would hear some music on ,boom he would start banging on the desk ,keeping a set rhythm while Zaki would keep on singing one song after another,fucking medley.
Then of course since he was an STB student ,he was always on the verge of starting a fight,often his singing would lead to a build up to a fight ,but we knew the drill he would never fight ,he just wanted to show he wasnt fazed or scared of no one,still we would play the part of peace maker,holding back the 2 people who wanted to "rip" each other to shreds
"Nahi bhai chorr de woh bachcha hai"
"Kya Zaki chor na yaar sala har din ladhai kyu karta hain?"
The greatest hits collection of Zaki constitute of some of his craziness and absolute stupidity,for example one day we were waiting to cross the road,now if you people dont know Calcutta is notorious for hit and runs,especially by buses,and so we all are waiting for a bus to pass,the bus had slowed down to let off some passengers and was reving up to accelerate when
BOOOOOOM!......BOOOOM!
two fucking huge hits from his hand to the bus drivers entrance,and the bus stops in its tracks,the bus driver is flummoxed
Zaki:AAAAAEEEEEEE RUUUUUK RUUUUUUK .......
and he crosses unfaced ,while we scamper to cross the street,we were just gald the driver didnt step on the accelerator and run over the bloke but i guess Zaki could have stopped that also.
In class 10 he was the moniter of the class,trying to keep the class disciplined in STB is no easy job i can assure you of that,but Zaki would try his level best and as usual when the ruckus would be too loud and uncontrollable up would step the great leader of the masses,bang his hand on the teachers desk
shout out
"IF ANY BODY WILL TALK I WILL HIT YOU[pointing to babla]"
Babla:arrey hum kya kiya ,humko kyu marega?
and of course when a teacher would come to class ,Zaki would shout out
"Whole the class stand up"
yes we can....and we will.....
But the blokes greatest one liner still remains an amazing memory and this would happen on a regular basis,this conversation
Me:Achcha Zaki tum toh STB mein 12 saal se par rahe ho
Zaki:ha yes ha
Me:STB english medium school hain na bhai
Zaki:ha hain
Me:Achca toh tum 5 line english ka bol do without errors aur main maan jaoonga ke tum english jaante ho
Zaki:Theek hai Adeem......My name Jaki Kabir.....
WRONG!
The first fucking line is wrong and he had been in the school from class 1 right upto 12 and the guy couldnt speak one straight line of english,and the worst bit is that everytime,everyday i would ask him this question his response would be the same
MY NAME JAKI KABIR
MY NAME JAKI KABIR
fashioned freaks of nature.
The first few pals i made in the school turned out to be the freakiest bunch ever,one guy became a drug addict in fact two of em are hardcore drug addicts ,another is an alcoholic,but no one takes the cake like my good friend Zaki Kabir does,i mean he is so freaky you dont even need to get him drunk to watch him in full flowing action.
Built like a typical tough guy ,the only reason people didnt consider him tough was coz he was way short,i mean not very short but if you are shorter than me i will pick on you every single day of your life,the dude did have a good set of muscles and all that.A decent enough sportsperson and all around complete retard.
He would often come to my class,during recess,just to see us,most of his good friends were in science and he was in commerce,or he would come just to fuck around i dont know,and all off a sudden he would just start singing any romantic song is his loud booming voice for no reason,i cant remember which songs but for sure some SRK movie songs,and as ever present there would be one guy sitting on
a desk oblivious to what is going on ,he would not even be part of the group or even the conversation but as soon as he would hear some music on ,boom he would start banging on the desk ,keeping a set rhythm while Zaki would keep on singing one song after another,fucking medley.
Then of course since he was an STB student ,he was always on the verge of starting a fight,often his singing would lead to a build up to a fight ,but we knew the drill he would never fight ,he just wanted to show he wasnt fazed or scared of no one,still we would play the part of peace maker,holding back the 2 people who wanted to "rip" each other to shreds
"Nahi bhai chorr de woh bachcha hai"
"Kya Zaki chor na yaar sala har din ladhai kyu karta hain?"
The greatest hits collection of Zaki constitute of some of his craziness and absolute stupidity,for example one day we were waiting to cross the road,now if you people dont know Calcutta is notorious for hit and runs,especially by buses,and so we all are waiting for a bus to pass,the bus had slowed down to let off some passengers and was reving up to accelerate when
BOOOOOOM!......BOOOOM!
two fucking huge hits from his hand to the bus drivers entrance,and the bus stops in its tracks,the bus driver is flummoxed
Zaki:AAAAAEEEEEEE RUUUUUK RUUUUUUK .......
and he crosses unfaced ,while we scamper to cross the street,we were just gald the driver didnt step on the accelerator and run over the bloke but i guess Zaki could have stopped that also.
In class 10 he was the moniter of the class,trying to keep the class disciplined in STB is no easy job i can assure you of that,but Zaki would try his level best and as usual when the ruckus would be too loud and uncontrollable up would step the great leader of the masses,bang his hand on the teachers desk
shout out
"IF ANY BODY WILL TALK I WILL HIT YOU[pointing to babla]"
Babla:arrey hum kya kiya ,humko kyu marega?
and of course when a teacher would come to class ,Zaki would shout out
"Whole the class stand up"
yes we can....and we will.....
But the blokes greatest one liner still remains an amazing memory and this would happen on a regular basis,this conversation
Me:Achcha Zaki tum toh STB mein 12 saal se par rahe ho
Zaki:ha yes ha
Me:STB english medium school hain na bhai
Zaki:ha hain
Me:Achca toh tum 5 line english ka bol do without errors aur main maan jaoonga ke tum english jaante ho
Zaki:Theek hai Adeem......My name Jaki Kabir.....
WRONG!
The first fucking line is wrong and he had been in the school from class 1 right upto 12 and the guy couldnt speak one straight line of english,and the worst bit is that everytime,everyday i would ask him this question his response would be the same
MY NAME JAKI KABIR
MY NAME JAKI KABIR
Monday, October 5, 2009
Sports Day
We all know by now i am not the sporty type,sure i watch a ton of sports,especially football....GO LIVERPOOL GO.....but i was never cut out to be a sportsperson especially due to one freaky accident i had in class 1 when in me old school Our Own English High School Dubai ,we were having trials for the Relay dash,and we were asked to run from one side of the small field to the other side,now since it is
Dubai ,the small field was made of concrete,not grass but con-fucking-crete,BANG!.....went the gun i started running and by some freaky weird incident my leg got entangled with another kid's,i fell straight down,my faced scrapped the good old concrete,when i got up i was a bloody mess,the entire right side of my face was destroyed,i mean skin was dangling off and all,me teeth became loose and i couldnt eat solid food for like 2 weeks.That one incident got me shit scared as well as me family and they never forced me into sports ever again,they made me play the keyboards which is far worse......
So i spent 7 years in Dubai,skipping any and every sports meet possible,which means i got to be good old fatty boy,i have reduced a good bit now but back then i was a Big Mac.....so i came back to me home town Calcutta the city of joy and all that,STB well you must know what STB is like by now,check out my older posts if you dont have any idea at all,all is going fine,i mean day in day out i was getting
abused the first year,name calling and all that .....but one day during an assembly a teacher yells out there will be march practice and so the last two periods will be reserved for that...and then after the march practice there would be trials for certain events.
So after the 6th period the bell goes off,i am a new kid dont know nothing bout the school and i see almost all the students heading off into the huge field that we have,i mean its like 3-4 football fields if not more....and we had like the many buildings of our school surrounding it with a few benches to sit on,the field has all these track markings with white chalk and all,10 minutes pass but no one is marching at all,all i see are 6 groups of people standing about,a few teachers per group and the group contains just the house captains and a few blokes who do wanna march,everyone else is standing at the sides of the field for God knows what reason,which i am gonna find out soon.
You see no one ever wants to march,we are FORCED to march,so the march mayhem begins,i see from a distance that around 50-60 students come running from one corner of the field ,zoom by us and hide in the technical block,i wonder what is going on,the i see a similar no of boys run in another direction from the opposite side and hide in some classrooms,a few minutes later a prefect comes up
and asks me
"Hey you are Lytton?????"
I reply "No i am Reading"
Lytton,reading,wescott,vyse, and 2 more names were there i cant remember,these were the houses in our school,our school had so many fucking students we needed 6 houses just to accomodate em,so now i understood,guys were running away from their own prefects coz if you were caught by your prefect you were made to march your ass off for like an hour and 30 minutes,with constant slagging off and abuses by the prefects coz we "coudlnt march right" and that "we suck" the moter fucking prefects would never march in the heat just chase us guys around.
Oh and we did have some incentive to march about for like 3 weeks day in day out....we would score like 100 points in the sports day and we would get a large cake to be eaten by all us marchers,the reality was that the ake would get eaten by the prefects with us getting absolutely nothing,so the best way to avoid getting caught was to remove our belt and wear some other house's belt,
"Are you wescott????"
"nope reading"
"Are you reading????"
"nope lytton"
On and on and on we would go,i never did take part in any of the school sports days at all.....never even attended one to support my house,in fact we had a douche as out house captain QAM......that mofo would often catch hold of me and first of all demand that i go march and when i would refuse he would come and tell me that i would be the "anchor weight" in the tug of war competition,fuck off randi ,was my response on all of the occasions......
The sports day wasnt all about the marching tere were all those athletic events and all,most of these events were won by either the kids from Mizoram and all or by some anglo christian bloke,Lal Sangamanga Riki,Riki Junior,Riki Senior,Lalamapunga, and all.....so the sports day was actually some freak get together of the "other people" in our school........oh yeah i remember
Lal San Puiyaa....Saiyaaaan mann Guiiyaaa.....me pals know whats this about!
Dubai ,the small field was made of concrete,not grass but con-fucking-crete,BANG!.....went the gun i started running and by some freaky weird incident my leg got entangled with another kid's,i fell straight down,my faced scrapped the good old concrete,when i got up i was a bloody mess,the entire right side of my face was destroyed,i mean skin was dangling off and all,me teeth became loose and i couldnt eat solid food for like 2 weeks.That one incident got me shit scared as well as me family and they never forced me into sports ever again,they made me play the keyboards which is far worse......
So i spent 7 years in Dubai,skipping any and every sports meet possible,which means i got to be good old fatty boy,i have reduced a good bit now but back then i was a Big Mac.....so i came back to me home town Calcutta the city of joy and all that,STB well you must know what STB is like by now,check out my older posts if you dont have any idea at all,all is going fine,i mean day in day out i was getting
abused the first year,name calling and all that .....but one day during an assembly a teacher yells out there will be march practice and so the last two periods will be reserved for that...and then after the march practice there would be trials for certain events.
So after the 6th period the bell goes off,i am a new kid dont know nothing bout the school and i see almost all the students heading off into the huge field that we have,i mean its like 3-4 football fields if not more....and we had like the many buildings of our school surrounding it with a few benches to sit on,the field has all these track markings with white chalk and all,10 minutes pass but no one is marching at all,all i see are 6 groups of people standing about,a few teachers per group and the group contains just the house captains and a few blokes who do wanna march,everyone else is standing at the sides of the field for God knows what reason,which i am gonna find out soon.
You see no one ever wants to march,we are FORCED to march,so the march mayhem begins,i see from a distance that around 50-60 students come running from one corner of the field ,zoom by us and hide in the technical block,i wonder what is going on,the i see a similar no of boys run in another direction from the opposite side and hide in some classrooms,a few minutes later a prefect comes up
and asks me
"Hey you are Lytton?????"
I reply "No i am Reading"
Lytton,reading,wescott,vyse, and 2 more names were there i cant remember,these were the houses in our school,our school had so many fucking students we needed 6 houses just to accomodate em,so now i understood,guys were running away from their own prefects coz if you were caught by your prefect you were made to march your ass off for like an hour and 30 minutes,with constant slagging off and abuses by the prefects coz we "coudlnt march right" and that "we suck" the moter fucking prefects would never march in the heat just chase us guys around.
Oh and we did have some incentive to march about for like 3 weeks day in day out....we would score like 100 points in the sports day and we would get a large cake to be eaten by all us marchers,the reality was that the ake would get eaten by the prefects with us getting absolutely nothing,so the best way to avoid getting caught was to remove our belt and wear some other house's belt,
"Are you wescott????"
"nope reading"
"Are you reading????"
"nope lytton"
On and on and on we would go,i never did take part in any of the school sports days at all.....never even attended one to support my house,in fact we had a douche as out house captain QAM......that mofo would often catch hold of me and first of all demand that i go march and when i would refuse he would come and tell me that i would be the "anchor weight" in the tug of war competition,fuck off randi ,was my response on all of the occasions......
The sports day wasnt all about the marching tere were all those athletic events and all,most of these events were won by either the kids from Mizoram and all or by some anglo christian bloke,Lal Sangamanga Riki,Riki Junior,Riki Senior,Lalamapunga, and all.....so the sports day was actually some freak get together of the "other people" in our school........oh yeah i remember
Lal San Puiyaa....Saiyaaaan mann Guiiyaaa.....me pals know whats this about!
Friday, October 2, 2009
S-P-E-L-L-O-M-A-......oh fuck off
I dont really know what is wrong with the normal "sports" in the world,i mean football,cricket,hockey,motor racing...all are great forms of sport and competition,but for some reason thats not good enough for the americans,they came up with basketball,"american" football,ice hockey[ok give that one to the canadians as well] and the great american past time baseball.They are the only
people who do play these sports seriously and they win ,well most of the times barring Spain's gold medal in Basketball or the domination of The Soviet Union and Canada in hockey,and the best pitcher in the MLB is CC Sabathia who aint American and well the the best Hitters in the game are A Rod,Ichiro Suzuki and Big Papi none of em americans....well that just proves they cant win their own created games as well.....so now we know the reason for the creation of other crappy "sport" events ,like stacking,where they stack cups real fast and in formations and all,and of course the one craze which has hit almost every nation "THE SPELLING BEE"....which was broadcast on ESPN of all channels for a few years till ABC got the rights,you know where a stupid kid comes up and spells real hard words which no one has ever heard off and which no one ever uses,by the way the people who normally win this spelling bee are indian americans.....so there we go
As usual we Indians were not far behind,well actually STB was not far behind,trying to prove that it is a
modern school with a ton of talented and smart kids ,they came up with their own SPELL O MANIA.....which was held first in 2006 i think,i remember K C ,that english freaky maam who would make such crappy pronunciations of words....like ocarina was "oh-kareeena".....so she was one of the judges and heads in creating and organizing the entire competition,there was a prelim where the students were asked to spell out words on a paper and those who got most right would be selected,i didnt get through but a few of me pals did,Chintoo also got through but he was later told that he would have to be the Emcee or host of the FIRST EVER ANNUAL SPELLOMANIA of STB,wow what an honour.....Chintoo couldnt shut up for a couple of days,
Chintoo:I am going to be the host man,i will control the show....
he would go on and on and on and on until some one would shut him up......but that wouldnt be enough to tell him to cut the crap,he would continue later and go on and on.....but the Dark Lord's above and below had a special plan for his bloating and gloating
So as usual the day of he competition came,everyone was excited coz we would get to miss the last 3 periods of the day......yaaaaay.......but only the science students got that privilege,we went into the hall and saw that the teams were already on stage,the 6 houses were all present with 2 representatives for each house.....Rohit was on the stage with the mic getting all prepped up for his day.....and then KC
entered with a few more teachers and Harami Wheatley who as usual started off by saying that we must be quite,not make noise,be respectful....in his fucking pitiful english anglo 'i am so much better and whiter than you guys' tone....fucking randwa.......but as usual we didnt give a fuck to him and as per usual the show /competition started off much later than expected,so Rohit started off his speech....Chintoo[rohit] made the introductions and was using emacculate english,fucking geeko.....so as he is about to start the first round,KC jumps on stage and takes the mic from him and she also makes a crap assed speech,and as rohit is expecting the mic to come back to him,KC starts the competitions....rohit confused just stands on the stage.....while KC does all off the emceeing and all
that.....while Rohit ends up just passing the mic around from one set of contestants to another.......the poor bloke didnt even get a chance to ask one question....while KC was doing all her dramabazee...rohit was just standing in one corner of the stage and passing the mic whenever KC decided to make him a part.......
Rohit did have a closing speech but after the speech he was the joke of the month ,and as you people know me i wouldnt let him off the hook so easily,i mean he had to pay for his gloating...sala waiter ban gaya.....what was the most important thing you did all day???....oh yeah pass the mike....this went on and on and on till one day the "silent assassin" thingy came up thanks to KC again....that is a story for
another day....
We were part of a 2nd Spellomania as well,this time also it hink Rohit was the emcee....but whoever it was he did have more power and control over the show,the only funny bit was when Kaps Baba was asked to spell a word and he got it round and while we were applauding he raised his right hand Nazi style....right infront of our then Princi Fuller....who also looked like a Nazi with his Hitler Moustache.....well i guess thats why Kaps did do it.....just to impress another Nazi.....from one to another i guess....All H-A-I-L............TING!
people who do play these sports seriously and they win ,well most of the times barring Spain's gold medal in Basketball or the domination of The Soviet Union and Canada in hockey,and the best pitcher in the MLB is CC Sabathia who aint American and well the the best Hitters in the game are A Rod,Ichiro Suzuki and Big Papi none of em americans....well that just proves they cant win their own created games as well.....so now we know the reason for the creation of other crappy "sport" events ,like stacking,where they stack cups real fast and in formations and all,and of course the one craze which has hit almost every nation "THE SPELLING BEE"....which was broadcast on ESPN of all channels for a few years till ABC got the rights,you know where a stupid kid comes up and spells real hard words which no one has ever heard off and which no one ever uses,by the way the people who normally win this spelling bee are indian americans.....so there we go
As usual we Indians were not far behind,well actually STB was not far behind,trying to prove that it is a
modern school with a ton of talented and smart kids ,they came up with their own SPELL O MANIA.....which was held first in 2006 i think,i remember K C ,that english freaky maam who would make such crappy pronunciations of words....like ocarina was "oh-kareeena".....so she was one of the judges and heads in creating and organizing the entire competition,there was a prelim where the students were asked to spell out words on a paper and those who got most right would be selected,i didnt get through but a few of me pals did,Chintoo also got through but he was later told that he would have to be the Emcee or host of the FIRST EVER ANNUAL SPELLOMANIA of STB,wow what an honour.....Chintoo couldnt shut up for a couple of days,
Chintoo:I am going to be the host man,i will control the show....
he would go on and on and on and on until some one would shut him up......but that wouldnt be enough to tell him to cut the crap,he would continue later and go on and on.....but the Dark Lord's above and below had a special plan for his bloating and gloating
So as usual the day of he competition came,everyone was excited coz we would get to miss the last 3 periods of the day......yaaaaay.......but only the science students got that privilege,we went into the hall and saw that the teams were already on stage,the 6 houses were all present with 2 representatives for each house.....Rohit was on the stage with the mic getting all prepped up for his day.....and then KC
entered with a few more teachers and Harami Wheatley who as usual started off by saying that we must be quite,not make noise,be respectful....in his fucking pitiful english anglo 'i am so much better and whiter than you guys' tone....fucking randwa.......but as usual we didnt give a fuck to him and as per usual the show /competition started off much later than expected,so Rohit started off his speech....Chintoo[rohit] made the introductions and was using emacculate english,fucking geeko.....so as he is about to start the first round,KC jumps on stage and takes the mic from him and she also makes a crap assed speech,and as rohit is expecting the mic to come back to him,KC starts the competitions....rohit confused just stands on the stage.....while KC does all off the emceeing and all
that.....while Rohit ends up just passing the mic around from one set of contestants to another.......the poor bloke didnt even get a chance to ask one question....while KC was doing all her dramabazee...rohit was just standing in one corner of the stage and passing the mic whenever KC decided to make him a part.......
Rohit did have a closing speech but after the speech he was the joke of the month ,and as you people know me i wouldnt let him off the hook so easily,i mean he had to pay for his gloating...sala waiter ban gaya.....what was the most important thing you did all day???....oh yeah pass the mike....this went on and on and on till one day the "silent assassin" thingy came up thanks to KC again....that is a story for
another day....
We were part of a 2nd Spellomania as well,this time also it hink Rohit was the emcee....but whoever it was he did have more power and control over the show,the only funny bit was when Kaps Baba was asked to spell a word and he got it round and while we were applauding he raised his right hand Nazi style....right infront of our then Princi Fuller....who also looked like a Nazi with his Hitler Moustache.....well i guess thats why Kaps did do it.....just to impress another Nazi.....from one to another i guess....All H-A-I-L............TING!
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
FQ
Now we all have at least taken 1 freaking test trying to find out what our IQ is.....you know Iq "intelligence quotient" well in one exam i got a 137 ,although that would certify me to be a genius ,not many of my friends would dare even think bout calling me a genius ,so much for that IQ testy,now FQ is a totally different matter,you know they say that beauty is only sking deep,and love is blind and all that crap.....
How do you rate a chick or a guy?[for all the girls and gays out there]......the answer to all your problems is FQ or Fuck Quotient.......people normally rate a "person" as to how good looking they are or for the ladies out there how much cash a guy has,well gujju guys do the same for a chick so as you can see there are a ton of problems regarding the ratings of a "person"......thats why i came up with the FQ ......it simply is a score out of 100 for a chick or guy ,the higher the score is,the more likely you would wanna fuck em.......
But its not as simple,although most people would go for a person with a high FQ,the criteria set per person is different ,for example for my set of criteria for scoring a FQ for a chick is.....
20 -Face
15-Tits
15-humour
15-Body
10-Language
10-Hairstyle
05-Music
05-Football
05-Abusing
as you can see the score differs for different people,i want a chick who can abuse ,yes,but that is not the most important,neither is the football liking or having a same taste in music as i would,but face,tits humour and body count a lot more,so does language as in she must and i repeat MUST know english well,in fact she shld be real good in english or at least be as good as i am.
so each person can judge on a different scale,people can forgo the hairstyle thingy,i like chicks with long hair,people can replace the last 3 for something that they can relate to,hell man desperate people can lower the score of Face tits and all that,it all depends on what a person wants and thinks,i might give a chick a score of 80 but another person may give it a 90 or a 60,plus these scores also help in deciding what to do with the chick.......
FQ Action
0-10 You dont know anyone who scores so low,if you do,you are an asshole
11-20 If and i stress IF you know someone who scores in this bracket,avoid them at all costs,you could sms them once in like 6 months
21-30 Again to be avoided ,but the sms' could be a little higher like once in 2 months,plus you could add em on FB or orkut
31-40 Chat with em once in a while on them networking sites
41-50 Halfway mark,you could chat with em regularly,if you are that desperate,typical sister material
51-60 If your date level is not high and desperation is HIGH ,then go for it
61-70 Average ,nothing good,but nothing bad as well,fuckable maybe enjoyable maybe not depends
71-80 The hot friend you always wanted to bed ,we all have one but we cant do jack about it
81-90 That hot chicks you find somewhere hidden ,like a diamonds in a coal mine,untouchable,unbelievable,but its always there and out of reach,any chance at all with this score DO IT DO IT.....DO IT FUCKING NOW!
90-100 This score is exclusively reserved for very few chicks,of course celebs come into this category but it is the score for that one amazing chick that you find somewhere random and you dont think should i or should i not?.....you gots to gots to go for it,if you get the chance.........but this is the chick of your dreams and you cant let go of it
100+ Yes there are some girls who you would rate and give em a score of 100+ but only 1 or 2 can fit into this score ,some chick who no matter what form they are in or how they look or how bad a time they are passing through ,you would fuck em no matter what.......even if it means certain death,Aids ,STD's anything but that chick is the one you would die fucking.......i mean i would
And just so you know i do rate celebs on the scale......so here we go
Angelina Jolie-90 ......she is old now....and been fucked far too many times
Britney Spears-100+.....she is the on true love of mine,i would even take the bald version.....
Charisma Carpenter-85....check her out on the Tv show Angel.....
Demi Moore-80....an old titless milf
Priyanka Chopra-100+.....the only indian chick who is a 100+ for me
Salma Hayek-80
Penelope Cruz-90
and the list goes on and on and on.....oh yeah pornstars should not be FQ'd coz it makes no sense.they been done in so many times......it really is a joke for the FQ scale......so go on start rating ...FQ all the way
PS:Please for the love of God dont go to females and start telling them how fuckable they are and all,that only works on whores and prostis ,you will get slammed in jail,and dont fucking blame me for all this,this stuff has to be done secretly,dont go screaming about aloud bout FQ and all.......
How do you rate a chick or a guy?[for all the girls and gays out there]......the answer to all your problems is FQ or Fuck Quotient.......people normally rate a "person" as to how good looking they are or for the ladies out there how much cash a guy has,well gujju guys do the same for a chick so as you can see there are a ton of problems regarding the ratings of a "person"......thats why i came up with the FQ ......it simply is a score out of 100 for a chick or guy ,the higher the score is,the more likely you would wanna fuck em.......
But its not as simple,although most people would go for a person with a high FQ,the criteria set per person is different ,for example for my set of criteria for scoring a FQ for a chick is.....
20 -Face
15-Tits
15-humour
15-Body
10-Language
10-Hairstyle
05-Music
05-Football
05-Abusing
as you can see the score differs for different people,i want a chick who can abuse ,yes,but that is not the most important,neither is the football liking or having a same taste in music as i would,but face,tits humour and body count a lot more,so does language as in she must and i repeat MUST know english well,in fact she shld be real good in english or at least be as good as i am.
so each person can judge on a different scale,people can forgo the hairstyle thingy,i like chicks with long hair,people can replace the last 3 for something that they can relate to,hell man desperate people can lower the score of Face tits and all that,it all depends on what a person wants and thinks,i might give a chick a score of 80 but another person may give it a 90 or a 60,plus these scores also help in deciding what to do with the chick.......
FQ Action
0-10 You dont know anyone who scores so low,if you do,you are an asshole
11-20 If and i stress IF you know someone who scores in this bracket,avoid them at all costs,you could sms them once in like 6 months
21-30 Again to be avoided ,but the sms' could be a little higher like once in 2 months,plus you could add em on FB or orkut
31-40 Chat with em once in a while on them networking sites
41-50 Halfway mark,you could chat with em regularly,if you are that desperate,typical sister material
51-60 If your date level is not high and desperation is HIGH ,then go for it
61-70 Average ,nothing good,but nothing bad as well,fuckable maybe enjoyable maybe not depends
71-80 The hot friend you always wanted to bed ,we all have one but we cant do jack about it
81-90 That hot chicks you find somewhere hidden ,like a diamonds in a coal mine,untouchable,unbelievable,but its always there and out of reach,any chance at all with this score DO IT DO IT.....DO IT FUCKING NOW!
90-100 This score is exclusively reserved for very few chicks,of course celebs come into this category but it is the score for that one amazing chick that you find somewhere random and you dont think should i or should i not?.....you gots to gots to go for it,if you get the chance.........but this is the chick of your dreams and you cant let go of it
100+ Yes there are some girls who you would rate and give em a score of 100+ but only 1 or 2 can fit into this score ,some chick who no matter what form they are in or how they look or how bad a time they are passing through ,you would fuck em no matter what.......even if it means certain death,Aids ,STD's anything but that chick is the one you would die fucking.......i mean i would
And just so you know i do rate celebs on the scale......so here we go
Angelina Jolie-90 ......she is old now....and been fucked far too many times
Britney Spears-100+.....she is the on true love of mine,i would even take the bald version.....
Charisma Carpenter-85....check her out on the Tv show Angel.....
Demi Moore-80....an old titless milf
Priyanka Chopra-100+.....the only indian chick who is a 100+ for me
Salma Hayek-80
Penelope Cruz-90
and the list goes on and on and on.....oh yeah pornstars should not be FQ'd coz it makes no sense.they been done in so many times......it really is a joke for the FQ scale......so go on start rating ...FQ all the way
PS:Please for the love of God dont go to females and start telling them how fuckable they are and all,that only works on whores and prostis ,you will get slammed in jail,and dont fucking blame me for all this,this stuff has to be done secretly,dont go screaming about aloud bout FQ and all.......
Black Saddath 3:How many times can we screw up?
Now although we had a killer line up for the band,i mean we did have one of the best guitar players in calcutta playing for us...if you assholes dont know already it was and still is Adil,guitar fucking God man,we had the ever improving son of the God.not Jesus,am talking bout Babla,playing the bass and on certain occasions the rhythm guitar as well,for all the wealth of talent we had,we screwed up so much more than a new prostitute in the flesh trade,i mean it was either me or nagu or gablu or pogo always screwing up sometime or another ,i dont think we ever had a perfect show,well we did have 1 perfect show ,that was the first competition i went to,absolutely perfect no glitches or problems at all,but as usual all good thing come to an end,and in this case a stuttering end.
The first real screw up i remember is of course of the nagu man[somraj for all of you people who keep forgetting],the guy is a pretty decent drummer but for some reason at home and at practice he will be perfect but on stage he is a nervous wreck like he is getting the reports to find out if he has AIDS or not,i mean just before we would go on stage he would be in pieces,moving all around the back stage,shaking his sticks all the time,asking the others bout the layout of the songs,the counts and all,and almost on a regular basis he would jack up some song or another by missing a beat,losing his drumstick[not a chicken one] or just forgetting what to do in a song.He has screwed up in almost every show,but we should cut him some slack coz he is partly bihari.....
Then we had another screw up when we went to play at nicco park,we were playing the ever classic "Fear of the Dark"-Iron Maiden,and afzal did screw up the timing of one of the parts,but adil made up for it and we won the bloody competition ,we still were better than almost every other band,even after the screw up we were that damn good,so it really doesnt count as a screw up.
There was this show with me playing with pogo,gablu,eeessshhhkkkkyyyyy and sumitano dickhead!
yes sumitano was gonna SING?????yes oh yes he was,again we decided to play that good old stable STB song "Breaking the Law"-Judas Priest ,and man did we suck,i almost gave up halfway through the song when pogo decides to take it up a notch and he fucking dropped his drumstick yet again and we sounded crap,although we were placed like 12th out of 30 bands,we did get some respect coz gablu improvised and did a quite unique solo.By the way Sumits singin was really off man,as off as you waking your dad at 3 in the morning for some cola,oh wait nagu has already done that to his dad.
Then an infamous horlicks fest ,in fact 2 tales have to be told from this one fest which i attended twice,so the first time we went we had to fight with our Vice Princy Madar chod Wheatley didnt allow us to attend the fest but thanks to LJ Fuller ,our "distinguished" princi we could attend it that too on short notice,so when we did go to the show [all 6 of us] we were told we can go on stage with just 3 instruments.....so obviously guitar check,bass check,drum check,rhythm???? keyboard?????
ummm no way......so i said "fuck it i aint goin on stage to be a choir singin group"
babla and gablu did go,although afzal sang well,babla and gablu sang off scale and off tune......but thats what we get in a bachcha fest.
The 2nd time around the fest was attended by babla,nagu chintoo and me,adil couldnt attend coz he was one of the judges,so we and by we i mean adil made a kickass rap rock song "Godfather",which to tell you the truth is amazing,and we practiced our ass off for that song,made it amazing and we were gonna perform that one song and that song alone,then babla said "No we need another song",we did do "American Idiot"-Greenday but it wasnt good,so we decided to not do that,but play and extended version of Godfather,the day of the show came and we played Godfather,everyone liked it .....and i mean everyone ,we played the extended version and we rocked and kickass,then when we were about to go off stage,
Babla:And we have another song for you guys..........American Idiot
and he starts playing......nagu who has left the drums runs back to start playing,i had switched off the keyboard and now had to find me tones again,and i kid you not it was the Worst rendition of any song EVER!....not even fucking close to anything good.....and as usual nagu forgot the song and the timings and all....as usual....oh yeah i stopped playing halfway through the song coz i completely forgot it......
safe to say we didnt win.......
There was another show which out dear sir Hiland told us to go to,where we had to play one hindi song at least,so adil picked up that aadat song and we went to the show,man it was bad,firstly all the schools were those christian schools,they all brought their choirs,we were the only "band",when the competition did start they all sang choir songs with just one or 2 instruments,we guys were all the while cursing Hiland,who was busy flirting with all the girls possible,it was an anglo chinese paradise man,we went to play on stage with as usual our staple "Breaking the Law" and "Its my Life" which were good,but Aadat was so way off,only adil and babla were any good that day,afzal gablu nagu and i sucked ass BIG TIME
Recently we played at nagu's college,where a massive BETRAY happened,babla was supposed to play with us but at the last minute he said he couldnt play with us coz "Weaponshop" were gonna play there.......anyways Adil did compensate by making 3 songs in 2 days [they were decent songs] we also decided to play "Kryptonite"-3 Doors Down,where i would play the SOLO....yay.....but the person singing the song would be Momocha Furailatpam Sharma[i know the spellings all wrong] he is this seniors of nagu,and you dont get one word of what he says in English,as russel peters defines so well....
"dont say nothing bed".......check him out on youtube
The songs we played that day,well some of em were gay,as usual Momocha-da.....came up on stage for the final performance....he forgot the timings the words and people couldnt make head or tail of what he was singing
The other songs were sung by chintoo,and as usual nagu would screw up,chintoo screwed up,i also did screw up but people couldnt make out my faults......the best performer of that day was gujju on bass...
by the way babla's decision not to play with us is the first and most MASSIVE BETRAY!
Weaponshop did win the competition tied with another band.......BETRAY?
Now after 2 years of being on the music circuit i have hung up my "boots" "bags" and "keyboards",am quite pleased with all that i have been part with......oh the crazy good old days.......if only i really could go back.....i bet almost everyone thinks the same........by the way WEAPONSHOP ARE FUCKING AWESOME....i did go to one of their shows .....so do check em out if possible at all
PS:I know i took a long time to make this post,but i was very ill for a week.....just recovered.....so enjoy....
The first real screw up i remember is of course of the nagu man[somraj for all of you people who keep forgetting],the guy is a pretty decent drummer but for some reason at home and at practice he will be perfect but on stage he is a nervous wreck like he is getting the reports to find out if he has AIDS or not,i mean just before we would go on stage he would be in pieces,moving all around the back stage,shaking his sticks all the time,asking the others bout the layout of the songs,the counts and all,and almost on a regular basis he would jack up some song or another by missing a beat,losing his drumstick[not a chicken one] or just forgetting what to do in a song.He has screwed up in almost every show,but we should cut him some slack coz he is partly bihari.....
Then we had another screw up when we went to play at nicco park,we were playing the ever classic "Fear of the Dark"-Iron Maiden,and afzal did screw up the timing of one of the parts,but adil made up for it and we won the bloody competition ,we still were better than almost every other band,even after the screw up we were that damn good,so it really doesnt count as a screw up.
There was this show with me playing with pogo,gablu,eeessshhhkkkkyyyyy and sumitano dickhead!
yes sumitano was gonna SING?????yes oh yes he was,again we decided to play that good old stable STB song "Breaking the Law"-Judas Priest ,and man did we suck,i almost gave up halfway through the song when pogo decides to take it up a notch and he fucking dropped his drumstick yet again and we sounded crap,although we were placed like 12th out of 30 bands,we did get some respect coz gablu improvised and did a quite unique solo.By the way Sumits singin was really off man,as off as you waking your dad at 3 in the morning for some cola,oh wait nagu has already done that to his dad.
Then an infamous horlicks fest ,in fact 2 tales have to be told from this one fest which i attended twice,so the first time we went we had to fight with our Vice Princy Madar chod Wheatley didnt allow us to attend the fest but thanks to LJ Fuller ,our "distinguished" princi we could attend it that too on short notice,so when we did go to the show [all 6 of us] we were told we can go on stage with just 3 instruments.....so obviously guitar check,bass check,drum check,rhythm???? keyboard?????
ummm no way......so i said "fuck it i aint goin on stage to be a choir singin group"
babla and gablu did go,although afzal sang well,babla and gablu sang off scale and off tune......but thats what we get in a bachcha fest.
The 2nd time around the fest was attended by babla,nagu chintoo and me,adil couldnt attend coz he was one of the judges,so we and by we i mean adil made a kickass rap rock song "Godfather",which to tell you the truth is amazing,and we practiced our ass off for that song,made it amazing and we were gonna perform that one song and that song alone,then babla said "No we need another song",we did do "American Idiot"-Greenday but it wasnt good,so we decided to not do that,but play and extended version of Godfather,the day of the show came and we played Godfather,everyone liked it .....and i mean everyone ,we played the extended version and we rocked and kickass,then when we were about to go off stage,
Babla:And we have another song for you guys..........American Idiot
and he starts playing......nagu who has left the drums runs back to start playing,i had switched off the keyboard and now had to find me tones again,and i kid you not it was the Worst rendition of any song EVER!....not even fucking close to anything good.....and as usual nagu forgot the song and the timings and all....as usual....oh yeah i stopped playing halfway through the song coz i completely forgot it......
safe to say we didnt win.......
There was another show which out dear sir Hiland told us to go to,where we had to play one hindi song at least,so adil picked up that aadat song and we went to the show,man it was bad,firstly all the schools were those christian schools,they all brought their choirs,we were the only "band",when the competition did start they all sang choir songs with just one or 2 instruments,we guys were all the while cursing Hiland,who was busy flirting with all the girls possible,it was an anglo chinese paradise man,we went to play on stage with as usual our staple "Breaking the Law" and "Its my Life" which were good,but Aadat was so way off,only adil and babla were any good that day,afzal gablu nagu and i sucked ass BIG TIME
Recently we played at nagu's college,where a massive BETRAY happened,babla was supposed to play with us but at the last minute he said he couldnt play with us coz "Weaponshop" were gonna play there.......anyways Adil did compensate by making 3 songs in 2 days [they were decent songs] we also decided to play "Kryptonite"-3 Doors Down,where i would play the SOLO....yay.....but the person singing the song would be Momocha Furailatpam Sharma[i know the spellings all wrong] he is this seniors of nagu,and you dont get one word of what he says in English,as russel peters defines so well....
"dont say nothing bed".......check him out on youtube
The songs we played that day,well some of em were gay,as usual Momocha-da.....came up on stage for the final performance....he forgot the timings the words and people couldnt make head or tail of what he was singing
The other songs were sung by chintoo,and as usual nagu would screw up,chintoo screwed up,i also did screw up but people couldnt make out my faults......the best performer of that day was gujju on bass...
by the way babla's decision not to play with us is the first and most MASSIVE BETRAY!
Weaponshop did win the competition tied with another band.......BETRAY?
Now after 2 years of being on the music circuit i have hung up my "boots" "bags" and "keyboards",am quite pleased with all that i have been part with......oh the crazy good old days.......if only i really could go back.....i bet almost everyone thinks the same........by the way WEAPONSHOP ARE FUCKING AWESOME....i did go to one of their shows .....so do check em out if possible at all
PS:I know i took a long time to make this post,but i was very ill for a week.....just recovered.....so enjoy....
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Black Saddath 2:Older but not Wiser
Due to an overwhelming response by my legion of fans[2 people actually] i had to post a bit more on the musical journey a selective group had undertaken.
Although Adil was the mainstay of the band,the creative genius each other member had a designated role,babla was the yes man and is the gay love of adil's ,although we call it more of a father son relationship[adil being the dad],afzal our singer was the strong man who wouldnt change his mind no matter what,gablu was the one almost sane guy in the band but that wasnt for long he then became a foil for comedy throughout the practice,pragammoy[pogo] was the one guy who would actually abuse just as much as i or babla would and would shut babla up quite a few times,chintoo also joined us as a second guitarist later on,i was the all and out idiot ,a stupid freak having no knowledge of anything just there for stupid entertainment purposes and abusing a LOT.
It all started when nagu [the drummer] babla adil gablu afzal and i formed or were part of the school band,the band was up and doing well ,i was asked to join a few months later and so was gablu,practice we did hard,playing away at nagus "crib" where as usual babla's smell would over power our music quite often,his stench hasnt gone away now but he has found the wonder creation "deo spray".
We would get to competitions and the like when the junior school music teacher Hiland would let us know about em,coz for some reason a teacher representative was needed ,but this guy was a typical white boy asshole,first of all when we went to see him ,he was with a group of cheenas playing some crappy song on his keyboard,he had the same fucking keyboard as i do,after watching him play Adil said "eeeh Adeem is better than him",i know i was ,Hiland was a piss poor guy,but he did get us to some competitions,although he was an asshole we did use him to our advantage....
This was in class 11 for us gablu was a junior,and we had a bastard for a class teacher TK Shah ,yes that same fucker who used that "Saurav Ganguly" quip on me....check out E=MC^2 for more details bout this loser,and as we all hated this fuckers class we would use the "meetings" with Hiland as an excuse,although our meeting would not be more than 5 mins long we would walk all around school [our school is huge] goin to the A field,The B field,The C Field,roam about in the junior section and come back to class an hour later,hell we even were just sitting about in the junior section for 20 mins for no reason,for some reason TK never said jack to Adil,thanx to him we missed out on edumacation ,perfecto.
Now when we would arrive at the shows it would be a small green room packed with a load of bands,and as usual there had to be the "show offs" which meant people would dress up like rock stars ,you know black all about em,black nail polish,head bands ,wrist bands, there would always be the "drummers" who would twirl their sticks all in the air to show off,we would often just look and laugh coz the STB show was about to go on.
The STB show meant that babla and i would make stupid abusive comments left right and center and that would shut most of em up but some smart ass' would take out and start playing their instruments for no rhyme or reason so to shut their fucking traps up Adil was there,he would just set up normally and start playing song after song after song ,people started calling him "jukebox" coz he could play almost any known song,and then he would calmly say "eeeh sorry id ont know much" but at least he would shut a lot of people up.
Shows obviously werent all that they were cracked up to be,barely any hot girls at all ,crappy food,crappy bands [cept us and maybe one or 2 more],crappy crowds[cept the ever faithful STB gang],they would scream and shout no matter how good or bad we were.....
Of course we would level the playing field ,i remember one fest where one band where talking a lotta smack right after we came back from the stage and they were up next,we saw that one of their amps had been left behind,what were we to do?
we got a chance and we took it,we stuffed all out clothing ,which we had taken for the mock band competition and put it in me keyboard cover,we took the amp [it was a pretty decent one as well] and put it in the same bag in which all our costumes were previously kept,the people who were the culprits were ,me adil babla nagu chintoo and i think gabloo and afzal ,nevertheless we had to wait to see the looks on that schools face when they came off stage they were searching left right and center for it,
"yes we kept it here ....i dont know where it is.....oh god we are dead"
we were smirking away and sneaked out of the auditorium,kala mandir it was......
while we waited outside one more member of the same band came up to us and asked us if we had seen it
"nope.....we didnt see anything.....".....so cool so calm so collected....we could pass any lie detector test if it was required......
Although we didnt win the prize we certainly got something better ......that amp was like 4000 Rs and we needed another amp.......to go back to those days again.....
Coming soon "Black Saddath 3:how many times can we screw up?"
Although Adil was the mainstay of the band,the creative genius each other member had a designated role,babla was the yes man and is the gay love of adil's ,although we call it more of a father son relationship[adil being the dad],afzal our singer was the strong man who wouldnt change his mind no matter what,gablu was the one almost sane guy in the band but that wasnt for long he then became a foil for comedy throughout the practice,pragammoy[pogo] was the one guy who would actually abuse just as much as i or babla would and would shut babla up quite a few times,chintoo also joined us as a second guitarist later on,i was the all and out idiot ,a stupid freak having no knowledge of anything just there for stupid entertainment purposes and abusing a LOT.
It all started when nagu [the drummer] babla adil gablu afzal and i formed or were part of the school band,the band was up and doing well ,i was asked to join a few months later and so was gablu,practice we did hard,playing away at nagus "crib" where as usual babla's smell would over power our music quite often,his stench hasnt gone away now but he has found the wonder creation "deo spray".
We would get to competitions and the like when the junior school music teacher Hiland would let us know about em,coz for some reason a teacher representative was needed ,but this guy was a typical white boy asshole,first of all when we went to see him ,he was with a group of cheenas playing some crappy song on his keyboard,he had the same fucking keyboard as i do,after watching him play Adil said "eeeh Adeem is better than him",i know i was ,Hiland was a piss poor guy,but he did get us to some competitions,although he was an asshole we did use him to our advantage....
This was in class 11 for us gablu was a junior,and we had a bastard for a class teacher TK Shah ,yes that same fucker who used that "Saurav Ganguly" quip on me....check out E=MC^2 for more details bout this loser,and as we all hated this fuckers class we would use the "meetings" with Hiland as an excuse,although our meeting would not be more than 5 mins long we would walk all around school [our school is huge] goin to the A field,The B field,The C Field,roam about in the junior section and come back to class an hour later,hell we even were just sitting about in the junior section for 20 mins for no reason,for some reason TK never said jack to Adil,thanx to him we missed out on edumacation ,perfecto.
Now when we would arrive at the shows it would be a small green room packed with a load of bands,and as usual there had to be the "show offs" which meant people would dress up like rock stars ,you know black all about em,black nail polish,head bands ,wrist bands, there would always be the "drummers" who would twirl their sticks all in the air to show off,we would often just look and laugh coz the STB show was about to go on.
The STB show meant that babla and i would make stupid abusive comments left right and center and that would shut most of em up but some smart ass' would take out and start playing their instruments for no rhyme or reason so to shut their fucking traps up Adil was there,he would just set up normally and start playing song after song after song ,people started calling him "jukebox" coz he could play almost any known song,and then he would calmly say "eeeh sorry id ont know much" but at least he would shut a lot of people up.
Shows obviously werent all that they were cracked up to be,barely any hot girls at all ,crappy food,crappy bands [cept us and maybe one or 2 more],crappy crowds[cept the ever faithful STB gang],they would scream and shout no matter how good or bad we were.....
Of course we would level the playing field ,i remember one fest where one band where talking a lotta smack right after we came back from the stage and they were up next,we saw that one of their amps had been left behind,what were we to do?
we got a chance and we took it,we stuffed all out clothing ,which we had taken for the mock band competition and put it in me keyboard cover,we took the amp [it was a pretty decent one as well] and put it in the same bag in which all our costumes were previously kept,the people who were the culprits were ,me adil babla nagu chintoo and i think gabloo and afzal ,nevertheless we had to wait to see the looks on that schools face when they came off stage they were searching left right and center for it,
"yes we kept it here ....i dont know where it is.....oh god we are dead"
we were smirking away and sneaked out of the auditorium,kala mandir it was......
while we waited outside one more member of the same band came up to us and asked us if we had seen it
"nope.....we didnt see anything.....".....so cool so calm so collected....we could pass any lie detector test if it was required......
Although we didnt win the prize we certainly got something better ......that amp was like 4000 Rs and we needed another amp.......to go back to those days again.....
Coming soon "Black Saddath 3:how many times can we screw up?"
Friday, September 11, 2009
The Gentelmens Game.....NOT [edited]
Cricket was a game created for all those tea loving snobbish blokes who had too much time to waste and too little time to get dirty,played exclusively in whites with only actually 4 men in the fold of the game,it was to say the least a easy slow game played by em British folk at the start before they decided to "spread" the game around[which meant colonization of a ton of countries including India].
The sport however has taken huge strides in India ,hell we are the best team in the world if not the richest and most powerful,but this is not what i wanted to write about,i want to let you people know how cricket was played in the fine institute called St Thomas' Boys School Kidderpore.
NOTE:I never actually took part in any of the sports but this is an account of what me pals chintoo[rohit] and babla had to deal with on a regular basis and believe me it was hilarious.
Both of me pals played for the same team[house,lytton] and they are real good players both of em were in the Bengal u9's and under 13's before they got sick of the corruption and they quit.
So obviously they were "star" players,in fact one of em was the captain of the team and they were playing for the most senior squad of the school the U20s.....so they werent crap
Although i did not see any of the games ,a lot of people have confirmed all of these "incidents" which i love talking bout all the time....so off we go
During one of the round robin games me pals had to play the team of the Gunda or at least one of the gundas of school Mahindar.....yup he was built just like the BOLERO ....fucking huge guy and well built and the fact that he was more than 22 years old made it hell to deal with him,he was like one of the Godfathers in school....everyone would call him "Bhai" out of fear and respect...
So "Bhai" was fielding near the boundary and ROHIT[it wasnt babla it was chintoo] was facing the first delivery of the game,was some bloke who was bowling cant remember who,so Bhai comes running all the way to Babla and....
Bhai:OO ladka bowling karega .....aur tum chor dega....out ho jayega first ball.......nahi to......
ROHIT:Ha ha bai no problems....theek hai
First Ball....WIDE
Second Ball....WIDE
Third Ball....NO BALL
Mahinder again comes running....
Bhai:Aye......KYA KAR RAHA HAI? OUT HONE BOLA NA??????
ROHIT:Arrey Bhai woh toh kharaab bowling kar raha hai
Bhai[to bowler]:Aye Seedha bowling karega.......woh baal chor dega
Next ball:Wide
Now Bhai was getting frustated.....
Next ball.......WHALLOPPED BY ROHIT......ITS A SIX!!!!!!
ROHIT turns to the crowd for adulation and celebration,then its all silent....ROHIT then realizes his error....MAHINDER IS PISSED ,HE IS RED AND HE IS BAYING FOR BLOOD.......comes up and warns ROHIT like they always did in STB
"Aaab tere ko bahaar dekh lega......school ke bahaar"
ROHIT is shit scared now but still he makes an amazing match winning knock....which knocked out mahinders team.....oh for shame
much worse was to follow as when Mahinders team came out to bat of all people......babla was the star fielder and he picks up an amazing catch and as he turns around the horror is pasted on his face....he drops the ball in fear as he just caught out BHAI!.....MAHINDER BHAI....BHAI threatened babla even more than rohit
later as babla is walking past school he spots mahinder and is about to run when
Mahinder:PAAALABHI NAAAAAAAAAAA PAAALABHIIIII NAAAAAA!
although he did catch babla he didnt do anything cpet congratulate him.....phew bullet dodged!
But of course since babla's team was playing so well there were bound to be repercussions.....so one day before another match a couple of guys call babla and chintoo towards em.....nervously they go towards em........
One guy takes out his hanky and in it is a piece of crumpled paper,actually its a crumpled page or something...babla cant get a good look......
The guy:Tu jaanta yeh kya hai????.....yeh BAIL certificate hai.....bhai ko police thoda din pehle chora ekbalpur thana se.....
NOTE:this bhai is another "bhai from school" not to be confused with mahinder
Bhai bola kharaab khelne toh tu kharaab hi khelega......and he walks away
Another guy comes who is from babla's house lytton and asks him what the other bloke said....to which babla laid out the details......the guy then tells babla.....[and again i kid you not......GRAPHIC LANGUAGE AHEAD.....]
the new guy:Koi tere ko kuch bhi bolega na....hum ko bol....hum uska maa ka "bur" mein ghoos jayenge.....ITNA BARAA BAAT HUM BOL DIYA.....
Dont know if the talk was big but that vagina sure as hell would be huge to fit this guy in
By the way Babla and Chintoo's team did win the tournament....they werent beaten up or anything....they were just plain old lucky.....not to get beaten up that is.
PS:THIS IS AN EDIT AS I HAD MIXED UP WHAT ROHIT AND BABLA HAD DONE TO "BHAI" DURING THE GAME.....
The sport however has taken huge strides in India ,hell we are the best team in the world if not the richest and most powerful,but this is not what i wanted to write about,i want to let you people know how cricket was played in the fine institute called St Thomas' Boys School Kidderpore.
NOTE:I never actually took part in any of the sports but this is an account of what me pals chintoo[rohit] and babla had to deal with on a regular basis and believe me it was hilarious.
Both of me pals played for the same team[house,lytton] and they are real good players both of em were in the Bengal u9's and under 13's before they got sick of the corruption and they quit.
So obviously they were "star" players,in fact one of em was the captain of the team and they were playing for the most senior squad of the school the U20s.....so they werent crap
Although i did not see any of the games ,a lot of people have confirmed all of these "incidents" which i love talking bout all the time....so off we go
During one of the round robin games me pals had to play the team of the Gunda or at least one of the gundas of school Mahindar.....yup he was built just like the BOLERO ....fucking huge guy and well built and the fact that he was more than 22 years old made it hell to deal with him,he was like one of the Godfathers in school....everyone would call him "Bhai" out of fear and respect...
So "Bhai" was fielding near the boundary and ROHIT[it wasnt babla it was chintoo] was facing the first delivery of the game,was some bloke who was bowling cant remember who,so Bhai comes running all the way to Babla and....
Bhai:OO ladka bowling karega .....aur tum chor dega....out ho jayega first ball.......nahi to......
ROHIT:Ha ha bai no problems....theek hai
First Ball....WIDE
Second Ball....WIDE
Third Ball....NO BALL
Mahinder again comes running....
Bhai:Aye......KYA KAR RAHA HAI? OUT HONE BOLA NA??????
ROHIT:Arrey Bhai woh toh kharaab bowling kar raha hai
Bhai[to bowler]:Aye Seedha bowling karega.......woh baal chor dega
Next ball:Wide
Now Bhai was getting frustated.....
Next ball.......WHALLOPPED BY ROHIT......ITS A SIX!!!!!!
ROHIT turns to the crowd for adulation and celebration,then its all silent....ROHIT then realizes his error....MAHINDER IS PISSED ,HE IS RED AND HE IS BAYING FOR BLOOD.......comes up and warns ROHIT like they always did in STB
"Aaab tere ko bahaar dekh lega......school ke bahaar"
ROHIT is shit scared now but still he makes an amazing match winning knock....which knocked out mahinders team.....oh for shame
much worse was to follow as when Mahinders team came out to bat of all people......babla was the star fielder and he picks up an amazing catch and as he turns around the horror is pasted on his face....he drops the ball in fear as he just caught out BHAI!.....MAHINDER BHAI....BHAI threatened babla even more than rohit
later as babla is walking past school he spots mahinder and is about to run when
Mahinder:PAAALABHI NAAAAAAAAAAA PAAALABHIIIII NAAAAAA!
although he did catch babla he didnt do anything cpet congratulate him.....phew bullet dodged!
But of course since babla's team was playing so well there were bound to be repercussions.....so one day before another match a couple of guys call babla and chintoo towards em.....nervously they go towards em........
One guy takes out his hanky and in it is a piece of crumpled paper,actually its a crumpled page or something...babla cant get a good look......
The guy:Tu jaanta yeh kya hai????.....yeh BAIL certificate hai.....bhai ko police thoda din pehle chora ekbalpur thana se.....
NOTE:this bhai is another "bhai from school" not to be confused with mahinder
Bhai bola kharaab khelne toh tu kharaab hi khelega......and he walks away
Another guy comes who is from babla's house lytton and asks him what the other bloke said....to which babla laid out the details......the guy then tells babla.....[and again i kid you not......GRAPHIC LANGUAGE AHEAD.....]
the new guy:Koi tere ko kuch bhi bolega na....hum ko bol....hum uska maa ka "bur" mein ghoos jayenge.....ITNA BARAA BAAT HUM BOL DIYA.....
Dont know if the talk was big but that vagina sure as hell would be huge to fit this guy in
By the way Babla and Chintoo's team did win the tournament....they werent beaten up or anything....they were just plain old lucky.....not to get beaten up that is.
PS:THIS IS AN EDIT AS I HAD MIXED UP WHAT ROHIT AND BABLA HAD DONE TO "BHAI" DURING THE GAME.....
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Bula Di jaana mein kaun?
This is not a article to bleat about the sexuality of India or the fact that we got a ton of HIV infected people and all that crap about using condoms and all,that is for another day when i actually have that "chance" of "doing it".No this is for the great maths teacher we got in class 12 to replace another freak.
The sad fact is that this teacher came to replace G Francis Sagunthar,i called hin shakuntala ,the guy was an amazing maths teacher but was an all and out freak,i mean he would start doing sums mentally all the time,speak in his crummy south indian accent,where the "yex"[x] is the same as "yes"[s]...for example
"The enneth term of the yexeth number is the whyeth term of the pee-eth number,if yex is yes and why is yay find the numbers"....what?
what?
no really what?
so when we heard that this bloke is leaving the school[to go to an all girls school] we all were happy[cept the geeks who loved the freak],we thought we would get a teacher who would teach us well or at least who wont be a freak but as usual its STB,we dont get that kinda luck.
So a day later came a teacher ,short and fat, ok looks dont count in school,and off she went to teach,well for starters she knew nothing about the subject and would try to force us to study,what ultimately became of around 35 boys trying to study ended up being 5 boys studying hard and the rest doing whatever the hell they like.
Me and me pals would just talk bout shit and watch the fun that happened in class,she would try so hard to try and control the students but to no avail,the bengali group would do their thing,the geeks their own thing,the comedians would do their own thing,for example akshay would put his feet up and use the table and his harmonica singing out Himesh songs one after another in his comical fashion
"TUMMMMMM ....................................DILLLLL MEEEEIIIN........SHAEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDD HUAAAAA
five minutes of silence then
"AAAAHISSSTAAAA.......AAAAAAHIIIISSSTAAAA"
socks off,shoes off and off he would go on singing,in fact once one of his shoes got thrown towards the teach and it missed her fortunately,so akshay went all hop about on one leg trying to retrieve his one shoe.....and then came one of the best dialogues i heard in school,
the teach got pissed off at akshay and was trying to hit him[she never did hit him but still]
chintoo got so pissed off he blurted out
"MAAAR RANDI AUR MAAAAAR"
from that day she was called BULADI
we never found out her real name.....
another time the bengali group were playing cricket using an exam board and pieces of paper ,when one guy got pissed and threw a piece of bread as a ball and the bloke whalloped it,and it landed straight on Buladi's head,she didnt say nothing bout butter was on her.
The icing on the cake was when we stuffed her cell phone with porno,and this was an elaborate plan made with a lot of care and planning,
so one day she comes to class and as usual leaves her cell phone on her table,so while some of the gujju and marru party distracted her using the ploy of having problems with some sums,she became so happy that someone asked for her help that she completely forgot bout the cell,it was aatish,gokul,seta,harsh shah ,ripu all distracted her,then Guha[r.i.p] took her cell,switched on the bluetooth and trasnferred some shit into it.....man after that she never let go of her cell.........
the sad fact that we found out a few months later was she used to teach somewhere else,we would wonder where the hell would a cheap teacher like that teach,and then the beans got spilt,she used to teach and i kid you not in Bahrain,now for all those who are geographically challeneged,Bahrain is a small country near U.A.E,where i resided for 7 years,and when me pals found out about this they never let me live this down,mocking me and buladi every time she would come into class,damn it.
MAAAR RANDI MAAAAAR!
The sad fact is that this teacher came to replace G Francis Sagunthar,i called hin shakuntala ,the guy was an amazing maths teacher but was an all and out freak,i mean he would start doing sums mentally all the time,speak in his crummy south indian accent,where the "yex"[x] is the same as "yes"[s]...for example
"The enneth term of the yexeth number is the whyeth term of the pee-eth number,if yex is yes and why is yay find the numbers"....what?
what?
no really what?
so when we heard that this bloke is leaving the school[to go to an all girls school] we all were happy[cept the geeks who loved the freak],we thought we would get a teacher who would teach us well or at least who wont be a freak but as usual its STB,we dont get that kinda luck.
So a day later came a teacher ,short and fat, ok looks dont count in school,and off she went to teach,well for starters she knew nothing about the subject and would try to force us to study,what ultimately became of around 35 boys trying to study ended up being 5 boys studying hard and the rest doing whatever the hell they like.
Me and me pals would just talk bout shit and watch the fun that happened in class,she would try so hard to try and control the students but to no avail,the bengali group would do their thing,the geeks their own thing,the comedians would do their own thing,for example akshay would put his feet up and use the table and his harmonica singing out Himesh songs one after another in his comical fashion
"TUMMMMMM ....................................DILLLLL MEEEEIIIN........SHAEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDD HUAAAAA
five minutes of silence then
"AAAAHISSSTAAAA.......AAAAAAHIIIISSSTAAAA"
socks off,shoes off and off he would go on singing,in fact once one of his shoes got thrown towards the teach and it missed her fortunately,so akshay went all hop about on one leg trying to retrieve his one shoe.....and then came one of the best dialogues i heard in school,
the teach got pissed off at akshay and was trying to hit him[she never did hit him but still]
chintoo got so pissed off he blurted out
"MAAAR RANDI AUR MAAAAAR"
from that day she was called BULADI
we never found out her real name.....
another time the bengali group were playing cricket using an exam board and pieces of paper ,when one guy got pissed and threw a piece of bread as a ball and the bloke whalloped it,and it landed straight on Buladi's head,she didnt say nothing bout butter was on her.
The icing on the cake was when we stuffed her cell phone with porno,and this was an elaborate plan made with a lot of care and planning,
so one day she comes to class and as usual leaves her cell phone on her table,so while some of the gujju and marru party distracted her using the ploy of having problems with some sums,she became so happy that someone asked for her help that she completely forgot bout the cell,it was aatish,gokul,seta,harsh shah ,ripu all distracted her,then Guha[r.i.p] took her cell,switched on the bluetooth and trasnferred some shit into it.....man after that she never let go of her cell.........
the sad fact that we found out a few months later was she used to teach somewhere else,we would wonder where the hell would a cheap teacher like that teach,and then the beans got spilt,she used to teach and i kid you not in Bahrain,now for all those who are geographically challeneged,Bahrain is a small country near U.A.E,where i resided for 7 years,and when me pals found out about this they never let me live this down,mocking me and buladi every time she would come into class,damn it.
MAAAR RANDI MAAAAAR!
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Black Saddath
Yes i know its supposed to be "Black Sabbath" but this is what i used to call the great band for quite a few years ,call it my lack of knowledge bout good old fashioned 80's rock or just my stupidity it really dont matter any more,almost all of me pals who have played music with me have started the Black Saddath thingy,[i guess i confused the b's and reversed them and saw em as d's in the name]...so what you people may ask is "what is this Black Saddath?"
Black Saddath is a or was a musical movement where anything that was played well or if we just felt damn good about something during band practice we would start hollering out BLACK SADDATH BLACK SADDATH....aaah those really were the days,cramped up in nagu's room with the smell of babla[who at that time did not discover the invention called "deo spray",the heat in the room would kill us,there would be 5-6 guys and that was a bare minimum,most of the time it was nagu,babla,adil,chintoo,me but others would come and go all the time either to play along or fill in for some one some of the notables are roshan[gablu,nunkoo],bhaveen[gujju] and some others whose names cannot be remembered sorry,but as i was saying the room would often get so hot that most of us well at least Adil and i would play in our undies[which was not a good sight at all],babla would were that one sleeveless shirt he had and that one pair of shorts he had....setting up guitars check,keyboard check,mike check,amps check,drums check, bass check ......ITS TIME TO ROCK!
Not Really,coz we had a time limit that specified that we cld play between so and so hours which never held up as most of us were always late and so a practice scheduled for 3 hours would peter down to an hour and no more,of course during the practice the brains of the outfit was adil,and if you people have not heard him play you havent heard music,he probably is one of the best musicians in calcutta,fingers are malmsteenesque....cant say much more about that,adil would do more or less all of the work,telling what to play ,where to play,when to play,even sometimes how to play,while babla and i would provide comic relief,which as usual was about abusing the life out of one another or of some other poor soul,gujju or nagu or even gablu sometimes and you people should know by now what i do mean about "abuse"....raw raw uncultured abuses would flow out like a fountain.....
What did we practice for? it was for em school fests and all,we were actually pretty good,infact we won the first show we went to [the first show in which i was playing,the core band nagu,adil,babla had won before and they had won a lot] it was the Apeejay fest where to tell you the truth not many bands had come but as they say,you gotta beat what is infront of you,we did ,in fact we creamed em by playing
"BREAKING THE LAW"[neeyom bhanga] and "SANDMAN".......when we finished we heard the loudest roar from the STB boys ,there were just about 5-6 guys but their voices and of course abuses outnumbered the other 200 students present there......and that was a JEET....Jeet ke aagaye
Another time there was some show at Music world,and a lotta bands came to play,i wasnt feeling too good,needed to visit the craphole a lot and since it was early morning i had to use the workers toilet fuck man i cldnt get in it was so dirty,so i had to hold it,when we went up on stage we took on numbers like Its my life,Sandman ,Breaking the law,The symphony of destruction and then we played Sweet Child o mine,now all was goin well until nagus drumkit started shifting away from him every time he would use the base drum,so what did that mean?
Nagu:Adeem.....AAAAEee Adeeeeem,bass ko paas laao
Me:Fuck you man am playing the keys
Nagu:You do it asshole fucking do it now i cant reach it......
Me:Fuck man
so every other beat i would turn around and push the bass back into the reach of nagus ,man that was so massively pissing off......
then there was the horlicks fest where we were told that only 3 instruments can be taken onto the stage, we had 2 guitars a drumkit, a bass and a keyboard,i opted out as i didnt wanna look like an ass who cldnt sing,babla decided he would be a singer along with afzal and man we sounded crummy,but hey thats how the rules fuck us.....
There was another show at nicco park which was the best show out of the lot,there were around 10 bands ad we really did cream em,we played "Fear of the dark" as usual Adil murdered the field with an absolutely perfect solo,no questions asked,the best deal of it was that we got to eat chinese food as lunch and since it was free i was happy but i was happier coz it was chinky food......oh yeah and this was the day when i was certain that Calcutta was filled with gays,will fill you people up with that later
there are a few more memorable events we took part in especially kumafuckingjeets para show where we were asked to play at around 2 in the afternoon,werent given anything to eat or drink,not even fucking water,when we did start playing only like 6 mammals came to see us,kumarjeet his 3 friends ,the soundman and a fucking dog which ran away after we started taking numbers,and while we were in the flow shooting one song and the next to near perfection assholejeet cut our line off,what followed was a barrage of insults by babla especially the infamous FUBU episode......we did get paid 500 bucks [not per person but as a whole] but nevertheless something is better than nothing......
Here is a list of all the songs i remember to have covered:
"Paranoid":Megadeath
"It's My Life"-Bon Jovi
"Smoke on the water"-Deep Purple
"Fear of the dark"-Iron Maiden
"Aint talking bout love"-Van Halen
"Sandman"-Metallica
"Sweet Child o mine"-Guns n Roses
"American Idiot"-Greenday
"Kryptonite"-3 Doors Down
"Highway to hell"-ACDC
"Breaking the law"-Judas Priest
"In the end"-Linkin Park
"Summer of '69"-Bryan Adams
"Another Brick in the wall"-Pink Floyd
"Livin da Vida Loca"-Ricky Martin
"Lady (hear me tonight)"-Modjo
and there were many others some originals as well
"Nice way to die","Godfather" which is actually the best of the lot
And to end with here is a list of people that i have had the privilege and the pain of playing with,
Gujju,Kapbo[crow],Gablu,Mota[pragomoy],Aakash[EEEEsssshhhhkkkkyyyy],chintoo,babla,nagu,adil,swagat,afzal .
We still do shows so if you need someone to play and abuse about on a stuge with do dignity call us!
Black Saddath is a or was a musical movement where anything that was played well or if we just felt damn good about something during band practice we would start hollering out BLACK SADDATH BLACK SADDATH....aaah those really were the days,cramped up in nagu's room with the smell of babla[who at that time did not discover the invention called "deo spray",the heat in the room would kill us,there would be 5-6 guys and that was a bare minimum,most of the time it was nagu,babla,adil,chintoo,me but others would come and go all the time either to play along or fill in for some one some of the notables are roshan[gablu,nunkoo],bhaveen[gujju] and some others whose names cannot be remembered sorry,but as i was saying the room would often get so hot that most of us well at least Adil and i would play in our undies[which was not a good sight at all],babla would were that one sleeveless shirt he had and that one pair of shorts he had....setting up guitars check,keyboard check,mike check,amps check,drums check, bass check ......ITS TIME TO ROCK!
Not Really,coz we had a time limit that specified that we cld play between so and so hours which never held up as most of us were always late and so a practice scheduled for 3 hours would peter down to an hour and no more,of course during the practice the brains of the outfit was adil,and if you people have not heard him play you havent heard music,he probably is one of the best musicians in calcutta,fingers are malmsteenesque....cant say much more about that,adil would do more or less all of the work,telling what to play ,where to play,when to play,even sometimes how to play,while babla and i would provide comic relief,which as usual was about abusing the life out of one another or of some other poor soul,gujju or nagu or even gablu sometimes and you people should know by now what i do mean about "abuse"....raw raw uncultured abuses would flow out like a fountain.....
What did we practice for? it was for em school fests and all,we were actually pretty good,infact we won the first show we went to [the first show in which i was playing,the core band nagu,adil,babla had won before and they had won a lot] it was the Apeejay fest where to tell you the truth not many bands had come but as they say,you gotta beat what is infront of you,we did ,in fact we creamed em by playing
"BREAKING THE LAW"[neeyom bhanga] and "SANDMAN".......when we finished we heard the loudest roar from the STB boys ,there were just about 5-6 guys but their voices and of course abuses outnumbered the other 200 students present there......and that was a JEET....Jeet ke aagaye
Another time there was some show at Music world,and a lotta bands came to play,i wasnt feeling too good,needed to visit the craphole a lot and since it was early morning i had to use the workers toilet fuck man i cldnt get in it was so dirty,so i had to hold it,when we went up on stage we took on numbers like Its my life,Sandman ,Breaking the law,The symphony of destruction and then we played Sweet Child o mine,now all was goin well until nagus drumkit started shifting away from him every time he would use the base drum,so what did that mean?
Nagu:Adeem.....AAAAEee Adeeeeem,bass ko paas laao
Me:Fuck you man am playing the keys
Nagu:You do it asshole fucking do it now i cant reach it......
Me:Fuck man
so every other beat i would turn around and push the bass back into the reach of nagus ,man that was so massively pissing off......
then there was the horlicks fest where we were told that only 3 instruments can be taken onto the stage, we had 2 guitars a drumkit, a bass and a keyboard,i opted out as i didnt wanna look like an ass who cldnt sing,babla decided he would be a singer along with afzal and man we sounded crummy,but hey thats how the rules fuck us.....
There was another show at nicco park which was the best show out of the lot,there were around 10 bands ad we really did cream em,we played "Fear of the dark" as usual Adil murdered the field with an absolutely perfect solo,no questions asked,the best deal of it was that we got to eat chinese food as lunch and since it was free i was happy but i was happier coz it was chinky food......oh yeah and this was the day when i was certain that Calcutta was filled with gays,will fill you people up with that later
there are a few more memorable events we took part in especially kumafuckingjeets para show where we were asked to play at around 2 in the afternoon,werent given anything to eat or drink,not even fucking water,when we did start playing only like 6 mammals came to see us,kumarjeet his 3 friends ,the soundman and a fucking dog which ran away after we started taking numbers,and while we were in the flow shooting one song and the next to near perfection assholejeet cut our line off,what followed was a barrage of insults by babla especially the infamous FUBU episode......we did get paid 500 bucks [not per person but as a whole] but nevertheless something is better than nothing......
Here is a list of all the songs i remember to have covered:
"Paranoid":Megadeath
"It's My Life"-Bon Jovi
"Smoke on the water"-Deep Purple
"Fear of the dark"-Iron Maiden
"Aint talking bout love"-Van Halen
"Sandman"-Metallica
"Sweet Child o mine"-Guns n Roses
"American Idiot"-Greenday
"Kryptonite"-3 Doors Down
"Highway to hell"-ACDC
"Breaking the law"-Judas Priest
"In the end"-Linkin Park
"Summer of '69"-Bryan Adams
"Another Brick in the wall"-Pink Floyd
"Livin da Vida Loca"-Ricky Martin
"Lady (hear me tonight)"-Modjo
and there were many others some originals as well
"Nice way to die","Godfather" which is actually the best of the lot
And to end with here is a list of people that i have had the privilege and the pain of playing with,
Gujju,Kapbo[crow],Gablu,Mota[pragomoy],Aakash[EEEEsssshhhhkkkkyyyy],chintoo,babla,nagu,adil,swagat,afzal .
We still do shows so if you need someone to play and abuse about on a stuge with do dignity call us!
Friday, September 4, 2009
Raha Aaha Aaha
As usual i start off being totally indebted to the one and only STBS,which for some freaking reason is NOT a circus but is rather an established school [for freaks].The students are and always were freaky,take my case for example,but the freakiness didnt end up just with the students ,oh no,it would infect the teachers as well.
So we had a ton of freaky teachers to talk about but the one teach that actually stands out the most was and i presume he still is teaching is Mr Raha,now the bloke was a typical bengali teacher who spoke in that awful bengali accent and thought he knew a lot,he did know a lot coz he had the most degrees in teaching and all,so what does that mean in our school?
He taught,and i aint kidding about this,physics,chemistry,biology,math,bengali and english.
I think he did teach history and geography but i aint sure about that,and he didnt teach these subjects to the junior classes ,oh no sir, he would teach the 9th and 10th standards and all,but as much as you may think he was a genius ,he was a freak and a damn good one at that
One think you people must realize by now or at least i have come up with a "theory" that more a person studies/learns in life and by learn i mean academically,the more stupid and freaky he gets,raha was a prime example of my "theory",back to the topic.
Raha had a real bad accent but then most bengalis do,but his logic was the real killer in class,of course his grasp of the english language also would contribute to his downfall,for eg:"Mr Fulllaaar[Fuller our princi of that time] haas tooo daughtar ,both of them aargh gaarls",well of course they shld be
"Draw aaa carcle of aany shape",well that shldnt be hard at all should it?
But of course he wouldnt freak us out with his "one liners" related to maths or females oh no,he would do stand up comedy with unknowing participants from the class
there was a bloke called Tausif or something like that whose parents had been called by Raha
so here is what would happen everyday for a few days
Raha:Tausif where aargh your paarants??
Tausif:Aee sir father out of station ,mother sick
next day
Raha:Tausif where aargh your paarants??
Tausif:Aee sir father out of station ,mother sick
the next day
Raha:Tausif where aargh your paarants??
Tausif:Aee sir father out of station ,mother sick
and this went on and on and on till.....
Raha:Tausif where aargh your paarants??
Tausif:Aee sir father out of station ,mother sick
RAHA:AAAe FAATAAR MAAATHAR BRAAATHAR SEEESSTER ALL OUT OF STATION ALL SEEECK?
and then even after this rebuke when tausif didnt bring his parents Raha lost it and
Raha:Tausif you write on piece of paper...you aargh orphaaaan....write it now!
Oh and of course he is the one who came up with my favorite one liner of probably all time
so he comes into class all angry and pissed off,it was the moral science class and during that time the infamous Dhananjoy case was up [if you dont know this guy raped and murdered a girl]...so raha is real pissed,comes into class and ...
Raha:EVERYBODY DHANANJOY,YOU DHANANJOY[pointing at a student],YOU DHANANJOY,WHOLE SOCIETY DHANANJOY.........
wow i mean we didnt even have to piss him off for this one off freakiness
oh no....one day during winter we went to school and this winter was damn cold and frosty ,i was literally in layers of clothing and if i am in layers with all me fat still on me it was bloody cold,i see in the distance a hazy figure coming out from the fog and guess who?...of course it was him and get this he was wearing a shawl,a vest,a pair of shorts and a monkey cap.....thats it.....
and of course he also cldnt give up a chance to screw up when he tried to impress a pal of mine with his "grasp" over the english language,so chintoo[rohit] meets raha a year or so after leaving school and he is talking bout where he is goin and where and what he will do in the future and what plans he has[rohit that is]...raha listens to him deeply and comes up with
Raha:Yees yees its good....you should not bee a sheeep without ladder...
Rohit thinks to himself "why the fuck shld i be a ship without a ladder?...."
then he understand raha meant "rudder"
we shld not be a ship without a rudder.............
Touche mate well said.....
So we had a ton of freaky teachers to talk about but the one teach that actually stands out the most was and i presume he still is teaching is Mr Raha,now the bloke was a typical bengali teacher who spoke in that awful bengali accent and thought he knew a lot,he did know a lot coz he had the most degrees in teaching and all,so what does that mean in our school?
He taught,and i aint kidding about this,physics,chemistry,biology,math,bengali and english.
I think he did teach history and geography but i aint sure about that,and he didnt teach these subjects to the junior classes ,oh no sir, he would teach the 9th and 10th standards and all,but as much as you may think he was a genius ,he was a freak and a damn good one at that
One think you people must realize by now or at least i have come up with a "theory" that more a person studies/learns in life and by learn i mean academically,the more stupid and freaky he gets,raha was a prime example of my "theory",back to the topic.
Raha had a real bad accent but then most bengalis do,but his logic was the real killer in class,of course his grasp of the english language also would contribute to his downfall,for eg:"Mr Fulllaaar[Fuller our princi of that time] haas tooo daughtar ,both of them aargh gaarls",well of course they shld be
"Draw aaa carcle of aany shape",well that shldnt be hard at all should it?
But of course he wouldnt freak us out with his "one liners" related to maths or females oh no,he would do stand up comedy with unknowing participants from the class
there was a bloke called Tausif or something like that whose parents had been called by Raha
so here is what would happen everyday for a few days
Raha:Tausif where aargh your paarants??
Tausif:Aee sir father out of station ,mother sick
next day
Raha:Tausif where aargh your paarants??
Tausif:Aee sir father out of station ,mother sick
the next day
Raha:Tausif where aargh your paarants??
Tausif:Aee sir father out of station ,mother sick
and this went on and on and on till.....
Raha:Tausif where aargh your paarants??
Tausif:Aee sir father out of station ,mother sick
RAHA:AAAe FAATAAR MAAATHAR BRAAATHAR SEEESSTER ALL OUT OF STATION ALL SEEECK?
and then even after this rebuke when tausif didnt bring his parents Raha lost it and
Raha:Tausif you write on piece of paper...you aargh orphaaaan....write it now!
Oh and of course he is the one who came up with my favorite one liner of probably all time
so he comes into class all angry and pissed off,it was the moral science class and during that time the infamous Dhananjoy case was up [if you dont know this guy raped and murdered a girl]...so raha is real pissed,comes into class and ...
Raha:EVERYBODY DHANANJOY,YOU DHANANJOY[pointing at a student],YOU DHANANJOY,WHOLE SOCIETY DHANANJOY.........
wow i mean we didnt even have to piss him off for this one off freakiness
oh no....one day during winter we went to school and this winter was damn cold and frosty ,i was literally in layers of clothing and if i am in layers with all me fat still on me it was bloody cold,i see in the distance a hazy figure coming out from the fog and guess who?...of course it was him and get this he was wearing a shawl,a vest,a pair of shorts and a monkey cap.....thats it.....
and of course he also cldnt give up a chance to screw up when he tried to impress a pal of mine with his "grasp" over the english language,so chintoo[rohit] meets raha a year or so after leaving school and he is talking bout where he is goin and where and what he will do in the future and what plans he has[rohit that is]...raha listens to him deeply and comes up with
Raha:Yees yees its good....you should not bee a sheeep without ladder...
Rohit thinks to himself "why the fuck shld i be a ship without a ladder?...."
then he understand raha meant "rudder"
we shld not be a ship without a rudder.............
Touche mate well said.....
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Oh baby dont be so mean!
Dont get your hopes high from the topic,although it is about me first love ,the most cherished thing,the greatest thing i have ever had,the most beautiful,most desired....the adjectives can go on and on but you all must have guessed what i am talking bout,its me beaut,love the ps3....YES ITS BACK,a little battered ,bruised,hurt even but its like a fine well aged woman who although may not be perfect is like that first aunty you found in your locality who was and still is amazingly seductive and hot...dont squirm away we all have had such aunts nearby.......
the relief can be seen on me face,me babe went kaput early in feb of 09......and after months of dilly dallying and frustation it finally did get fixed,credit has to be given to 3 people,
1:me mom:she was adamant to check out almost every nook and crany of the city trying to get it fixed some how
2:madhav: a pal of mine in me complex who actually told me of a palce that could theoretically fix me ps3...since it dealt only with ps3 games and the like
3:amir:for finding the fucking place and then telling me of a shop somewhere else in cal which could and finafuckinglee did fix me ps3
But those 7 months which i spent without me babe were torturous,probably the worst time of me life,now i wasnt depressed or sulky ,i was just horrendously pissed off,why the fuck did my ps3 get jacked?
i bought one almost during its launch and this is how i get repaid?
fucking brand loyalty,i have had the ps1,ps2 and now ps3....all fucking went kaput and i always still end up buying sony stuff.
But all is still not rosy in this tale,since my ps3 got screwed while i was playing me fav game of that time fifa 09,the brdvd was still stuck inside it,so here we go as usual
i went to the Sony people who as usual fucked me up and said,we cant help you coz we dont open ps3's we only replace em if they are BOUGHT FROM INDIA,fuck me up mine was from America.....
since my face started hanging more than the cock of some porn star after ejaculation,me driver told me he could try to get it fixed from a guy he knew,well that "guy" couldnt get it fixed also...so finally after a few more days amir came up with the news that i could get it fixed from a shop called "Infinity" ,and those people did take me ps3 and they did get it fixed,but they said
"Sorry sir but there was no cd inside of it"
the same fucking story was said by the other freak who cldnt fix me ps3,so now i am stuck with a month to go before fifa 10 releases and with no fifa game to play,yes i do have a couple of other titles the excellent pairing of Devil May Cry 4 and Burnout Paradise,and just to rub salt into a festering would, i had fifa 08 but .....this is the part which just proves what a massive dick i am....but since i "had" fifa 09 i "kept" it somewhere so that it doesnt occupy some space in me room and now when i need a fifa game bad i cant fucking find that fifa.......
30 more hard days to go......but as usual we must look at the bright side......the babe is back....just hope she doesnt get screwed about much more.....stop cursing it you orriya....yeah raj i am talking bout you....you bloody orrihari.......
the relief can be seen on me face,me babe went kaput early in feb of 09......and after months of dilly dallying and frustation it finally did get fixed,credit has to be given to 3 people,
1:me mom:she was adamant to check out almost every nook and crany of the city trying to get it fixed some how
2:madhav: a pal of mine in me complex who actually told me of a palce that could theoretically fix me ps3...since it dealt only with ps3 games and the like
3:amir:for finding the fucking place and then telling me of a shop somewhere else in cal which could and finafuckinglee did fix me ps3
But those 7 months which i spent without me babe were torturous,probably the worst time of me life,now i wasnt depressed or sulky ,i was just horrendously pissed off,why the fuck did my ps3 get jacked?
i bought one almost during its launch and this is how i get repaid?
fucking brand loyalty,i have had the ps1,ps2 and now ps3....all fucking went kaput and i always still end up buying sony stuff.
But all is still not rosy in this tale,since my ps3 got screwed while i was playing me fav game of that time fifa 09,the brdvd was still stuck inside it,so here we go as usual
i went to the Sony people who as usual fucked me up and said,we cant help you coz we dont open ps3's we only replace em if they are BOUGHT FROM INDIA,fuck me up mine was from America.....
since my face started hanging more than the cock of some porn star after ejaculation,me driver told me he could try to get it fixed from a guy he knew,well that "guy" couldnt get it fixed also...so finally after a few more days amir came up with the news that i could get it fixed from a shop called "Infinity" ,and those people did take me ps3 and they did get it fixed,but they said
"Sorry sir but there was no cd inside of it"
the same fucking story was said by the other freak who cldnt fix me ps3,so now i am stuck with a month to go before fifa 10 releases and with no fifa game to play,yes i do have a couple of other titles the excellent pairing of Devil May Cry 4 and Burnout Paradise,and just to rub salt into a festering would, i had fifa 08 but .....this is the part which just proves what a massive dick i am....but since i "had" fifa 09 i "kept" it somewhere so that it doesnt occupy some space in me room and now when i need a fifa game bad i cant fucking find that fifa.......
30 more hard days to go......but as usual we must look at the bright side......the babe is back....just hope she doesnt get screwed about much more.....stop cursing it you orriya....yeah raj i am talking bout you....you bloody orrihari.......
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Then and Now
A long time back when we[people close to my age] were young ,people who would act nuts were simply called nuts.A person who acted freaky would get labelled "mad" by the other family members and were told quite strenly to "stay away from so and so"...."dont talk to them much" and the whole shebang was on.People would avoid meeting that said "mad" person,and they would just be left alone away from all the hastle of family meetings and the sort of thing that makes you wonder if a family and its members are all that they are cracked up to be.
But now in this modern day and age everything is changing and so rapidly,i mean people who are not even close to mental problems...and when i mean mental problems i mean serious ones ,are getting pyschiatric help for small ridiculous problems like being overweight or even the great "depression",dont get me started on the depression thingy,a person is so so sad that he is suffering from depression and he needs help from a shrink,for fucks sake,when i was unhappy my parents would go like
"why are you sad?"
i would reply "aww nothing "
"yeah it better be nothing...or else"
that "or else" would scare the shit out of...which most of the time meant a great deal of shouting and rebuke thrown all over me,not to mention a beating once in a while,the beatings did stop after class 7 though,but they sure as hell made me a decent respectful member of society....well it actually hasnt done any of it.
Of course the good old days were miles better,life was oh so simple,you had freinds and thats it,there wasnt "love" or "hate" or "unhappiness",life was so simple that the most enjoyable thing in the world was just going out in the open and fooling around with a few more kids,we didnt have to think of the "future" ,our future or someone else's,we had no pressure to do well in school,ok most indians did have that pressure,i did as well but that pressure wasnt as severe as it is nowadays.There also wasnt the so called love problem which thanks to the raging hormones inside any teen cause a ton of tension,and of course there wasnt the addiction to pornography,come on all of you have got that bug sometime or another, dont fucking lie.
Nothing much has changed in my behaviour though over the past couple of dacades,yes i am 2 decades old now,sheesh with one single grey hair which everyone seems to notice somehow,oh and the acne ,man oh man what i wouldnt give to have a clean,clear spotless face.Back to me behavior,most of my friends are crazy and abusive and we personally dont give a shit to the public surrounding us,we constantly abuse and curse,but most people dont get em.
There are a few plus sides to growing old of course,i mean my parents dont haul me up anymore about my colourful language,neither do they say anything anymore to me watching porn,i have been caught a lotta time .....guess they have just given up on me.Some things are still there like a night curfew or the fact that i must let me parents know where i am going in advance and all but thats just a minor price to pay for unlimited abusing and the sort.
The most important thing i must tell out now is that in a few years time i will be out working and such and i probably will become everything that i hate,grouchy,busy,working,i would probably have no fun,no free time,wouldnt be able to abuse,meeting with friends would get reduced,i would have to start being accountable for my actions ,be more respectful,be more logical,be more attentive,be more energetic,be more useful.
But.......
Most people say that as you age you gain maturity,well i have aged from a stupid idiotic toddler who would say stupid things to a 20 year old guy who still says stupid things,i have matured from a kid who when he first learnt a few bengali words would use em everytime for no rhyme or reason at all...to a guy who learns abusive words of different languages not really caring bout the actual language,DragonBall Z is still one of me favorite cartoons,so are Dexter's Lab ,I Am Weasel and the rest of the amazing Cartoon Cartoons and of course my relationships with girls hasnt changed much,cept for that one girl who we all know about,so all in all i havent actually matured even one bit in 20 years and may i live like this all my life
PS3,Music,Porno,Football,Friends,KFC what else does a guy need?
But now in this modern day and age everything is changing and so rapidly,i mean people who are not even close to mental problems...and when i mean mental problems i mean serious ones ,are getting pyschiatric help for small ridiculous problems like being overweight or even the great "depression",dont get me started on the depression thingy,a person is so so sad that he is suffering from depression and he needs help from a shrink,for fucks sake,when i was unhappy my parents would go like
"why are you sad?"
i would reply "aww nothing "
"yeah it better be nothing...or else"
that "or else" would scare the shit out of...which most of the time meant a great deal of shouting and rebuke thrown all over me,not to mention a beating once in a while,the beatings did stop after class 7 though,but they sure as hell made me a decent respectful member of society....well it actually hasnt done any of it.
Of course the good old days were miles better,life was oh so simple,you had freinds and thats it,there wasnt "love" or "hate" or "unhappiness",life was so simple that the most enjoyable thing in the world was just going out in the open and fooling around with a few more kids,we didnt have to think of the "future" ,our future or someone else's,we had no pressure to do well in school,ok most indians did have that pressure,i did as well but that pressure wasnt as severe as it is nowadays.There also wasnt the so called love problem which thanks to the raging hormones inside any teen cause a ton of tension,and of course there wasnt the addiction to pornography,come on all of you have got that bug sometime or another, dont fucking lie.
Nothing much has changed in my behaviour though over the past couple of dacades,yes i am 2 decades old now,sheesh with one single grey hair which everyone seems to notice somehow,oh and the acne ,man oh man what i wouldnt give to have a clean,clear spotless face.Back to me behavior,most of my friends are crazy and abusive and we personally dont give a shit to the public surrounding us,we constantly abuse and curse,but most people dont get em.
There are a few plus sides to growing old of course,i mean my parents dont haul me up anymore about my colourful language,neither do they say anything anymore to me watching porn,i have been caught a lotta time .....guess they have just given up on me.Some things are still there like a night curfew or the fact that i must let me parents know where i am going in advance and all but thats just a minor price to pay for unlimited abusing and the sort.
The most important thing i must tell out now is that in a few years time i will be out working and such and i probably will become everything that i hate,grouchy,busy,working,i would probably have no fun,no free time,wouldnt be able to abuse,meeting with friends would get reduced,i would have to start being accountable for my actions ,be more respectful,be more logical,be more attentive,be more energetic,be more useful.
But.......
Most people say that as you age you gain maturity,well i have aged from a stupid idiotic toddler who would say stupid things to a 20 year old guy who still says stupid things,i have matured from a kid who when he first learnt a few bengali words would use em everytime for no rhyme or reason at all...to a guy who learns abusive words of different languages not really caring bout the actual language,DragonBall Z is still one of me favorite cartoons,so are Dexter's Lab ,I Am Weasel and the rest of the amazing Cartoon Cartoons and of course my relationships with girls hasnt changed much,cept for that one girl who we all know about,so all in all i havent actually matured even one bit in 20 years and may i live like this all my life
PS3,Music,Porno,Football,Friends,KFC what else does a guy need?
Monday, August 24, 2009
Goooooaaaaaaalllllllll
Now it wont take a rocket scientist to guess what this blog will be about,its about me love for football,the game which is played by most people in the world,the International body FIFA has around 150+ members,which is the most by any sports body in the world,the fact that really pisses me off is that apart from cricket no sport in India gets any support at all,in hockey we were gold winners 8 times in the Olympics,but we failed to qualify in the 2008 Olympics,hell we the India football team were invited to play in the 1950 Fifa world cup,but we didnt go to the event coz we didnt have no shoes....and that is a fact not a made up story.....its true
Back to the point,football is the one sport i watch any time i get,any team,any league will do[European mostly]....and the one club that i support more than any other club is of course Liverpool Fc which most of you should have known by now,for those numbnuts who dont know a thing bout us
1:Liverpool is the most successful English Club in terms for Winning the League 18 times but we are now tied with Malchoda Utd who also have 18 now
2:Liverpool is the most successful English club in Europe with 5 Champions league Titles....yes more than Malchoda,More than Chelshit[they havent won any european cups] and Arsenal
so again as you all should know i support my club through thick and thin.....no nonsense of switching clucs like chintoo did...i know you changed your allegiances from Manure to chelshit coz of the money.....so every time there is a liverpool game on the emotions run riot and i end up abusing,celebrating or just pissing people off....here are the top celebrations done in the past few years
1:Liverpool 1-0 Chelsea [2003 Premier league]
Michael 'Judas' Owen scored in the 90th minute
One of those games where i was thinking that the goal would just not come,but it did come in the 90th minute and i was so freaking happy i started jumpin and screaming and shouting at the top of me voice on me old rickety bed which was quite fragile....this i did at around 10:30 pm which was late nite at that time not anymore....so a crack is heard....next thing i know my dad comes running in me room and finds me sandwiched between a mattress and a lotta plywood
2:AC Milan 3-3 Liverpool [2005 champions league final]
We won the game 4-3 on Pens after trailing 3-0 at halftime...the greatest comeback in history probably
All Liverpool fans remember this one...that amazing night in Istanbul,its only us the Liverpool fans who thought maybe we can win this after Milan ripped us apart and were leading and cruising at halftime 3-0...i remember me friends askin me the next day
"By how many did Milan win"
i replied "We won on Penalties.....fuck yeah....fuck fuck fuck"
they didnt watch the entire game coz they thought the match was over
so rite after Dudek saved Shevchenko's penalty cue the dancing and celebrating,[no shouting this time...i was warned]...but since i was sleeping on the floor....coz me bed was broken...i slipped and hit my head on my desk....i started seeing more stars than a boxer who got punched by Iron Mike Tyson
3:West 3-3 Liverpool[2006 FA Cup final]
We win again on Pens
Stevie G scores probably one of the best and greatest FA cup goals in the 94th minute
i remember i was shifting and taking stuff from me old flat to me new one and i had to keep tabs on the score from a pal of mine....and when i heard that we won the Cup i was screaming and shouting and me dad was like
"what the hell is wrong why are you shouting? its just a football game"
i replied
"thats the passion dad...you wont understand you manure supporter"
4:Manchester UTD 1-4 Liverpool [March 2009]
A hammering at OLd trafford
the day when we raped our greatest and most hated rivals crap u at old trafford....i was watching the game with a manure pal of mine 'manko' and when Gaynaldo scored from a pen i was like "oh no here we go again" but then Torres made Vidic look like his bitch and Vander sar was licking his own gaad [ass]......stevie made evra his bitch got a pen and kissed the Badge and the camera....amazing...Fabulous Aurelio scored a majestic free kick and just to spice things up Nemanja Bitch itch was sent off.....and to rub salt into the festering wound...our 3rd choice Left back playing as a winger scored a goal looping the ball over Vander gaaars head....and i was abusing and making fun of manko so much that he left before the final whistle blew...and he vowed never to come to watch a manu game at my place.......
5:Fulham 0-1 Liverpool [March 2009]
Benny scores again at the death
While we hammered away at Fulham ,hitting the post 3 times in the game it was a feeling of deja vu,thinking we would not win the game...but Benny popped up and scored again at the death 94th minute...it was like 1:30 Am over here and me dad popped into me room to charge up his cell phone as soon as Benny scored i jumped up and started screaming and shouting and abusing away...all this while holding my dad
Me dad learnt a lesson and now never NEVER comes into me room while a football game is on!
Back to the point,football is the one sport i watch any time i get,any team,any league will do[European mostly]....and the one club that i support more than any other club is of course Liverpool Fc which most of you should have known by now,for those numbnuts who dont know a thing bout us
1:Liverpool is the most successful English Club in terms for Winning the League 18 times but we are now tied with Malchoda Utd who also have 18 now
2:Liverpool is the most successful English club in Europe with 5 Champions league Titles....yes more than Malchoda,More than Chelshit[they havent won any european cups] and Arsenal
so again as you all should know i support my club through thick and thin.....no nonsense of switching clucs like chintoo did...i know you changed your allegiances from Manure to chelshit coz of the money.....so every time there is a liverpool game on the emotions run riot and i end up abusing,celebrating or just pissing people off....here are the top celebrations done in the past few years
1:Liverpool 1-0 Chelsea [2003 Premier league]
Michael 'Judas' Owen scored in the 90th minute
One of those games where i was thinking that the goal would just not come,but it did come in the 90th minute and i was so freaking happy i started jumpin and screaming and shouting at the top of me voice on me old rickety bed which was quite fragile....this i did at around 10:30 pm which was late nite at that time not anymore....so a crack is heard....next thing i know my dad comes running in me room and finds me sandwiched between a mattress and a lotta plywood
2:AC Milan 3-3 Liverpool [2005 champions league final]
We won the game 4-3 on Pens after trailing 3-0 at halftime...the greatest comeback in history probably
All Liverpool fans remember this one...that amazing night in Istanbul,its only us the Liverpool fans who thought maybe we can win this after Milan ripped us apart and were leading and cruising at halftime 3-0...i remember me friends askin me the next day
"By how many did Milan win"
i replied "We won on Penalties.....fuck yeah....fuck fuck fuck"
they didnt watch the entire game coz they thought the match was over
so rite after Dudek saved Shevchenko's penalty cue the dancing and celebrating,[no shouting this time...i was warned]...but since i was sleeping on the floor....coz me bed was broken...i slipped and hit my head on my desk....i started seeing more stars than a boxer who got punched by Iron Mike Tyson
3:West 3-3 Liverpool[2006 FA Cup final]
We win again on Pens
Stevie G scores probably one of the best and greatest FA cup goals in the 94th minute
i remember i was shifting and taking stuff from me old flat to me new one and i had to keep tabs on the score from a pal of mine....and when i heard that we won the Cup i was screaming and shouting and me dad was like
"what the hell is wrong why are you shouting? its just a football game"
i replied
"thats the passion dad...you wont understand you manure supporter"
4:Manchester UTD 1-4 Liverpool [March 2009]
A hammering at OLd trafford
the day when we raped our greatest and most hated rivals crap u at old trafford....i was watching the game with a manure pal of mine 'manko' and when Gaynaldo scored from a pen i was like "oh no here we go again" but then Torres made Vidic look like his bitch and Vander sar was licking his own gaad [ass]......stevie made evra his bitch got a pen and kissed the Badge and the camera....amazing...Fabulous Aurelio scored a majestic free kick and just to spice things up Nemanja Bitch itch was sent off.....and to rub salt into the festering wound...our 3rd choice Left back playing as a winger scored a goal looping the ball over Vander gaaars head....and i was abusing and making fun of manko so much that he left before the final whistle blew...and he vowed never to come to watch a manu game at my place.......
5:Fulham 0-1 Liverpool [March 2009]
Benny scores again at the death
While we hammered away at Fulham ,hitting the post 3 times in the game it was a feeling of deja vu,thinking we would not win the game...but Benny popped up and scored again at the death 94th minute...it was like 1:30 Am over here and me dad popped into me room to charge up his cell phone as soon as Benny scored i jumped up and started screaming and shouting and abusing away...all this while holding my dad
Me dad learnt a lesson and now never NEVER comes into me room while a football game is on!
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Gujju Che che
Before i start this rant i want to make one thing clear.....i dont hate gujjus or any other caste creed etc....i just like making fun of them coz they deserve it,people make fun of others behind their backs ,i like to do it when they are the audience....so dont go all UN and all on my ass and call me a rascist.....
i hate everyone equally.....even myself.....and so i begin
I know a ton of gujjus,the problem is they seem to be everywhere in this world,they and biharis of course,time and time again i find them invading my space and all.....i mean in school what was the probability of finding gujjus in Calcutta near kidderpore in probably the most rowdy school of all time....that when they have a proper gujju school/college in calcutta ,Bhaggu as people call it...and of course they had La Marts which is like a gujju haven.....but in me class i had around 3-4 gujjus...who all were nice...but they were freaks...which is actually a requisite to be a student of STB.
I remember Bhaveen Jhutani,a teacher called him Bhavani Jawanee....or was that us....no wait we used to call him Kutta Bhawanee,or even better Jhutanee....the dude is/was a great bass player....but that bit is overshadowed by his "gujjuness"....relating to stupid behaviour and crazy assed gestures and all,which have to be seen to be believed......then of course then was Harsh Niket Seta har baap ka beta.....but this guy was mellow not like the typical gujjus .....he was the nice guy actually in school...didnt ever cross no one or say shit or anything like that at all.....
of course they are not the only gujjus i have met in me life....and they obviously arent even close to the reason why i do make fun gujjus....actually bhaveen is a reason....another pal i met is sanket in college....and he is gujju personafied.....paisa paisa paisa.....thats more or less what he can think about
i remember in me first year o college how much he wanted me sandy and nikhil to join that stupid money laundering scheme ebizz.....fucking carzy assed scheme it was too other than that he is a good guy cept he has low tolerance levels of anything and is very and i mean very violent....but for some reason he keeps on sayin "i am not violent"
speaking of speaking....another thing is the accent....where they seem to close their noses while trying to speak ....its like a himesh song or something like that......of course all the indian states and their residents have their own accents so i cant just rip of the gujjus alone but the real reason i have to rip on em gujjus is that 50% of chix i have ever fallen for were gujju....sneha vakharia and ronica jethwa....God damn em caused me so much trauma and tension and pain....i dont
think i can fall for a chick ever again...cept of course if they are SUPER HOT and by super hot i mean meltdown...as in i will melt into a liquid seeing them,their body temperature is so fucking high that all objects around em will melt and liquify....and then the liquids will evaporate.....the chick has to be so hot
that a mirage can be seen some distance away from the chick coz she is so hot....
and of course my forte is pissing people off so how do you piss off a gujju?
the credit here must go to babla who came up with an innovative Q+A
Q:How do you spell gujju?
A:M-a-d-a-r-c-h-o-d
of course there is a mellow version of this which i use
Q:How do you spell gujju?
A:zhe-you-zhe-zhe-you
i hate everyone equally.....even myself.....and so i begin
I know a ton of gujjus,the problem is they seem to be everywhere in this world,they and biharis of course,time and time again i find them invading my space and all.....i mean in school what was the probability of finding gujjus in Calcutta near kidderpore in probably the most rowdy school of all time....that when they have a proper gujju school/college in calcutta ,Bhaggu as people call it...and of course they had La Marts which is like a gujju haven.....but in me class i had around 3-4 gujjus...who all were nice...but they were freaks...which is actually a requisite to be a student of STB.
I remember Bhaveen Jhutani,a teacher called him Bhavani Jawanee....or was that us....no wait we used to call him Kutta Bhawanee,or even better Jhutanee....the dude is/was a great bass player....but that bit is overshadowed by his "gujjuness"....relating to stupid behaviour and crazy assed gestures and all,which have to be seen to be believed......then of course then was Harsh Niket Seta har baap ka beta.....but this guy was mellow not like the typical gujjus .....he was the nice guy actually in school...didnt ever cross no one or say shit or anything like that at all.....
of course they are not the only gujjus i have met in me life....and they obviously arent even close to the reason why i do make fun gujjus....actually bhaveen is a reason....another pal i met is sanket in college....and he is gujju personafied.....paisa paisa paisa.....thats more or less what he can think about
i remember in me first year o college how much he wanted me sandy and nikhil to join that stupid money laundering scheme ebizz.....fucking carzy assed scheme it was too other than that he is a good guy cept he has low tolerance levels of anything and is very and i mean very violent....but for some reason he keeps on sayin "i am not violent"
speaking of speaking....another thing is the accent....where they seem to close their noses while trying to speak ....its like a himesh song or something like that......of course all the indian states and their residents have their own accents so i cant just rip of the gujjus alone but the real reason i have to rip on em gujjus is that 50% of chix i have ever fallen for were gujju....sneha vakharia and ronica jethwa....God damn em caused me so much trauma and tension and pain....i dont
think i can fall for a chick ever again...cept of course if they are SUPER HOT and by super hot i mean meltdown...as in i will melt into a liquid seeing them,their body temperature is so fucking high that all objects around em will melt and liquify....and then the liquids will evaporate.....the chick has to be so hot
that a mirage can be seen some distance away from the chick coz she is so hot....
and of course my forte is pissing people off so how do you piss off a gujju?
the credit here must go to babla who came up with an innovative Q+A
Q:How do you spell gujju?
A:M-a-d-a-r-c-h-o-d
of course there is a mellow version of this which i use
Q:How do you spell gujju?
A:zhe-you-zhe-zhe-you
Friday, August 14, 2009
Q.A.M
Q.A.M aint some special task force ,they aint like the R.A.F[the rapid action force which gets deployed in certain dangerous regions to control the crowds]...no my friends i am goin to introduce all of you to a freak,idiot,loser....unlike myself of course....all my freakiness is classy not crassy......so QAM is/was and unfortunately will always be..Quazi Abdul Mabud....he was one of me class mates for a year in the lovely little city called STB[St thomas boys for all you ignorant losers]....now QAM was not like the normal STb guys ...which isnt a good thing....he was more like most of the people i seem to meet in calcutta[i will get to that in me later blogs]....
I met the bloke in class 8 when i first came to calcutta.....a decent enough guy he was,,,athletic,dark skinned....but nevertheless a good bloke....at least that was the first impression of him that i got....of course he turned out to be a pain rite up the asshole.....like a 12 inch cock up a virgins ass....thats the kinda pain he has become....
why do i hate him ? i hate almost everyone but some people just have a special place in me heart like this guy[more people are gonna get ripped soon].....
for one this guy thinks he is the greatest thing to ever happen to our school,people tend to forget the greatest thing to happen in our school is actually our proximity to kidderpore....and its people of course......so now i will give you all true incidents as i always do......
1: he always tries to be a teachers pet:i remember once his mother was very ill.....now a normal person is not expected to be cheerful and rosy all the while...i know there will be doom and gloom rite on their face...this bloke went to a teacher for no apparent fucking reason....blurted out his "sad" thing and then the sir told us that we should sympathize with/for him.....i dont know why the fuck will i let everyone know if i am having a shit time in life......but still i can give him the benefit of the doubt for this one case
2:during an examination in STB....a peon came over to check on the different electrical devices in the classroom...coz we had a habit of destroying school property......and one fan was not working coz the blades were bent almost to 90 degrees.......so the peon tried blaming us......but we shot back saying we didnt do it.....when later a teacher asked us outside the class as to what had happened.....QAM jumped on his cheap ass and started letting the teacher know everything in his broke ass english and then tried to show the fucking fan in its right angled position
"madam.....the fan is laik theeeees"[i know the correct spelling of all words in quotes but i gotta explain as to how this loser would speak]
3:sports :since the guy was pretty athletic he was made the house captain or some shit like dat.....so every time he would threaten the then fat kid me....
"i will make you march all day.....you hae to take part"
"you have to be the 'anchor' for the tug of war"
this would happen every year
4:the l'aura':since the guy was later made as the school vice captian.....really he was .....he had this shit hole aura bout him....thinking he was probably one of the best students around in STB....and so he had "authority"....i took care of that
so one day while we the class 12 students were returning home after our exams....some class 5-6 kids saw QAM....and they started you know oogling him...
"look look its the school vice captain"
"he must be relly respected"
"how can we be like you?"
they asked him
the dumbass actually replied back
"hard work and study well....then you can be like me"
fucking douche bag never was ranked even in the top ten in any class....probably failed KG as well....so i took care of levelling the field
i shot back
"yeh yeh hai humlog ka vice captain?
he cant do anything......nothing he can do.....bloody useless fucker......."
and of course followed by my loud obnoxious laugh....[which took a lot of years of training]........the kids also started to laugh...so did a few of me pals......
QAM retorted back....
"Adeem if you dont stop...i will make you cry..."
yeah like by talking away all me porno....dumb loser.......
he even called me once for help coz he was...get this.....watching porno over the internet with a pal in his pal's place....and he couldnt delete the "history" from the internet explorer.....
i replied "i cant help you....i use firefox...."
the king of all comebacks was of course shot out by babla.....while we were in class 12....there was this huge john cena hype...he had this "i quit" match.....so QAM comes over to us and starts blabbering away in his cheap ass english...
"blah blah blah.....when i am done with you ...you will have two words to say.......
I QUIT!"
babla retorts
"no the words will be
AEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE RANDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII"
that shut him up for good......
I met the bloke in class 8 when i first came to calcutta.....a decent enough guy he was,,,athletic,dark skinned....but nevertheless a good bloke....at least that was the first impression of him that i got....of course he turned out to be a pain rite up the asshole.....like a 12 inch cock up a virgins ass....thats the kinda pain he has become....
why do i hate him ? i hate almost everyone but some people just have a special place in me heart like this guy[more people are gonna get ripped soon].....
for one this guy thinks he is the greatest thing to ever happen to our school,people tend to forget the greatest thing to happen in our school is actually our proximity to kidderpore....and its people of course......so now i will give you all true incidents as i always do......
1: he always tries to be a teachers pet:i remember once his mother was very ill.....now a normal person is not expected to be cheerful and rosy all the while...i know there will be doom and gloom rite on their face...this bloke went to a teacher for no apparent fucking reason....blurted out his "sad" thing and then the sir told us that we should sympathize with/for him.....i dont know why the fuck will i let everyone know if i am having a shit time in life......but still i can give him the benefit of the doubt for this one case
2:during an examination in STB....a peon came over to check on the different electrical devices in the classroom...coz we had a habit of destroying school property......and one fan was not working coz the blades were bent almost to 90 degrees.......so the peon tried blaming us......but we shot back saying we didnt do it.....when later a teacher asked us outside the class as to what had happened.....QAM jumped on his cheap ass and started letting the teacher know everything in his broke ass english and then tried to show the fucking fan in its right angled position
"madam.....the fan is laik theeeees"[i know the correct spelling of all words in quotes but i gotta explain as to how this loser would speak]
3:sports :since the guy was pretty athletic he was made the house captain or some shit like dat.....so every time he would threaten the then fat kid me....
"i will make you march all day.....you hae to take part"
"you have to be the 'anchor' for the tug of war"
this would happen every year
4:the l'aura':since the guy was later made as the school vice captian.....really he was .....he had this shit hole aura bout him....thinking he was probably one of the best students around in STB....and so he had "authority"....i took care of that
so one day while we the class 12 students were returning home after our exams....some class 5-6 kids saw QAM....and they started you know oogling him...
"look look its the school vice captain"
"he must be relly respected"
"how can we be like you?"
they asked him
the dumbass actually replied back
"hard work and study well....then you can be like me"
fucking douche bag never was ranked even in the top ten in any class....probably failed KG as well....so i took care of levelling the field
i shot back
"yeh yeh hai humlog ka vice captain?
he cant do anything......nothing he can do.....bloody useless fucker......."
and of course followed by my loud obnoxious laugh....[which took a lot of years of training]........the kids also started to laugh...so did a few of me pals......
QAM retorted back....
"Adeem if you dont stop...i will make you cry..."
yeah like by talking away all me porno....dumb loser.......
he even called me once for help coz he was...get this.....watching porno over the internet with a pal in his pal's place....and he couldnt delete the "history" from the internet explorer.....
i replied "i cant help you....i use firefox...."
the king of all comebacks was of course shot out by babla.....while we were in class 12....there was this huge john cena hype...he had this "i quit" match.....so QAM comes over to us and starts blabbering away in his cheap ass english...
"blah blah blah.....when i am done with you ...you will have two words to say.......
I QUIT!"
babla retorts
"no the words will be
AEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE RANDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII"
that shut him up for good......
The Farewell
The day finally after 12 years of schooling [2 in bombay 8 in dubai and 6 in cal]...i was out of school for good....well until my results came out but i did pass so kiss my ass.....anyways the last day of school [unofficially] was the day before our ISC exams began........so all i thought was of havin fun and all....but some teachers came 2 ruin the party and started teachin.....damn em
me classmates tried their level best 2 persuade em 2 stop but they wouldnt listen so it was time or our weapons....the greatest of em was....ignorin the teachers completely.......but alas it didnt work and they went on teachin coz of a couple of assholes who sat right in front and would nod their heads for no reason....[partho..........ass]......then the last couple of periods started...and our giddiness came out all us class 12 A and B boys ran out and didnt care bout teachin
i remember one incident where some 12 A boys were catchin hold of any class 12 student and like 15-20 of em would pile on that one bloke.....and these guys were really nice though they would amke sure that nothin could harm or nothin could break........when they piled on me one of em asked for me glasses and watch......THEN THEY PILED ON ME................
some parents were like "eiiiiiiiii chele school e pore?.....eei chelera toh goonda lok"[cut me some slack me bengali aint great but u know what i mean]
the things didnt end there u know the normal rituals of rippin the shirt and writin stuff on the shirt went on also......
i went home with half of me shirt on me ,1/4th in me bag ....1/4th in someone else's hand...also the assholes ripped me vest ...i looked like a cheap student who didnt have cash 2 buy proper clothes and i had 2 walk like 1/2 a mile 2 get 2 my house...........damn
OFFICIAL EXIT
our official exit came on the 2nd last day of ISC thats the day of the 2nd language exams....[mamata di had kicked all the computer science students ass's coz of her bandh we got our tests postponed].......and we were like scolded from the morning be4 we went 2 the exam hall by teachers "DONT LEAVE THE HALL FAST...DONT DO NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
we were like fine fine we dont wanna go before we break some furniture and all......
even before our "last" exam togethere began....we were all ready for a riot....as soon as we got a glimspe of the invigilators we all started clappin like hell.....teachers came 2 calm us down .........scared ass's there........and when the exam got over .........then the real shitness started
WE WERE MADE 2 SIT IN OUR SEATS
NO MOVIN BOUT AND ALL..... ALTHOUGH I DID MOVE ABOUT...BUT WAS PUT IN ME PLACE........then they started handin us out some napkins....
all of us were like "hey cool at least our school did give us something ....the cheap bastar**".........then our oh so new princi came and gave us a borin half arsed speech...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
then came all the office staff and started servin us food packets......[ok that was nice though]....and finnaly the worst bit came our teacher personally gave us goin away cards......which were 4*4 cm cards on which was written
"No matter if u stand on cactus
AIM FOR THE STARS"
then came the best bit
while we were seated a peon came around and handed us some tissues
since we are assholes and rascals some of the guys started clapping and cheering
"aaeee at least school napkin diya......
yay....napkin de deeees hai....."
which was again met with another strict disciplinarian speech by the "new princi"...who was the old princi of the girls school.....oh yeah we did get a box o food....chinese that is.....so i cldnt complain.....fried rice and chikcen manchurian....of course the typical gujjus and veges complained.....they did get their boxes changed for a vege one.....but come on who likes vege food?
back to the speech which didnt make sense....and oh yeah the "personal" bit was that each card had out names written on it means that some ass teachers pet did that part.......heres lookin at u again partho.......who dont u just burn and rot in hell.......no hell is a good place 2 be actually rot in a place where there are no teachers ......oh yeah thats torture for u asshole
me classmates tried their level best 2 persuade em 2 stop but they wouldnt listen so it was time or our weapons....the greatest of em was....ignorin the teachers completely.......but alas it didnt work and they went on teachin coz of a couple of assholes who sat right in front and would nod their heads for no reason....[partho..........ass]......then the last couple of periods started...and our giddiness came out all us class 12 A and B boys ran out and didnt care bout teachin
i remember one incident where some 12 A boys were catchin hold of any class 12 student and like 15-20 of em would pile on that one bloke.....and these guys were really nice though they would amke sure that nothin could harm or nothin could break........when they piled on me one of em asked for me glasses and watch......THEN THEY PILED ON ME................
some parents were like "eiiiiiiiii chele school e pore?.....eei chelera toh goonda lok"[cut me some slack me bengali aint great but u know what i mean]
the things didnt end there u know the normal rituals of rippin the shirt and writin stuff on the shirt went on also......
i went home with half of me shirt on me ,1/4th in me bag ....1/4th in someone else's hand...also the assholes ripped me vest ...i looked like a cheap student who didnt have cash 2 buy proper clothes and i had 2 walk like 1/2 a mile 2 get 2 my house...........damn
OFFICIAL EXIT
our official exit came on the 2nd last day of ISC thats the day of the 2nd language exams....[mamata di had kicked all the computer science students ass's coz of her bandh we got our tests postponed].......and we were like scolded from the morning be4 we went 2 the exam hall by teachers "DONT LEAVE THE HALL FAST...DONT DO NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
we were like fine fine we dont wanna go before we break some furniture and all......
even before our "last" exam togethere began....we were all ready for a riot....as soon as we got a glimspe of the invigilators we all started clappin like hell.....teachers came 2 calm us down .........scared ass's there........and when the exam got over .........then the real shitness started
WE WERE MADE 2 SIT IN OUR SEATS
NO MOVIN BOUT AND ALL..... ALTHOUGH I DID MOVE ABOUT...BUT WAS PUT IN ME PLACE........then they started handin us out some napkins....
all of us were like "hey cool at least our school did give us something ....the cheap bastar**".........then our oh so new princi came and gave us a borin half arsed speech...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
then came all the office staff and started servin us food packets......[ok that was nice though]....and finnaly the worst bit came our teacher personally gave us goin away cards......which were 4*4 cm cards on which was written
"No matter if u stand on cactus
AIM FOR THE STARS"
then came the best bit
while we were seated a peon came around and handed us some tissues
since we are assholes and rascals some of the guys started clapping and cheering
"aaeee at least school napkin diya......
yay....napkin de deeees hai....."
which was again met with another strict disciplinarian speech by the "new princi"...who was the old princi of the girls school.....oh yeah we did get a box o food....chinese that is.....so i cldnt complain.....fried rice and chikcen manchurian....of course the typical gujjus and veges complained.....they did get their boxes changed for a vege one.....but come on who likes vege food?
back to the speech which didnt make sense....and oh yeah the "personal" bit was that each card had out names written on it means that some ass teachers pet did that part.......heres lookin at u again partho.......who dont u just burn and rot in hell.......no hell is a good place 2 be actually rot in a place where there are no teachers ......oh yeah thats torture for u asshole
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