Sunday, May 15, 2011

The Perfect Day

Don't get carried away by the title of the blog, nothing ever seems to be perfect these days ever since I joined work. That whole work sucks thing has calmed a bit down after a lot of haggling and discussions and resentment we showed to our office and literally lambasted the college officials for putting us in a place where they treated us like sales personnel rather than MBA students. That however is a forgotten issue as the HR of the company is a really nice lady who is just a couple of years senior to us and is all out to save our asses from the torment of office politics by certain folk there.

Moving on, saturday's are supposed to be one of the best days of the week, sunday is the day after and in most cases friday would be the last working day , not in India however as Saturday is the last working day of the week. Reporting to office on a saturday is a pain but at least we get to leave as soon as we are done reporting, yesterday was supposed to be that, report , come back and then meet with Babla, chintoo and nagu, but as usual The Lord had different plans for me.

It all starts on friday night, the unbearable heat in Calcutta is sure to grab some lives first before anything else, it sure has gotten me in a foul mood every time I have to leave my humble AC home, so late on friday night while I fell asleep with the AC on, I wake up at around 2 AM and find the AC vents are open but the AC is not working. My brain does not work for around 30 minutes as soon as I wake up, so i spent the next 30 minutes walking about my house trying to find out what appliance is working and not, the fans were working, my parent's AC was working, the microwave was working but my AC was not, and a couple of other appliances as well, So i deduced that one phase had gone off and it should return sooner or later, I hit some switches and went back to bed.

The heat under the fan was real bad as well, I spend the rest of the night waking up every 30-40 minutes to check if the AC was working or not, but to no avail, doing this for 5 hours and then waking up for office at 7 really got on my nerves and worse still the fear of spending a weekend with the AC really fucked the shit out of me, then I see after 20 minutes that I have switched off the main power to the AC as i had feared a short circuit or something, that is what i flicked at night before going to bed, bloody hell , I spent the whole nite without air con for no reason.

Totally upset and enraged , I walked to the kitchen to grab some breakfast, normally for the morning its a cold bowl of cereal and milk, so as I was taking the milk out of the fridge, THUD!, I bang my head on the corner of a cupboard, and my head hurts like hell, clutching my head in pain, my dad walks into the kitchen and says
"You banged your head?, Oh no you chipped the cupboard, Mummy won't be happy"
Of course he did this to piss me off as he had been doing this to me for a couple of days since his party won in the election and mine got their ass whooped.

Now its time for office, my dad normally drops me off while he is on the way to his office, today he didn't go as he was "celebrating" the victory of his party, well I was to take the car and my driver was to drop me at office and pick me up after my reporting.

When I reached my new office,in the heat,I found that the elevators were not working, I had to climb up to the 7th floor of the building, now you all know I never am in any shape, let alone best shape and all, so I huff and puff to the 5th e 7th floor, take a break then climb up to the 7th floor, then i find the AC at the renovated office ain't working either , as soon as I sit down a colleague walks in and tells me, "dude the lift is working".

Now its time to leave and before leaving my office I call the driver and tell him to pick me up, he says he would be there in 5 mins, so after a few minutes I walk down and am waiting by the street , the wait is eternal as 5 minutes turns to 25 as he was stuck in a traffic jam and I end up soaking wet.

A message comes from my dad to pick up KFC as he expects me to have enough cash for lunch, I look into my purse and find no more than 70 Rs as I had thought that I wouldn't have lunch outside and everyone knows that I love KFC, but again Saturday was fucking me well.

I reach home and then me mom tells me that I am to go to my cousin's place, in this heat, again when I do reach the said place, their AC is not working as well,there are 4-5 kids are out there eating my head and I did not get to watch one football match as well,Manu won the title on that day, breaking Liverpool's record, which again pissed me off some more,My aunt cooked some horrible food which caused me indigestion and plus the plan to meet the babla, nagu and chintoo did not take place as a couple of them had work to do.

All in all, it was a perfect day,not for me but for people who love to see me suffer and I know there are tons of them out there.

Thursday, May 12, 2011

The Quest

The sun was raining down with all its might on all the hapless souls who had no hope of finding shade in the small city called ,Calcutta, this city on the "date" 11th May 2011 has a story to tell to all other mortal souls. A story not to be forgotten but to be retold again and again to the generations to come , this story is about 2 young men who are to face the elements for a quest, a quest that for some would be insane while some wouldn't dare think about doing the said deed.

There comes a time in everyone's life when they have to complete a journey, something that bonds people, reminds them of the journey, something that changes you inside and gives you a reward, these 2 souls, one a brilliant student , topper of his school, always a straight 95% student,musician and a Chelski fan, the other soul, with his obnoxious laughter, stupid jokes, with no road sense but with a killer tag line "jeet ke aaoge!", decided to go on such a journey.

The fateful day didn't have the feeling of the "quest" to either of the souls , they met after the obnoxious one had reported for his slave drivers(office) and had found a quick escape route away from the dungeons that had chained him for the past 2 weeks, broke away from the shackles did the fat obnoxious one. The other had finally run away and come back to his mother land, after giving his life for 4 summers and winters at a far off land where no one could meet him so that he could turn into something else other than a bong, to turn into a mallu, the transformation was easy for him but not for his 4 good men, who tried every time to remind him of his heritage and change him back.

These 2 brave souls met in front of a great clothing store that most of thee locals knew, a certain shop called "Pantaloons" ,the cool breeze blowing from the inside was almost irresistible but they had to move on, the smart mallu one was wearing something that made him look like he was new to the place, with half of his trousers missing, something dark to protect his eyes, and a covering for his head,he looked quite off . The obnoxious one was wearing his kryptonite , coverings that are called "formals" because of his dungeon.

The two of them decided to go and watch the theater , some live play about cars, fast and guns, the actors in question were big and strong from some other far off land, the cost was a lot, but to cover it up, a bargain was struck with the evil ticket seller, we would sit right up in front to watch the show for a lower price, our necks would have to croon high to see the show and our backs would be bent but a price we would pay was worth it.

Lunch was our next bit where to eat in the scorching heat of the sun?, close by to the theater was a little eatery , a gem in its own right, finding it would be hard as the mallu had not been to these streets in over a year and the fat obnoxious one was never good at finding out places or remembering stuff, but lo and behold! The Lord was with them and they toiled and found the place, the fat one remembering how a whore was paying off her "owner" (dalal) the last time they had been through the same alley, this was the landmark he used to get the two hungry souls there.

The food was all about a close neighboring land and while the mallu took pork , the obnoxious one due to some religious facts stayed with the chicken, stuffed up to the brim, off they went to search for something to quench their thirst, this is where the quest began, the search for the "Shikanji" , a soda drink which is perfect on hot morrows like this. Though they searched for a long while they had to settle for some lemon drink which although was good but it didn't hit the spot for the brave young ones.

A third mortal met up with us, this freak was a typical son of the land,(bong) ,another great scholar who had now gotten an opportunity to continue with his education in the land of the white she devil, the same land where our theater play was made. This hapless soul was having problems with his "intake and outage" system but a good rant form the obnoxious one soon fixed that and he had no option but to join the other 2.

The show was a waste, those white foreign devils could not keep us satisfied with their fast moving vehicles and nonsensical story lines and the hope for a concubine on stage was also not met though no children were allowed to view this story. Upset and filled with rage the 3 went off from the theater , while the freak white devil education went away, the obnoxious one and the mallu stayed behind, in search of the DRINK! The SHIKANJI.

The heat was getting to them, and they were in a plight to find the drink that they wanted so bad, the urge in them , would they "jeet" or not that was the question.
The souls braved the heat and walked on about, minutes were ticking by, landmarks and juice stalls were passing but to no avail, there came a time in the search where the fat obnoxious one almost gave up but the mallu came up with a song on his ukelele and played at a local amphitheater, with their spirits buoyed they marched onward. The two best friends walked for another hour in the sun and finally when they had thought of heading back home in disappointment they saw a little shop hidden between a couple which did provide them their elusive drink. Salvation ! the feeling of joy was almost overwhelming and the heat just did not seem to exist, when the two finally got the drink they were pleased as punch and though the drink did not live up to the expectations, they knew, the quest may not have given them the required reward, the drink was not up, but the quest in itself was the actual reward.

Two men and the search for the Elusive Shikanji

Saturday, May 7, 2011

All work and no pay....off

Summer internship, an introduction to the life that is to be for the next 40 odd years at least, I knew this was not going to be a walk in the park , that it would probably be a tough harrowing experience but what I and a few of my mates have been through in the past couple of weeks may have left us all scarred,badly, for the rest of our lives.

Going to a real estate company was never my first choice but we were forcefully placed into that company even though our interview sucked ass, so with bated breath the first day came, which ended up with us spending time with the Hr madam who was chatting with us the entire day but made us sit from 10 AM to 6 PM with nothing constructive done in between barring us learning about her and us learning more about each other, 6 other students were doing their SIP from the company as well.

The office however is bloody small and the 6 of us are forced into a cubile which is no more than 6X8 feet , maybe even smaller, we can barely move about and also the AC does not work well and makes the place stuffy.

The next day we got our project briefing, to understand the project we needed around 5 tries , we thought we were to find out why some flats weren't selling, then we were to find out the positives and negative points of the flats, then we were supposed to actually make the marketing strategy of the said plots and now it seems we have to generate leads to sell the flats.

While this might seem alright the biggest problem has been the fact that all 6 of us have been given individual projects with some of us barely having any knowledge of the area, geography and road map of Calcutta, especially ME, so while i got a brilliant set of projects near the Nayabad, Naredrapur area( which is a village is most senses). I had no idea of how to get these, well frankly I had never heard of these places before as well, thankfully we students on our own decided that each one of us would accompany the other to reach the said destination, when I reached mine, with absolutely no help from the company I had to find and locate my place, which meant traveling in the metro which took me another 30 minutes from my office , then it took me a total of 30 minutes more via walking and auto to find my place, a shoddy desolate place with barely anything worth talking , why anyone would want to shift here is beyond me and what would I be able to glorify and present here would be a real challenge for God , let alone a mortal like me.

While these site visits weren't fun but it was a part of the job which most of us were, in fact all of us were doing everyday,the traveling does at a price, monetarily and physically,I have spent nearly 1000 Rs in a week to cover so much distance also I have gotten massively sunburnt and gone 2-3 shades darker, then recently,yesterday in fact, while we all planned to go to another site visit we were told to stay in office so that our MD would brief us, the HR lady told us to eat our lunch and come back.
She even went to an extent of scaring us, when the briefing started he said
"I am very disappointed with the way you have worked and if you continue like this I will have no hesitation to sack you, if you make a mistake in the next 15 days you will get the sack"

We were thinking WTF is going on?
while the boss had a real go at glorifying himself as to how he helped LG recover its sales, how he built a telecom giant, how he knows what each one of us is thinking, why all the cell phones have rounded edges, how he got a corolla for free, how his salary was aournd 20 crore plus and he still gave up the job, etc etc etc.

After the bashing we were asked to leave the office and come back on a saturday, a day when we have no work in a real estate company because everyone is busy chatting away to clients or taking them to site visits, oh and I remember we were also asked now by the MD to find clients for the flats which means scoping and surveying the area within a radius of 10-15 kms of my location. Its a freaking village no one has 20 lakhs to buy any flat. Back to the point, now that we leave the office and are waiting outside worried that we may not get our clearance certificate, the MD's wife comes out and shouts at us while we are standing on the street as to "what are you people doing here?", like she owns the place, that was the last straw.

Called a cab, the 5 of us, off we went to our college and started hammering away at our cell which got us placed and all the teachers present there, after an hour of crying and shouting foul we understand that nothing can be done and that we are stuck here for a good while,2 months to be exact, nothing can be done and we must somehow survive. Every teacher was saying "this is part and parcel of life, don't worry this too shall pass" and all of em crummy lines which we hear again and again.

Cut to today,saturday, all of us are pissed to say the least the HR comes up today like nothing has happened and she tells us that the boss is like that and nothing can be done, everyone gets a lashing almost on a daily basis and that we shouldn't worry about it and that we would all be there right until the end of the 2 months.

While people told me that this SIP would be a learning experience, all I have learned is how to burn a hole in my pocket and travel to remote desolate areas of the city.

All work and no pay/play makes Adeem a very pissed off man.

Monday, May 2, 2011

The Theory of Relativity

Almost 18 years ago , a certain Saiyed Adeem Karim started attending pre school, which was fun as the said lad had nothing much to do in school. Waste time away, play with a ton of toys, a little introduction of alphabets and numbers, nothing too strenuous.

School was not all that bad back then, it was fun , easy and most importantly fun, I know i put "fun" in twice, I can't remember what happened a few weeks ago let alone something that was almost 2 decades ago. The fact is that school was fun.

Then started the crap and oh dear lord how I started hating school, the homework , the heavy bag, the screwing me over with the timings, in Calcutta, school was from 7:30 AM till 1 PM, but in Dubai it was from 12:30 PM to 6:30 PM,my initial reaction was that of astonishment and resent as to how I would come back home on a regular basis after my dad and after the friggin sun sets.

Resentment, then came school in Calcutta , AGAIN, this time it was St Thomas Boys , most of the regular readers would know how much I was tormented and tortured during the initial years at STB and how I broke down into tears for the only time in my life due to some emotional crap that was thrown at me,when I was in STB , how much I missed the school in Dubai,Our Own English High School was heaven, literally and STB was hell, passing out of STB though was fun, I wont lie , STB taught me a lot and gave me my best friends, and of course taught me how to abuse ,kidderpore style.

Then came Techno India, college life promised so much and I ended up with almost 5% of what was promised, hot chicks? Nope, Cool Classes, BCA? WTF was I thinking?, Bunking? and go where? everything near college was miles away,Great Like minded FRIENDS?, just one, again I thank lord i found one of my best pals in this college as well,and now damn I missed STB and I still do , a lot, the only good thing to come out from the 3 years was Subhajit, one of my best pals and then the fact that I barely went to college in the 3rd year.

The came Globsyn, again I thank the lord I found my long lost brother here and a few brilliant friends, but again the whole MBA college being fun was a ton of crap and as usual I would have gone back to Techno India in a jiffy.

Now its summer internship time, first job of my life, and as usual the expectations don't match up to reality, work is hard, maybe because we are interns for like 2 months max but man work is hard, its barely enjoyable , although that could be because of the fact that I don't like working for real estate but still these 2 months are gonna be torturous there still is hope though as IF and a big IF I do go to an office or a job that I do like maybe life will be better and again as the topic says, life was better in the classrooms of GBS , the fun,madness and masti is totally missed.

Life often is portrayed in a different way and what we get is completely different , I always hated whatever institute I was in but as soon as I moved away from one place to another, the former place was always better than the latter, hence the theory of relativity proved!

Pre School > Primary School >STB >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> College life >College MBA life > Work?

Of course one thing I would like to point out,if I had a choice to go back to any of these phases,lets leave work out for the future, STB would be the one stage I would pick,that madness can and never will be repeated

STB STB!!
Jeet ke aaoge!