The love story finally revealed : 2 scots and an English man

There are some love stories that should not be told. They cause great pain and strife to all involved. The time has come to reveal the true love story between 3 gentlemen, and I really mean "gentle". 
This story has drama, pain, sorrow, laughter, happiness, alcoholism and all that is expected from a love story. Enjoy.

Howard webb was signed to be the main player for United

Webb, celebrating one of the goals with his United teammates

Things were going brilliantly for the pair and United.

The love of another scot was tempting but.....

But nothing can replace true love

Webb doing his best Arsene Wenger impression "I did not see it"

New found money, new found love.

The Christian Marriage : The Bride and the Groom

There are certain things that really gee you up, football, chocolates, ice cream, games and well a close friend's marriage. Maybe that is the Indian in me talking but everyone loves a marriage except the bride and groom's families. Fortunately I was an extended member of the holy union that unfolded today.

It was Tanya and Mits' wedding never in my life have I seen a couple so much in love with each other, well then again I haven't seen a lot of couples in love only the arranged marriage variants and they don't really have much of a choice do they? Back to the big day, I was given the honor of being the groomsman, reading up I had a lot of responsibilities which I knew I was going to shirk on anyways.

The Wedding ceremony was to happen at a Church and that was something everyone was excited about, I knew a lot of people were coming from my old office and everyone was crazy to see how a  Christian wedding takes place. Reaching the church was not the tough bit though, it was wearing a suit in this heat. It was in the middle of may when the wedding took place and Jeeeez it was warm. I felt like I was an ice cream in a Sauna with Huma Qureshi sitting next to me in a bikini, I was sweating bucket loads. Of course it could have been worse, at least I was not getting married. To be fair, both Tanya and Mits were playing it cool and were not nervous at all, unlike a couple of days back when they really were freaking out.

Walking down the aisle was a piece of cake, no one tripped up or did anything that would be considered as remotely funny or sad or embarrassing , damn. The bride and groom both looked amazing, a perfect couple to say the least and I ain't saying that so that I don't get beaten up. The entire service lasted just a little over an hour and it was perfect, well apart from the heat it was perfect. Everyone present was there as well, though I was waiting for the part when the Father would ask if someone has any issues with this marriage and everyone would give glances to one another hoping no idiot says something at this time. Tanya did not even trip in her saree, though she was adamant that was bound to happen, guess the Gods/God was with her on this one. 

I did tell her I would pay her back for making me wear a suit in this heat, I am sure I would get married in the chilly month of December/January and she would have to come in shorts. 

The photos flowed and tears were shed, in typical Indian marriage style, which was not expected to be truthful but then again it isn't an Indian marriage without the tears. The reception was next, Saree change for Tanya madam was on queue and well she had a hair extension as well which freaked me out a bit as I was left wondering whether it was real or fake, it was as real as my chances of winning 100 billion dollars.

This was at least in an air conditioned hall, I came prepared though, no suit just a kick ass shirt and jeans. I had come prepared to dance and freak some people out but that did not happen since the music was played at a low volume, I tried breaking into a jig but nevertheless, the day and night belonged to Tanya and Mits.

The food was excellent and they did take care for me at least as all the food was boneless and there was chicken, that is enough for me. Drank cola like crazy and even better was me mixing thums up and sprite, it ended up looking like beer, I don't take alcohol but this does get me a few stares down the road.

So, post dinner when we were leaving for home, I said my goodbyes to the couple who are to start a new journey together, forever, through sickness and pain, sorrow and joy, madness and calmness, always there for one another, they surely will be. 
And as I said goodbye to Tanya I whisper to her

"Aaj tum zaroor *pop* karna, jeet ke aaoge!"

Jeet ke aaoge!

 

Smile, You freaks, SMILE

People may think that I am the gadget freak in my group, especially since I have a lot of gaming systems and stuff but the truth is Manko man is the guy who owns the gadgets or at least the one who gets the newest gadgets first. He was the first amongst us to get one of those uber sexy cool phones, the Nokia X6 and he showed it off to me on the first or second day. The idiot that I am or the idiot that he is, he let me hold the device and I flicked the lock switch so damn hard that I made it way too loose for him to use it, I broke it apparently and he learned a valuable lesson of never giving me any new shiny device unless it was at least 3-4 months old. 

Manko also was the guy who got the iPod, a Samsung Tablet, a Blackberry, oh I could go on and on and on. Recently he told me he wanted to buy a camera to capture the world and have it in his hands, from previous blogs you would know how much I hate getting photos taken and all.

So here I am thinking my friend is going to burn around 20 K in buying a top line digital camera, I mean that is the one thing that would strike your mind, "hey I want to take pictures of random things because I am not a professional photographer, so lets just buy a decent digital camera to get on with it".

Of course we are not talking about a normal set of people here, my group is filled with idiotic freaks including yours truly. So Manko tells me he wants to buy one of them DSLR cameras. You know the one which has that huge lens and looks like it was made by someone with no idea of what proportions are. Them hideous looking cameras where everyone who owns one thinks they are going to take some really award winning, ware correspondent, earth shattering, gravity defying, life changing, peace bringing, money making, change inducing, thought provoking, tear jerking photograph. It never happens that way but let them believe so.

Manko does buy the said camera, again I do not really have much of a problem with that, ok maybe a tiny problem but nothing too serious. So I ask him,"Dude, how much was it?"
I thought I heard him say 16, it turns out the damn camera cost him a whopping 60000 Rs. Fucking hell, a PS4 does not cost as much, What the fuck was he thinking when he purchased it?

I mean, all he is going to do is take random photographs of women on the street or the clouds in the sky, the rain, the streets of calcutta, stray dogs fighting over bits of food, some black and white photos to show Calcutta in its glory, Women (again, you fucking maaga), the sunrise and sunset , since you cannot be a photographer unless you have these in your montage and of course the classic of taking close ups of beggars on the street to show their plight. 

Don't get me wrong, take as many photos as you like, for all I care you might catch some incriminating photographs from your locality and you can blackmail that Uncle form the neighborhood who was up all night talking to random concubine in the middle of the street. You would hit gold but for the love of sanity and humanity (yes, I said sanity) why would you spend 60000 Rs on a camera to take some random photos and have your name as the watermark pasted below it.

For Manko and all the retards who spend this much on stupid, stupid photos.

DSLR Camera: Rs 60000
Special classes to use camera: Rs 250 per class
Being a dickhead for wasting so much money on taking photos of women, streets, the sunrise and sunset & random clouds with a copyright watermark at the bottom of your photos: Priceless

There are some things money can't buy but then again there are idiots like you as well.

 

TGIF! Partaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyy Time!

Whoever invented work should be beaten to a pulp. I hate work, I hate the fact that I have to wake up every morning, dress up fast, reach office on time ( at least try to) and do something that I do not want to do. I guess most people feel the same unless they are doing something that they want or are just mooching off the money their family has made, nevertheless, Mondays suck ass, Tuesdays aren't any better. I guess the only reason people go to office is for the money and social pressure.

Anyways, Fridays are amazing. You know the weekend is here, you can feel this excitement tingling in your body which isn't due to you watching some hot girl twerking almost semi nude on a youtube video. Its Friday, friday and unlike the Rebecca Black song it feels fucking amazing. You walk out of office like a boss, you own the weekend , you do what you want for the two days. Unless of course you have a stupid presentation to prepare and make for that dreaded day of the week, Monday. We all have 1/7th of our life, every fucking Monday.

To make our weekends even sweeter, we folks at the 11th floor decided to have a small party. Ok, its not a small party, its the small group of people who camp right outside one of the top executives cabin who have decided to make Friday's all more memorable and enjoyable.

We ensure that every Friday one of the murgas gets slaughtered, meaning every Friday one of the group has to treat the rest of the group, the menu can be anything and it must include vegetarian and non vegetarian items, veg because 3 members of our cult are vegetarians and non veg because I fucking said so and I will not fill my tummy with vegetarian snacks, no freaking way.

Manish and I drafted a mail so that everyone is in the loop, we don't want people chickening out from their responsibilities after all that is all I get to hear in the office. "Why don't you take some responsibility? Who is responsible for this? Why do people run away from owning up and taking responsibility"

You want responsibility and ownership? You got it!

The mail is drafted and sent across to the survivors who want to bring back happiness and joy to the 11th floor. Mr Poddar, Head of Finance 11th floor, Mr K, the kind of deo ordering and overall nice guy who is the butt of all our jokes. Ms. Enakshi Podder, Assistant Head of Consumer insights, Ms. Tanya Abraham, Brand manager of VLC (11th floor only), Tuhin/Tauheen da Super head Consumer insights and then there is Naveen who seems to be developing more dark circles than those seen during Pacific Rim when the Kaijus were ravaging earth. Manish is the final piece of the puzzle, he is basically the head of Operations making sure everyone is in line and that the finance team has released the budget for bringing in the food. Of course no party is complete without a bit of craziness and thats where I come in, form ordering the food for everyone to making sure everyone is here to start the party! 

Our wining and dining starts post 6:30 PM when work is a little less and the weekend feeling is coming. The food comes and everyone hogs, with me throwing in a couple of stupid veg jokes just to piss Mr K off. Then I do my little act of freaking people out by acting a little OTT, that is what gets the ball rolling. 

This party helps us to relax a lot, preparing for the weekend, our menu includes momos, noodles, chicken, sandwiches, KFC. Yes even KFC is part of the menu, those are the best days but we don't complain as long we get to fill our tummies. We have to do this because the snacks we get in office are absolutely whack. By whack I mean yuck.

Unfortunately this party does have its limitations, often one member of the group is missing and that is when the party does not work out so well, we need everyone and I guess its this tight knit bunch that actually makes office more bearable than what it is. Kudos to our group for all the madness we do, without this we, well I would have been absolutely jacked in office.