Spit-ology

We Indians are not the cleanest bunch of people in the world, we all have that one relative who will constantly cough right into your face and be unapologetic about it, a relative who will be literally inches from you and then decide to rip out this huge belch where we would get to know what he not only had for lunch but also for breakfast and last night's dinner, lets not get into the great leveller Uncle Fartolomew , the Frances Duke of Flatulence.

Yes we have a lot to work on, especially when we do meet up with people from other countries, there we stick out like sore thumbs with our fingers right up our nostrils trying to find that elusive gold coin or the lost city of Atlantis, coming back from a country where we had a fine of roughly 6500 Rs (500 AED) for a simple crime as littering, it is hard to see almost everyone blow away millions by just trashing the place about, of course we have no laws per se to catch these offenders and try them, hell we even defecate in the open and are fucking brazen about it.

"Commit no nuisance here", its a hard laugh for me to see such signs pasted on walls trying to make sure people do not piss about, which of course never works. People throw the trash right on the street where they live, the  stench is unbearable still they have no issues with it, it is so pathetic to see people just throw rubbish on the road, wrappers, paper, etc and not wait for a dustbin which again we rarely have on the streets, we make corners of streets as our garbage disposal area.

One thing that really irks me is this habit of spitting about, spitting has got to be one of the worst possible things to do out in the open , apart from defecation of course, the reason for spitting ranges from eating the Paan or Gutka, red spit, then there is the colored spit, yellow or greenish because you have a cold and of course the impressive White spit showing that "Thou shalt spit for no reason whatsoever", we don't need saliva in our mouths at all, another useless bit of liquid in our mouths.

Grown men openly spit like its their land, which again they should not be allowed to do, they stop cars in the middle of the road, roll the window down and spit a brilliant hue of red. Of course we have to be careful while we pass beneath a bus, a lot of my friends have been spit upon and have even taken action by beating said offender up, again India, shine and shine.

I don't understand the need to spit at all, its a disgusting act and well half of the walls in buildings get a ting of red, course of spitting, grown men only do it? I was walking down a street today and saw a couple of 5 year old kids patting a goat (Eid) and all of a sudden one of the kid's spits on the road for no reason at all. The problem is we do not catch problems early enough and don't teach proper hygiene to our kids. Kids being kids will always copy what their "much wiser" elders do and hence we in India have this huge spit-army ready for the next battle against clean buildings and roads, bring it on.

PS: My office has a no spitting policy basically it says as soon as you enter the gates and the garage

"Anybody found spitting on the premises will be dismissed IMMEDIATELY"

That is how it should be, anyone found spitting anywhere should be fined 5000 Rs on the spot or even better made to clean his own spit from the roadside, then only will people learn and try to keep the city clean. One spit at a time? 

The Queen's Language

A few years back I was brought back into this city and the first day of school was a torrid affair as you all should know by now, yes the same school gave me a million stories to talk about in great detail and probably made my school life something which only a handful of people can imagine it to be. Crazy teachers, stories, students, fights, etc, it goes on and I like always am glad now that I was part of the history that is STB.

One thing still stands out more than anything else was the language of communication, while I was studying in the school, it was an absolute no no to communicate in English, not even abuse a bloke in English, while it was the norm to sing songs , scream , shout and abuse about in the vernacular language, hell I must admit, I picked up a ton of crazy abuses because of this and yeah to be fair abusing someone in Hindi or Bengali is way more fun than using a Mother fucker or Bitch in English.

I was heckled almost on a daily basis by the rest of the gang, not my best pals because they knew english back then but always communicated in the other languages, I was a constant target with nicknames like "Dubai" or "Saudi" not only because I mostly spoke in English but also because I came back to India after a few good years in Dubai and no , Dubai is NOT part of Saudi Arabia.

Now however it seems everyone has jumped on the English bandwagon and the same people who heckled the shit out of me for speaking something else , now only want to communicate in English, its not because they have had a sudden realization that without them knowing English they wont be able to communicate with a vast majority of people but rather to impress women so that they can come up with catchphrases like

"Cool man, wassup dude"

or 

"Yo mama, you looking so hot tonite"

and then I am not a grammar nazi but Jesus some of the things I get to hear

"Definitely , I will come to your house yesterday"
really?

Its at times like these that it pains me to point out some people are actually part of the same batch that passed out as I did. dont get me wrong, I am not embarrassed that some of my class mates still cannot speak english well, what does piss me off is this sudden realization that English has to be a part of life and that just speaking in Hindi anymore is not "cool" or wont help anyone be a "chick magnet", ruddy show offs.

So now when some of the others still do try to speak to us, we [ the gang of 5] always speak in Hindi or in Bengali, no need for English, we are what we are and you cant change that, so please FFS keep that "English realization" away from us, we are STB, we ruled English before it became cool, so get back to the Hindi convos online and off and we can all be happy and not make more grammar nazi errors.

 

 

Boom Boom Gangnam Style

Every so often a video is posted on youtube which gets a crazy number of hits, from Rebecca Black's "Friday" to watching a collection of celebrations from a first division Scandinavian football team,  the videos don't have to be "amazing" in a good way, Rebecca can attest to that.

This time, well the video for this month and probably for the last month has got to be PSY's "Gangnam Style", a bizarre video from South Korea famous for kind of retarded dancing, riding a horse, lassoing and then the guy in lift, plus the dance off. "HEEEEEEYYYY SEXA LAAAYYYYYYDAAAAA", is what Psy says during one of the verses of the song, its a huge hit on youtube, people on India are going gaga over it and finally know what a real "viral" video is. To be fair its good for the rapper, a huge star in Korea (South) , he is getting the due credit he deserves with a few trips to America, he came on the Ellen Degeneres show and taught the dance move to Britney Spears and Elen, Simon Cowell was there as well and he actually was not a dick to Psy.

Psy is also going to perform in today's Korean GP, which again is a landmark for him to hit the international stage, sure we don't get the lyrics, logic and well anything from the video except that dance move and well that kid who dances like MJ at the start of the video and well hot Korean women, stick figures nevertheless, I like meat on a woman, personal taste.

Please do catch the video here is you have not seen it yet.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9bZkp7q19f0




Coming back to the real point of the post, which has come 45 days since my last one, don't ask, work has been real tough, we all seem to love talent outside the subcontinent but we have just as great and talented folk on this China.

I found this video in the year 2011, before the cricket world cup, I hate cricket but loved this video, the sheer awesomeness of the lyrics, the music and well the singing and dancing made my day.

Do note, not one image of the Indian cricket team is portrayed in the song and well India did win that world cup, so there you go, you could not jinx us at all, especially for all my Pakistani friends, this is the real and original video which should have gone viral but did not.



I present to you

BOOM BOOM WORLD CUP

P.S: The song last longer than Boom Boom Afridi does while batting.