Now we all have at least taken 1 freaking test trying to find out what our IQ is.....you know Iq "intelligence quotient" well in one exam i got a 137 ,although that would certify me to be a genius ,not many of my friends would dare even think bout calling me a genius ,so much for that IQ testy,now FQ is a totally different matter,you know they say that beauty is only sking deep,and love is blind and all that crap.....
How do you rate a chick or a guy?[for all the girls and gays out there]......the answer to all your problems is FQ or Fuck Quotient.......people normally rate a "person" as to how good looking they are or for the ladies out there how much cash a guy has,well gujju guys do the same for a chick so as you can see there are a ton of problems regarding the ratings of a "person"......thats why i came up with the FQ ......it simply is a score out of 100 for a chick or guy ,the higher the score is,the more likely you would wanna fuck em.......
But its not as simple,although most people would go for a person with a high FQ,the criteria set per person is different ,for example for my set of criteria for scoring a FQ for a chick is.....
20 -Face
15-Tits
15-humour
15-Body
10-Language
10-Hairstyle
05-Music
05-Football
05-Abusing
as you can see the score differs for different people,i want a chick who can abuse ,yes,but that is not the most important,neither is the football liking or having a same taste in music as i would,but face,tits humour and body count a lot more,so does language as in she must and i repeat MUST know english well,in fact she shld be real good in english or at least be as good as i am.
so each person can judge on a different scale,people can forgo the hairstyle thingy,i like chicks with long hair,people can replace the last 3 for something that they can relate to,hell man desperate people can lower the score of Face tits and all that,it all depends on what a person wants and thinks,i might give a chick a score of 80 but another person may give it a 90 or a 60,plus these scores also help in deciding what to do with the chick.......
FQ Action
0-10 You dont know anyone who scores so low,if you do,you are an asshole
11-20 If and i stress IF you know someone who scores in this bracket,avoid them at all costs,you could sms them once in like 6 months
21-30 Again to be avoided ,but the sms' could be a little higher like once in 2 months,plus you could add em on FB or orkut
31-40 Chat with em once in a while on them networking sites
41-50 Halfway mark,you could chat with em regularly,if you are that desperate,typical sister material
51-60 If your date level is not high and desperation is HIGH ,then go for it
61-70 Average ,nothing good,but nothing bad as well,fuckable maybe enjoyable maybe not depends
71-80 The hot friend you always wanted to bed ,we all have one but we cant do jack about it
81-90 That hot chicks you find somewhere hidden ,like a diamonds in a coal mine,untouchable,unbelievable,but its always there and out of reach,any chance at all with this score DO IT DO IT.....DO IT FUCKING NOW!
90-100 This score is exclusively reserved for very few chicks,of course celebs come into this category but it is the score for that one amazing chick that you find somewhere random and you dont think should i or should i not?.....you gots to gots to go for it,if you get the chance.........but this is the chick of your dreams and you cant let go of it
100+ Yes there are some girls who you would rate and give em a score of 100+ but only 1 or 2 can fit into this score ,some chick who no matter what form they are in or how they look or how bad a time they are passing through ,you would fuck em no matter what.......even if it means certain death,Aids ,STD's anything but that chick is the one you would die fucking.......i mean i would
And just so you know i do rate celebs on the scale......so here we go
Angelina Jolie-90 ......she is old now....and been fucked far too many times
Britney Spears-100+.....she is the on true love of mine,i would even take the bald version.....
Charisma Carpenter-85....check her out on the Tv show Angel.....
Demi Moore-80....an old titless milf
Priyanka Chopra-100+.....the only indian chick who is a 100+ for me
Salma Hayek-80
Penelope Cruz-90
and the list goes on and on and on.....oh yeah pornstars should not be FQ'd coz it makes no sense.they been done in so many times......it really is a joke for the FQ scale......so go on start rating ...FQ all the way
PS:Please for the love of God dont go to females and start telling them how fuckable they are and all,that only works on whores and prostis ,you will get slammed in jail,and dont fucking blame me for all this,this stuff has to be done secretly,dont go screaming about aloud bout FQ and all.......
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Black Saddath 3:How many times can we screw up?
Now although we had a killer line up for the band,i mean we did have one of the best guitar players in calcutta playing for us...if you assholes dont know already it was and still is Adil,guitar fucking God man,we had the ever improving son of the God.not Jesus,am talking bout Babla,playing the bass and on certain occasions the rhythm guitar as well,for all the wealth of talent we had,we screwed up so much more than a new prostitute in the flesh trade,i mean it was either me or nagu or gablu or pogo always screwing up sometime or another ,i dont think we ever had a perfect show,well we did have 1 perfect show ,that was the first competition i went to,absolutely perfect no glitches or problems at all,but as usual all good thing come to an end,and in this case a stuttering end.
The first real screw up i remember is of course of the nagu man[somraj for all of you people who keep forgetting],the guy is a pretty decent drummer but for some reason at home and at practice he will be perfect but on stage he is a nervous wreck like he is getting the reports to find out if he has AIDS or not,i mean just before we would go on stage he would be in pieces,moving all around the back stage,shaking his sticks all the time,asking the others bout the layout of the songs,the counts and all,and almost on a regular basis he would jack up some song or another by missing a beat,losing his drumstick[not a chicken one] or just forgetting what to do in a song.He has screwed up in almost every show,but we should cut him some slack coz he is partly bihari.....
Then we had another screw up when we went to play at nicco park,we were playing the ever classic "Fear of the Dark"-Iron Maiden,and afzal did screw up the timing of one of the parts,but adil made up for it and we won the bloody competition ,we still were better than almost every other band,even after the screw up we were that damn good,so it really doesnt count as a screw up.
There was this show with me playing with pogo,gablu,eeessshhhkkkkyyyyy and sumitano dickhead!
yes sumitano was gonna SING?????yes oh yes he was,again we decided to play that good old stable STB song "Breaking the Law"-Judas Priest ,and man did we suck,i almost gave up halfway through the song when pogo decides to take it up a notch and he fucking dropped his drumstick yet again and we sounded crap,although we were placed like 12th out of 30 bands,we did get some respect coz gablu improvised and did a quite unique solo.By the way Sumits singin was really off man,as off as you waking your dad at 3 in the morning for some cola,oh wait nagu has already done that to his dad.
Then an infamous horlicks fest ,in fact 2 tales have to be told from this one fest which i attended twice,so the first time we went we had to fight with our Vice Princy Madar chod Wheatley didnt allow us to attend the fest but thanks to LJ Fuller ,our "distinguished" princi we could attend it that too on short notice,so when we did go to the show [all 6 of us] we were told we can go on stage with just 3 instruments.....so obviously guitar check,bass check,drum check,rhythm???? keyboard?????
ummm no way......so i said "fuck it i aint goin on stage to be a choir singin group"
babla and gablu did go,although afzal sang well,babla and gablu sang off scale and off tune......but thats what we get in a bachcha fest.
The 2nd time around the fest was attended by babla,nagu chintoo and me,adil couldnt attend coz he was one of the judges,so we and by we i mean adil made a kickass rap rock song "Godfather",which to tell you the truth is amazing,and we practiced our ass off for that song,made it amazing and we were gonna perform that one song and that song alone,then babla said "No we need another song",we did do "American Idiot"-Greenday but it wasnt good,so we decided to not do that,but play and extended version of Godfather,the day of the show came and we played Godfather,everyone liked it .....and i mean everyone ,we played the extended version and we rocked and kickass,then when we were about to go off stage,
Babla:And we have another song for you guys..........American Idiot
and he starts playing......nagu who has left the drums runs back to start playing,i had switched off the keyboard and now had to find me tones again,and i kid you not it was the Worst rendition of any song EVER!....not even fucking close to anything good.....and as usual nagu forgot the song and the timings and all....as usual....oh yeah i stopped playing halfway through the song coz i completely forgot it......
safe to say we didnt win.......
There was another show which out dear sir Hiland told us to go to,where we had to play one hindi song at least,so adil picked up that aadat song and we went to the show,man it was bad,firstly all the schools were those christian schools,they all brought their choirs,we were the only "band",when the competition did start they all sang choir songs with just one or 2 instruments,we guys were all the while cursing Hiland,who was busy flirting with all the girls possible,it was an anglo chinese paradise man,we went to play on stage with as usual our staple "Breaking the Law" and "Its my Life" which were good,but Aadat was so way off,only adil and babla were any good that day,afzal gablu nagu and i sucked ass BIG TIME
Recently we played at nagu's college,where a massive BETRAY happened,babla was supposed to play with us but at the last minute he said he couldnt play with us coz "Weaponshop" were gonna play there.......anyways Adil did compensate by making 3 songs in 2 days [they were decent songs] we also decided to play "Kryptonite"-3 Doors Down,where i would play the SOLO....yay.....but the person singing the song would be Momocha Furailatpam Sharma[i know the spellings all wrong] he is this seniors of nagu,and you dont get one word of what he says in English,as russel peters defines so well....
"dont say nothing bed".......check him out on youtube
The songs we played that day,well some of em were gay,as usual Momocha-da.....came up on stage for the final performance....he forgot the timings the words and people couldnt make head or tail of what he was singing
The other songs were sung by chintoo,and as usual nagu would screw up,chintoo screwed up,i also did screw up but people couldnt make out my faults......the best performer of that day was gujju on bass...
by the way babla's decision not to play with us is the first and most MASSIVE BETRAY!
Weaponshop did win the competition tied with another band.......BETRAY?
Now after 2 years of being on the music circuit i have hung up my "boots" "bags" and "keyboards",am quite pleased with all that i have been part with......oh the crazy good old days.......if only i really could go back.....i bet almost everyone thinks the same........by the way WEAPONSHOP ARE FUCKING AWESOME....i did go to one of their shows .....so do check em out if possible at all
PS:I know i took a long time to make this post,but i was very ill for a week.....just recovered.....so enjoy....
The first real screw up i remember is of course of the nagu man[somraj for all of you people who keep forgetting],the guy is a pretty decent drummer but for some reason at home and at practice he will be perfect but on stage he is a nervous wreck like he is getting the reports to find out if he has AIDS or not,i mean just before we would go on stage he would be in pieces,moving all around the back stage,shaking his sticks all the time,asking the others bout the layout of the songs,the counts and all,and almost on a regular basis he would jack up some song or another by missing a beat,losing his drumstick[not a chicken one] or just forgetting what to do in a song.He has screwed up in almost every show,but we should cut him some slack coz he is partly bihari.....
Then we had another screw up when we went to play at nicco park,we were playing the ever classic "Fear of the Dark"-Iron Maiden,and afzal did screw up the timing of one of the parts,but adil made up for it and we won the bloody competition ,we still were better than almost every other band,even after the screw up we were that damn good,so it really doesnt count as a screw up.
There was this show with me playing with pogo,gablu,eeessshhhkkkkyyyyy and sumitano dickhead!
yes sumitano was gonna SING?????yes oh yes he was,again we decided to play that good old stable STB song "Breaking the Law"-Judas Priest ,and man did we suck,i almost gave up halfway through the song when pogo decides to take it up a notch and he fucking dropped his drumstick yet again and we sounded crap,although we were placed like 12th out of 30 bands,we did get some respect coz gablu improvised and did a quite unique solo.By the way Sumits singin was really off man,as off as you waking your dad at 3 in the morning for some cola,oh wait nagu has already done that to his dad.
Then an infamous horlicks fest ,in fact 2 tales have to be told from this one fest which i attended twice,so the first time we went we had to fight with our Vice Princy Madar chod Wheatley didnt allow us to attend the fest but thanks to LJ Fuller ,our "distinguished" princi we could attend it that too on short notice,so when we did go to the show [all 6 of us] we were told we can go on stage with just 3 instruments.....so obviously guitar check,bass check,drum check,rhythm???? keyboard?????
ummm no way......so i said "fuck it i aint goin on stage to be a choir singin group"
babla and gablu did go,although afzal sang well,babla and gablu sang off scale and off tune......but thats what we get in a bachcha fest.
The 2nd time around the fest was attended by babla,nagu chintoo and me,adil couldnt attend coz he was one of the judges,so we and by we i mean adil made a kickass rap rock song "Godfather",which to tell you the truth is amazing,and we practiced our ass off for that song,made it amazing and we were gonna perform that one song and that song alone,then babla said "No we need another song",we did do "American Idiot"-Greenday but it wasnt good,so we decided to not do that,but play and extended version of Godfather,the day of the show came and we played Godfather,everyone liked it .....and i mean everyone ,we played the extended version and we rocked and kickass,then when we were about to go off stage,
Babla:And we have another song for you guys..........American Idiot
and he starts playing......nagu who has left the drums runs back to start playing,i had switched off the keyboard and now had to find me tones again,and i kid you not it was the Worst rendition of any song EVER!....not even fucking close to anything good.....and as usual nagu forgot the song and the timings and all....as usual....oh yeah i stopped playing halfway through the song coz i completely forgot it......
safe to say we didnt win.......
There was another show which out dear sir Hiland told us to go to,where we had to play one hindi song at least,so adil picked up that aadat song and we went to the show,man it was bad,firstly all the schools were those christian schools,they all brought their choirs,we were the only "band",when the competition did start they all sang choir songs with just one or 2 instruments,we guys were all the while cursing Hiland,who was busy flirting with all the girls possible,it was an anglo chinese paradise man,we went to play on stage with as usual our staple "Breaking the Law" and "Its my Life" which were good,but Aadat was so way off,only adil and babla were any good that day,afzal gablu nagu and i sucked ass BIG TIME
Recently we played at nagu's college,where a massive BETRAY happened,babla was supposed to play with us but at the last minute he said he couldnt play with us coz "Weaponshop" were gonna play there.......anyways Adil did compensate by making 3 songs in 2 days [they were decent songs] we also decided to play "Kryptonite"-3 Doors Down,where i would play the SOLO....yay.....but the person singing the song would be Momocha Furailatpam Sharma[i know the spellings all wrong] he is this seniors of nagu,and you dont get one word of what he says in English,as russel peters defines so well....
"dont say nothing bed".......check him out on youtube
The songs we played that day,well some of em were gay,as usual Momocha-da.....came up on stage for the final performance....he forgot the timings the words and people couldnt make head or tail of what he was singing
The other songs were sung by chintoo,and as usual nagu would screw up,chintoo screwed up,i also did screw up but people couldnt make out my faults......the best performer of that day was gujju on bass...
by the way babla's decision not to play with us is the first and most MASSIVE BETRAY!
Weaponshop did win the competition tied with another band.......BETRAY?
Now after 2 years of being on the music circuit i have hung up my "boots" "bags" and "keyboards",am quite pleased with all that i have been part with......oh the crazy good old days.......if only i really could go back.....i bet almost everyone thinks the same........by the way WEAPONSHOP ARE FUCKING AWESOME....i did go to one of their shows .....so do check em out if possible at all
PS:I know i took a long time to make this post,but i was very ill for a week.....just recovered.....so enjoy....
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Black Saddath 2:Older but not Wiser
Due to an overwhelming response by my legion of fans[2 people actually] i had to post a bit more on the musical journey a selective group had undertaken.
Although Adil was the mainstay of the band,the creative genius each other member had a designated role,babla was the yes man and is the gay love of adil's ,although we call it more of a father son relationship[adil being the dad],afzal our singer was the strong man who wouldnt change his mind no matter what,gablu was the one almost sane guy in the band but that wasnt for long he then became a foil for comedy throughout the practice,pragammoy[pogo] was the one guy who would actually abuse just as much as i or babla would and would shut babla up quite a few times,chintoo also joined us as a second guitarist later on,i was the all and out idiot ,a stupid freak having no knowledge of anything just there for stupid entertainment purposes and abusing a LOT.
It all started when nagu [the drummer] babla adil gablu afzal and i formed or were part of the school band,the band was up and doing well ,i was asked to join a few months later and so was gablu,practice we did hard,playing away at nagus "crib" where as usual babla's smell would over power our music quite often,his stench hasnt gone away now but he has found the wonder creation "deo spray".
We would get to competitions and the like when the junior school music teacher Hiland would let us know about em,coz for some reason a teacher representative was needed ,but this guy was a typical white boy asshole,first of all when we went to see him ,he was with a group of cheenas playing some crappy song on his keyboard,he had the same fucking keyboard as i do,after watching him play Adil said "eeeh Adeem is better than him",i know i was ,Hiland was a piss poor guy,but he did get us to some competitions,although he was an asshole we did use him to our advantage....
This was in class 11 for us gablu was a junior,and we had a bastard for a class teacher TK Shah ,yes that same fucker who used that "Saurav Ganguly" quip on me....check out E=MC^2 for more details bout this loser,and as we all hated this fuckers class we would use the "meetings" with Hiland as an excuse,although our meeting would not be more than 5 mins long we would walk all around school [our school is huge] goin to the A field,The B field,The C Field,roam about in the junior section and come back to class an hour later,hell we even were just sitting about in the junior section for 20 mins for no reason,for some reason TK never said jack to Adil,thanx to him we missed out on edumacation ,perfecto.
Now when we would arrive at the shows it would be a small green room packed with a load of bands,and as usual there had to be the "show offs" which meant people would dress up like rock stars ,you know black all about em,black nail polish,head bands ,wrist bands, there would always be the "drummers" who would twirl their sticks all in the air to show off,we would often just look and laugh coz the STB show was about to go on.
The STB show meant that babla and i would make stupid abusive comments left right and center and that would shut most of em up but some smart ass' would take out and start playing their instruments for no rhyme or reason so to shut their fucking traps up Adil was there,he would just set up normally and start playing song after song after song ,people started calling him "jukebox" coz he could play almost any known song,and then he would calmly say "eeeh sorry id ont know much" but at least he would shut a lot of people up.
Shows obviously werent all that they were cracked up to be,barely any hot girls at all ,crappy food,crappy bands [cept us and maybe one or 2 more],crappy crowds[cept the ever faithful STB gang],they would scream and shout no matter how good or bad we were.....
Of course we would level the playing field ,i remember one fest where one band where talking a lotta smack right after we came back from the stage and they were up next,we saw that one of their amps had been left behind,what were we to do?
we got a chance and we took it,we stuffed all out clothing ,which we had taken for the mock band competition and put it in me keyboard cover,we took the amp [it was a pretty decent one as well] and put it in the same bag in which all our costumes were previously kept,the people who were the culprits were ,me adil babla nagu chintoo and i think gabloo and afzal ,nevertheless we had to wait to see the looks on that schools face when they came off stage they were searching left right and center for it,
"yes we kept it here ....i dont know where it is.....oh god we are dead"
we were smirking away and sneaked out of the auditorium,kala mandir it was......
while we waited outside one more member of the same band came up to us and asked us if we had seen it
"nope.....we didnt see anything.....".....so cool so calm so collected....we could pass any lie detector test if it was required......
Although we didnt win the prize we certainly got something better ......that amp was like 4000 Rs and we needed another amp.......to go back to those days again.....
Coming soon "Black Saddath 3:how many times can we screw up?"
Although Adil was the mainstay of the band,the creative genius each other member had a designated role,babla was the yes man and is the gay love of adil's ,although we call it more of a father son relationship[adil being the dad],afzal our singer was the strong man who wouldnt change his mind no matter what,gablu was the one almost sane guy in the band but that wasnt for long he then became a foil for comedy throughout the practice,pragammoy[pogo] was the one guy who would actually abuse just as much as i or babla would and would shut babla up quite a few times,chintoo also joined us as a second guitarist later on,i was the all and out idiot ,a stupid freak having no knowledge of anything just there for stupid entertainment purposes and abusing a LOT.
It all started when nagu [the drummer] babla adil gablu afzal and i formed or were part of the school band,the band was up and doing well ,i was asked to join a few months later and so was gablu,practice we did hard,playing away at nagus "crib" where as usual babla's smell would over power our music quite often,his stench hasnt gone away now but he has found the wonder creation "deo spray".
We would get to competitions and the like when the junior school music teacher Hiland would let us know about em,coz for some reason a teacher representative was needed ,but this guy was a typical white boy asshole,first of all when we went to see him ,he was with a group of cheenas playing some crappy song on his keyboard,he had the same fucking keyboard as i do,after watching him play Adil said "eeeh Adeem is better than him",i know i was ,Hiland was a piss poor guy,but he did get us to some competitions,although he was an asshole we did use him to our advantage....
This was in class 11 for us gablu was a junior,and we had a bastard for a class teacher TK Shah ,yes that same fucker who used that "Saurav Ganguly" quip on me....check out E=MC^2 for more details bout this loser,and as we all hated this fuckers class we would use the "meetings" with Hiland as an excuse,although our meeting would not be more than 5 mins long we would walk all around school [our school is huge] goin to the A field,The B field,The C Field,roam about in the junior section and come back to class an hour later,hell we even were just sitting about in the junior section for 20 mins for no reason,for some reason TK never said jack to Adil,thanx to him we missed out on edumacation ,perfecto.
Now when we would arrive at the shows it would be a small green room packed with a load of bands,and as usual there had to be the "show offs" which meant people would dress up like rock stars ,you know black all about em,black nail polish,head bands ,wrist bands, there would always be the "drummers" who would twirl their sticks all in the air to show off,we would often just look and laugh coz the STB show was about to go on.
The STB show meant that babla and i would make stupid abusive comments left right and center and that would shut most of em up but some smart ass' would take out and start playing their instruments for no rhyme or reason so to shut their fucking traps up Adil was there,he would just set up normally and start playing song after song after song ,people started calling him "jukebox" coz he could play almost any known song,and then he would calmly say "eeeh sorry id ont know much" but at least he would shut a lot of people up.
Shows obviously werent all that they were cracked up to be,barely any hot girls at all ,crappy food,crappy bands [cept us and maybe one or 2 more],crappy crowds[cept the ever faithful STB gang],they would scream and shout no matter how good or bad we were.....
Of course we would level the playing field ,i remember one fest where one band where talking a lotta smack right after we came back from the stage and they were up next,we saw that one of their amps had been left behind,what were we to do?
we got a chance and we took it,we stuffed all out clothing ,which we had taken for the mock band competition and put it in me keyboard cover,we took the amp [it was a pretty decent one as well] and put it in the same bag in which all our costumes were previously kept,the people who were the culprits were ,me adil babla nagu chintoo and i think gabloo and afzal ,nevertheless we had to wait to see the looks on that schools face when they came off stage they were searching left right and center for it,
"yes we kept it here ....i dont know where it is.....oh god we are dead"
we were smirking away and sneaked out of the auditorium,kala mandir it was......
while we waited outside one more member of the same band came up to us and asked us if we had seen it
"nope.....we didnt see anything.....".....so cool so calm so collected....we could pass any lie detector test if it was required......
Although we didnt win the prize we certainly got something better ......that amp was like 4000 Rs and we needed another amp.......to go back to those days again.....
Coming soon "Black Saddath 3:how many times can we screw up?"
Friday, September 11, 2009
The Gentelmens Game.....NOT [edited]
Cricket was a game created for all those tea loving snobbish blokes who had too much time to waste and too little time to get dirty,played exclusively in whites with only actually 4 men in the fold of the game,it was to say the least a easy slow game played by em British folk at the start before they decided to "spread" the game around[which meant colonization of a ton of countries including India].
The sport however has taken huge strides in India ,hell we are the best team in the world if not the richest and most powerful,but this is not what i wanted to write about,i want to let you people know how cricket was played in the fine institute called St Thomas' Boys School Kidderpore.
NOTE:I never actually took part in any of the sports but this is an account of what me pals chintoo[rohit] and babla had to deal with on a regular basis and believe me it was hilarious.
Both of me pals played for the same team[house,lytton] and they are real good players both of em were in the Bengal u9's and under 13's before they got sick of the corruption and they quit.
So obviously they were "star" players,in fact one of em was the captain of the team and they were playing for the most senior squad of the school the U20s.....so they werent crap
Although i did not see any of the games ,a lot of people have confirmed all of these "incidents" which i love talking bout all the time....so off we go
During one of the round robin games me pals had to play the team of the Gunda or at least one of the gundas of school Mahindar.....yup he was built just like the BOLERO ....fucking huge guy and well built and the fact that he was more than 22 years old made it hell to deal with him,he was like one of the Godfathers in school....everyone would call him "Bhai" out of fear and respect...
So "Bhai" was fielding near the boundary and ROHIT[it wasnt babla it was chintoo] was facing the first delivery of the game,was some bloke who was bowling cant remember who,so Bhai comes running all the way to Babla and....
Bhai:OO ladka bowling karega .....aur tum chor dega....out ho jayega first ball.......nahi to......
ROHIT:Ha ha bai no problems....theek hai
First Ball....WIDE
Second Ball....WIDE
Third Ball....NO BALL
Mahinder again comes running....
Bhai:Aye......KYA KAR RAHA HAI? OUT HONE BOLA NA??????
ROHIT:Arrey Bhai woh toh kharaab bowling kar raha hai
Bhai[to bowler]:Aye Seedha bowling karega.......woh baal chor dega
Next ball:Wide
Now Bhai was getting frustated.....
Next ball.......WHALLOPPED BY ROHIT......ITS A SIX!!!!!!
ROHIT turns to the crowd for adulation and celebration,then its all silent....ROHIT then realizes his error....MAHINDER IS PISSED ,HE IS RED AND HE IS BAYING FOR BLOOD.......comes up and warns ROHIT like they always did in STB
"Aaab tere ko bahaar dekh lega......school ke bahaar"
ROHIT is shit scared now but still he makes an amazing match winning knock....which knocked out mahinders team.....oh for shame
much worse was to follow as when Mahinders team came out to bat of all people......babla was the star fielder and he picks up an amazing catch and as he turns around the horror is pasted on his face....he drops the ball in fear as he just caught out BHAI!.....MAHINDER BHAI....BHAI threatened babla even more than rohit
later as babla is walking past school he spots mahinder and is about to run when
Mahinder:PAAALABHI NAAAAAAAAAAA PAAALABHIIIII NAAAAAA!
although he did catch babla he didnt do anything cpet congratulate him.....phew bullet dodged!
But of course since babla's team was playing so well there were bound to be repercussions.....so one day before another match a couple of guys call babla and chintoo towards em.....nervously they go towards em........
One guy takes out his hanky and in it is a piece of crumpled paper,actually its a crumpled page or something...babla cant get a good look......
The guy:Tu jaanta yeh kya hai????.....yeh BAIL certificate hai.....bhai ko police thoda din pehle chora ekbalpur thana se.....
NOTE:this bhai is another "bhai from school" not to be confused with mahinder
Bhai bola kharaab khelne toh tu kharaab hi khelega......and he walks away
Another guy comes who is from babla's house lytton and asks him what the other bloke said....to which babla laid out the details......the guy then tells babla.....[and again i kid you not......GRAPHIC LANGUAGE AHEAD.....]
the new guy:Koi tere ko kuch bhi bolega na....hum ko bol....hum uska maa ka "bur" mein ghoos jayenge.....ITNA BARAA BAAT HUM BOL DIYA.....
Dont know if the talk was big but that vagina sure as hell would be huge to fit this guy in
By the way Babla and Chintoo's team did win the tournament....they werent beaten up or anything....they were just plain old lucky.....not to get beaten up that is.
PS:THIS IS AN EDIT AS I HAD MIXED UP WHAT ROHIT AND BABLA HAD DONE TO "BHAI" DURING THE GAME.....
The sport however has taken huge strides in India ,hell we are the best team in the world if not the richest and most powerful,but this is not what i wanted to write about,i want to let you people know how cricket was played in the fine institute called St Thomas' Boys School Kidderpore.
NOTE:I never actually took part in any of the sports but this is an account of what me pals chintoo[rohit] and babla had to deal with on a regular basis and believe me it was hilarious.
Both of me pals played for the same team[house,lytton] and they are real good players both of em were in the Bengal u9's and under 13's before they got sick of the corruption and they quit.
So obviously they were "star" players,in fact one of em was the captain of the team and they were playing for the most senior squad of the school the U20s.....so they werent crap
Although i did not see any of the games ,a lot of people have confirmed all of these "incidents" which i love talking bout all the time....so off we go
During one of the round robin games me pals had to play the team of the Gunda or at least one of the gundas of school Mahindar.....yup he was built just like the BOLERO ....fucking huge guy and well built and the fact that he was more than 22 years old made it hell to deal with him,he was like one of the Godfathers in school....everyone would call him "Bhai" out of fear and respect...
So "Bhai" was fielding near the boundary and ROHIT[it wasnt babla it was chintoo] was facing the first delivery of the game,was some bloke who was bowling cant remember who,so Bhai comes running all the way to Babla and....
Bhai:OO ladka bowling karega .....aur tum chor dega....out ho jayega first ball.......nahi to......
ROHIT:Ha ha bai no problems....theek hai
First Ball....WIDE
Second Ball....WIDE
Third Ball....NO BALL
Mahinder again comes running....
Bhai:Aye......KYA KAR RAHA HAI? OUT HONE BOLA NA??????
ROHIT:Arrey Bhai woh toh kharaab bowling kar raha hai
Bhai[to bowler]:Aye Seedha bowling karega.......woh baal chor dega
Next ball:Wide
Now Bhai was getting frustated.....
Next ball.......WHALLOPPED BY ROHIT......ITS A SIX!!!!!!
ROHIT turns to the crowd for adulation and celebration,then its all silent....ROHIT then realizes his error....MAHINDER IS PISSED ,HE IS RED AND HE IS BAYING FOR BLOOD.......comes up and warns ROHIT like they always did in STB
"Aaab tere ko bahaar dekh lega......school ke bahaar"
ROHIT is shit scared now but still he makes an amazing match winning knock....which knocked out mahinders team.....oh for shame
much worse was to follow as when Mahinders team came out to bat of all people......babla was the star fielder and he picks up an amazing catch and as he turns around the horror is pasted on his face....he drops the ball in fear as he just caught out BHAI!.....MAHINDER BHAI....BHAI threatened babla even more than rohit
later as babla is walking past school he spots mahinder and is about to run when
Mahinder:PAAALABHI NAAAAAAAAAAA PAAALABHIIIII NAAAAAA!
although he did catch babla he didnt do anything cpet congratulate him.....phew bullet dodged!
But of course since babla's team was playing so well there were bound to be repercussions.....so one day before another match a couple of guys call babla and chintoo towards em.....nervously they go towards em........
One guy takes out his hanky and in it is a piece of crumpled paper,actually its a crumpled page or something...babla cant get a good look......
The guy:Tu jaanta yeh kya hai????.....yeh BAIL certificate hai.....bhai ko police thoda din pehle chora ekbalpur thana se.....
NOTE:this bhai is another "bhai from school" not to be confused with mahinder
Bhai bola kharaab khelne toh tu kharaab hi khelega......and he walks away
Another guy comes who is from babla's house lytton and asks him what the other bloke said....to which babla laid out the details......the guy then tells babla.....[and again i kid you not......GRAPHIC LANGUAGE AHEAD.....]
the new guy:Koi tere ko kuch bhi bolega na....hum ko bol....hum uska maa ka "bur" mein ghoos jayenge.....ITNA BARAA BAAT HUM BOL DIYA.....
Dont know if the talk was big but that vagina sure as hell would be huge to fit this guy in
By the way Babla and Chintoo's team did win the tournament....they werent beaten up or anything....they were just plain old lucky.....not to get beaten up that is.
PS:THIS IS AN EDIT AS I HAD MIXED UP WHAT ROHIT AND BABLA HAD DONE TO "BHAI" DURING THE GAME.....
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Bula Di jaana mein kaun?
This is not a article to bleat about the sexuality of India or the fact that we got a ton of HIV infected people and all that crap about using condoms and all,that is for another day when i actually have that "chance" of "doing it".No this is for the great maths teacher we got in class 12 to replace another freak.
The sad fact is that this teacher came to replace G Francis Sagunthar,i called hin shakuntala ,the guy was an amazing maths teacher but was an all and out freak,i mean he would start doing sums mentally all the time,speak in his crummy south indian accent,where the "yex"[x] is the same as "yes"[s]...for example
"The enneth term of the yexeth number is the whyeth term of the pee-eth number,if yex is yes and why is yay find the numbers"....what?
what?
no really what?
so when we heard that this bloke is leaving the school[to go to an all girls school] we all were happy[cept the geeks who loved the freak],we thought we would get a teacher who would teach us well or at least who wont be a freak but as usual its STB,we dont get that kinda luck.
So a day later came a teacher ,short and fat, ok looks dont count in school,and off she went to teach,well for starters she knew nothing about the subject and would try to force us to study,what ultimately became of around 35 boys trying to study ended up being 5 boys studying hard and the rest doing whatever the hell they like.
Me and me pals would just talk bout shit and watch the fun that happened in class,she would try so hard to try and control the students but to no avail,the bengali group would do their thing,the geeks their own thing,the comedians would do their own thing,for example akshay would put his feet up and use the table and his harmonica singing out Himesh songs one after another in his comical fashion
"TUMMMMMM ....................................DILLLLL MEEEEIIIN........SHAEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDD HUAAAAA
five minutes of silence then
"AAAAHISSSTAAAA.......AAAAAAHIIIISSSTAAAA"
socks off,shoes off and off he would go on singing,in fact once one of his shoes got thrown towards the teach and it missed her fortunately,so akshay went all hop about on one leg trying to retrieve his one shoe.....and then came one of the best dialogues i heard in school,
the teach got pissed off at akshay and was trying to hit him[she never did hit him but still]
chintoo got so pissed off he blurted out
"MAAAR RANDI AUR MAAAAAR"
from that day she was called BULADI
we never found out her real name.....
another time the bengali group were playing cricket using an exam board and pieces of paper ,when one guy got pissed and threw a piece of bread as a ball and the bloke whalloped it,and it landed straight on Buladi's head,she didnt say nothing bout butter was on her.
The icing on the cake was when we stuffed her cell phone with porno,and this was an elaborate plan made with a lot of care and planning,
so one day she comes to class and as usual leaves her cell phone on her table,so while some of the gujju and marru party distracted her using the ploy of having problems with some sums,she became so happy that someone asked for her help that she completely forgot bout the cell,it was aatish,gokul,seta,harsh shah ,ripu all distracted her,then Guha[r.i.p] took her cell,switched on the bluetooth and trasnferred some shit into it.....man after that she never let go of her cell.........
the sad fact that we found out a few months later was she used to teach somewhere else,we would wonder where the hell would a cheap teacher like that teach,and then the beans got spilt,she used to teach and i kid you not in Bahrain,now for all those who are geographically challeneged,Bahrain is a small country near U.A.E,where i resided for 7 years,and when me pals found out about this they never let me live this down,mocking me and buladi every time she would come into class,damn it.
MAAAR RANDI MAAAAAR!
The sad fact is that this teacher came to replace G Francis Sagunthar,i called hin shakuntala ,the guy was an amazing maths teacher but was an all and out freak,i mean he would start doing sums mentally all the time,speak in his crummy south indian accent,where the "yex"[x] is the same as "yes"[s]...for example
"The enneth term of the yexeth number is the whyeth term of the pee-eth number,if yex is yes and why is yay find the numbers"....what?
what?
no really what?
so when we heard that this bloke is leaving the school[to go to an all girls school] we all were happy[cept the geeks who loved the freak],we thought we would get a teacher who would teach us well or at least who wont be a freak but as usual its STB,we dont get that kinda luck.
So a day later came a teacher ,short and fat, ok looks dont count in school,and off she went to teach,well for starters she knew nothing about the subject and would try to force us to study,what ultimately became of around 35 boys trying to study ended up being 5 boys studying hard and the rest doing whatever the hell they like.
Me and me pals would just talk bout shit and watch the fun that happened in class,she would try so hard to try and control the students but to no avail,the bengali group would do their thing,the geeks their own thing,the comedians would do their own thing,for example akshay would put his feet up and use the table and his harmonica singing out Himesh songs one after another in his comical fashion
"TUMMMMMM ....................................DILLLLL MEEEEIIIN........SHAEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDD HUAAAAA
five minutes of silence then
"AAAAHISSSTAAAA.......AAAAAAHIIIISSSTAAAA"
socks off,shoes off and off he would go on singing,in fact once one of his shoes got thrown towards the teach and it missed her fortunately,so akshay went all hop about on one leg trying to retrieve his one shoe.....and then came one of the best dialogues i heard in school,
the teach got pissed off at akshay and was trying to hit him[she never did hit him but still]
chintoo got so pissed off he blurted out
"MAAAR RANDI AUR MAAAAAR"
from that day she was called BULADI
we never found out her real name.....
another time the bengali group were playing cricket using an exam board and pieces of paper ,when one guy got pissed and threw a piece of bread as a ball and the bloke whalloped it,and it landed straight on Buladi's head,she didnt say nothing bout butter was on her.
The icing on the cake was when we stuffed her cell phone with porno,and this was an elaborate plan made with a lot of care and planning,
so one day she comes to class and as usual leaves her cell phone on her table,so while some of the gujju and marru party distracted her using the ploy of having problems with some sums,she became so happy that someone asked for her help that she completely forgot bout the cell,it was aatish,gokul,seta,harsh shah ,ripu all distracted her,then Guha[r.i.p] took her cell,switched on the bluetooth and trasnferred some shit into it.....man after that she never let go of her cell.........
the sad fact that we found out a few months later was she used to teach somewhere else,we would wonder where the hell would a cheap teacher like that teach,and then the beans got spilt,she used to teach and i kid you not in Bahrain,now for all those who are geographically challeneged,Bahrain is a small country near U.A.E,where i resided for 7 years,and when me pals found out about this they never let me live this down,mocking me and buladi every time she would come into class,damn it.
MAAAR RANDI MAAAAAR!
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Black Saddath
Yes i know its supposed to be "Black Sabbath" but this is what i used to call the great band for quite a few years ,call it my lack of knowledge bout good old fashioned 80's rock or just my stupidity it really dont matter any more,almost all of me pals who have played music with me have started the Black Saddath thingy,[i guess i confused the b's and reversed them and saw em as d's in the name]...so what you people may ask is "what is this Black Saddath?"
Black Saddath is a or was a musical movement where anything that was played well or if we just felt damn good about something during band practice we would start hollering out BLACK SADDATH BLACK SADDATH....aaah those really were the days,cramped up in nagu's room with the smell of babla[who at that time did not discover the invention called "deo spray",the heat in the room would kill us,there would be 5-6 guys and that was a bare minimum,most of the time it was nagu,babla,adil,chintoo,me but others would come and go all the time either to play along or fill in for some one some of the notables are roshan[gablu,nunkoo],bhaveen[gujju] and some others whose names cannot be remembered sorry,but as i was saying the room would often get so hot that most of us well at least Adil and i would play in our undies[which was not a good sight at all],babla would were that one sleeveless shirt he had and that one pair of shorts he had....setting up guitars check,keyboard check,mike check,amps check,drums check, bass check ......ITS TIME TO ROCK!
Not Really,coz we had a time limit that specified that we cld play between so and so hours which never held up as most of us were always late and so a practice scheduled for 3 hours would peter down to an hour and no more,of course during the practice the brains of the outfit was adil,and if you people have not heard him play you havent heard music,he probably is one of the best musicians in calcutta,fingers are malmsteenesque....cant say much more about that,adil would do more or less all of the work,telling what to play ,where to play,when to play,even sometimes how to play,while babla and i would provide comic relief,which as usual was about abusing the life out of one another or of some other poor soul,gujju or nagu or even gablu sometimes and you people should know by now what i do mean about "abuse"....raw raw uncultured abuses would flow out like a fountain.....
What did we practice for? it was for em school fests and all,we were actually pretty good,infact we won the first show we went to [the first show in which i was playing,the core band nagu,adil,babla had won before and they had won a lot] it was the Apeejay fest where to tell you the truth not many bands had come but as they say,you gotta beat what is infront of you,we did ,in fact we creamed em by playing
"BREAKING THE LAW"[neeyom bhanga] and "SANDMAN".......when we finished we heard the loudest roar from the STB boys ,there were just about 5-6 guys but their voices and of course abuses outnumbered the other 200 students present there......and that was a JEET....Jeet ke aagaye
Another time there was some show at Music world,and a lotta bands came to play,i wasnt feeling too good,needed to visit the craphole a lot and since it was early morning i had to use the workers toilet fuck man i cldnt get in it was so dirty,so i had to hold it,when we went up on stage we took on numbers like Its my life,Sandman ,Breaking the law,The symphony of destruction and then we played Sweet Child o mine,now all was goin well until nagus drumkit started shifting away from him every time he would use the base drum,so what did that mean?
Nagu:Adeem.....AAAAEee Adeeeeem,bass ko paas laao
Me:Fuck you man am playing the keys
Nagu:You do it asshole fucking do it now i cant reach it......
Me:Fuck man
so every other beat i would turn around and push the bass back into the reach of nagus ,man that was so massively pissing off......
then there was the horlicks fest where we were told that only 3 instruments can be taken onto the stage, we had 2 guitars a drumkit, a bass and a keyboard,i opted out as i didnt wanna look like an ass who cldnt sing,babla decided he would be a singer along with afzal and man we sounded crummy,but hey thats how the rules fuck us.....
There was another show at nicco park which was the best show out of the lot,there were around 10 bands ad we really did cream em,we played "Fear of the dark" as usual Adil murdered the field with an absolutely perfect solo,no questions asked,the best deal of it was that we got to eat chinese food as lunch and since it was free i was happy but i was happier coz it was chinky food......oh yeah and this was the day when i was certain that Calcutta was filled with gays,will fill you people up with that later
there are a few more memorable events we took part in especially kumafuckingjeets para show where we were asked to play at around 2 in the afternoon,werent given anything to eat or drink,not even fucking water,when we did start playing only like 6 mammals came to see us,kumarjeet his 3 friends ,the soundman and a fucking dog which ran away after we started taking numbers,and while we were in the flow shooting one song and the next to near perfection assholejeet cut our line off,what followed was a barrage of insults by babla especially the infamous FUBU episode......we did get paid 500 bucks [not per person but as a whole] but nevertheless something is better than nothing......
Here is a list of all the songs i remember to have covered:
"Paranoid":Megadeath
"It's My Life"-Bon Jovi
"Smoke on the water"-Deep Purple
"Fear of the dark"-Iron Maiden
"Aint talking bout love"-Van Halen
"Sandman"-Metallica
"Sweet Child o mine"-Guns n Roses
"American Idiot"-Greenday
"Kryptonite"-3 Doors Down
"Highway to hell"-ACDC
"Breaking the law"-Judas Priest
"In the end"-Linkin Park
"Summer of '69"-Bryan Adams
"Another Brick in the wall"-Pink Floyd
"Livin da Vida Loca"-Ricky Martin
"Lady (hear me tonight)"-Modjo
and there were many others some originals as well
"Nice way to die","Godfather" which is actually the best of the lot
And to end with here is a list of people that i have had the privilege and the pain of playing with,
Gujju,Kapbo[crow],Gablu,Mota[pragomoy],Aakash[EEEEsssshhhhkkkkyyyy],chintoo,babla,nagu,adil,swagat,afzal .
We still do shows so if you need someone to play and abuse about on a stuge with do dignity call us!
Black Saddath is a or was a musical movement where anything that was played well or if we just felt damn good about something during band practice we would start hollering out BLACK SADDATH BLACK SADDATH....aaah those really were the days,cramped up in nagu's room with the smell of babla[who at that time did not discover the invention called "deo spray",the heat in the room would kill us,there would be 5-6 guys and that was a bare minimum,most of the time it was nagu,babla,adil,chintoo,me but others would come and go all the time either to play along or fill in for some one some of the notables are roshan[gablu,nunkoo],bhaveen[gujju] and some others whose names cannot be remembered sorry,but as i was saying the room would often get so hot that most of us well at least Adil and i would play in our undies[which was not a good sight at all],babla would were that one sleeveless shirt he had and that one pair of shorts he had....setting up guitars check,keyboard check,mike check,amps check,drums check, bass check ......ITS TIME TO ROCK!
Not Really,coz we had a time limit that specified that we cld play between so and so hours which never held up as most of us were always late and so a practice scheduled for 3 hours would peter down to an hour and no more,of course during the practice the brains of the outfit was adil,and if you people have not heard him play you havent heard music,he probably is one of the best musicians in calcutta,fingers are malmsteenesque....cant say much more about that,adil would do more or less all of the work,telling what to play ,where to play,when to play,even sometimes how to play,while babla and i would provide comic relief,which as usual was about abusing the life out of one another or of some other poor soul,gujju or nagu or even gablu sometimes and you people should know by now what i do mean about "abuse"....raw raw uncultured abuses would flow out like a fountain.....
What did we practice for? it was for em school fests and all,we were actually pretty good,infact we won the first show we went to [the first show in which i was playing,the core band nagu,adil,babla had won before and they had won a lot] it was the Apeejay fest where to tell you the truth not many bands had come but as they say,you gotta beat what is infront of you,we did ,in fact we creamed em by playing
"BREAKING THE LAW"[neeyom bhanga] and "SANDMAN".......when we finished we heard the loudest roar from the STB boys ,there were just about 5-6 guys but their voices and of course abuses outnumbered the other 200 students present there......and that was a JEET....Jeet ke aagaye
Another time there was some show at Music world,and a lotta bands came to play,i wasnt feeling too good,needed to visit the craphole a lot and since it was early morning i had to use the workers toilet fuck man i cldnt get in it was so dirty,so i had to hold it,when we went up on stage we took on numbers like Its my life,Sandman ,Breaking the law,The symphony of destruction and then we played Sweet Child o mine,now all was goin well until nagus drumkit started shifting away from him every time he would use the base drum,so what did that mean?
Nagu:Adeem.....AAAAEee Adeeeeem,bass ko paas laao
Me:Fuck you man am playing the keys
Nagu:You do it asshole fucking do it now i cant reach it......
Me:Fuck man
so every other beat i would turn around and push the bass back into the reach of nagus ,man that was so massively pissing off......
then there was the horlicks fest where we were told that only 3 instruments can be taken onto the stage, we had 2 guitars a drumkit, a bass and a keyboard,i opted out as i didnt wanna look like an ass who cldnt sing,babla decided he would be a singer along with afzal and man we sounded crummy,but hey thats how the rules fuck us.....
There was another show at nicco park which was the best show out of the lot,there were around 10 bands ad we really did cream em,we played "Fear of the dark" as usual Adil murdered the field with an absolutely perfect solo,no questions asked,the best deal of it was that we got to eat chinese food as lunch and since it was free i was happy but i was happier coz it was chinky food......oh yeah and this was the day when i was certain that Calcutta was filled with gays,will fill you people up with that later
there are a few more memorable events we took part in especially kumafuckingjeets para show where we were asked to play at around 2 in the afternoon,werent given anything to eat or drink,not even fucking water,when we did start playing only like 6 mammals came to see us,kumarjeet his 3 friends ,the soundman and a fucking dog which ran away after we started taking numbers,and while we were in the flow shooting one song and the next to near perfection assholejeet cut our line off,what followed was a barrage of insults by babla especially the infamous FUBU episode......we did get paid 500 bucks [not per person but as a whole] but nevertheless something is better than nothing......
Here is a list of all the songs i remember to have covered:
"Paranoid":Megadeath
"It's My Life"-Bon Jovi
"Smoke on the water"-Deep Purple
"Fear of the dark"-Iron Maiden
"Aint talking bout love"-Van Halen
"Sandman"-Metallica
"Sweet Child o mine"-Guns n Roses
"American Idiot"-Greenday
"Kryptonite"-3 Doors Down
"Highway to hell"-ACDC
"Breaking the law"-Judas Priest
"In the end"-Linkin Park
"Summer of '69"-Bryan Adams
"Another Brick in the wall"-Pink Floyd
"Livin da Vida Loca"-Ricky Martin
"Lady (hear me tonight)"-Modjo
and there were many others some originals as well
"Nice way to die","Godfather" which is actually the best of the lot
And to end with here is a list of people that i have had the privilege and the pain of playing with,
Gujju,Kapbo[crow],Gablu,Mota[pragomoy],Aakash[EEEEsssshhhhkkkkyyyy],chintoo,babla,nagu,adil,swagat,afzal .
We still do shows so if you need someone to play and abuse about on a stuge with do dignity call us!
Friday, September 4, 2009
Raha Aaha Aaha
As usual i start off being totally indebted to the one and only STBS,which for some freaking reason is NOT a circus but is rather an established school [for freaks].The students are and always were freaky,take my case for example,but the freakiness didnt end up just with the students ,oh no,it would infect the teachers as well.
So we had a ton of freaky teachers to talk about but the one teach that actually stands out the most was and i presume he still is teaching is Mr Raha,now the bloke was a typical bengali teacher who spoke in that awful bengali accent and thought he knew a lot,he did know a lot coz he had the most degrees in teaching and all,so what does that mean in our school?
He taught,and i aint kidding about this,physics,chemistry,biology,math,bengali and english.
I think he did teach history and geography but i aint sure about that,and he didnt teach these subjects to the junior classes ,oh no sir, he would teach the 9th and 10th standards and all,but as much as you may think he was a genius ,he was a freak and a damn good one at that
One think you people must realize by now or at least i have come up with a "theory" that more a person studies/learns in life and by learn i mean academically,the more stupid and freaky he gets,raha was a prime example of my "theory",back to the topic.
Raha had a real bad accent but then most bengalis do,but his logic was the real killer in class,of course his grasp of the english language also would contribute to his downfall,for eg:"Mr Fulllaaar[Fuller our princi of that time] haas tooo daughtar ,both of them aargh gaarls",well of course they shld be
"Draw aaa carcle of aany shape",well that shldnt be hard at all should it?
But of course he wouldnt freak us out with his "one liners" related to maths or females oh no,he would do stand up comedy with unknowing participants from the class
there was a bloke called Tausif or something like that whose parents had been called by Raha
so here is what would happen everyday for a few days
Raha:Tausif where aargh your paarants??
Tausif:Aee sir father out of station ,mother sick
next day
Raha:Tausif where aargh your paarants??
Tausif:Aee sir father out of station ,mother sick
the next day
Raha:Tausif where aargh your paarants??
Tausif:Aee sir father out of station ,mother sick
and this went on and on and on till.....
Raha:Tausif where aargh your paarants??
Tausif:Aee sir father out of station ,mother sick
RAHA:AAAe FAATAAR MAAATHAR BRAAATHAR SEEESSTER ALL OUT OF STATION ALL SEEECK?
and then even after this rebuke when tausif didnt bring his parents Raha lost it and
Raha:Tausif you write on piece of paper...you aargh orphaaaan....write it now!
Oh and of course he is the one who came up with my favorite one liner of probably all time
so he comes into class all angry and pissed off,it was the moral science class and during that time the infamous Dhananjoy case was up [if you dont know this guy raped and murdered a girl]...so raha is real pissed,comes into class and ...
Raha:EVERYBODY DHANANJOY,YOU DHANANJOY[pointing at a student],YOU DHANANJOY,WHOLE SOCIETY DHANANJOY.........
wow i mean we didnt even have to piss him off for this one off freakiness
oh no....one day during winter we went to school and this winter was damn cold and frosty ,i was literally in layers of clothing and if i am in layers with all me fat still on me it was bloody cold,i see in the distance a hazy figure coming out from the fog and guess who?...of course it was him and get this he was wearing a shawl,a vest,a pair of shorts and a monkey cap.....thats it.....
and of course he also cldnt give up a chance to screw up when he tried to impress a pal of mine with his "grasp" over the english language,so chintoo[rohit] meets raha a year or so after leaving school and he is talking bout where he is goin and where and what he will do in the future and what plans he has[rohit that is]...raha listens to him deeply and comes up with
Raha:Yees yees its good....you should not bee a sheeep without ladder...
Rohit thinks to himself "why the fuck shld i be a ship without a ladder?...."
then he understand raha meant "rudder"
we shld not be a ship without a rudder.............
Touche mate well said.....
So we had a ton of freaky teachers to talk about but the one teach that actually stands out the most was and i presume he still is teaching is Mr Raha,now the bloke was a typical bengali teacher who spoke in that awful bengali accent and thought he knew a lot,he did know a lot coz he had the most degrees in teaching and all,so what does that mean in our school?
He taught,and i aint kidding about this,physics,chemistry,biology,math,bengali and english.
I think he did teach history and geography but i aint sure about that,and he didnt teach these subjects to the junior classes ,oh no sir, he would teach the 9th and 10th standards and all,but as much as you may think he was a genius ,he was a freak and a damn good one at that
One think you people must realize by now or at least i have come up with a "theory" that more a person studies/learns in life and by learn i mean academically,the more stupid and freaky he gets,raha was a prime example of my "theory",back to the topic.
Raha had a real bad accent but then most bengalis do,but his logic was the real killer in class,of course his grasp of the english language also would contribute to his downfall,for eg:"Mr Fulllaaar[Fuller our princi of that time] haas tooo daughtar ,both of them aargh gaarls",well of course they shld be
"Draw aaa carcle of aany shape",well that shldnt be hard at all should it?
But of course he wouldnt freak us out with his "one liners" related to maths or females oh no,he would do stand up comedy with unknowing participants from the class
there was a bloke called Tausif or something like that whose parents had been called by Raha
so here is what would happen everyday for a few days
Raha:Tausif where aargh your paarants??
Tausif:Aee sir father out of station ,mother sick
next day
Raha:Tausif where aargh your paarants??
Tausif:Aee sir father out of station ,mother sick
the next day
Raha:Tausif where aargh your paarants??
Tausif:Aee sir father out of station ,mother sick
and this went on and on and on till.....
Raha:Tausif where aargh your paarants??
Tausif:Aee sir father out of station ,mother sick
RAHA:AAAe FAATAAR MAAATHAR BRAAATHAR SEEESSTER ALL OUT OF STATION ALL SEEECK?
and then even after this rebuke when tausif didnt bring his parents Raha lost it and
Raha:Tausif you write on piece of paper...you aargh orphaaaan....write it now!
Oh and of course he is the one who came up with my favorite one liner of probably all time
so he comes into class all angry and pissed off,it was the moral science class and during that time the infamous Dhananjoy case was up [if you dont know this guy raped and murdered a girl]...so raha is real pissed,comes into class and ...
Raha:EVERYBODY DHANANJOY,YOU DHANANJOY[pointing at a student],YOU DHANANJOY,WHOLE SOCIETY DHANANJOY.........
wow i mean we didnt even have to piss him off for this one off freakiness
oh no....one day during winter we went to school and this winter was damn cold and frosty ,i was literally in layers of clothing and if i am in layers with all me fat still on me it was bloody cold,i see in the distance a hazy figure coming out from the fog and guess who?...of course it was him and get this he was wearing a shawl,a vest,a pair of shorts and a monkey cap.....thats it.....
and of course he also cldnt give up a chance to screw up when he tried to impress a pal of mine with his "grasp" over the english language,so chintoo[rohit] meets raha a year or so after leaving school and he is talking bout where he is goin and where and what he will do in the future and what plans he has[rohit that is]...raha listens to him deeply and comes up with
Raha:Yees yees its good....you should not bee a sheeep without ladder...
Rohit thinks to himself "why the fuck shld i be a ship without a ladder?...."
then he understand raha meant "rudder"
we shld not be a ship without a rudder.............
Touche mate well said.....
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Oh baby dont be so mean!
Dont get your hopes high from the topic,although it is about me first love ,the most cherished thing,the greatest thing i have ever had,the most beautiful,most desired....the adjectives can go on and on but you all must have guessed what i am talking bout,its me beaut,love the ps3....YES ITS BACK,a little battered ,bruised,hurt even but its like a fine well aged woman who although may not be perfect is like that first aunty you found in your locality who was and still is amazingly seductive and hot...dont squirm away we all have had such aunts nearby.......
the relief can be seen on me face,me babe went kaput early in feb of 09......and after months of dilly dallying and frustation it finally did get fixed,credit has to be given to 3 people,
1:me mom:she was adamant to check out almost every nook and crany of the city trying to get it fixed some how
2:madhav: a pal of mine in me complex who actually told me of a palce that could theoretically fix me ps3...since it dealt only with ps3 games and the like
3:amir:for finding the fucking place and then telling me of a shop somewhere else in cal which could and finafuckinglee did fix me ps3
But those 7 months which i spent without me babe were torturous,probably the worst time of me life,now i wasnt depressed or sulky ,i was just horrendously pissed off,why the fuck did my ps3 get jacked?
i bought one almost during its launch and this is how i get repaid?
fucking brand loyalty,i have had the ps1,ps2 and now ps3....all fucking went kaput and i always still end up buying sony stuff.
But all is still not rosy in this tale,since my ps3 got screwed while i was playing me fav game of that time fifa 09,the brdvd was still stuck inside it,so here we go as usual
i went to the Sony people who as usual fucked me up and said,we cant help you coz we dont open ps3's we only replace em if they are BOUGHT FROM INDIA,fuck me up mine was from America.....
since my face started hanging more than the cock of some porn star after ejaculation,me driver told me he could try to get it fixed from a guy he knew,well that "guy" couldnt get it fixed also...so finally after a few more days amir came up with the news that i could get it fixed from a shop called "Infinity" ,and those people did take me ps3 and they did get it fixed,but they said
"Sorry sir but there was no cd inside of it"
the same fucking story was said by the other freak who cldnt fix me ps3,so now i am stuck with a month to go before fifa 10 releases and with no fifa game to play,yes i do have a couple of other titles the excellent pairing of Devil May Cry 4 and Burnout Paradise,and just to rub salt into a festering would, i had fifa 08 but .....this is the part which just proves what a massive dick i am....but since i "had" fifa 09 i "kept" it somewhere so that it doesnt occupy some space in me room and now when i need a fifa game bad i cant fucking find that fifa.......
30 more hard days to go......but as usual we must look at the bright side......the babe is back....just hope she doesnt get screwed about much more.....stop cursing it you orriya....yeah raj i am talking bout you....you bloody orrihari.......
the relief can be seen on me face,me babe went kaput early in feb of 09......and after months of dilly dallying and frustation it finally did get fixed,credit has to be given to 3 people,
1:me mom:she was adamant to check out almost every nook and crany of the city trying to get it fixed some how
2:madhav: a pal of mine in me complex who actually told me of a palce that could theoretically fix me ps3...since it dealt only with ps3 games and the like
3:amir:for finding the fucking place and then telling me of a shop somewhere else in cal which could and finafuckinglee did fix me ps3
But those 7 months which i spent without me babe were torturous,probably the worst time of me life,now i wasnt depressed or sulky ,i was just horrendously pissed off,why the fuck did my ps3 get jacked?
i bought one almost during its launch and this is how i get repaid?
fucking brand loyalty,i have had the ps1,ps2 and now ps3....all fucking went kaput and i always still end up buying sony stuff.
But all is still not rosy in this tale,since my ps3 got screwed while i was playing me fav game of that time fifa 09,the brdvd was still stuck inside it,so here we go as usual
i went to the Sony people who as usual fucked me up and said,we cant help you coz we dont open ps3's we only replace em if they are BOUGHT FROM INDIA,fuck me up mine was from America.....
since my face started hanging more than the cock of some porn star after ejaculation,me driver told me he could try to get it fixed from a guy he knew,well that "guy" couldnt get it fixed also...so finally after a few more days amir came up with the news that i could get it fixed from a shop called "Infinity" ,and those people did take me ps3 and they did get it fixed,but they said
"Sorry sir but there was no cd inside of it"
the same fucking story was said by the other freak who cldnt fix me ps3,so now i am stuck with a month to go before fifa 10 releases and with no fifa game to play,yes i do have a couple of other titles the excellent pairing of Devil May Cry 4 and Burnout Paradise,and just to rub salt into a festering would, i had fifa 08 but .....this is the part which just proves what a massive dick i am....but since i "had" fifa 09 i "kept" it somewhere so that it doesnt occupy some space in me room and now when i need a fifa game bad i cant fucking find that fifa.......
30 more hard days to go......but as usual we must look at the bright side......the babe is back....just hope she doesnt get screwed about much more.....stop cursing it you orriya....yeah raj i am talking bout you....you bloody orrihari.......
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