My last post would have given an indication of what is to come in the future, friends be going off to unknown lands, again to explore and learn about themselves and explore the world and expand their horizons.
So it is quite obvious, apart form the sleepover there would be the oh so spectacular night out. Normally confined to the weekend, we decided to move this party along to the greatest day of the week, the new party night , a freaking Monday, that too a monday in which I would have to update my weekly sales binders for the big honchos to see. Nevertheless I decided to take care of that way before our stipulated time to meet, ie 7 PM on the dot. We need more time since we planned to get drunk, or at least Babla, chintoo and Nagu did.
Things never go as planned and sure as hell I get a call in which I am asked to download this huge data dump which would have taken me a whole day.[ still doing it in parts] and I had to give it in 30 minutes, not going to happen I think to myself and I call chintoo to tell him we need to meet later
"Make it 8 PM, its gonna take me some time"
That 8 PM becomes 8:30 and at one time I had resigned myself to not being able to go out for the final drunken escapade for quite a while, my friends come a calling at 8:30, screw work, called the boss and left for an epic night out.
Grabbed a cab with Babla, Chintoo and Nagu and headed off to the favorite destination to get good food,[ especially duck] and cheap booze, Tangra, the chinatown of Calcutta, the ride was a good 30 minutes from my office but as usual the drive is anything but boring with a ton of stories, laughs and abuses flying about from one guy to another.
We reach our beloved Cin Shing restaurant in the middle of Tangra at around 9:15 PM, a desolate place with just the construction of a new flyover and the zooming cars whizzing by that would only provide us any sign of life around for around a kilometer or two.
Now getting to this place, the restaurant was hard, since the entire road was dug up and this moat had formed around the premises, we had to cross over a plank of wood, each scared that their fat ass might collapse the plank and we would end up in the much which would probably have had feces, vomit, urine, and a whole host of bacteria just floating about. Luckily the plank did not snap , I guess since I was praying to the Lord , we made it across is what matters I guess.
We walk in with just another group of guys like us waiting and hogging stuff off another table, taking a table at the corner, the first thing I eye up is the amount of soda or at least the variety of cola drinks they had in the cooler, last time I was here I had around 7 different fizzy drinks, this time I was out to beat my record.
The ordering starts with a ton of prawn chips and chicken fried wontons, while the other guys decide on drinking alcohol, I decide to start my carbonated madness with a bottle of Thumbs Up, the best selling indian soft drink, EVER!, chintoo goes for a fosters, babla and nagu decided to have Blenders Pride while downing a ton of chips and fried nuts, we also ordered the classic Peking Duck and some amazing fried fish with another round of wontons to go about, the food was the king, the alcohol was the mistress and I was there to face the madness.
The person first hit seemed to be babla, which is funny because he normally handles alcohol the best amongst the other 3, laughing hard, screaming out to us that "This is the highest high I have been in a while" and "I have never been this happy being high in a while", of course there is the ever so needed call to his new squeeze saying how much he really loves her and all, alcohol brings out all the secrets in em all.
Rohit also did the same route, called Bhabhiji up, spoke in this hush hush tone, probably about him running away to the US , we also had a chat with Bhabhiji, me being the sober one also acted the most crass by constantly abusing over the phone, not at her but at the other members of our club. Oh and rohit for some reason decided to have 3 beers and chugged em all down one by one, no waiting, then he goes berserk and starts hitting his head and shaking it about like some ants had entered his ear.
Nagu kept and played it cool, not talking much, just drinking, funnily he kept himself in control the best and didn't act freaky like Babla or chintoo did, however its because of him we came up, I came up with the line for the year, while Rohit and Babla are constantly teasing him about his "Kritika" , while I for once tried to reason and take his side, as soon as I said "Nagu......"
He shouts out
"Shut UP ADEEEEEM!!!!"
I tell him " You idiot for once listen to me, either you treat me like an equal in the group or treat me like a muslim", they all start laughing crazy.He still keeps denying he has a soft spot for the girl but finally after being drunk he does reveal that he and her are going to work in the same city, again, if that is not the lord telling him to move in with the girl for life, I don't know what is.
"Line of the night" says Chintoo, agrees Babla and Nagu.
While they keep on drinking, I have my own personal fight with the cold drinks , downed a thumbs up, fanta, sprite, 7 up and a Limca, I finally had to retire with another bottle of Thumbs up.I was so filled with a ton of soft drinks that I did not touch the next round of wontons although I absolutely love em.
While we decide to leave the premise at around 11 PM, something strikes chintoo and he says "Dude, that PLANK!!!!!"
"If I fall into the ditch with the water, do not pick me up and let me die there, DO NOT PICK ME UP, I CANNOT GO BACK IN THAT STATE"
So we climb down the stairs, Nagu has gone ahead of us while I try to take Babla along with me, he constantly abuses me "I don't need help fucking chut, move aside, I can control myself"
Rohit goes on a blitzkrieg and starts hitting me for no reason , we walk slowly towards the end of the road when Nagu shouts out "FAAAAAAKKKK man ADEEEEEEEEMMM"
"What happened?"
Nagu : "Dude those planks..... they are not there anymore, just some bamboo that is all."
me :"Stop fucking around you idiot"
Nagu " I am not joking"
Sure enough, some chuts removed the planks and we were stuck thinking what can we do to move across, luckily or unluckily we saw a pair of bamboo poles tied up above the ground with another on tied around waste high which we could use, Chintoo goes across, so does nagu, Babla is the one we are scared off and Chintoo eggs him on, comforting him he can do it.
Now its my turn, while I gingerly try to come across, Chintoo for some fucked up reason decides, lets have fun with the Musalman and starts shaking the bamboo sticks, I am scuttling across in fear of falling into a ditch while the bastard has a jolly good time laughing at my predicament.
We now have to walk around a kilometer against oncoming traffic going at around 60-70 KMPH and we are not on the pavement since there is no pavement, I am coming along with Babla to make sure nothing happens, he is on an abusing spree, showing everyone the finger, every car he is showing the finger and how he would fuck people, showing the indian F U sign, he pushes me away and wants to walk it alone.
We reach Topsia after a walk and take an auto to Park Circus, Babla loves the wind in his hair and is laughing his arse off for no reason, we get off the auto and now Babla does not want to go back home, its 11: 30 and he is insisting on going somewhere else, then he wants to have something sweeeeeet.
While the other 3 try to find a way back home, Babla vanishes and reappears with chocolates for all, Yay Willy Bonkers is back, abusing all the way infront of the Arsalan restaurant, hell he even wants to have shit ice cream, rohit has an ice cream, in his state of drunkeness he buys a mango ice cream thinking it was orange, while Babla had the same, Nagu and I had the safe chocbar, Babla is still not happy with his sugar intake for the night and buys 4 large Cadbury dairy Milk bars for all of us to have, While I hogged down mine and Rohit's since he did not want to have it, Babla kept his for later.
We took a cab back to Kidderpore, since I had to go home and get to bed for a long day in office, Babla again did not want to go back home, insisting on moving about, then he goes on berserk mode and starts to mouth of obscenities to the cab driver and tries to make him eat the chocolate bar he had kept with himself.
"Nahi, woh boka choda ko khana hoga, I have had enough of them bastards refusing to take us from one point to another"
We pacify him enough , although he does shout of abuses to random people, including police officers, tries to shove his leg outside the window of the car and almost beats nagu up for no reason, oh and I forgot to tell you, right outside the restaurant he tried to climb a lamppost, so there you go, the babla was finally released from his cage.
At a bridge Rohit sees a ton of graffiti and says
"You know how I can tell its the work of an STB student?..... its cause they can't spell for fucks sake"
True that.
When I dropped the 3 off at kidderpore before I took the cab to my place, babla shouts out one more piece of advise
"If the bastard has not had the chocolate yet, don't fucking pay the mother fucker"
Told like a true STB ite against a taxi driver who was wondering whether he would make it back alive or not.
While I thought this would/could have been the last ever night out like this, a pact has been made, every year from now on, ONCE at least once shall all us friends meet up and go on a night of drunken madness for 3 of the people and 1 person just trying to get them all back in 1 piece.
Showing posts with label Abuse. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Abuse. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Be a douche campaign
Hypocrisy has a limit, even the most illogical person is allowed to be a hypocrite and all but something really got my goose the other day, while I was watching a WWE RAW broadcast, they suddenly pop up with this promo, not of some old Wrestler coming back with a new gimmick or some mega super pay per view which will suck, they came out with this "Be a Star" campaign, where they are trying to weed out "bullying" from schools and how one in 3 students in America are bullied in some form, HHH and Steph McMahon were talking about supporting the campaign but that is nonsensical.
I mean the entire history of wrestling , at least the WWE era is about bullying and roughing people up for no reason at all. On a false pretext of acting like macho men and women fighting over petty causes like ex gfs, belts and who is stronger but they don't go and issue challenges most of the time, unlike "face/good" wrestlers who would go face a person properly, its the hell/bad guys who attack people from behind, come in groups of threes and try to take a person out. Recently Natalya and Beth Phoenix were on a tear, making bitches cry, literally, Eve Torres, Kelly Kelly were a couple of their victims. Where was the bully, sorry anti bully campaign there?
Highly hypocritical and I cannot believe how anyone could support the campaign.
Don't get me wrong here, I am not in favor of physical bullying, coz that is the sissies way out, but mental bullying is fantastic, makes you sharper and immune to the atrocious things that people say about you either behind your back or in your face.
STB made me a star, not because I am some super student who scored 99% in an exam, i got 98.55% in MAT but its not about that, it made me a immune to abuses that hurl about in the world. The way women look away disgusted when they hear an abuse, if they ever were in STG, they would know how to deal with shit like this. It is not like the world does not abuse you when you aren't in front of a person, hell I say we should invest in an abusive class for all students, teach em how to deal with abuses being hurled at you, you know start a new campaign as all this abuse and bullying will make you stronger no matter what.
So here is a fuck off you worthless cunt who should have been wasted in the bloody toilet rather than let to rot in a human's womb for 9 months to everyone.
Happy abusing/bullying
Don't be a star, BE A DOUCHE
I mean the entire history of wrestling , at least the WWE era is about bullying and roughing people up for no reason at all. On a false pretext of acting like macho men and women fighting over petty causes like ex gfs, belts and who is stronger but they don't go and issue challenges most of the time, unlike "face/good" wrestlers who would go face a person properly, its the hell/bad guys who attack people from behind, come in groups of threes and try to take a person out. Recently Natalya and Beth Phoenix were on a tear, making bitches cry, literally, Eve Torres, Kelly Kelly were a couple of their victims. Where was the bully, sorry anti bully campaign there?
Highly hypocritical and I cannot believe how anyone could support the campaign.
Don't get me wrong here, I am not in favor of physical bullying, coz that is the sissies way out, but mental bullying is fantastic, makes you sharper and immune to the atrocious things that people say about you either behind your back or in your face.
STB made me a star, not because I am some super student who scored 99% in an exam, i got 98.55% in MAT but its not about that, it made me a immune to abuses that hurl about in the world. The way women look away disgusted when they hear an abuse, if they ever were in STG, they would know how to deal with shit like this. It is not like the world does not abuse you when you aren't in front of a person, hell I say we should invest in an abusive class for all students, teach em how to deal with abuses being hurled at you, you know start a new campaign as all this abuse and bullying will make you stronger no matter what.
So here is a fuck off you worthless cunt who should have been wasted in the bloody toilet rather than let to rot in a human's womb for 9 months to everyone.
Happy abusing/bullying
Don't be a star, BE A DOUCHE
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Babla Man
Babla man is the ideal superhero everyone needs,he is based on a pal of mine Babla,oh well he aint no superhero or anything,but the most kickass times are with this freak of nature called Babla.
Interesting Fact:His name Babla [Soumyadeep Bhattachraya] is actually his father's name as well,the students at STB would call each other by their father's name,if they ever found it out that is.Fortunately for us we did find out his dad's name and thus a legacy was created,a legend was born and all the other cliches we use,its still not enough to describe the bloke.
The first time i met him was in class 10 when Manko man[his sidekick of sorts] brought him over to my place for a little gaming session,those were the days ,one on one matches on WWE Smackdown :Here comes the pain,ass whopping everyone ,but back to the topic,the guy seemed normal like i was normal in class 10,bit by bit little by little the different layers and phases of the Babla would be seen.
Phase 1:His first phase was the comedian/abuser phase,which still continues,it is legendary stuff in our school,i have to admit this guy is the funniest person i know,i say,half the story is how it is presented and all his stories kick ass even the crappy ones,king of comebacks,the prince of abusing,[am just carrying on this blokes legacy],he wrote so many good plays during this phase,which seem to
be lost now in his dark desolate house,or maybe in his cleavage ,i dont know,some of the titles i remember were "Somraj and the Security":an amazing love story,:Sumit and Trina:a porno story,and it goes on and on and on.
Everyday before class started and during recess all the boys from class 10A and 10B would come to one of the classes and hear the best
recital of the play,he spent so many hours writing the screenplay and dialogues ,it was magical, those days they are irreplaceable.
Phase 2:This phase wasnt much of a long one but it was still a phase,where he had 4[fore] fathers,namely his Physics teacher who abandoned him a few years later ,Adil[guitar god] the lead guitarist in the band for which he plays,Dave Mustaine it was i think the 3rd one and the 4th one was his biological father.We would pull his leg everyday about his fathers and which one was his real one and all.Classic shit.
Phase 3:The longest phase which has been going strong for a good 4-5 years now,the music phase,where he picked up the guitar and played every single fucking day without worrying about damaging his digits or even worrying about his studies,although as every bengali knows,when exams come we all go into bengali mode[no friends,no tv,no nothing,just books],he played every day to impress his father[Adil] and he was finally accepted into the music group and all.He would have gone nuts had that not happened.This phase also includes mini phases of liking and disliking bands,one day he would abuse a particular band and a few months later they had become the best in the world ,but thats babla for you,confused soul to the max.
This phase also included another mini phase,the dark lyrics phase,when Babla wrote a ton of lyrics to be used in songs all about death and the Devil ,you get the Idea,this was from where "Black Saddath" was formed,coz i didnt know Black Sabbath and when they were talking about it i thought it was "Black Saddath".
Of course phases were just a bit of madness of the bloke,there have been a ton of other retard incidents,especially during football games,one was when he was kicked square in the nuts by Ritu Daman Singh,the bloke had kicked the football with all his might square at Babla's nuts from like a distance of 2 metres at the most ,Babla was rolling about in pain,holding his nose[apparently that helps to
reduce the pain or something],he was shouting...
"I cant breathe ,i cant breathe",ever the smart alec i am i reply "Abey dont hold your nose,then you can breathe" ,man he was pissed at me ,but not as pissed as the whole Antara Haldar thingy,where i created a fake profile on orkut and this bastard fell hook, line and sinker thinking i was some metal chick ,the look on his face after it the truth was revealed to him after 3 months of toying around was hilarious.
Then there were dives when we played footie,he would dive like a ballerina who is the daughter of Arjen Robben and Cristiano ronaldo,performing triple klutzes and all before his huge frame would fall down slowly to make sure he wasnt hurt,and then he would do the chris benoit pain reaction whenever Benoit would miss the flying headbutt.
The "Gham" and "Ghem" was also every present,the "gham" was the ton of sweat he would pour out everyday,the "ghem" was his big fat ego coming out,his ego would be such a huge failing that we even named a shot after it,"The Ghem" Shot ,which basically was a crazy shot with all force but no direction,infact he was often told "No ghem Shots allowed" ,whenever we played in a small area.The Bastard still would do ghem shots and we would have to bring the ball back.
Another such incident was the "fubu" incident where he ripped Kumarjit not one but 3-4 new assholes when we went to play[music] at the blokes para,the fucking dog kumarjit was acting smart and treated us like shit at the place,well Babla didnt let him off the hook and was abusing the shit out of him in his own backyard on a mic,at 3 in the afternoon ,even when the mike was cut off babla followed him
around and abused him and his locality for another half an hour.
Then there was this huge 500 word scrap sent to Sumitano Dickhead about his sister and other relatives just to abuse the shit out of him,to be honest it was very well constructed and his bio background was the catalyst for the amazing scrap,sumit did find out who it was but man that was classic.
Although school has ended and college has started Babla is the one bloke who has kept the friendship intact,he makes sure,infact we make sure that amongst the 3 of us left in cal from the "group" [Babla,Nagu,chintoo and i] we make sure [babla ,nagu and i] that we meet at least once in 2 weeks,to share the tales of the fucktards in our colleges,oh what we STB students wouldnt do for another STB
college that taught all the courses we want :X
Infact we have made sure our "dosti" will stay strong,as we have decided what to call each other's children ,i think Nagu has the "Suorer Bachcha" thing reserved for his kids and Babla has the "khankeer chele" reserved as well.
Humlog Jeet ke Aayenge!
PS:He is the reason why the whole "Betray" system was made and rules were created to define who is a "Betray" or not,I know its grammatically wrong but its way more funny this way.
Interesting Fact:His name Babla [Soumyadeep Bhattachraya] is actually his father's name as well,the students at STB would call each other by their father's name,if they ever found it out that is.Fortunately for us we did find out his dad's name and thus a legacy was created,a legend was born and all the other cliches we use,its still not enough to describe the bloke.
The first time i met him was in class 10 when Manko man[his sidekick of sorts] brought him over to my place for a little gaming session,those were the days ,one on one matches on WWE Smackdown :Here comes the pain,ass whopping everyone ,but back to the topic,the guy seemed normal like i was normal in class 10,bit by bit little by little the different layers and phases of the Babla would be seen.
Phase 1:His first phase was the comedian/abuser phase,which still continues,it is legendary stuff in our school,i have to admit this guy is the funniest person i know,i say,half the story is how it is presented and all his stories kick ass even the crappy ones,king of comebacks,the prince of abusing,[am just carrying on this blokes legacy],he wrote so many good plays during this phase,which seem to
be lost now in his dark desolate house,or maybe in his cleavage ,i dont know,some of the titles i remember were "Somraj and the Security":an amazing love story,:Sumit and Trina:a porno story,and it goes on and on and on.
Everyday before class started and during recess all the boys from class 10A and 10B would come to one of the classes and hear the best
recital of the play,he spent so many hours writing the screenplay and dialogues ,it was magical, those days they are irreplaceable.
Phase 2:This phase wasnt much of a long one but it was still a phase,where he had 4[fore] fathers,namely his Physics teacher who abandoned him a few years later ,Adil[guitar god] the lead guitarist in the band for which he plays,Dave Mustaine it was i think the 3rd one and the 4th one was his biological father.We would pull his leg everyday about his fathers and which one was his real one and all.Classic shit.
Phase 3:The longest phase which has been going strong for a good 4-5 years now,the music phase,where he picked up the guitar and played every single fucking day without worrying about damaging his digits or even worrying about his studies,although as every bengali knows,when exams come we all go into bengali mode[no friends,no tv,no nothing,just books],he played every day to impress his father[Adil] and he was finally accepted into the music group and all.He would have gone nuts had that not happened.This phase also includes mini phases of liking and disliking bands,one day he would abuse a particular band and a few months later they had become the best in the world ,but thats babla for you,confused soul to the max.
This phase also included another mini phase,the dark lyrics phase,when Babla wrote a ton of lyrics to be used in songs all about death and the Devil ,you get the Idea,this was from where "Black Saddath" was formed,coz i didnt know Black Sabbath and when they were talking about it i thought it was "Black Saddath".
Of course phases were just a bit of madness of the bloke,there have been a ton of other retard incidents,especially during football games,one was when he was kicked square in the nuts by Ritu Daman Singh,the bloke had kicked the football with all his might square at Babla's nuts from like a distance of 2 metres at the most ,Babla was rolling about in pain,holding his nose[apparently that helps to
reduce the pain or something],he was shouting...
"I cant breathe ,i cant breathe",ever the smart alec i am i reply "Abey dont hold your nose,then you can breathe" ,man he was pissed at me ,but not as pissed as the whole Antara Haldar thingy,where i created a fake profile on orkut and this bastard fell hook, line and sinker thinking i was some metal chick ,the look on his face after it the truth was revealed to him after 3 months of toying around was hilarious.
Then there were dives when we played footie,he would dive like a ballerina who is the daughter of Arjen Robben and Cristiano ronaldo,performing triple klutzes and all before his huge frame would fall down slowly to make sure he wasnt hurt,and then he would do the chris benoit pain reaction whenever Benoit would miss the flying headbutt.
The "Gham" and "Ghem" was also every present,the "gham" was the ton of sweat he would pour out everyday,the "ghem" was his big fat ego coming out,his ego would be such a huge failing that we even named a shot after it,"The Ghem" Shot ,which basically was a crazy shot with all force but no direction,infact he was often told "No ghem Shots allowed" ,whenever we played in a small area.The Bastard still would do ghem shots and we would have to bring the ball back.
Another such incident was the "fubu" incident where he ripped Kumarjit not one but 3-4 new assholes when we went to play[music] at the blokes para,the fucking dog kumarjit was acting smart and treated us like shit at the place,well Babla didnt let him off the hook and was abusing the shit out of him in his own backyard on a mic,at 3 in the afternoon ,even when the mike was cut off babla followed him
around and abused him and his locality for another half an hour.
Then there was this huge 500 word scrap sent to Sumitano Dickhead about his sister and other relatives just to abuse the shit out of him,to be honest it was very well constructed and his bio background was the catalyst for the amazing scrap,sumit did find out who it was but man that was classic.
Although school has ended and college has started Babla is the one bloke who has kept the friendship intact,he makes sure,infact we make sure that amongst the 3 of us left in cal from the "group" [Babla,Nagu,chintoo and i] we make sure [babla ,nagu and i] that we meet at least once in 2 weeks,to share the tales of the fucktards in our colleges,oh what we STB students wouldnt do for another STB
college that taught all the courses we want :X
Infact we have made sure our "dosti" will stay strong,as we have decided what to call each other's children ,i think Nagu has the "Suorer Bachcha" thing reserved for his kids and Babla has the "khankeer chele" reserved as well.
Humlog Jeet ke Aayenge!
PS:He is the reason why the whole "Betray" system was made and rules were created to define who is a "Betray" or not,I know its grammatically wrong but its way more funny this way.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Republic Day well fucking spent
Now we all should know that i am not the kind of person who likes going out regularly,i mean a movie once in a couple of weeks is the max i can do with,or the probability of meeting all me best pals on alternate days but they mostly come over to my place ,an outing is a rarity for me coz there isnt much out there for either a freak like me in calcutta or for a lame ass like me.
So on this "Republic Day" as usual after the flag hoisting ceremony and all me building pals and I were just loitering about ,i rarely go down as well ,but there are occasions when i do join me pals,rare they are though.As i was saying,Zaman Bhai[one muscular freak who is ready to beat up as many people as possible],Sid[one of the 2 best pals i got in me complex who can deal with my intellect],Madhav[the other intellectual best pal of mine],Chintoo[dont know his real name but the guy is freaking tall] and Aaush[the real fucking freak of the complex] were all just loitering about in the parking lot.
But before we ended up there we had to take care of the flag hoisting and all that,so out of a complex of 200+ flats only freakin 30 people came that too at 10:45 ,15 minutes later than the stipulated time,so it was me zaman bhai and madhav as the only ass representatives from our age groups,and as we were about to sing the national anthem this guy Mohta bhai,who is a skinny cock eyed bloke takes out his cell phone and starts blabberring,zaman bhai would not let this go,"Arrey Mohta bhai,mobile mein kyu baat kar rahe ho,Jana Gana Mana goa,Sala Pakistani" [No offence meant to any Pakistanis out there],poor Mohta does nothing but limbers off,the ceremoney lasted no more than 5 minutes and after that we went to our parking lot.
We find this blokes dalmation is doing a round,and is now tied up to a pillar,so zaman bhai,madhav and i walk up to it,i keep my fucking distance from the pup coz i hate animals,cept when i eat em,but the other 2 blokes go right up to it.Everytime they want the dog to stand up or do anything for the matter of fact,the pup starts pissing all around,Zaman bhai gets fucking furious and starts blaring out in the parking lot
"I will piss on you,i will fuck you",but thats the normal reaction you would expect from any of my pals when they are getting pissed on from a kutta.
At around 11:15 or so comes down Sid ,freaks were busy shagging off at home,not that i denounce that act,but nationalistic pride should come before porn i guess,Aaush still hasnt picked up the phone even after texting him and calling him numerous times,so now its the 4 of us and then starts the real retardness,barring me the other 3 people go to a gym,i am too fucking lazy to do all that,and so are talking bout their biceps etc etc etc and they [sid and madhav ]start showing off their bazookas and all,Zaman bhai comes into the frame and as Sid is about to poke him and all he blares out
"agar te mujhe chuua ,zor se gaali dega"
Sid aint gonna get fazed by that after all we all are former STB students,and he does try to hit zaman bhai,who like a paranoid lady screams out in a bus when she feels someone brush her,did the same
"aaaaaeeeee laaaaauuuurrrraaaaa kaaaaaaa baaaalllll"
safe to say no one tried to do anything to zaman bhai for a few minutes at least.
Then came Aaush and Chintoo,chintoo didnt really say much apart from Zaman bhai pulling his leg all the time,regarding girls and all,Aaush came as a freak ,they all decided to go for a smoke outside the building ,i dont smoke,really i dont,so i stayed a few feet away while they all puffed and all,then they decided to go to a mandir,i had never ridden with these people so it was a first for me,out came a massive SUV ,which had DEFENCE written on it,i dont know why,so it was Aaush driving,Madhav [shotgun,yes who ever called out shotgun first would sit next to the driver],me and chintoo at the back seat,zaman bhai and sid right at the back,we also picked up rahul bhai,while aaush was driving around the complex he almost backed into a santro while we abused the shit out of him.
Off we went,though we had a stopover at another fag store for a few cigs ,zaman bhai stepped out and we drove off,leaving him behind,but he knew he had our weakness,the cigs,so we did one round and came back to pick him up,now the entire time when zaman bhai and sid were seated at the back they were constantly trying to molest one another and fighting at the back while Aaush was telling zaman bhai to try to fix the back light of the SUV and everytime he did that Aaush stepped on the brake giving bhai a good old shocka. As usual zama bhai retorted with
"AAAAAAuuuuuu laaaauuuurrrraaaaa mat kar"
So most of us are faggin about,sid threw a match box at Aaush while the guy was driving and out came a war of abusive words between him,mother father,vagina's nothing was left out,so finally we reached the mandir,me zaman bhai and chintoo didnt go into the mandir,zaman bhai was driving around and double parked,so bang on schedule came a police officer and old bloke who was yammering about telling us to move the car,while zaman bhai argued that it was a "Defence" car and that we would leave in minutes,and as said in a few minutes the other guys came out ,Aaush was now riding shotgun,Zaman bhai was driving ,oh dear lord save me he was driving.
Zaman bhai is a proper STB student who drives like a maniac to say the least,i dont think he even knows that cars have brakes,or that they should be driven at least in calcutta with a little control,he is like an indian michael schummacher,zipping across raods,traffic,pedestrians they are like chicanes to him,they are there,but they should fucking move when he is driving,a normal 15 minute journey takes less than 3 minutes for him.My first time,say a prayer and put on your seat belts,i aint saying that for dramatic effect,i was told to do that by Sid.This was the first time my mouth was shut ,i barely said anything throughout the ride,apart from one blowjob joke i made on madhav.
Zip zam zoom thats all i can say about ZB[zaman bhai],he even once took the wrong route and almost rammed into an auto when the auto driver said "kya chala rahe ho",he replied "tum toh bahut achcha chala rahe ho",then the auto sped off,when we crossed the signal we spotted the same auto,we stopped right next ti him and abused him and joked at him,then we realised it was some other auto driver who stared at us like he was possesed of something,he was shocked to say the least,now when Aaush rides shotgun,he always decides to climb out of the window and start acting cool and all,while ZB swerves the car about to keep the bloke inside.
While on a stetch we hit 100+ kmph in a city street ,we decided to have some fun,we stopped at asked a guy
"dada sonargachi[a red light district] kothai?" [where is sonargachi]
the guy looks into the car filled with like 8 perverts ,and replied back
"chudte jacho?" [going to fuck?]
ZB replies "Haan tumi o cholo" [yes you also come along]
and we speed off again,another thing aaush seems to love to do is point at other vehicles while at high speeds to let em know if they have a flat tire or something,when they obviously dont have a flat tire,he did this to 2 cabs and a freaking bus and all the vehicles slowed down to check out if they had a problem,oh by the way the 20 minute distance was covered in 10 minutes by ZB,it could have been faster had he not gotten confused about some directions and of course we had not played around with that "sonargachi" thing.
The scourges of calcutta.Nuff said.
So on this "Republic Day" as usual after the flag hoisting ceremony and all me building pals and I were just loitering about ,i rarely go down as well ,but there are occasions when i do join me pals,rare they are though.As i was saying,Zaman Bhai[one muscular freak who is ready to beat up as many people as possible],Sid[one of the 2 best pals i got in me complex who can deal with my intellect],Madhav[the other intellectual best pal of mine],Chintoo[dont know his real name but the guy is freaking tall] and Aaush[the real fucking freak of the complex] were all just loitering about in the parking lot.
But before we ended up there we had to take care of the flag hoisting and all that,so out of a complex of 200+ flats only freakin 30 people came that too at 10:45 ,15 minutes later than the stipulated time,so it was me zaman bhai and madhav as the only ass representatives from our age groups,and as we were about to sing the national anthem this guy Mohta bhai,who is a skinny cock eyed bloke takes out his cell phone and starts blabberring,zaman bhai would not let this go,"Arrey Mohta bhai,mobile mein kyu baat kar rahe ho,Jana Gana Mana goa,Sala Pakistani" [No offence meant to any Pakistanis out there],poor Mohta does nothing but limbers off,the ceremoney lasted no more than 5 minutes and after that we went to our parking lot.
We find this blokes dalmation is doing a round,and is now tied up to a pillar,so zaman bhai,madhav and i walk up to it,i keep my fucking distance from the pup coz i hate animals,cept when i eat em,but the other 2 blokes go right up to it.Everytime they want the dog to stand up or do anything for the matter of fact,the pup starts pissing all around,Zaman bhai gets fucking furious and starts blaring out in the parking lot
"I will piss on you,i will fuck you",but thats the normal reaction you would expect from any of my pals when they are getting pissed on from a kutta.
At around 11:15 or so comes down Sid ,freaks were busy shagging off at home,not that i denounce that act,but nationalistic pride should come before porn i guess,Aaush still hasnt picked up the phone even after texting him and calling him numerous times,so now its the 4 of us and then starts the real retardness,barring me the other 3 people go to a gym,i am too fucking lazy to do all that,and so are talking bout their biceps etc etc etc and they [sid and madhav ]start showing off their bazookas and all,Zaman bhai comes into the frame and as Sid is about to poke him and all he blares out
"agar te mujhe chuua ,zor se gaali dega"
Sid aint gonna get fazed by that after all we all are former STB students,and he does try to hit zaman bhai,who like a paranoid lady screams out in a bus when she feels someone brush her,did the same
"aaaaaeeeee laaaaauuuurrrraaaaa kaaaaaaa baaaalllll"
safe to say no one tried to do anything to zaman bhai for a few minutes at least.
Then came Aaush and Chintoo,chintoo didnt really say much apart from Zaman bhai pulling his leg all the time,regarding girls and all,Aaush came as a freak ,they all decided to go for a smoke outside the building ,i dont smoke,really i dont,so i stayed a few feet away while they all puffed and all,then they decided to go to a mandir,i had never ridden with these people so it was a first for me,out came a massive SUV ,which had DEFENCE written on it,i dont know why,so it was Aaush driving,Madhav [shotgun,yes who ever called out shotgun first would sit next to the driver],me and chintoo at the back seat,zaman bhai and sid right at the back,we also picked up rahul bhai,while aaush was driving around the complex he almost backed into a santro while we abused the shit out of him.
Off we went,though we had a stopover at another fag store for a few cigs ,zaman bhai stepped out and we drove off,leaving him behind,but he knew he had our weakness,the cigs,so we did one round and came back to pick him up,now the entire time when zaman bhai and sid were seated at the back they were constantly trying to molest one another and fighting at the back while Aaush was telling zaman bhai to try to fix the back light of the SUV and everytime he did that Aaush stepped on the brake giving bhai a good old shocka. As usual zama bhai retorted with
"AAAAAAuuuuuu laaaauuuurrrraaaaa mat kar"
So most of us are faggin about,sid threw a match box at Aaush while the guy was driving and out came a war of abusive words between him,mother father,vagina's nothing was left out,so finally we reached the mandir,me zaman bhai and chintoo didnt go into the mandir,zaman bhai was driving around and double parked,so bang on schedule came a police officer and old bloke who was yammering about telling us to move the car,while zaman bhai argued that it was a "Defence" car and that we would leave in minutes,and as said in a few minutes the other guys came out ,Aaush was now riding shotgun,Zaman bhai was driving ,oh dear lord save me he was driving.
Zaman bhai is a proper STB student who drives like a maniac to say the least,i dont think he even knows that cars have brakes,or that they should be driven at least in calcutta with a little control,he is like an indian michael schummacher,zipping across raods,traffic,pedestrians they are like chicanes to him,they are there,but they should fucking move when he is driving,a normal 15 minute journey takes less than 3 minutes for him.My first time,say a prayer and put on your seat belts,i aint saying that for dramatic effect,i was told to do that by Sid.This was the first time my mouth was shut ,i barely said anything throughout the ride,apart from one blowjob joke i made on madhav.
Zip zam zoom thats all i can say about ZB[zaman bhai],he even once took the wrong route and almost rammed into an auto when the auto driver said "kya chala rahe ho",he replied "tum toh bahut achcha chala rahe ho",then the auto sped off,when we crossed the signal we spotted the same auto,we stopped right next ti him and abused him and joked at him,then we realised it was some other auto driver who stared at us like he was possesed of something,he was shocked to say the least,now when Aaush rides shotgun,he always decides to climb out of the window and start acting cool and all,while ZB swerves the car about to keep the bloke inside.
While on a stetch we hit 100+ kmph in a city street ,we decided to have some fun,we stopped at asked a guy
"dada sonargachi[a red light district] kothai?" [where is sonargachi]
the guy looks into the car filled with like 8 perverts ,and replied back
"chudte jacho?" [going to fuck?]
ZB replies "Haan tumi o cholo" [yes you also come along]
and we speed off again,another thing aaush seems to love to do is point at other vehicles while at high speeds to let em know if they have a flat tire or something,when they obviously dont have a flat tire,he did this to 2 cabs and a freaking bus and all the vehicles slowed down to check out if they had a problem,oh by the way the 20 minute distance was covered in 10 minutes by ZB,it could have been faster had he not gotten confused about some directions and of course we had not played around with that "sonargachi" thing.
The scourges of calcutta.Nuff said.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Black Saddath 2:Older but not Wiser
Due to an overwhelming response by my legion of fans[2 people actually] i had to post a bit more on the musical journey a selective group had undertaken.
Although Adil was the mainstay of the band,the creative genius each other member had a designated role,babla was the yes man and is the gay love of adil's ,although we call it more of a father son relationship[adil being the dad],afzal our singer was the strong man who wouldnt change his mind no matter what,gablu was the one almost sane guy in the band but that wasnt for long he then became a foil for comedy throughout the practice,pragammoy[pogo] was the one guy who would actually abuse just as much as i or babla would and would shut babla up quite a few times,chintoo also joined us as a second guitarist later on,i was the all and out idiot ,a stupid freak having no knowledge of anything just there for stupid entertainment purposes and abusing a LOT.
It all started when nagu [the drummer] babla adil gablu afzal and i formed or were part of the school band,the band was up and doing well ,i was asked to join a few months later and so was gablu,practice we did hard,playing away at nagus "crib" where as usual babla's smell would over power our music quite often,his stench hasnt gone away now but he has found the wonder creation "deo spray".
We would get to competitions and the like when the junior school music teacher Hiland would let us know about em,coz for some reason a teacher representative was needed ,but this guy was a typical white boy asshole,first of all when we went to see him ,he was with a group of cheenas playing some crappy song on his keyboard,he had the same fucking keyboard as i do,after watching him play Adil said "eeeh Adeem is better than him",i know i was ,Hiland was a piss poor guy,but he did get us to some competitions,although he was an asshole we did use him to our advantage....
This was in class 11 for us gablu was a junior,and we had a bastard for a class teacher TK Shah ,yes that same fucker who used that "Saurav Ganguly" quip on me....check out E=MC^2 for more details bout this loser,and as we all hated this fuckers class we would use the "meetings" with Hiland as an excuse,although our meeting would not be more than 5 mins long we would walk all around school [our school is huge] goin to the A field,The B field,The C Field,roam about in the junior section and come back to class an hour later,hell we even were just sitting about in the junior section for 20 mins for no reason,for some reason TK never said jack to Adil,thanx to him we missed out on edumacation ,perfecto.
Now when we would arrive at the shows it would be a small green room packed with a load of bands,and as usual there had to be the "show offs" which meant people would dress up like rock stars ,you know black all about em,black nail polish,head bands ,wrist bands, there would always be the "drummers" who would twirl their sticks all in the air to show off,we would often just look and laugh coz the STB show was about to go on.
The STB show meant that babla and i would make stupid abusive comments left right and center and that would shut most of em up but some smart ass' would take out and start playing their instruments for no rhyme or reason so to shut their fucking traps up Adil was there,he would just set up normally and start playing song after song after song ,people started calling him "jukebox" coz he could play almost any known song,and then he would calmly say "eeeh sorry id ont know much" but at least he would shut a lot of people up.
Shows obviously werent all that they were cracked up to be,barely any hot girls at all ,crappy food,crappy bands [cept us and maybe one or 2 more],crappy crowds[cept the ever faithful STB gang],they would scream and shout no matter how good or bad we were.....
Of course we would level the playing field ,i remember one fest where one band where talking a lotta smack right after we came back from the stage and they were up next,we saw that one of their amps had been left behind,what were we to do?
we got a chance and we took it,we stuffed all out clothing ,which we had taken for the mock band competition and put it in me keyboard cover,we took the amp [it was a pretty decent one as well] and put it in the same bag in which all our costumes were previously kept,the people who were the culprits were ,me adil babla nagu chintoo and i think gabloo and afzal ,nevertheless we had to wait to see the looks on that schools face when they came off stage they were searching left right and center for it,
"yes we kept it here ....i dont know where it is.....oh god we are dead"
we were smirking away and sneaked out of the auditorium,kala mandir it was......
while we waited outside one more member of the same band came up to us and asked us if we had seen it
"nope.....we didnt see anything.....".....so cool so calm so collected....we could pass any lie detector test if it was required......
Although we didnt win the prize we certainly got something better ......that amp was like 4000 Rs and we needed another amp.......to go back to those days again.....
Coming soon "Black Saddath 3:how many times can we screw up?"
Although Adil was the mainstay of the band,the creative genius each other member had a designated role,babla was the yes man and is the gay love of adil's ,although we call it more of a father son relationship[adil being the dad],afzal our singer was the strong man who wouldnt change his mind no matter what,gablu was the one almost sane guy in the band but that wasnt for long he then became a foil for comedy throughout the practice,pragammoy[pogo] was the one guy who would actually abuse just as much as i or babla would and would shut babla up quite a few times,chintoo also joined us as a second guitarist later on,i was the all and out idiot ,a stupid freak having no knowledge of anything just there for stupid entertainment purposes and abusing a LOT.
It all started when nagu [the drummer] babla adil gablu afzal and i formed or were part of the school band,the band was up and doing well ,i was asked to join a few months later and so was gablu,practice we did hard,playing away at nagus "crib" where as usual babla's smell would over power our music quite often,his stench hasnt gone away now but he has found the wonder creation "deo spray".
We would get to competitions and the like when the junior school music teacher Hiland would let us know about em,coz for some reason a teacher representative was needed ,but this guy was a typical white boy asshole,first of all when we went to see him ,he was with a group of cheenas playing some crappy song on his keyboard,he had the same fucking keyboard as i do,after watching him play Adil said "eeeh Adeem is better than him",i know i was ,Hiland was a piss poor guy,but he did get us to some competitions,although he was an asshole we did use him to our advantage....
This was in class 11 for us gablu was a junior,and we had a bastard for a class teacher TK Shah ,yes that same fucker who used that "Saurav Ganguly" quip on me....check out E=MC^2 for more details bout this loser,and as we all hated this fuckers class we would use the "meetings" with Hiland as an excuse,although our meeting would not be more than 5 mins long we would walk all around school [our school is huge] goin to the A field,The B field,The C Field,roam about in the junior section and come back to class an hour later,hell we even were just sitting about in the junior section for 20 mins for no reason,for some reason TK never said jack to Adil,thanx to him we missed out on edumacation ,perfecto.
Now when we would arrive at the shows it would be a small green room packed with a load of bands,and as usual there had to be the "show offs" which meant people would dress up like rock stars ,you know black all about em,black nail polish,head bands ,wrist bands, there would always be the "drummers" who would twirl their sticks all in the air to show off,we would often just look and laugh coz the STB show was about to go on.
The STB show meant that babla and i would make stupid abusive comments left right and center and that would shut most of em up but some smart ass' would take out and start playing their instruments for no rhyme or reason so to shut their fucking traps up Adil was there,he would just set up normally and start playing song after song after song ,people started calling him "jukebox" coz he could play almost any known song,and then he would calmly say "eeeh sorry id ont know much" but at least he would shut a lot of people up.
Shows obviously werent all that they were cracked up to be,barely any hot girls at all ,crappy food,crappy bands [cept us and maybe one or 2 more],crappy crowds[cept the ever faithful STB gang],they would scream and shout no matter how good or bad we were.....
Of course we would level the playing field ,i remember one fest where one band where talking a lotta smack right after we came back from the stage and they were up next,we saw that one of their amps had been left behind,what were we to do?
we got a chance and we took it,we stuffed all out clothing ,which we had taken for the mock band competition and put it in me keyboard cover,we took the amp [it was a pretty decent one as well] and put it in the same bag in which all our costumes were previously kept,the people who were the culprits were ,me adil babla nagu chintoo and i think gabloo and afzal ,nevertheless we had to wait to see the looks on that schools face when they came off stage they were searching left right and center for it,
"yes we kept it here ....i dont know where it is.....oh god we are dead"
we were smirking away and sneaked out of the auditorium,kala mandir it was......
while we waited outside one more member of the same band came up to us and asked us if we had seen it
"nope.....we didnt see anything.....".....so cool so calm so collected....we could pass any lie detector test if it was required......
Although we didnt win the prize we certainly got something better ......that amp was like 4000 Rs and we needed another amp.......to go back to those days again.....
Coming soon "Black Saddath 3:how many times can we screw up?"
Friday, September 11, 2009
The Gentelmens Game.....NOT [edited]
Cricket was a game created for all those tea loving snobbish blokes who had too much time to waste and too little time to get dirty,played exclusively in whites with only actually 4 men in the fold of the game,it was to say the least a easy slow game played by em British folk at the start before they decided to "spread" the game around[which meant colonization of a ton of countries including India].
The sport however has taken huge strides in India ,hell we are the best team in the world if not the richest and most powerful,but this is not what i wanted to write about,i want to let you people know how cricket was played in the fine institute called St Thomas' Boys School Kidderpore.
NOTE:I never actually took part in any of the sports but this is an account of what me pals chintoo[rohit] and babla had to deal with on a regular basis and believe me it was hilarious.
Both of me pals played for the same team[house,lytton] and they are real good players both of em were in the Bengal u9's and under 13's before they got sick of the corruption and they quit.
So obviously they were "star" players,in fact one of em was the captain of the team and they were playing for the most senior squad of the school the U20s.....so they werent crap
Although i did not see any of the games ,a lot of people have confirmed all of these "incidents" which i love talking bout all the time....so off we go
During one of the round robin games me pals had to play the team of the Gunda or at least one of the gundas of school Mahindar.....yup he was built just like the BOLERO ....fucking huge guy and well built and the fact that he was more than 22 years old made it hell to deal with him,he was like one of the Godfathers in school....everyone would call him "Bhai" out of fear and respect...
So "Bhai" was fielding near the boundary and ROHIT[it wasnt babla it was chintoo] was facing the first delivery of the game,was some bloke who was bowling cant remember who,so Bhai comes running all the way to Babla and....
Bhai:OO ladka bowling karega .....aur tum chor dega....out ho jayega first ball.......nahi to......
ROHIT:Ha ha bai no problems....theek hai
First Ball....WIDE
Second Ball....WIDE
Third Ball....NO BALL
Mahinder again comes running....
Bhai:Aye......KYA KAR RAHA HAI? OUT HONE BOLA NA??????
ROHIT:Arrey Bhai woh toh kharaab bowling kar raha hai
Bhai[to bowler]:Aye Seedha bowling karega.......woh baal chor dega
Next ball:Wide
Now Bhai was getting frustated.....
Next ball.......WHALLOPPED BY ROHIT......ITS A SIX!!!!!!
ROHIT turns to the crowd for adulation and celebration,then its all silent....ROHIT then realizes his error....MAHINDER IS PISSED ,HE IS RED AND HE IS BAYING FOR BLOOD.......comes up and warns ROHIT like they always did in STB
"Aaab tere ko bahaar dekh lega......school ke bahaar"
ROHIT is shit scared now but still he makes an amazing match winning knock....which knocked out mahinders team.....oh for shame
much worse was to follow as when Mahinders team came out to bat of all people......babla was the star fielder and he picks up an amazing catch and as he turns around the horror is pasted on his face....he drops the ball in fear as he just caught out BHAI!.....MAHINDER BHAI....BHAI threatened babla even more than rohit
later as babla is walking past school he spots mahinder and is about to run when
Mahinder:PAAALABHI NAAAAAAAAAAA PAAALABHIIIII NAAAAAA!
although he did catch babla he didnt do anything cpet congratulate him.....phew bullet dodged!
But of course since babla's team was playing so well there were bound to be repercussions.....so one day before another match a couple of guys call babla and chintoo towards em.....nervously they go towards em........
One guy takes out his hanky and in it is a piece of crumpled paper,actually its a crumpled page or something...babla cant get a good look......
The guy:Tu jaanta yeh kya hai????.....yeh BAIL certificate hai.....bhai ko police thoda din pehle chora ekbalpur thana se.....
NOTE:this bhai is another "bhai from school" not to be confused with mahinder
Bhai bola kharaab khelne toh tu kharaab hi khelega......and he walks away
Another guy comes who is from babla's house lytton and asks him what the other bloke said....to which babla laid out the details......the guy then tells babla.....[and again i kid you not......GRAPHIC LANGUAGE AHEAD.....]
the new guy:Koi tere ko kuch bhi bolega na....hum ko bol....hum uska maa ka "bur" mein ghoos jayenge.....ITNA BARAA BAAT HUM BOL DIYA.....
Dont know if the talk was big but that vagina sure as hell would be huge to fit this guy in
By the way Babla and Chintoo's team did win the tournament....they werent beaten up or anything....they were just plain old lucky.....not to get beaten up that is.
PS:THIS IS AN EDIT AS I HAD MIXED UP WHAT ROHIT AND BABLA HAD DONE TO "BHAI" DURING THE GAME.....
The sport however has taken huge strides in India ,hell we are the best team in the world if not the richest and most powerful,but this is not what i wanted to write about,i want to let you people know how cricket was played in the fine institute called St Thomas' Boys School Kidderpore.
NOTE:I never actually took part in any of the sports but this is an account of what me pals chintoo[rohit] and babla had to deal with on a regular basis and believe me it was hilarious.
Both of me pals played for the same team[house,lytton] and they are real good players both of em were in the Bengal u9's and under 13's before they got sick of the corruption and they quit.
So obviously they were "star" players,in fact one of em was the captain of the team and they were playing for the most senior squad of the school the U20s.....so they werent crap
Although i did not see any of the games ,a lot of people have confirmed all of these "incidents" which i love talking bout all the time....so off we go
During one of the round robin games me pals had to play the team of the Gunda or at least one of the gundas of school Mahindar.....yup he was built just like the BOLERO ....fucking huge guy and well built and the fact that he was more than 22 years old made it hell to deal with him,he was like one of the Godfathers in school....everyone would call him "Bhai" out of fear and respect...
So "Bhai" was fielding near the boundary and ROHIT[it wasnt babla it was chintoo] was facing the first delivery of the game,was some bloke who was bowling cant remember who,so Bhai comes running all the way to Babla and....
Bhai:OO ladka bowling karega .....aur tum chor dega....out ho jayega first ball.......nahi to......
ROHIT:Ha ha bai no problems....theek hai
First Ball....WIDE
Second Ball....WIDE
Third Ball....NO BALL
Mahinder again comes running....
Bhai:Aye......KYA KAR RAHA HAI? OUT HONE BOLA NA??????
ROHIT:Arrey Bhai woh toh kharaab bowling kar raha hai
Bhai[to bowler]:Aye Seedha bowling karega.......woh baal chor dega
Next ball:Wide
Now Bhai was getting frustated.....
Next ball.......WHALLOPPED BY ROHIT......ITS A SIX!!!!!!
ROHIT turns to the crowd for adulation and celebration,then its all silent....ROHIT then realizes his error....MAHINDER IS PISSED ,HE IS RED AND HE IS BAYING FOR BLOOD.......comes up and warns ROHIT like they always did in STB
"Aaab tere ko bahaar dekh lega......school ke bahaar"
ROHIT is shit scared now but still he makes an amazing match winning knock....which knocked out mahinders team.....oh for shame
much worse was to follow as when Mahinders team came out to bat of all people......babla was the star fielder and he picks up an amazing catch and as he turns around the horror is pasted on his face....he drops the ball in fear as he just caught out BHAI!.....MAHINDER BHAI....BHAI threatened babla even more than rohit
later as babla is walking past school he spots mahinder and is about to run when
Mahinder:PAAALABHI NAAAAAAAAAAA PAAALABHIIIII NAAAAAA!
although he did catch babla he didnt do anything cpet congratulate him.....phew bullet dodged!
But of course since babla's team was playing so well there were bound to be repercussions.....so one day before another match a couple of guys call babla and chintoo towards em.....nervously they go towards em........
One guy takes out his hanky and in it is a piece of crumpled paper,actually its a crumpled page or something...babla cant get a good look......
The guy:Tu jaanta yeh kya hai????.....yeh BAIL certificate hai.....bhai ko police thoda din pehle chora ekbalpur thana se.....
NOTE:this bhai is another "bhai from school" not to be confused with mahinder
Bhai bola kharaab khelne toh tu kharaab hi khelega......and he walks away
Another guy comes who is from babla's house lytton and asks him what the other bloke said....to which babla laid out the details......the guy then tells babla.....[and again i kid you not......GRAPHIC LANGUAGE AHEAD.....]
the new guy:Koi tere ko kuch bhi bolega na....hum ko bol....hum uska maa ka "bur" mein ghoos jayenge.....ITNA BARAA BAAT HUM BOL DIYA.....
Dont know if the talk was big but that vagina sure as hell would be huge to fit this guy in
By the way Babla and Chintoo's team did win the tournament....they werent beaten up or anything....they were just plain old lucky.....not to get beaten up that is.
PS:THIS IS AN EDIT AS I HAD MIXED UP WHAT ROHIT AND BABLA HAD DONE TO "BHAI" DURING THE GAME.....
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Black Saddath
Yes i know its supposed to be "Black Sabbath" but this is what i used to call the great band for quite a few years ,call it my lack of knowledge bout good old fashioned 80's rock or just my stupidity it really dont matter any more,almost all of me pals who have played music with me have started the Black Saddath thingy,[i guess i confused the b's and reversed them and saw em as d's in the name]...so what you people may ask is "what is this Black Saddath?"
Black Saddath is a or was a musical movement where anything that was played well or if we just felt damn good about something during band practice we would start hollering out BLACK SADDATH BLACK SADDATH....aaah those really were the days,cramped up in nagu's room with the smell of babla[who at that time did not discover the invention called "deo spray",the heat in the room would kill us,there would be 5-6 guys and that was a bare minimum,most of the time it was nagu,babla,adil,chintoo,me but others would come and go all the time either to play along or fill in for some one some of the notables are roshan[gablu,nunkoo],bhaveen[gujju] and some others whose names cannot be remembered sorry,but as i was saying the room would often get so hot that most of us well at least Adil and i would play in our undies[which was not a good sight at all],babla would were that one sleeveless shirt he had and that one pair of shorts he had....setting up guitars check,keyboard check,mike check,amps check,drums check, bass check ......ITS TIME TO ROCK!
Not Really,coz we had a time limit that specified that we cld play between so and so hours which never held up as most of us were always late and so a practice scheduled for 3 hours would peter down to an hour and no more,of course during the practice the brains of the outfit was adil,and if you people have not heard him play you havent heard music,he probably is one of the best musicians in calcutta,fingers are malmsteenesque....cant say much more about that,adil would do more or less all of the work,telling what to play ,where to play,when to play,even sometimes how to play,while babla and i would provide comic relief,which as usual was about abusing the life out of one another or of some other poor soul,gujju or nagu or even gablu sometimes and you people should know by now what i do mean about "abuse"....raw raw uncultured abuses would flow out like a fountain.....
What did we practice for? it was for em school fests and all,we were actually pretty good,infact we won the first show we went to [the first show in which i was playing,the core band nagu,adil,babla had won before and they had won a lot] it was the Apeejay fest where to tell you the truth not many bands had come but as they say,you gotta beat what is infront of you,we did ,in fact we creamed em by playing
"BREAKING THE LAW"[neeyom bhanga] and "SANDMAN".......when we finished we heard the loudest roar from the STB boys ,there were just about 5-6 guys but their voices and of course abuses outnumbered the other 200 students present there......and that was a JEET....Jeet ke aagaye
Another time there was some show at Music world,and a lotta bands came to play,i wasnt feeling too good,needed to visit the craphole a lot and since it was early morning i had to use the workers toilet fuck man i cldnt get in it was so dirty,so i had to hold it,when we went up on stage we took on numbers like Its my life,Sandman ,Breaking the law,The symphony of destruction and then we played Sweet Child o mine,now all was goin well until nagus drumkit started shifting away from him every time he would use the base drum,so what did that mean?
Nagu:Adeem.....AAAAEee Adeeeeem,bass ko paas laao
Me:Fuck you man am playing the keys
Nagu:You do it asshole fucking do it now i cant reach it......
Me:Fuck man
so every other beat i would turn around and push the bass back into the reach of nagus ,man that was so massively pissing off......
then there was the horlicks fest where we were told that only 3 instruments can be taken onto the stage, we had 2 guitars a drumkit, a bass and a keyboard,i opted out as i didnt wanna look like an ass who cldnt sing,babla decided he would be a singer along with afzal and man we sounded crummy,but hey thats how the rules fuck us.....
There was another show at nicco park which was the best show out of the lot,there were around 10 bands ad we really did cream em,we played "Fear of the dark" as usual Adil murdered the field with an absolutely perfect solo,no questions asked,the best deal of it was that we got to eat chinese food as lunch and since it was free i was happy but i was happier coz it was chinky food......oh yeah and this was the day when i was certain that Calcutta was filled with gays,will fill you people up with that later
there are a few more memorable events we took part in especially kumafuckingjeets para show where we were asked to play at around 2 in the afternoon,werent given anything to eat or drink,not even fucking water,when we did start playing only like 6 mammals came to see us,kumarjeet his 3 friends ,the soundman and a fucking dog which ran away after we started taking numbers,and while we were in the flow shooting one song and the next to near perfection assholejeet cut our line off,what followed was a barrage of insults by babla especially the infamous FUBU episode......we did get paid 500 bucks [not per person but as a whole] but nevertheless something is better than nothing......
Here is a list of all the songs i remember to have covered:
"Paranoid":Megadeath
"It's My Life"-Bon Jovi
"Smoke on the water"-Deep Purple
"Fear of the dark"-Iron Maiden
"Aint talking bout love"-Van Halen
"Sandman"-Metallica
"Sweet Child o mine"-Guns n Roses
"American Idiot"-Greenday
"Kryptonite"-3 Doors Down
"Highway to hell"-ACDC
"Breaking the law"-Judas Priest
"In the end"-Linkin Park
"Summer of '69"-Bryan Adams
"Another Brick in the wall"-Pink Floyd
"Livin da Vida Loca"-Ricky Martin
"Lady (hear me tonight)"-Modjo
and there were many others some originals as well
"Nice way to die","Godfather" which is actually the best of the lot
And to end with here is a list of people that i have had the privilege and the pain of playing with,
Gujju,Kapbo[crow],Gablu,Mota[pragomoy],Aakash[EEEEsssshhhhkkkkyyyy],chintoo,babla,nagu,adil,swagat,afzal .
We still do shows so if you need someone to play and abuse about on a stuge with do dignity call us!
Black Saddath is a or was a musical movement where anything that was played well or if we just felt damn good about something during band practice we would start hollering out BLACK SADDATH BLACK SADDATH....aaah those really were the days,cramped up in nagu's room with the smell of babla[who at that time did not discover the invention called "deo spray",the heat in the room would kill us,there would be 5-6 guys and that was a bare minimum,most of the time it was nagu,babla,adil,chintoo,me but others would come and go all the time either to play along or fill in for some one some of the notables are roshan[gablu,nunkoo],bhaveen[gujju] and some others whose names cannot be remembered sorry,but as i was saying the room would often get so hot that most of us well at least Adil and i would play in our undies[which was not a good sight at all],babla would were that one sleeveless shirt he had and that one pair of shorts he had....setting up guitars check,keyboard check,mike check,amps check,drums check, bass check ......ITS TIME TO ROCK!
Not Really,coz we had a time limit that specified that we cld play between so and so hours which never held up as most of us were always late and so a practice scheduled for 3 hours would peter down to an hour and no more,of course during the practice the brains of the outfit was adil,and if you people have not heard him play you havent heard music,he probably is one of the best musicians in calcutta,fingers are malmsteenesque....cant say much more about that,adil would do more or less all of the work,telling what to play ,where to play,when to play,even sometimes how to play,while babla and i would provide comic relief,which as usual was about abusing the life out of one another or of some other poor soul,gujju or nagu or even gablu sometimes and you people should know by now what i do mean about "abuse"....raw raw uncultured abuses would flow out like a fountain.....
What did we practice for? it was for em school fests and all,we were actually pretty good,infact we won the first show we went to [the first show in which i was playing,the core band nagu,adil,babla had won before and they had won a lot] it was the Apeejay fest where to tell you the truth not many bands had come but as they say,you gotta beat what is infront of you,we did ,in fact we creamed em by playing
"BREAKING THE LAW"[neeyom bhanga] and "SANDMAN".......when we finished we heard the loudest roar from the STB boys ,there were just about 5-6 guys but their voices and of course abuses outnumbered the other 200 students present there......and that was a JEET....Jeet ke aagaye
Another time there was some show at Music world,and a lotta bands came to play,i wasnt feeling too good,needed to visit the craphole a lot and since it was early morning i had to use the workers toilet fuck man i cldnt get in it was so dirty,so i had to hold it,when we went up on stage we took on numbers like Its my life,Sandman ,Breaking the law,The symphony of destruction and then we played Sweet Child o mine,now all was goin well until nagus drumkit started shifting away from him every time he would use the base drum,so what did that mean?
Nagu:Adeem.....AAAAEee Adeeeeem,bass ko paas laao
Me:Fuck you man am playing the keys
Nagu:You do it asshole fucking do it now i cant reach it......
Me:Fuck man
so every other beat i would turn around and push the bass back into the reach of nagus ,man that was so massively pissing off......
then there was the horlicks fest where we were told that only 3 instruments can be taken onto the stage, we had 2 guitars a drumkit, a bass and a keyboard,i opted out as i didnt wanna look like an ass who cldnt sing,babla decided he would be a singer along with afzal and man we sounded crummy,but hey thats how the rules fuck us.....
There was another show at nicco park which was the best show out of the lot,there were around 10 bands ad we really did cream em,we played "Fear of the dark" as usual Adil murdered the field with an absolutely perfect solo,no questions asked,the best deal of it was that we got to eat chinese food as lunch and since it was free i was happy but i was happier coz it was chinky food......oh yeah and this was the day when i was certain that Calcutta was filled with gays,will fill you people up with that later
there are a few more memorable events we took part in especially kumafuckingjeets para show where we were asked to play at around 2 in the afternoon,werent given anything to eat or drink,not even fucking water,when we did start playing only like 6 mammals came to see us,kumarjeet his 3 friends ,the soundman and a fucking dog which ran away after we started taking numbers,and while we were in the flow shooting one song and the next to near perfection assholejeet cut our line off,what followed was a barrage of insults by babla especially the infamous FUBU episode......we did get paid 500 bucks [not per person but as a whole] but nevertheless something is better than nothing......
Here is a list of all the songs i remember to have covered:
"Paranoid":Megadeath
"It's My Life"-Bon Jovi
"Smoke on the water"-Deep Purple
"Fear of the dark"-Iron Maiden
"Aint talking bout love"-Van Halen
"Sandman"-Metallica
"Sweet Child o mine"-Guns n Roses
"American Idiot"-Greenday
"Kryptonite"-3 Doors Down
"Highway to hell"-ACDC
"Breaking the law"-Judas Priest
"In the end"-Linkin Park
"Summer of '69"-Bryan Adams
"Another Brick in the wall"-Pink Floyd
"Livin da Vida Loca"-Ricky Martin
"Lady (hear me tonight)"-Modjo
and there were many others some originals as well
"Nice way to die","Godfather" which is actually the best of the lot
And to end with here is a list of people that i have had the privilege and the pain of playing with,
Gujju,Kapbo[crow],Gablu,Mota[pragomoy],Aakash[EEEEsssshhhhkkkkyyyy],chintoo,babla,nagu,adil,swagat,afzal .
We still do shows so if you need someone to play and abuse about on a stuge with do dignity call us!
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Then and Now
A long time back when we[people close to my age] were young ,people who would act nuts were simply called nuts.A person who acted freaky would get labelled "mad" by the other family members and were told quite strenly to "stay away from so and so"...."dont talk to them much" and the whole shebang was on.People would avoid meeting that said "mad" person,and they would just be left alone away from all the hastle of family meetings and the sort of thing that makes you wonder if a family and its members are all that they are cracked up to be.
But now in this modern day and age everything is changing and so rapidly,i mean people who are not even close to mental problems...and when i mean mental problems i mean serious ones ,are getting pyschiatric help for small ridiculous problems like being overweight or even the great "depression",dont get me started on the depression thingy,a person is so so sad that he is suffering from depression and he needs help from a shrink,for fucks sake,when i was unhappy my parents would go like
"why are you sad?"
i would reply "aww nothing "
"yeah it better be nothing...or else"
that "or else" would scare the shit out of...which most of the time meant a great deal of shouting and rebuke thrown all over me,not to mention a beating once in a while,the beatings did stop after class 7 though,but they sure as hell made me a decent respectful member of society....well it actually hasnt done any of it.
Of course the good old days were miles better,life was oh so simple,you had freinds and thats it,there wasnt "love" or "hate" or "unhappiness",life was so simple that the most enjoyable thing in the world was just going out in the open and fooling around with a few more kids,we didnt have to think of the "future" ,our future or someone else's,we had no pressure to do well in school,ok most indians did have that pressure,i did as well but that pressure wasnt as severe as it is nowadays.There also wasnt the so called love problem which thanks to the raging hormones inside any teen cause a ton of tension,and of course there wasnt the addiction to pornography,come on all of you have got that bug sometime or another, dont fucking lie.
Nothing much has changed in my behaviour though over the past couple of dacades,yes i am 2 decades old now,sheesh with one single grey hair which everyone seems to notice somehow,oh and the acne ,man oh man what i wouldnt give to have a clean,clear spotless face.Back to me behavior,most of my friends are crazy and abusive and we personally dont give a shit to the public surrounding us,we constantly abuse and curse,but most people dont get em.
There are a few plus sides to growing old of course,i mean my parents dont haul me up anymore about my colourful language,neither do they say anything anymore to me watching porn,i have been caught a lotta time .....guess they have just given up on me.Some things are still there like a night curfew or the fact that i must let me parents know where i am going in advance and all but thats just a minor price to pay for unlimited abusing and the sort.
The most important thing i must tell out now is that in a few years time i will be out working and such and i probably will become everything that i hate,grouchy,busy,working,i would probably have no fun,no free time,wouldnt be able to abuse,meeting with friends would get reduced,i would have to start being accountable for my actions ,be more respectful,be more logical,be more attentive,be more energetic,be more useful.
But.......
Most people say that as you age you gain maturity,well i have aged from a stupid idiotic toddler who would say stupid things to a 20 year old guy who still says stupid things,i have matured from a kid who when he first learnt a few bengali words would use em everytime for no rhyme or reason at all...to a guy who learns abusive words of different languages not really caring bout the actual language,DragonBall Z is still one of me favorite cartoons,so are Dexter's Lab ,I Am Weasel and the rest of the amazing Cartoon Cartoons and of course my relationships with girls hasnt changed much,cept for that one girl who we all know about,so all in all i havent actually matured even one bit in 20 years and may i live like this all my life
PS3,Music,Porno,Football,Friends,KFC what else does a guy need?
But now in this modern day and age everything is changing and so rapidly,i mean people who are not even close to mental problems...and when i mean mental problems i mean serious ones ,are getting pyschiatric help for small ridiculous problems like being overweight or even the great "depression",dont get me started on the depression thingy,a person is so so sad that he is suffering from depression and he needs help from a shrink,for fucks sake,when i was unhappy my parents would go like
"why are you sad?"
i would reply "aww nothing "
"yeah it better be nothing...or else"
that "or else" would scare the shit out of...which most of the time meant a great deal of shouting and rebuke thrown all over me,not to mention a beating once in a while,the beatings did stop after class 7 though,but they sure as hell made me a decent respectful member of society....well it actually hasnt done any of it.
Of course the good old days were miles better,life was oh so simple,you had freinds and thats it,there wasnt "love" or "hate" or "unhappiness",life was so simple that the most enjoyable thing in the world was just going out in the open and fooling around with a few more kids,we didnt have to think of the "future" ,our future or someone else's,we had no pressure to do well in school,ok most indians did have that pressure,i did as well but that pressure wasnt as severe as it is nowadays.There also wasnt the so called love problem which thanks to the raging hormones inside any teen cause a ton of tension,and of course there wasnt the addiction to pornography,come on all of you have got that bug sometime or another, dont fucking lie.
Nothing much has changed in my behaviour though over the past couple of dacades,yes i am 2 decades old now,sheesh with one single grey hair which everyone seems to notice somehow,oh and the acne ,man oh man what i wouldnt give to have a clean,clear spotless face.Back to me behavior,most of my friends are crazy and abusive and we personally dont give a shit to the public surrounding us,we constantly abuse and curse,but most people dont get em.
There are a few plus sides to growing old of course,i mean my parents dont haul me up anymore about my colourful language,neither do they say anything anymore to me watching porn,i have been caught a lotta time .....guess they have just given up on me.Some things are still there like a night curfew or the fact that i must let me parents know where i am going in advance and all but thats just a minor price to pay for unlimited abusing and the sort.
The most important thing i must tell out now is that in a few years time i will be out working and such and i probably will become everything that i hate,grouchy,busy,working,i would probably have no fun,no free time,wouldnt be able to abuse,meeting with friends would get reduced,i would have to start being accountable for my actions ,be more respectful,be more logical,be more attentive,be more energetic,be more useful.
But.......
Most people say that as you age you gain maturity,well i have aged from a stupid idiotic toddler who would say stupid things to a 20 year old guy who still says stupid things,i have matured from a kid who when he first learnt a few bengali words would use em everytime for no rhyme or reason at all...to a guy who learns abusive words of different languages not really caring bout the actual language,DragonBall Z is still one of me favorite cartoons,so are Dexter's Lab ,I Am Weasel and the rest of the amazing Cartoon Cartoons and of course my relationships with girls hasnt changed much,cept for that one girl who we all know about,so all in all i havent actually matured even one bit in 20 years and may i live like this all my life
PS3,Music,Porno,Football,Friends,KFC what else does a guy need?
Monday, August 24, 2009
Goooooaaaaaaalllllllll
Now it wont take a rocket scientist to guess what this blog will be about,its about me love for football,the game which is played by most people in the world,the International body FIFA has around 150+ members,which is the most by any sports body in the world,the fact that really pisses me off is that apart from cricket no sport in India gets any support at all,in hockey we were gold winners 8 times in the Olympics,but we failed to qualify in the 2008 Olympics,hell we the India football team were invited to play in the 1950 Fifa world cup,but we didnt go to the event coz we didnt have no shoes....and that is a fact not a made up story.....its true
Back to the point,football is the one sport i watch any time i get,any team,any league will do[European mostly]....and the one club that i support more than any other club is of course Liverpool Fc which most of you should have known by now,for those numbnuts who dont know a thing bout us
1:Liverpool is the most successful English Club in terms for Winning the League 18 times but we are now tied with Malchoda Utd who also have 18 now
2:Liverpool is the most successful English club in Europe with 5 Champions league Titles....yes more than Malchoda,More than Chelshit[they havent won any european cups] and Arsenal
so again as you all should know i support my club through thick and thin.....no nonsense of switching clucs like chintoo did...i know you changed your allegiances from Manure to chelshit coz of the money.....so every time there is a liverpool game on the emotions run riot and i end up abusing,celebrating or just pissing people off....here are the top celebrations done in the past few years
1:Liverpool 1-0 Chelsea [2003 Premier league]
Michael 'Judas' Owen scored in the 90th minute
One of those games where i was thinking that the goal would just not come,but it did come in the 90th minute and i was so freaking happy i started jumpin and screaming and shouting at the top of me voice on me old rickety bed which was quite fragile....this i did at around 10:30 pm which was late nite at that time not anymore....so a crack is heard....next thing i know my dad comes running in me room and finds me sandwiched between a mattress and a lotta plywood
2:AC Milan 3-3 Liverpool [2005 champions league final]
We won the game 4-3 on Pens after trailing 3-0 at halftime...the greatest comeback in history probably
All Liverpool fans remember this one...that amazing night in Istanbul,its only us the Liverpool fans who thought maybe we can win this after Milan ripped us apart and were leading and cruising at halftime 3-0...i remember me friends askin me the next day
"By how many did Milan win"
i replied "We won on Penalties.....fuck yeah....fuck fuck fuck"
they didnt watch the entire game coz they thought the match was over
so rite after Dudek saved Shevchenko's penalty cue the dancing and celebrating,[no shouting this time...i was warned]...but since i was sleeping on the floor....coz me bed was broken...i slipped and hit my head on my desk....i started seeing more stars than a boxer who got punched by Iron Mike Tyson
3:West 3-3 Liverpool[2006 FA Cup final]
We win again on Pens
Stevie G scores probably one of the best and greatest FA cup goals in the 94th minute
i remember i was shifting and taking stuff from me old flat to me new one and i had to keep tabs on the score from a pal of mine....and when i heard that we won the Cup i was screaming and shouting and me dad was like
"what the hell is wrong why are you shouting? its just a football game"
i replied
"thats the passion dad...you wont understand you manure supporter"
4:Manchester UTD 1-4 Liverpool [March 2009]
A hammering at OLd trafford
the day when we raped our greatest and most hated rivals crap u at old trafford....i was watching the game with a manure pal of mine 'manko' and when Gaynaldo scored from a pen i was like "oh no here we go again" but then Torres made Vidic look like his bitch and Vander sar was licking his own gaad [ass]......stevie made evra his bitch got a pen and kissed the Badge and the camera....amazing...Fabulous Aurelio scored a majestic free kick and just to spice things up Nemanja Bitch itch was sent off.....and to rub salt into the festering wound...our 3rd choice Left back playing as a winger scored a goal looping the ball over Vander gaaars head....and i was abusing and making fun of manko so much that he left before the final whistle blew...and he vowed never to come to watch a manu game at my place.......
5:Fulham 0-1 Liverpool [March 2009]
Benny scores again at the death
While we hammered away at Fulham ,hitting the post 3 times in the game it was a feeling of deja vu,thinking we would not win the game...but Benny popped up and scored again at the death 94th minute...it was like 1:30 Am over here and me dad popped into me room to charge up his cell phone as soon as Benny scored i jumped up and started screaming and shouting and abusing away...all this while holding my dad
Me dad learnt a lesson and now never NEVER comes into me room while a football game is on!
Back to the point,football is the one sport i watch any time i get,any team,any league will do[European mostly]....and the one club that i support more than any other club is of course Liverpool Fc which most of you should have known by now,for those numbnuts who dont know a thing bout us
1:Liverpool is the most successful English Club in terms for Winning the League 18 times but we are now tied with Malchoda Utd who also have 18 now
2:Liverpool is the most successful English club in Europe with 5 Champions league Titles....yes more than Malchoda,More than Chelshit[they havent won any european cups] and Arsenal
so again as you all should know i support my club through thick and thin.....no nonsense of switching clucs like chintoo did...i know you changed your allegiances from Manure to chelshit coz of the money.....so every time there is a liverpool game on the emotions run riot and i end up abusing,celebrating or just pissing people off....here are the top celebrations done in the past few years
1:Liverpool 1-0 Chelsea [2003 Premier league]
Michael 'Judas' Owen scored in the 90th minute
One of those games where i was thinking that the goal would just not come,but it did come in the 90th minute and i was so freaking happy i started jumpin and screaming and shouting at the top of me voice on me old rickety bed which was quite fragile....this i did at around 10:30 pm which was late nite at that time not anymore....so a crack is heard....next thing i know my dad comes running in me room and finds me sandwiched between a mattress and a lotta plywood
2:AC Milan 3-3 Liverpool [2005 champions league final]
We won the game 4-3 on Pens after trailing 3-0 at halftime...the greatest comeback in history probably
All Liverpool fans remember this one...that amazing night in Istanbul,its only us the Liverpool fans who thought maybe we can win this after Milan ripped us apart and were leading and cruising at halftime 3-0...i remember me friends askin me the next day
"By how many did Milan win"
i replied "We won on Penalties.....fuck yeah....fuck fuck fuck"
they didnt watch the entire game coz they thought the match was over
so rite after Dudek saved Shevchenko's penalty cue the dancing and celebrating,[no shouting this time...i was warned]...but since i was sleeping on the floor....coz me bed was broken...i slipped and hit my head on my desk....i started seeing more stars than a boxer who got punched by Iron Mike Tyson
3:West 3-3 Liverpool[2006 FA Cup final]
We win again on Pens
Stevie G scores probably one of the best and greatest FA cup goals in the 94th minute
i remember i was shifting and taking stuff from me old flat to me new one and i had to keep tabs on the score from a pal of mine....and when i heard that we won the Cup i was screaming and shouting and me dad was like
"what the hell is wrong why are you shouting? its just a football game"
i replied
"thats the passion dad...you wont understand you manure supporter"
4:Manchester UTD 1-4 Liverpool [March 2009]
A hammering at OLd trafford
the day when we raped our greatest and most hated rivals crap u at old trafford....i was watching the game with a manure pal of mine 'manko' and when Gaynaldo scored from a pen i was like "oh no here we go again" but then Torres made Vidic look like his bitch and Vander sar was licking his own gaad [ass]......stevie made evra his bitch got a pen and kissed the Badge and the camera....amazing...Fabulous Aurelio scored a majestic free kick and just to spice things up Nemanja Bitch itch was sent off.....and to rub salt into the festering wound...our 3rd choice Left back playing as a winger scored a goal looping the ball over Vander gaaars head....and i was abusing and making fun of manko so much that he left before the final whistle blew...and he vowed never to come to watch a manu game at my place.......
5:Fulham 0-1 Liverpool [March 2009]
Benny scores again at the death
While we hammered away at Fulham ,hitting the post 3 times in the game it was a feeling of deja vu,thinking we would not win the game...but Benny popped up and scored again at the death 94th minute...it was like 1:30 Am over here and me dad popped into me room to charge up his cell phone as soon as Benny scored i jumped up and started screaming and shouting and abusing away...all this while holding my dad
Me dad learnt a lesson and now never NEVER comes into me room while a football game is on!
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Gujju Che che
Before i start this rant i want to make one thing clear.....i dont hate gujjus or any other caste creed etc....i just like making fun of them coz they deserve it,people make fun of others behind their backs ,i like to do it when they are the audience....so dont go all UN and all on my ass and call me a rascist.....
i hate everyone equally.....even myself.....and so i begin
I know a ton of gujjus,the problem is they seem to be everywhere in this world,they and biharis of course,time and time again i find them invading my space and all.....i mean in school what was the probability of finding gujjus in Calcutta near kidderpore in probably the most rowdy school of all time....that when they have a proper gujju school/college in calcutta ,Bhaggu as people call it...and of course they had La Marts which is like a gujju haven.....but in me class i had around 3-4 gujjus...who all were nice...but they were freaks...which is actually a requisite to be a student of STB.
I remember Bhaveen Jhutani,a teacher called him Bhavani Jawanee....or was that us....no wait we used to call him Kutta Bhawanee,or even better Jhutanee....the dude is/was a great bass player....but that bit is overshadowed by his "gujjuness"....relating to stupid behaviour and crazy assed gestures and all,which have to be seen to be believed......then of course then was Harsh Niket Seta har baap ka beta.....but this guy was mellow not like the typical gujjus .....he was the nice guy actually in school...didnt ever cross no one or say shit or anything like that at all.....
of course they are not the only gujjus i have met in me life....and they obviously arent even close to the reason why i do make fun gujjus....actually bhaveen is a reason....another pal i met is sanket in college....and he is gujju personafied.....paisa paisa paisa.....thats more or less what he can think about
i remember in me first year o college how much he wanted me sandy and nikhil to join that stupid money laundering scheme ebizz.....fucking carzy assed scheme it was too other than that he is a good guy cept he has low tolerance levels of anything and is very and i mean very violent....but for some reason he keeps on sayin "i am not violent"
speaking of speaking....another thing is the accent....where they seem to close their noses while trying to speak ....its like a himesh song or something like that......of course all the indian states and their residents have their own accents so i cant just rip of the gujjus alone but the real reason i have to rip on em gujjus is that 50% of chix i have ever fallen for were gujju....sneha vakharia and ronica jethwa....God damn em caused me so much trauma and tension and pain....i dont
think i can fall for a chick ever again...cept of course if they are SUPER HOT and by super hot i mean meltdown...as in i will melt into a liquid seeing them,their body temperature is so fucking high that all objects around em will melt and liquify....and then the liquids will evaporate.....the chick has to be so hot
that a mirage can be seen some distance away from the chick coz she is so hot....
and of course my forte is pissing people off so how do you piss off a gujju?
the credit here must go to babla who came up with an innovative Q+A
Q:How do you spell gujju?
A:M-a-d-a-r-c-h-o-d
of course there is a mellow version of this which i use
Q:How do you spell gujju?
A:zhe-you-zhe-zhe-you
i hate everyone equally.....even myself.....and so i begin
I know a ton of gujjus,the problem is they seem to be everywhere in this world,they and biharis of course,time and time again i find them invading my space and all.....i mean in school what was the probability of finding gujjus in Calcutta near kidderpore in probably the most rowdy school of all time....that when they have a proper gujju school/college in calcutta ,Bhaggu as people call it...and of course they had La Marts which is like a gujju haven.....but in me class i had around 3-4 gujjus...who all were nice...but they were freaks...which is actually a requisite to be a student of STB.
I remember Bhaveen Jhutani,a teacher called him Bhavani Jawanee....or was that us....no wait we used to call him Kutta Bhawanee,or even better Jhutanee....the dude is/was a great bass player....but that bit is overshadowed by his "gujjuness"....relating to stupid behaviour and crazy assed gestures and all,which have to be seen to be believed......then of course then was Harsh Niket Seta har baap ka beta.....but this guy was mellow not like the typical gujjus .....he was the nice guy actually in school...didnt ever cross no one or say shit or anything like that at all.....
of course they are not the only gujjus i have met in me life....and they obviously arent even close to the reason why i do make fun gujjus....actually bhaveen is a reason....another pal i met is sanket in college....and he is gujju personafied.....paisa paisa paisa.....thats more or less what he can think about
i remember in me first year o college how much he wanted me sandy and nikhil to join that stupid money laundering scheme ebizz.....fucking carzy assed scheme it was too other than that he is a good guy cept he has low tolerance levels of anything and is very and i mean very violent....but for some reason he keeps on sayin "i am not violent"
speaking of speaking....another thing is the accent....where they seem to close their noses while trying to speak ....its like a himesh song or something like that......of course all the indian states and their residents have their own accents so i cant just rip of the gujjus alone but the real reason i have to rip on em gujjus is that 50% of chix i have ever fallen for were gujju....sneha vakharia and ronica jethwa....God damn em caused me so much trauma and tension and pain....i dont
think i can fall for a chick ever again...cept of course if they are SUPER HOT and by super hot i mean meltdown...as in i will melt into a liquid seeing them,their body temperature is so fucking high that all objects around em will melt and liquify....and then the liquids will evaporate.....the chick has to be so hot
that a mirage can be seen some distance away from the chick coz she is so hot....
and of course my forte is pissing people off so how do you piss off a gujju?
the credit here must go to babla who came up with an innovative Q+A
Q:How do you spell gujju?
A:M-a-d-a-r-c-h-o-d
of course there is a mellow version of this which i use
Q:How do you spell gujju?
A:zhe-you-zhe-zhe-you
Monday, July 20, 2009
EVS.....oh dear lord EVS
We all can agree that there sure as hell is a lot of industrialization going on all around the world ......the rate of pollution has sky rocketed over the past decade or so....strict laws have been implemented for emissions and protection of the environment.....but all this is secondary.....we the "young" must know about the environment...how to protect it....sustain it.....make sure it aint polluted....and i guess this all must start with knowledge about the environment.....so in the summer of 2006 when we class 11 students came back for the new session we got a little surprise....we had a new subject to study for the ISC's[yes we all could hear the collective groans and moans.....]...ENVIRONMENTAL STUDIES or better know an EVS.....which was made a compulsary subject for all students from 2006....
now that was ok....i mean it is important for all of us to learn about probably the greatest natural resource and all....and so to impart knowledge there must good teachers who will do the needful....but unfortunately what we got was a crying whore and a gutless creep.....so lets get it started
for all the class 11s and 12s we got a teacher called Mrs Chaudhury or something like that.....but that wasnt her name....her name was Sonali Basu Roy Chaudhury...why would a person have 3 surnames?......well we knew the answer to that....becoz everyday when she would come to class she would look like a whore....and i am not exaggerating ......really sloppy make up...always panting heavily....and the fact that she was probably one of the few "good" looking teachers made it an even greater problem for her to cope with us "boys"....
yes we boys didnt cut her any slack at all.....as most of us...[barring the good boys like me and me group]...would really wanna "get" her real bad....but then she would often do really stupid idiotic things which made absolutely no sense whatsoever.....
for example it was rakhi....and as usual time for something stupid for this lady to do....so she decides to tie a rakhi on every guys wrist.....yes again collective groans could be heard a mile away.....the commerce students were really upset....with a certain guy even telling maam "kya maam bhai bana diya?"...what else would she make of him?.....then there was the crying ...OH DEAR GOD....every alternate day she would cry and sob for more than half the period......
"THE SCHOOL TREATS ME BADLY"
"THE SCHOOL DOESNT WANT ME HERE"
"THE TEACHERS DONT LIKE ME"
"THEY DONT LIKE ME BECAUSE I TREAT ALL YOU LIKE MY BROTHERS"
dear lord she went on like this everyday...once in a while she would pop up with real crazy comments.....like once we were all shouting and screaming in the class as usual....and she was trying to control us....she gave up after a few minutes and she sat down and started sobbing....now we learnt that the best way to deal with her is to ignore her....so she cried some more and then shouted out
"I CANT HAVE CHILDREN"......
baaaaam utter silence .....everystopped ....no one was moving and we all just stared at her....and she explained as to why she cant have any children...[she couldnt bear em for some biological reason...]....but the point is you dont say that in front of anyone let alone in front of the STB students........
she even had time to accuse one of the accounts teachers of sexual harrassment....now he didnt do nothing...but apparently did send her some lewd sms' which offended her...and as usual she made a big deal out of it....and i was the one who broke the news of the teacher to the students of my class....well that is one good deed in my life....
sadly the teacher was forced into leaving the school.....
the other freak i was talking bout is a guy called Talukdar....JOY TALUKDAR...although i never did have a class with him .......he was the other evs teacher....and one incident made headlines....well at least in my school which again is a big deal.....
so it was an isc exam and joy was just passing by the big auditorium where the commerce students were seated.......and just to show he had balls....he caught atif[a goonda] on the school cheating or talking with some other kid in the exams hall.....and he said something to atif....
atif crouched on his seat and blurted softly
"fuck you"
well talukdar heard that and took matters into his own hands or mouth i should say
he turned around and shouted loudly in the hall
"FUCK YOU TOO"
wow....amazing....why dont days like these happen everyday?
now that was ok....i mean it is important for all of us to learn about probably the greatest natural resource and all....and so to impart knowledge there must good teachers who will do the needful....but unfortunately what we got was a crying whore and a gutless creep.....so lets get it started
for all the class 11s and 12s we got a teacher called Mrs Chaudhury or something like that.....but that wasnt her name....her name was Sonali Basu Roy Chaudhury...why would a person have 3 surnames?......well we knew the answer to that....becoz everyday when she would come to class she would look like a whore....and i am not exaggerating ......really sloppy make up...always panting heavily....and the fact that she was probably one of the few "good" looking teachers made it an even greater problem for her to cope with us "boys"....
yes we boys didnt cut her any slack at all.....as most of us...[barring the good boys like me and me group]...would really wanna "get" her real bad....but then she would often do really stupid idiotic things which made absolutely no sense whatsoever.....
for example it was rakhi....and as usual time for something stupid for this lady to do....so she decides to tie a rakhi on every guys wrist.....yes again collective groans could be heard a mile away.....the commerce students were really upset....with a certain guy even telling maam "kya maam bhai bana diya?"...what else would she make of him?.....then there was the crying ...OH DEAR GOD....every alternate day she would cry and sob for more than half the period......
"THE SCHOOL TREATS ME BADLY"
"THE SCHOOL DOESNT WANT ME HERE"
"THE TEACHERS DONT LIKE ME"
"THEY DONT LIKE ME BECAUSE I TREAT ALL YOU LIKE MY BROTHERS"
dear lord she went on like this everyday...once in a while she would pop up with real crazy comments.....like once we were all shouting and screaming in the class as usual....and she was trying to control us....she gave up after a few minutes and she sat down and started sobbing....now we learnt that the best way to deal with her is to ignore her....so she cried some more and then shouted out
"I CANT HAVE CHILDREN"......
baaaaam utter silence .....everystopped ....no one was moving and we all just stared at her....and she explained as to why she cant have any children...[she couldnt bear em for some biological reason...]....but the point is you dont say that in front of anyone let alone in front of the STB students........
she even had time to accuse one of the accounts teachers of sexual harrassment....now he didnt do nothing...but apparently did send her some lewd sms' which offended her...and as usual she made a big deal out of it....and i was the one who broke the news of the teacher to the students of my class....well that is one good deed in my life....
sadly the teacher was forced into leaving the school.....
the other freak i was talking bout is a guy called Talukdar....JOY TALUKDAR...although i never did have a class with him .......he was the other evs teacher....and one incident made headlines....well at least in my school which again is a big deal.....
so it was an isc exam and joy was just passing by the big auditorium where the commerce students were seated.......and just to show he had balls....he caught atif[a goonda] on the school cheating or talking with some other kid in the exams hall.....and he said something to atif....
atif crouched on his seat and blurted softly
"fuck you"
well talukdar heard that and took matters into his own hands or mouth i should say
he turned around and shouted loudly in the hall
"FUCK YOU TOO"
wow....amazing....why dont days like these happen everyday?
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