My mom keeps telling me a couple of things these days, especially since my internship started.
1: You cannot choose who your boss is
2: You cannot choose who your parents are
The latter because she has seen a ton of children mess about with their parents in their old age, while the former because she sees me coming home absolutely pissed and angry, the family genes finally kick in, I do have crazy anger like both my parents.
How did I unlock this rage?
Lets go back a couple of days, well actually 4 weeks back when we had to meet the MD of the company where I was doing my SIP, while the bugger did talk big about his company and all, he somehow thought we had done no work at all for a couple of weeks, which was far from the truth, the thing was that the regional manager wanted to save his ass and thus he threw us interns into the deep end of the pool.
This regional head was the bloke who made 1.45 Crore in one financial year and then came to work in a company which was barely 2 years in its existence, Why?
Because he loves money, that is his only motivation,I got plans for that.
So while 6 weeks pass without much problems barring the one i just stated above, we got most of the work done and were in the final leg of making the project for submission, we hear that the boss wants to meet us and talk to us, when we reach the 666 office, (6 camac street, 6th floor, suite no 600) we see that the boss is ripping all the employees into pieces, we weren't scared, as we had come prepared with our own arsenal. We , however didn't meet the boss but the regional head who knowing well enough that we have barely 7 days left in our internship gives us a new project to be done in less than 7 days.
The new project was located around 50 kms from Calcutta, which to a normal bloke would not seem to be far but the conditions of the roads in Calcutta make a 10 km, 20 minute journey, one that lasts more than an hour, so this journey was to take around 2 hours, easily.
I had decided that no one would be going to this new project in the middle of nowhere, but a few pals told me that since we had not caused much of a stir in the office and its our last week, we might as well visit the place, once.
We did visit the place, when we actually vehemently said that we would not to the regional head, who came up with crap assed excuses like "I have not forced you guys to do anything" and all, in fact in the office people had to calm us interns down as we would have actually beaten up the said guy.
So we went to the site, with no names, or even an address of the project, a residential building is coming up somewhere in the middle of a jungle, this part of the city does not speak hindi, which was bad for me as my bengali is not up to the mark. Fortunately the other interns can speak pretty well, so while we spent around 1 hour just searching for the place, the regional head tells us to wait in the developers office and that he would come soon, the time was around 2 PM , we waited till around 2:30 before we called the HR and asked about the whereabouts.
The developer was actually in our office signing some papers , with the regional head also there, he fucking knew the developer would not be in Andul but in Calcutta, yet he sent us there to do nothing and waste our time, fuck the head we left for home.
The next day we again decided we were not going, no fucking way, this time the douche greets us and asks us about the project, we told him the project was shit and we have no idea as to why the firm was trying to sell a building in the middle of nowhere, where a local dealer would sell this property and that there was no need for the company to deal with it as they had no scope of selling anything or gaining anything fruitful from it.
He then tells us that there is this huge piece of land another 20 minutes from the first property and that was their main aim, this was a side project of the same developer, so we should go to the market place and get the views and ideas of the people there as to what are their needs and wants, initially we were asked to get around 50 leads per person so that these people would want to buy the flats, we got so upset with this bit as we had just gone to that place and they told us to do nothing, this time we told em that we would go the next day but not today
The head asks me "What are you going to do today?"
I got pissed and replied "Am going home to do nothing"
That shut him up, the HR had to come and solve the problem, now we had to interview 25 people and get the hell out of the place, while the head kept on insisting that he would meet us there at around 2 PM.
We reached Andul and started pestering a lot of people in the area for their views on a new project, while people didn't care about swimming pools and gymnasiums in the complex, they wanted power back up and car parking, but I don't think you guys give a shit to this bit so I am moving on, while I nearly pissed off and got thrown out of a photocopy ( its not xerox , idiots) center as I couldn't speak proper bengali.
Fast forward, its 2:30 and no sign of the head, so we call the HR who calls the head, who calls us and tells us to wait near the SBI ATM and that he would be there in 2 mins, it becomes 3 PM and no sign of him yet, we then see the old bloke from the developers office rushing out in his cycle, we shout out to him and find out that our head is sitting in the office and is waiting to have something to drink, sprite is the choice for today.
At 3:30 we call him again and this time he says he can see us in front of the ATM
We tell him where ? we aren't at the ATM
He replies, where are you?
We tell him that we are close by, we were standing near the developers house and the douche is walking with a smile but that smile fades when he sees 5 angry people looking at him.
Now the freak is caught, so we ask him how he came here?
He says via bus, we rip him as he did not have a ticket to prove it, damn douche was lying again when he said that there was a good restaurant close by , again crap, we gave him those 25 response sheets that we had got and left.
Today, there is no smile on his face when he enters the office but I give him this wry smile and greet him in my obnoxious rapist tone "Good morning Saaaar", freak didn't respond, then he comes to me and tells me that we are going to Andul again and starts telling me and showing me on a piece of paper where he will place some billboards and all, the entire time I am playing Angry Birds on my cell and not giving a damn to what he says, all the other interns come, he says the same crap, no one gives a shit and we leave for home.
Fuck it, we got 4 days left, I am not going half way across the state to some undeveloped village and getting pissed for no reason.
this douche said his only motivation is money, If I become this big tycoon, I will buy him and make him clean public urinals with his mouth, pay him handsomely I will but he better be prepared to become a real douche.
Friday, June 24, 2011
Rain Rain, Don't go away.
When I was trying to get admission into St Xavier's in class 1 , I was asked by the Principal of the school, "Which is your favorite season ?"
If it was today, I would say the football season, but when I was 6 years old , football had not entered my mind so I replied "The monsoon season"
Why?
That is because most people in Bengal just love rain, we in Calcutta have a very laid back attitude, offices open at around 10 AM, the traffic is atrocious and the people are just used to blockades and bandhs all the time.
The rain is just another way to relax and take a day off, the monsoon season always brings in one or two days of massive heavy rainfall where everything will be closed the next day, has been happening every year since I came back to Calcutta.
Plus, I was a kid back then, there is nothing better than coming home during the rain, getting drenched, jumping in puddles and basically making a mess, plus the obvious scolding a person or a kid in my case would get when I would reach home.
My mom would always be cross as to why I would come home drenched even though she would give me an umbrella, the lamest excuse I would give when I was young was "The wind was blowing from all sides, so the umbrella was off no use",
now I am an adult, so I tell her the truth
"I wanted to get drenched , Ma, its RAIN , how can you not enjoy it?"
The fact that I was away from Calcutta for a good 7 years made me realize how much I really enjoyed the monsoon season, comparing it to the 7 almost barren years of no rain in Dubai, a little drizzle gets me all jumpy and excited. In hope that due to the crazy shit loads of rain , I won't have to go to school or college or office.
While now I am doing my internship from a certain office, recently it was raining all nite long, the next day I got dropped off at office with a huge umbrella as usual.
The rain was so bad in some areas that well half of the office staff came late, but again, I was on time, which was good as I had the chance to leave early as well. The other interns somehow made it, while we sat there waiting for the HR to come and let us go, we decided that it was late enough and we should leave so that we could reach home fast.
When we did reach the ground floor, it was completely flooded with water, that too dirty shit assed water completely filled with muck and roaches floating about like it was lunch time in Joe's apartment.
I expected Camac street to be bad, everyone says it becomes pathetic as soon as it rains for an hour or so, I got a bloody good taste of it when I reached the main street, the place was completely waterlogged, no chance of even being able to take a peek of the pavement, the pavement didn't exist anymore, it felt like I was on the shore of some beach, of course due to the presence of so much mud and sand in the water, not to mention the cockroaches.
The road was completely filled with water and the cars were all standing still, while the umbrella I was holding was of no use, as the wind really was blowing water from all the sides, I decided to have some fun, while in my office casuals (I hate them), seeing a lot of standing water with a lotta hard rain means only 1 thing to me, its time to get drenched, screw the umbrella, I start jumping in and out of the water, kicking and splashing it to some of my friends from the office who have no idea why I am doing it.
The look that people had in the cars was hilarious, the stare that they were providing and the gobsmacked expression said it all, Why would anyone be doing this? I do it, because I fucking can is the answer.
While I usually walk fifteen minutes before I take a cab home, this time around I could only walk 5 minutes as the water was knee deep for me. The cab driver fortunately was heading towards my locality as he said he had told a few people to buzz off as he was not interested in going anywhere in this weather.
Hell, it was so bad, that water was entering the cab and certain low cars were actually getting water into their grill, while we passed Camac street and came out from under the bridge, it was slightly better as the other side of the city had almost no problems regarding stagnant water, of course that was for the main road, inside my locality it was bad as well, fortunately my complex is located bang on the main road so I was saved from having to trudge in the waist deep water as I heard.
The best bit of the day, apart from getting drenched, missing office, splashing my ass around?
Getting to go home and stuffing my face with fries and chicken nuggets.
Bring on the rain, if it means more days like this.
If it was today, I would say the football season, but when I was 6 years old , football had not entered my mind so I replied "The monsoon season"
Why?
That is because most people in Bengal just love rain, we in Calcutta have a very laid back attitude, offices open at around 10 AM, the traffic is atrocious and the people are just used to blockades and bandhs all the time.
The rain is just another way to relax and take a day off, the monsoon season always brings in one or two days of massive heavy rainfall where everything will be closed the next day, has been happening every year since I came back to Calcutta.
Plus, I was a kid back then, there is nothing better than coming home during the rain, getting drenched, jumping in puddles and basically making a mess, plus the obvious scolding a person or a kid in my case would get when I would reach home.
My mom would always be cross as to why I would come home drenched even though she would give me an umbrella, the lamest excuse I would give when I was young was "The wind was blowing from all sides, so the umbrella was off no use",
now I am an adult, so I tell her the truth
"I wanted to get drenched , Ma, its RAIN , how can you not enjoy it?"
The fact that I was away from Calcutta for a good 7 years made me realize how much I really enjoyed the monsoon season, comparing it to the 7 almost barren years of no rain in Dubai, a little drizzle gets me all jumpy and excited. In hope that due to the crazy shit loads of rain , I won't have to go to school or college or office.
While now I am doing my internship from a certain office, recently it was raining all nite long, the next day I got dropped off at office with a huge umbrella as usual.
The rain was so bad in some areas that well half of the office staff came late, but again, I was on time, which was good as I had the chance to leave early as well. The other interns somehow made it, while we sat there waiting for the HR to come and let us go, we decided that it was late enough and we should leave so that we could reach home fast.
When we did reach the ground floor, it was completely flooded with water, that too dirty shit assed water completely filled with muck and roaches floating about like it was lunch time in Joe's apartment.
I expected Camac street to be bad, everyone says it becomes pathetic as soon as it rains for an hour or so, I got a bloody good taste of it when I reached the main street, the place was completely waterlogged, no chance of even being able to take a peek of the pavement, the pavement didn't exist anymore, it felt like I was on the shore of some beach, of course due to the presence of so much mud and sand in the water, not to mention the cockroaches.
The road was completely filled with water and the cars were all standing still, while the umbrella I was holding was of no use, as the wind really was blowing water from all the sides, I decided to have some fun, while in my office casuals (I hate them), seeing a lot of standing water with a lotta hard rain means only 1 thing to me, its time to get drenched, screw the umbrella, I start jumping in and out of the water, kicking and splashing it to some of my friends from the office who have no idea why I am doing it.
The look that people had in the cars was hilarious, the stare that they were providing and the gobsmacked expression said it all, Why would anyone be doing this? I do it, because I fucking can is the answer.
While I usually walk fifteen minutes before I take a cab home, this time around I could only walk 5 minutes as the water was knee deep for me. The cab driver fortunately was heading towards my locality as he said he had told a few people to buzz off as he was not interested in going anywhere in this weather.
Hell, it was so bad, that water was entering the cab and certain low cars were actually getting water into their grill, while we passed Camac street and came out from under the bridge, it was slightly better as the other side of the city had almost no problems regarding stagnant water, of course that was for the main road, inside my locality it was bad as well, fortunately my complex is located bang on the main road so I was saved from having to trudge in the waist deep water as I heard.
The best bit of the day, apart from getting drenched, missing office, splashing my ass around?
Getting to go home and stuffing my face with fries and chicken nuggets.
Bring on the rain, if it means more days like this.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Two and a half "high" men
I have often been told that drunks bear their soul out and say whatever comes to their mind, things that are deep inside their heart are also laid out bare to the rest of the world in a heap of realization, laughter, seriousness, empty bottles and glasses , sorrow with just a whiff of alcohol, well not a whiff, more like they put on Eu De Alcohol made by Tommy Hilfiger or something.
When Chintoo came back to calcutta, Babla laid down one day that there would be a booze session one day, with me included in it,Chintoo, babla , Nagu and I accepted, me of course would not touch any more alcohol, that whole vodka thingy was a mistake and God will forgive me for that, well I may burn in hell for all the porno but I sure as hell ain't going down because of booze.
They were to drink and drink a lot, so a plan was made as to which day they would get smashed, that day didn't come as Nagu ran away like a douche to Bangalore for no reason, it was left to the three of us, while I was adamant that I would not drink, babla was all about making me smoke some weed.
"Fucker, If you don't drink YOU HAVE TO SMOKE WEED"
Although I agreed, I knew I wouldn't have any from that man whore, as we call him. On the day we planned to get drunk, Babla as usual did not come on time, to be fair we don't expect him to, he has become a big star ever since India's Got Talent and the fuck all has lost all his sense of time and weight management, looks like a friggin balloon, hell his "squeeze" did not recognize him from some pics which were taken around a year back. Using that line "Babla is pregnant" has become old now, he seems to have a gestation period of like 3 years now.
Getting back to the point, we reached the pub at around 6, but we didn't enter as we thought it was way too early to start, well Rohit thought it was way too early, so off we went to a place I hate a lot and haven't been to in like a year or two, a bookstore, Oxford's, seeing em geeks and nerds there trying to be cool and reading some shit, for once I fell out of place, it was that bad, leaving that place was a relief for me, the last book I read was for a presentation, that too I got the summary online, Chintoo and I did have one moment to remember, we found the rack that contained the erotica, well I found it, pointed it out to chintoo who walked away as usual, especially now since he is committed , no more porno for me amigo ,poor lad.
Next stop was the bar, it was around 7 PM and we expected to get a table, unfortunately all the tables were filled up, hell people were waiting on the others to leave, its friggin 7 and people are out to get drunk, this is my Calcutta.
After waiting a few minutes we finally got the worst table at the pub, but it was still a place to sit, as Chintoo said "We came here to get sloshed, not worry about the seats you chut".
Chintoo had come with a game plan, eat less, drink more, and he started with a Budweiser beer, while I started with a pepsi and a plate of chips, Babla had instructed chintoo to drink slowly and to take his time, I also ordered the Chicken Ala Kiev, for the people not in the know, that is chicken, stuffed with bread, butter and cheese , then deep fried, can't go wrong there, no fucking way. While the kiev took almost 40 minutes to arrive, we dug in on the chips , when the kiev did come and we started hoggin on that, Babla entered looking fat overgrown and pregnant, we are used to seeing him now, wearing an XXXXL shirt to cover his bulge.
While Rohit was all about how the beer was light and gave him a little buzz, the real drunk from our group came up and started with whiskey, 30 mls to start with,here the fun begins, while the first shot was not anything worth talking about barring the fact that Babla was on a solo mission to finish all of the "chanachur " in the pub, at one point of time he was told that the chanachur was finished.
The next set of drinks were 60 ML whiskey shots or whatever they can be called, diluted with water or pepsi, after the 3rd drink things started to get interesting. Chintoo finally drunk called his girl up and spend nearly 20 minutes saying "I love you" and then the next 10 minutes in a drunk state saying "I am sorry, I am sorry".
Babla on the other hand was more worried about making things "Fly" in a weird looney tone. "Adeem, FLYYYYYYYYY, no say it right, FFFFFEEEEEELLLLLLLAAAAAAAIIIIII"
That was the third drink, after the 6th one they were completely out, now as I had said earlier, people say what they keep in their hearts and tell what they see as the truth, some of which I found out are :-
Chintoo says:
"Dude, play the keyboards a lot more, you were good, play em"
"
Dude, I love my girl friend man, truly", awwwwww, bloody wuss
"Babla, in these times kids are getting heart attacks , work out man, fuck no, I will call you out every day and run with you, pact signed, Adeem is the witness"
"Adeem you were the most articulate person in that debate I went with"
"I love you guys, you are always there for me, you guys are my best friends" sans nagu
"I know there will be problems in our friendship but whatever happens we will be together man, always"
"I love your music babla, you guys are great but try to keep steady on one thing and don't shift about"
"I know Adeem is going to make a lot of jokes on us now"
A typical set of statements from one of the brainiest students around and not totally unexpected.
Babla says :
"Adeem, when you said you were not going to drink, I called you a "fucking Chut", but man, Now I respect you and your religion, truly Musalmans will rule the world"
Apocalyptic future ruled by me and my disciples?, it will happen, mark my words
"I am not a man whore!"
"You know adeem, I will fuck one of your in laws, no , don't stop me man, am sorry I know you wont like it, but I will fuck one of your in laws at your marriage, I will, its not a joke"
"Lets all make a vow, that when we get married we will have a bachelors party, each one of us, and by party I mean booze and strippers"
again, another set of typical expected statements from Babla.
After the drinking came the "We need to go home"
This was to be a daunting prospect as I was the "designated take these drunks home sober" guy, while Babla is a fucking drunk with no respect for himself or anyone else, Rohit was warned that he should not come back home clinging to the walls for support, Both of em had to be brought down the stairs as I feared they would fall having no balance.
Leaving the pub, Babla started in all his glory, "I want to have a roll"
"Let me go man, I want to have a roll" He did get his chicken roll, which he says they fucked up, ate half and threw the rest in the dustbin.
Then he started "Chocolate", Ala Spongebob, "CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He got that Cadbury Silk chocolate and I ate more than he did, Rohit did not eat any as he was still following, drink more eat less.
Babla continued by looking for a taxi trying to go to Southern Avenue, now in Calcutta, after 9 PM taxis flatly refuse to go some places, so while he was getting a lot of no's , the drivers were getting the choicest of abuses in any and every language, not even their mother's were spared, while he had no balance or sense, he had that much of an idea to do all this right in front of a cop car.
Rohit on the other hand, spent all this time talking out of his drunk ass to his girl, she had got this other line which was of some professors or something and she was getting quite upset, she even told me to get him home safe and make sure that he calls her tomorrow. Rohit also had the presence of mind to tell me to move babla away from the cop car.
Babla then had started a new vicious attack on the Marwari community , called them mother fuckers, in fact he was going to the roll shop and chocolate shop and shouting obscenities to the said community, he also asked Rohit to ask his girl if they were madar chods or not.
A taxi did agree, and while they got in to get some paan, I did smoke what I told babla I would, I even burnt a hole in my shirt and burnt a part of my jeans and the crappily rolled "fag" fell on my lap, sorry babla but I blamed you for this.
Southern Avenue came and we met Adil, Gujju Jhuthani and Bihari, while they knew Babla as the sad drunk he is, They had never seen Chintoo drunk, to be fair none of us expected chintoo to get drunk ever,while chintoo was feeling crappy and always asking people
"dude do I sound drunk?
I can't go home drunk
shit my dad will kill me"
Gujju and Adil were reassuring him that nothing would happen as chintoo now has a job and is a graduate and all, He IS A MAN!
Babla was in form, abusing gujju, marus, losing his balance, kicking gujju, wanting to eat food and of course "Oh fuck its on fire", the video is posted here.
After half an hour sitting there, chintoo finally puked, he couldn't hold it in much longer and off we went home, I got dropped off first as Babla was now sober enough to go home, while chintoo was falling over in the cab, they reached home safe and sound while plans are being made for the next session, of course this time I will be prepared and of course I wont drink.
Oh yeah the "fag" didn't have much of an effect on me, maybe I didn't take it in properly, but what the hell, I did it, and I probably wont do it again.
as I said , the Video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jKXnD-Cea98
When Chintoo came back to calcutta, Babla laid down one day that there would be a booze session one day, with me included in it,Chintoo, babla , Nagu and I accepted, me of course would not touch any more alcohol, that whole vodka thingy was a mistake and God will forgive me for that, well I may burn in hell for all the porno but I sure as hell ain't going down because of booze.
They were to drink and drink a lot, so a plan was made as to which day they would get smashed, that day didn't come as Nagu ran away like a douche to Bangalore for no reason, it was left to the three of us, while I was adamant that I would not drink, babla was all about making me smoke some weed.
"Fucker, If you don't drink YOU HAVE TO SMOKE WEED"
Although I agreed, I knew I wouldn't have any from that man whore, as we call him. On the day we planned to get drunk, Babla as usual did not come on time, to be fair we don't expect him to, he has become a big star ever since India's Got Talent and the fuck all has lost all his sense of time and weight management, looks like a friggin balloon, hell his "squeeze" did not recognize him from some pics which were taken around a year back. Using that line "Babla is pregnant" has become old now, he seems to have a gestation period of like 3 years now.
Getting back to the point, we reached the pub at around 6, but we didn't enter as we thought it was way too early to start, well Rohit thought it was way too early, so off we went to a place I hate a lot and haven't been to in like a year or two, a bookstore, Oxford's, seeing em geeks and nerds there trying to be cool and reading some shit, for once I fell out of place, it was that bad, leaving that place was a relief for me, the last book I read was for a presentation, that too I got the summary online, Chintoo and I did have one moment to remember, we found the rack that contained the erotica, well I found it, pointed it out to chintoo who walked away as usual, especially now since he is committed , no more porno for me amigo ,poor lad.
Next stop was the bar, it was around 7 PM and we expected to get a table, unfortunately all the tables were filled up, hell people were waiting on the others to leave, its friggin 7 and people are out to get drunk, this is my Calcutta.
After waiting a few minutes we finally got the worst table at the pub, but it was still a place to sit, as Chintoo said "We came here to get sloshed, not worry about the seats you chut".
Chintoo had come with a game plan, eat less, drink more, and he started with a Budweiser beer, while I started with a pepsi and a plate of chips, Babla had instructed chintoo to drink slowly and to take his time, I also ordered the Chicken Ala Kiev, for the people not in the know, that is chicken, stuffed with bread, butter and cheese , then deep fried, can't go wrong there, no fucking way. While the kiev took almost 40 minutes to arrive, we dug in on the chips , when the kiev did come and we started hoggin on that, Babla entered looking fat overgrown and pregnant, we are used to seeing him now, wearing an XXXXL shirt to cover his bulge.
While Rohit was all about how the beer was light and gave him a little buzz, the real drunk from our group came up and started with whiskey, 30 mls to start with,here the fun begins, while the first shot was not anything worth talking about barring the fact that Babla was on a solo mission to finish all of the "chanachur " in the pub, at one point of time he was told that the chanachur was finished.
The next set of drinks were 60 ML whiskey shots or whatever they can be called, diluted with water or pepsi, after the 3rd drink things started to get interesting. Chintoo finally drunk called his girl up and spend nearly 20 minutes saying "I love you" and then the next 10 minutes in a drunk state saying "I am sorry, I am sorry".
Babla on the other hand was more worried about making things "Fly" in a weird looney tone. "Adeem, FLYYYYYYYYY, no say it right, FFFFFEEEEEELLLLLLLAAAAAAAIIIIII"
That was the third drink, after the 6th one they were completely out, now as I had said earlier, people say what they keep in their hearts and tell what they see as the truth, some of which I found out are :-
Chintoo says:
"Dude, play the keyboards a lot more, you were good, play em"
"
Dude, I love my girl friend man, truly", awwwwww, bloody wuss
"Babla, in these times kids are getting heart attacks , work out man, fuck no, I will call you out every day and run with you, pact signed, Adeem is the witness"
"Adeem you were the most articulate person in that debate I went with"
"I love you guys, you are always there for me, you guys are my best friends" sans nagu
"I know there will be problems in our friendship but whatever happens we will be together man, always"
"I love your music babla, you guys are great but try to keep steady on one thing and don't shift about"
"I know Adeem is going to make a lot of jokes on us now"
A typical set of statements from one of the brainiest students around and not totally unexpected.
Babla says :
"Adeem, when you said you were not going to drink, I called you a "fucking Chut", but man, Now I respect you and your religion, truly Musalmans will rule the world"
Apocalyptic future ruled by me and my disciples?, it will happen, mark my words
"I am not a man whore!"
"You know adeem, I will fuck one of your in laws, no , don't stop me man, am sorry I know you wont like it, but I will fuck one of your in laws at your marriage, I will, its not a joke"
"Lets all make a vow, that when we get married we will have a bachelors party, each one of us, and by party I mean booze and strippers"
again, another set of typical expected statements from Babla.
After the drinking came the "We need to go home"
This was to be a daunting prospect as I was the "designated take these drunks home sober" guy, while Babla is a fucking drunk with no respect for himself or anyone else, Rohit was warned that he should not come back home clinging to the walls for support, Both of em had to be brought down the stairs as I feared they would fall having no balance.
Leaving the pub, Babla started in all his glory, "I want to have a roll"
"Let me go man, I want to have a roll" He did get his chicken roll, which he says they fucked up, ate half and threw the rest in the dustbin.
Then he started "Chocolate", Ala Spongebob, "CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He got that Cadbury Silk chocolate and I ate more than he did, Rohit did not eat any as he was still following, drink more eat less.
Babla continued by looking for a taxi trying to go to Southern Avenue, now in Calcutta, after 9 PM taxis flatly refuse to go some places, so while he was getting a lot of no's , the drivers were getting the choicest of abuses in any and every language, not even their mother's were spared, while he had no balance or sense, he had that much of an idea to do all this right in front of a cop car.
Rohit on the other hand, spent all this time talking out of his drunk ass to his girl, she had got this other line which was of some professors or something and she was getting quite upset, she even told me to get him home safe and make sure that he calls her tomorrow. Rohit also had the presence of mind to tell me to move babla away from the cop car.
Babla then had started a new vicious attack on the Marwari community , called them mother fuckers, in fact he was going to the roll shop and chocolate shop and shouting obscenities to the said community, he also asked Rohit to ask his girl if they were madar chods or not.
A taxi did agree, and while they got in to get some paan, I did smoke what I told babla I would, I even burnt a hole in my shirt and burnt a part of my jeans and the crappily rolled "fag" fell on my lap, sorry babla but I blamed you for this.
Southern Avenue came and we met Adil, Gujju Jhuthani and Bihari, while they knew Babla as the sad drunk he is, They had never seen Chintoo drunk, to be fair none of us expected chintoo to get drunk ever,while chintoo was feeling crappy and always asking people
"dude do I sound drunk?
I can't go home drunk
shit my dad will kill me"
Gujju and Adil were reassuring him that nothing would happen as chintoo now has a job and is a graduate and all, He IS A MAN!
Babla was in form, abusing gujju, marus, losing his balance, kicking gujju, wanting to eat food and of course "Oh fuck its on fire", the video is posted here.
After half an hour sitting there, chintoo finally puked, he couldn't hold it in much longer and off we went home, I got dropped off first as Babla was now sober enough to go home, while chintoo was falling over in the cab, they reached home safe and sound while plans are being made for the next session, of course this time I will be prepared and of course I wont drink.
Oh yeah the "fag" didn't have much of an effect on me, maybe I didn't take it in properly, but what the hell, I did it, and I probably wont do it again.
as I said , the Video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jKXnD-Cea98
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
The nearly perfect chick
While most of you will think this blog is about some girl who I fell for recently or in the past, I can happily say, that is not the case, the blog is about a case that took place while we were in class 12 at STB, again the best school in the world, at least in terms of crazy retarded stories to tell.
It starts off with us finding the glory of social networking, Orkut was bloody popular in India back then and well, it was a taboo if we were not on the site, so I, along with a ton of my pals all opened accounts. Now we must also confess that the reason we actually made the accounts was to do maagibaazi, as Bonbon's 6th law states "
It starts off with us finding the glory of social networking, Orkut was bloody popular in India back then and well, it was a taboo if we were not on the site, so I, along with a ton of my pals all opened accounts. Now we must also confess that the reason we actually made the accounts was to do maagibaazi, as Bonbon's 6th law states "
6th Law:Every boy and i mean every boy goes through a maagibaazi phase,no matter how many times they deny it,
the effect of this phase leads to either the said boy becoming a real maaga and a maagibaaz OR he becomes anti maagibaazi."
So we were also part of this, not defying the law, all of us were in a mad search to add women randomly, yours truly was also a part of the madness. While we had a chuckle and right old go at one another for being the sick perverts that we are, one of the brighter nerdier minds of our school got an idea.
Chintoo Lee said "Dude, we should mess around with babla"
Me: How?
Chintoo Lee :How about making a fake profile of a chick and adding babla and you know freaking him out.
Thus the idea was set and , I made the profile, since I had no idea about chick schools or about calcutta at all, I kept as many details as i could vague, while I did add my real profile and babla's and Akshay Hiramanek Kapoor's as well, just in hope that they don't think its a fake one.
The name chosen was "Antara Haldar", not because it was a super duper hot name, just cause its the first thing that came to my mind, plus those days were when we could actually log into 2 accounts simultaneously on orkut and hence I would be chatting with babla and the freak would be chatting in a parallel world with Antara Haldar.
Now it just wasn't enough for us to have a little fun, when we do things we do it BIG, so while chintoo filled me in with random places and schools the chick could study in, I also decided to add a little flavor into the prank by making Antara, THE PERFECT CHICK for Babla.
While the babla was in hope of finding a chick, he got the perfect chick for him instead, the chick loved 80's rock, the same as he did, she wore only black, like he did, watched the same shows like he did even wanted to be goth and was about to get a "piercing" in a certain region which got him mad and crazy for "her" , all this was communicated over orkut. This did not go down without an entrance a shot at love from Kaps, Kapoor, who in his own right was on a streak on hitting the same piece of fine meat that Babla was, in fact during recess they even had a good old argument about who should get Antara, with babla finally winning by using a ton of abuses on Kaps.
A meeting was due for Babla with the chick, he had been talking about her on a regular basis in school, even when we would tell him the profile may not be real, he would abuse us and tell us that we were just jealous, while we contemplated on stopping the prank at a stage, his constant rambling got us motivated to continue the joke.
The prank was supposed to last for like a week or two, but now it went on for around 3 months, by now every student in class 12 knew about the prank but no one was spilling the beans out and trying not to smirk when babla was talking all about her being the chick for him was hard.
We even gave babla a fake number to call, when I was at his place, I picked up The phonebook and recorded the number for Antara Construction, so when and If he did call and say "antara" at least someone would respond and say "yes", but that part never came.
Babla , I , Chintoo and a few others were part of the school band and the biggest school band event "Vibes" was to take place, so this was the place where the date was set, destiny would be babla's as he was to finally meet his love. The bloke was all charged up as I had told him, "After your performance , I would meet you under the stairs", the fuck tard was so sure of pussy that he was ready for a bang as well, as he told us while we were travelling in a taxi in bong.
"Today I will fuck man for sure"
we replied "Chutia, condom laya??"
he said ,"Fuck the condom , I will use my hanky then"
The competition started and we were the 2nd last band, while we normally would get nervous before going on stage, babla was more nervous after the performance, we came second by the way out of around 12 bands or something, so while I went hiding under the stairs, chintoo and a few others went to babla and told him, dude this chick called for you and is under the stairs.
Babla comes running, as he comes from the light into the darkness of the shadow, he sees not a hot chick, but an obnoxious fat bloke laughing hard, the smile from babla's face is wiped off and he runs off, followed by around 10 other STB students and mates all laughing at his face, the laughter continued on our long ride back home and continued for a few months in calcutta, the outcome of this was babla became an even closer pal of mine.
Credit must be given to him, he did take it as a good sport and well credit must also be given to Chintoo lee massively for coming up with the plan and also to the few hundred STB guys from class 12 who kept such a kick ass secret for almost 3 months.
The perfect chick, almost, well not even close, it was freaking far away, and if you guys want proof of all this, you need to check out the last pages of my scrap book, some of those freaky messages from babla and kaps are still there.
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