4055

I have not had the greatest of stories to tell from my office, till now. This was a day never to be forgotten, first all my bosses were away on tour leaving me to do some much needed trolling before I have my review.

The morning started like any other office morning, checking a ton  of emails and just getting pissed at some idiots who either fucked up or sweating my balls off if I made some error. However, today was a day not to be concerned about projects, artworks, dpns etc etc etc, this was the day, Manish, one of my besties from THE OFFICE  shone like a bright beacon and brought about a ton of laughter and craziness.

#This really did feel like a kickass episode from the office where people owned Dwight or Gareth #

So there is this person working in office called Arjun, seems like a typical humourless office nerd, thin, bespectacled , short, the typical guy you would pick on in office.
Manish has had a kick ass time owning this guy, once he was staring at soap noodles, things that are used to make soaps, 

Arjun: What is this?
Manish : These are soap noodles.
Arjun : So what do you do with them?
Manish : You eat them and then the next morning when you take a shit, you get a bar of soap out of your ass
Arjun : .............
Manish : Hahahahahahaha (walk away)

Recently we got our extension phones for the internal communication, Manish had been searching for just one guys number, that is right, Arjun, unfortunately his name was not on the list of numbers provided to us, saddened but certainly not broken, he found a novel way of searching for the number, off he went through his emails

Me :What the hell are you doing?
Manish : Dude, that guy had taken over from someone, (reads one email and gets the  number of the guy he took over from)

NOW STARTS THE FUN

The number comes out to be 4055, in a jiff Manish calls him up

Manish : IS this Arjun Roy?
Arjun: Yes it is
Manish : Ok (slams the phone down)

We all burst into laughter

A few minutes later we get Neha , another of our colleagues who is part of the group to call up Arjun, initially she was a little reluctant but how can you resist some craziness in the office?

So she calls him up

Neha : Hello?
Arjun : Hello.
Neha : Please provide 4 cups of coffee at the 12th floor (Slams the phone)

We all laugh extra hard, since there are only 11 floors in our building. We actually had to stop this tirade and work for us to stop laughing like some crazy hyenas .

I had to tell Manish to calm down and let him live or he would write a mail the next day stating he would not require the extension line.

Manish though was not done, now he did not target Arjun on his extension, instead he called Arjun via his own extension on Arjun's mobile number, as soon as Arjun picked up the call since it was the office number , Manish goes "MEOOOOWWWWWW".

Mad laughter issues once again.

I can't face Arjun ever again without bursting into laughter, its craziness, its madness, its what I want my office to be, every damn day.

As I leave my office, I pick up the phone and dial in 4055, 
Arjun : Hello

Me : Laughs and slams the phone.
 Goes over to his floor, with Manish, looks at him, bursts into laughter and heads home.

A proper trolltastic day at the office 

Serious advise

I am the last  person on earth from whom you should or would take advise but over the past couple of months, at least since I started working, epiphanies have been hitting me like a goalie gets hammered by some slap shots in a game of hockey ( yes I do love ICE hockey), anyways here are 3 important things to take note off and please do take them seriously, have been screaming these points repeatedly to people I meet, especially my niece who is thinking about a career.

1: LOVE YOUR SCHOOL DAYS : While most of the core group of readers would have already started attending college, if you are one of the few lucky people still in school, cherish every damn moment of it. Trust me, when I was young all I wanted to do was leave school and go to college/work, let me hit you straight, there is nothing better than school, love them assignments, love them exams, the worst that could happen to you there was a bit of a scolding but you would be off the next day. "Work" ended for you at 3 PM max, ok in the more important years it would be a little longer but your weekends were free, summer vacations were vacations and well you would have time for something called life.
Love school, don't pass attending everyday of school, you get hundreds of moments, make every day count, these days WILL NEVER RETURN AGAIN.

2: DO NOT PURSUE AN MBA FOR THE SAKE OF IT: Hell this goes out for almost every whoring post grad/grad course us Indians want, engineering, doctors and MBA's. The country is over run with them and if you do it from a college which is not elitist to say, you are fucked, paid low, worked more and given absolutely no respect. MBA's are a dime a dozen, do something which you actually want to do, even if it means starting with a lower package, the biggest obstacle is society but fuck that, its better than suffering later on, cursing every week day plus the work culture in India sucks as it is, 6 work days and all.
Another something like 40 years more of this work life for me, damn it.

3: WORK IS NOT ITS CRACKED UP TO BE: Talked about this in an earlier post, work is not as fun as it should be, especially when you are a young kid with no experience, just try and get into some domain which interests you else you are getting jacked on a regular basis because you are on the lowest point in the food chain and well everyone will eat you up for even the most smallest of errors.
The day I get a junior  working under me, its gonna be a tragic life cycle for that junior, that's a certainly, all the anger is going to flow out like the puss that oozes out from a huge pimple on your face.
 

August 18th, WE RISE!

Not that its going to be a political movement that has wrapped this nation into this KFC twister that you just can't swallow cause it is bland and tasteless and basically pointless to eat[ when compared to the awesome zinger that is, never would I sully KFC's name at all or quality]. 
18th August will be a date to remember for most people like me, not the perverts but the football lovers. 

The Premier League or the "Barclays Premier League" is to start, which means late nights watching that 11PM/ 2AM saturday night game, watching my beloved Liverpool come back to life and action weekend in weekend out, making sure my social life comes to a halt for almost 8 months making sure that I do not wander out during any of Liverpool's games and make sure I have no parties/family gatherings etc on saturday and sundays.

The season is going to have an adverse effect on me especially every monday, IF we play well and win, no issues I know its going to be a kickass weekend and at least would be able to shut people up at the office, not that a lot of office folk follow football since this is a cricket crazy nation, heaven forbid if we lose, I would not come online for a couple of days, not follow any sports section in the news and for sure I would not even watch any sports channel [Cue sportscenter and the likes talking about a poor performance]

On the bright side, at least my weekends will have some meaning and I will at least look forward to them apart from being an escape from office , a little bit of a break from the normal routine I have had for almost 3 months now with no football, yes formula 1 can cut in and make a difference but Football is football. Another positive to come is that all my anger, darkness, frustration [in the batman voice] will be out on display for the whole world, facebook and all as well as my parents to see, remember dad coming in to charge his cell at 2 AM, Yossi scores against Fulham in the 94th minutes and I go berserk.  

Also every single football fan will become a manager for every single day of the season, every decision will be nitpicked and discussed over internet forums for weeks on ends, crazy amounts of abuse will be thrown around, nonsensical reasons will pop out, history will be re-written, brought up and abused like an amateur bdsm model. 

Yes the season is about to begin, families will be forgotten, women all but negated and friendships will be tested over the course of 8 months.

Thank God for Football.

ITS TIME TO RISE
BRING ON AUGUST 18TH