We Indians are not the cleanest bunch of people in the world, we all have that one relative who will constantly cough right into your face and be unapologetic about it, a relative who will be literally inches from you and then decide to rip out this huge belch where we would get to know what he not only had for lunch but also for breakfast and last night's dinner, lets not get into the great leveller Uncle Fartolomew , the Frances Duke of Flatulence.
Yes we have a lot to work on, especially when we do meet up with people from other countries, there we stick out like sore thumbs with our fingers right up our nostrils trying to find that elusive gold coin or the lost city of Atlantis, coming back from a country where we had a fine of roughly 6500 Rs (500 AED) for a simple crime as littering, it is hard to see almost everyone blow away millions by just trashing the place about, of course we have no laws per se to catch these offenders and try them, hell we even defecate in the open and are fucking brazen about it.
"Commit no nuisance here", its a hard laugh for me to see such signs pasted on walls trying to make sure people do not piss about, which of course never works. People throw the trash right on the street where they live, the stench is unbearable still they have no issues with it, it is so pathetic to see people just throw rubbish on the road, wrappers, paper, etc and not wait for a dustbin which again we rarely have on the streets, we make corners of streets as our garbage disposal area.
One thing that really irks me is this habit of spitting about, spitting has got to be one of the worst possible things to do out in the open , apart from defecation of course, the reason for spitting ranges from eating the Paan or Gutka, red spit, then there is the colored spit, yellow or greenish because you have a cold and of course the impressive White spit showing that "Thou shalt spit for no reason whatsoever", we don't need saliva in our mouths at all, another useless bit of liquid in our mouths.
Grown men openly spit like its their land, which again they should not be allowed to do, they stop cars in the middle of the road, roll the window down and spit a brilliant hue of red. Of course we have to be careful while we pass beneath a bus, a lot of my friends have been spit upon and have even taken action by beating said offender up, again India, shine and shine.
I don't understand the need to spit at all, its a disgusting act and well half of the walls in buildings get a ting of red, course of spitting, grown men only do it? I was walking down a street today and saw a couple of 5 year old kids patting a goat (Eid) and all of a sudden one of the kid's spits on the road for no reason at all. The problem is we do not catch problems early enough and don't teach proper hygiene to our kids. Kids being kids will always copy what their "much wiser" elders do and hence we in India have this huge spit-army ready for the next battle against clean buildings and roads, bring it on.
PS: My office has a no spitting policy basically it says as soon as you enter the gates and the garage
"Anybody found spitting on the premises will be dismissed IMMEDIATELY"
That is how it should be, anyone found spitting anywhere should be fined 5000 Rs on the spot or even better made to clean his own spit from the roadside, then only will people learn and try to keep the city clean. One spit at a time?
Showing posts with label Calcutta. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Calcutta. Show all posts
Saturday, October 27, 2012
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Kidderpore/Ekbalpore: A city in a city
Living in a city with a population of close to 5 million is not easy, vast stretches of land with tons of teaming people, the hustle and bustle of a so called Metro city and now work being another variable put into an equation called life.
Fortunately for me, I live in an area called Kidderpore/Ekbalpore which I used to think was just a noisy little neighborhood with randomness and the typical days of life just passing by. Never did I think this one area would actually serve a much larger purpose in life.
For close to 5 years I commuted to an area called Salt Lake for education, my graduation and post graduation courses were done in this area. Roaming about was a necessity as with most college students because no one in their graduation does ever go to class , rather bunks class to roam about freely and explore said world.
Now coming from the "city" of Kidderpore where there were constant fights in school, mad people running about and throwing stones in front of shops, violence on the streets, having our own version of the "bull run" during Eid [yeah ZNMD has nothing on what I have seen] and other random acts of awesomeness, Salt Lake seemed to pale in comparison. It was a ghost town, no matter what time you roam about in that area, barring the office zones, the rest of the place is dead.
I mean I have roamed around at 7 AM, barely 10 people on the street and a long stretch of land that was too, 5 PM same case, not one person can be seen in the balcony of the many houses that litter the street, not many people can be seen on the road. Compare that to Kidderpore, be it 7 AM or 7 PM, or 10 AM or 10 PM there are at least 20-30 people doing nothing but roaming about and having a jolly good time with their friends and all. In fact when I stay awake after a Champs League match , roughly 3 AM there are people on the street just sitting about, probably got kicked out of the house by their wife or they must have been tired from the constant nagging but the point is the place does not feel dead , its bustling with energy, be it in the crazy winters we get here now or the scorching hot summers, Kidderpore/Ekbalpore is the place to be for random madness on the street, people should be charged for sitting and watching the world go by in this area because its just that brilliant.
Cases of awesomeness,
Random fights on the street thanks to the drones of STB students around , every single freaking day with the fight never really taking place [most of the time] this was just a way to make new friends and "bhais" actually.
Crazy lady out near the shops with bricks in her hands chasing random people while the police are busy extorting money from the big trucks.
The traffic jam post 10 PM because of the huge 16 wheelers [not 18] taking the one route through Kidderpore to reach the dock.
At least 20-30 random people on the street 24/7
The amazing celebrations and dance during the puja,christmas, new year, diwali, holi etc etc etc all dancing to the tune of "It's my life" and "Saath Samundar Paar"
The randomness and awesomeness of having a china town like market in your own backyard and being to search for amazing deals and cut prices [Fancy Market]
The running of the bulls [cows] during Eid.
The chasing and beating up of a local goon if he ever is caught , when he tries to steal shoes/slippers from outside the Mosque/Temple.
The brothel located right next to a bakery and tailor shop where the women are always on the lookout for men calling them obscene names and making said obscene gestures.
The hoard of hospitals/nursing homes/pharmacies for God knows what reason, I mean literally there must be like 10-12 nursing homes and 4 hospitals in a radius of 500 meters.
The hidden gem Momo stalls and awesome road side "Popular" biryani/haleem stalls.
The football matches/cricket matches and tournaments held during Independence day where everyone is Messi and all the players play for United or Chelsea or Barcelona when they register their teams name.
The random Kaku going berserk on the street because some "punk" kid is riding his bike at a crazy speed in a locality.
The random abuses thrown about in front of children not caring one bit about destroying the future because none of us ever had one.
Yes Kidderpore might not have the beauty of the city, nor will it have the "educated" culture that the city is known for, actually we do have a kick ass cultured educated side, Chintoo Lee and the others from STB [minority of toppers] would attest to that, this neighborhood still has an amazing charm and feel to it, would not swap it for anything.
Last but certainly not the least bit of Awesomeness comes from St Thomas Boys, KIDDERPORE.
The one and only.
Fortunately for me, I live in an area called Kidderpore/Ekbalpore which I used to think was just a noisy little neighborhood with randomness and the typical days of life just passing by. Never did I think this one area would actually serve a much larger purpose in life.
For close to 5 years I commuted to an area called Salt Lake for education, my graduation and post graduation courses were done in this area. Roaming about was a necessity as with most college students because no one in their graduation does ever go to class , rather bunks class to roam about freely and explore said world.
Now coming from the "city" of Kidderpore where there were constant fights in school, mad people running about and throwing stones in front of shops, violence on the streets, having our own version of the "bull run" during Eid [yeah ZNMD has nothing on what I have seen] and other random acts of awesomeness, Salt Lake seemed to pale in comparison. It was a ghost town, no matter what time you roam about in that area, barring the office zones, the rest of the place is dead.
I mean I have roamed around at 7 AM, barely 10 people on the street and a long stretch of land that was too, 5 PM same case, not one person can be seen in the balcony of the many houses that litter the street, not many people can be seen on the road. Compare that to Kidderpore, be it 7 AM or 7 PM, or 10 AM or 10 PM there are at least 20-30 people doing nothing but roaming about and having a jolly good time with their friends and all. In fact when I stay awake after a Champs League match , roughly 3 AM there are people on the street just sitting about, probably got kicked out of the house by their wife or they must have been tired from the constant nagging but the point is the place does not feel dead , its bustling with energy, be it in the crazy winters we get here now or the scorching hot summers, Kidderpore/Ekbalpore is the place to be for random madness on the street, people should be charged for sitting and watching the world go by in this area because its just that brilliant.
Cases of awesomeness,
Random fights on the street thanks to the drones of STB students around , every single freaking day with the fight never really taking place [most of the time] this was just a way to make new friends and "bhais" actually.
Crazy lady out near the shops with bricks in her hands chasing random people while the police are busy extorting money from the big trucks.
The traffic jam post 10 PM because of the huge 16 wheelers [not 18] taking the one route through Kidderpore to reach the dock.
At least 20-30 random people on the street 24/7
The amazing celebrations and dance during the puja,christmas, new year, diwali, holi etc etc etc all dancing to the tune of "It's my life" and "Saath Samundar Paar"
The randomness and awesomeness of having a china town like market in your own backyard and being to search for amazing deals and cut prices [Fancy Market]
The running of the bulls [cows] during Eid.
The chasing and beating up of a local goon if he ever is caught , when he tries to steal shoes/slippers from outside the Mosque/Temple.
The brothel located right next to a bakery and tailor shop where the women are always on the lookout for men calling them obscene names and making said obscene gestures.
The hoard of hospitals/nursing homes/pharmacies for God knows what reason, I mean literally there must be like 10-12 nursing homes and 4 hospitals in a radius of 500 meters.
The hidden gem Momo stalls and awesome road side "Popular" biryani/haleem stalls.
The football matches/cricket matches and tournaments held during Independence day where everyone is Messi and all the players play for United or Chelsea or Barcelona when they register their teams name.
The random Kaku going berserk on the street because some "punk" kid is riding his bike at a crazy speed in a locality.
The random abuses thrown about in front of children not caring one bit about destroying the future because none of us ever had one.
Yes Kidderpore might not have the beauty of the city, nor will it have the "educated" culture that the city is known for, actually we do have a kick ass cultured educated side, Chintoo Lee and the others from STB [minority of toppers] would attest to that, this neighborhood still has an amazing charm and feel to it, would not swap it for anything.
Last but certainly not the least bit of Awesomeness comes from St Thomas Boys, KIDDERPORE.
The one and only.
Friday, June 24, 2011
Rain Rain, Don't go away.
When I was trying to get admission into St Xavier's in class 1 , I was asked by the Principal of the school, "Which is your favorite season ?"
If it was today, I would say the football season, but when I was 6 years old , football had not entered my mind so I replied "The monsoon season"
Why?
That is because most people in Bengal just love rain, we in Calcutta have a very laid back attitude, offices open at around 10 AM, the traffic is atrocious and the people are just used to blockades and bandhs all the time.
The rain is just another way to relax and take a day off, the monsoon season always brings in one or two days of massive heavy rainfall where everything will be closed the next day, has been happening every year since I came back to Calcutta.
Plus, I was a kid back then, there is nothing better than coming home during the rain, getting drenched, jumping in puddles and basically making a mess, plus the obvious scolding a person or a kid in my case would get when I would reach home.
My mom would always be cross as to why I would come home drenched even though she would give me an umbrella, the lamest excuse I would give when I was young was "The wind was blowing from all sides, so the umbrella was off no use",
now I am an adult, so I tell her the truth
"I wanted to get drenched , Ma, its RAIN , how can you not enjoy it?"
The fact that I was away from Calcutta for a good 7 years made me realize how much I really enjoyed the monsoon season, comparing it to the 7 almost barren years of no rain in Dubai, a little drizzle gets me all jumpy and excited. In hope that due to the crazy shit loads of rain , I won't have to go to school or college or office.
While now I am doing my internship from a certain office, recently it was raining all nite long, the next day I got dropped off at office with a huge umbrella as usual.
The rain was so bad in some areas that well half of the office staff came late, but again, I was on time, which was good as I had the chance to leave early as well. The other interns somehow made it, while we sat there waiting for the HR to come and let us go, we decided that it was late enough and we should leave so that we could reach home fast.
When we did reach the ground floor, it was completely flooded with water, that too dirty shit assed water completely filled with muck and roaches floating about like it was lunch time in Joe's apartment.
I expected Camac street to be bad, everyone says it becomes pathetic as soon as it rains for an hour or so, I got a bloody good taste of it when I reached the main street, the place was completely waterlogged, no chance of even being able to take a peek of the pavement, the pavement didn't exist anymore, it felt like I was on the shore of some beach, of course due to the presence of so much mud and sand in the water, not to mention the cockroaches.
The road was completely filled with water and the cars were all standing still, while the umbrella I was holding was of no use, as the wind really was blowing water from all the sides, I decided to have some fun, while in my office casuals (I hate them), seeing a lot of standing water with a lotta hard rain means only 1 thing to me, its time to get drenched, screw the umbrella, I start jumping in and out of the water, kicking and splashing it to some of my friends from the office who have no idea why I am doing it.
The look that people had in the cars was hilarious, the stare that they were providing and the gobsmacked expression said it all, Why would anyone be doing this? I do it, because I fucking can is the answer.
While I usually walk fifteen minutes before I take a cab home, this time around I could only walk 5 minutes as the water was knee deep for me. The cab driver fortunately was heading towards my locality as he said he had told a few people to buzz off as he was not interested in going anywhere in this weather.
Hell, it was so bad, that water was entering the cab and certain low cars were actually getting water into their grill, while we passed Camac street and came out from under the bridge, it was slightly better as the other side of the city had almost no problems regarding stagnant water, of course that was for the main road, inside my locality it was bad as well, fortunately my complex is located bang on the main road so I was saved from having to trudge in the waist deep water as I heard.
The best bit of the day, apart from getting drenched, missing office, splashing my ass around?
Getting to go home and stuffing my face with fries and chicken nuggets.
Bring on the rain, if it means more days like this.
If it was today, I would say the football season, but when I was 6 years old , football had not entered my mind so I replied "The monsoon season"
Why?
That is because most people in Bengal just love rain, we in Calcutta have a very laid back attitude, offices open at around 10 AM, the traffic is atrocious and the people are just used to blockades and bandhs all the time.
The rain is just another way to relax and take a day off, the monsoon season always brings in one or two days of massive heavy rainfall where everything will be closed the next day, has been happening every year since I came back to Calcutta.
Plus, I was a kid back then, there is nothing better than coming home during the rain, getting drenched, jumping in puddles and basically making a mess, plus the obvious scolding a person or a kid in my case would get when I would reach home.
My mom would always be cross as to why I would come home drenched even though she would give me an umbrella, the lamest excuse I would give when I was young was "The wind was blowing from all sides, so the umbrella was off no use",
now I am an adult, so I tell her the truth
"I wanted to get drenched , Ma, its RAIN , how can you not enjoy it?"
The fact that I was away from Calcutta for a good 7 years made me realize how much I really enjoyed the monsoon season, comparing it to the 7 almost barren years of no rain in Dubai, a little drizzle gets me all jumpy and excited. In hope that due to the crazy shit loads of rain , I won't have to go to school or college or office.
While now I am doing my internship from a certain office, recently it was raining all nite long, the next day I got dropped off at office with a huge umbrella as usual.
The rain was so bad in some areas that well half of the office staff came late, but again, I was on time, which was good as I had the chance to leave early as well. The other interns somehow made it, while we sat there waiting for the HR to come and let us go, we decided that it was late enough and we should leave so that we could reach home fast.
When we did reach the ground floor, it was completely flooded with water, that too dirty shit assed water completely filled with muck and roaches floating about like it was lunch time in Joe's apartment.
I expected Camac street to be bad, everyone says it becomes pathetic as soon as it rains for an hour or so, I got a bloody good taste of it when I reached the main street, the place was completely waterlogged, no chance of even being able to take a peek of the pavement, the pavement didn't exist anymore, it felt like I was on the shore of some beach, of course due to the presence of so much mud and sand in the water, not to mention the cockroaches.
The road was completely filled with water and the cars were all standing still, while the umbrella I was holding was of no use, as the wind really was blowing water from all the sides, I decided to have some fun, while in my office casuals (I hate them), seeing a lot of standing water with a lotta hard rain means only 1 thing to me, its time to get drenched, screw the umbrella, I start jumping in and out of the water, kicking and splashing it to some of my friends from the office who have no idea why I am doing it.
The look that people had in the cars was hilarious, the stare that they were providing and the gobsmacked expression said it all, Why would anyone be doing this? I do it, because I fucking can is the answer.
While I usually walk fifteen minutes before I take a cab home, this time around I could only walk 5 minutes as the water was knee deep for me. The cab driver fortunately was heading towards my locality as he said he had told a few people to buzz off as he was not interested in going anywhere in this weather.
Hell, it was so bad, that water was entering the cab and certain low cars were actually getting water into their grill, while we passed Camac street and came out from under the bridge, it was slightly better as the other side of the city had almost no problems regarding stagnant water, of course that was for the main road, inside my locality it was bad as well, fortunately my complex is located bang on the main road so I was saved from having to trudge in the waist deep water as I heard.
The best bit of the day, apart from getting drenched, missing office, splashing my ass around?
Getting to go home and stuffing my face with fries and chicken nuggets.
Bring on the rain, if it means more days like this.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Republic Day well fucking spent
Now we all should know that i am not the kind of person who likes going out regularly,i mean a movie once in a couple of weeks is the max i can do with,or the probability of meeting all me best pals on alternate days but they mostly come over to my place ,an outing is a rarity for me coz there isnt much out there for either a freak like me in calcutta or for a lame ass like me.
So on this "Republic Day" as usual after the flag hoisting ceremony and all me building pals and I were just loitering about ,i rarely go down as well ,but there are occasions when i do join me pals,rare they are though.As i was saying,Zaman Bhai[one muscular freak who is ready to beat up as many people as possible],Sid[one of the 2 best pals i got in me complex who can deal with my intellect],Madhav[the other intellectual best pal of mine],Chintoo[dont know his real name but the guy is freaking tall] and Aaush[the real fucking freak of the complex] were all just loitering about in the parking lot.
But before we ended up there we had to take care of the flag hoisting and all that,so out of a complex of 200+ flats only freakin 30 people came that too at 10:45 ,15 minutes later than the stipulated time,so it was me zaman bhai and madhav as the only ass representatives from our age groups,and as we were about to sing the national anthem this guy Mohta bhai,who is a skinny cock eyed bloke takes out his cell phone and starts blabberring,zaman bhai would not let this go,"Arrey Mohta bhai,mobile mein kyu baat kar rahe ho,Jana Gana Mana goa,Sala Pakistani" [No offence meant to any Pakistanis out there],poor Mohta does nothing but limbers off,the ceremoney lasted no more than 5 minutes and after that we went to our parking lot.
We find this blokes dalmation is doing a round,and is now tied up to a pillar,so zaman bhai,madhav and i walk up to it,i keep my fucking distance from the pup coz i hate animals,cept when i eat em,but the other 2 blokes go right up to it.Everytime they want the dog to stand up or do anything for the matter of fact,the pup starts pissing all around,Zaman bhai gets fucking furious and starts blaring out in the parking lot
"I will piss on you,i will fuck you",but thats the normal reaction you would expect from any of my pals when they are getting pissed on from a kutta.
At around 11:15 or so comes down Sid ,freaks were busy shagging off at home,not that i denounce that act,but nationalistic pride should come before porn i guess,Aaush still hasnt picked up the phone even after texting him and calling him numerous times,so now its the 4 of us and then starts the real retardness,barring me the other 3 people go to a gym,i am too fucking lazy to do all that,and so are talking bout their biceps etc etc etc and they [sid and madhav ]start showing off their bazookas and all,Zaman bhai comes into the frame and as Sid is about to poke him and all he blares out
"agar te mujhe chuua ,zor se gaali dega"
Sid aint gonna get fazed by that after all we all are former STB students,and he does try to hit zaman bhai,who like a paranoid lady screams out in a bus when she feels someone brush her,did the same
"aaaaaeeeee laaaaauuuurrrraaaaa kaaaaaaa baaaalllll"
safe to say no one tried to do anything to zaman bhai for a few minutes at least.
Then came Aaush and Chintoo,chintoo didnt really say much apart from Zaman bhai pulling his leg all the time,regarding girls and all,Aaush came as a freak ,they all decided to go for a smoke outside the building ,i dont smoke,really i dont,so i stayed a few feet away while they all puffed and all,then they decided to go to a mandir,i had never ridden with these people so it was a first for me,out came a massive SUV ,which had DEFENCE written on it,i dont know why,so it was Aaush driving,Madhav [shotgun,yes who ever called out shotgun first would sit next to the driver],me and chintoo at the back seat,zaman bhai and sid right at the back,we also picked up rahul bhai,while aaush was driving around the complex he almost backed into a santro while we abused the shit out of him.
Off we went,though we had a stopover at another fag store for a few cigs ,zaman bhai stepped out and we drove off,leaving him behind,but he knew he had our weakness,the cigs,so we did one round and came back to pick him up,now the entire time when zaman bhai and sid were seated at the back they were constantly trying to molest one another and fighting at the back while Aaush was telling zaman bhai to try to fix the back light of the SUV and everytime he did that Aaush stepped on the brake giving bhai a good old shocka. As usual zama bhai retorted with
"AAAAAAuuuuuu laaaauuuurrrraaaaa mat kar"
So most of us are faggin about,sid threw a match box at Aaush while the guy was driving and out came a war of abusive words between him,mother father,vagina's nothing was left out,so finally we reached the mandir,me zaman bhai and chintoo didnt go into the mandir,zaman bhai was driving around and double parked,so bang on schedule came a police officer and old bloke who was yammering about telling us to move the car,while zaman bhai argued that it was a "Defence" car and that we would leave in minutes,and as said in a few minutes the other guys came out ,Aaush was now riding shotgun,Zaman bhai was driving ,oh dear lord save me he was driving.
Zaman bhai is a proper STB student who drives like a maniac to say the least,i dont think he even knows that cars have brakes,or that they should be driven at least in calcutta with a little control,he is like an indian michael schummacher,zipping across raods,traffic,pedestrians they are like chicanes to him,they are there,but they should fucking move when he is driving,a normal 15 minute journey takes less than 3 minutes for him.My first time,say a prayer and put on your seat belts,i aint saying that for dramatic effect,i was told to do that by Sid.This was the first time my mouth was shut ,i barely said anything throughout the ride,apart from one blowjob joke i made on madhav.
Zip zam zoom thats all i can say about ZB[zaman bhai],he even once took the wrong route and almost rammed into an auto when the auto driver said "kya chala rahe ho",he replied "tum toh bahut achcha chala rahe ho",then the auto sped off,when we crossed the signal we spotted the same auto,we stopped right next ti him and abused him and joked at him,then we realised it was some other auto driver who stared at us like he was possesed of something,he was shocked to say the least,now when Aaush rides shotgun,he always decides to climb out of the window and start acting cool and all,while ZB swerves the car about to keep the bloke inside.
While on a stetch we hit 100+ kmph in a city street ,we decided to have some fun,we stopped at asked a guy
"dada sonargachi[a red light district] kothai?" [where is sonargachi]
the guy looks into the car filled with like 8 perverts ,and replied back
"chudte jacho?" [going to fuck?]
ZB replies "Haan tumi o cholo" [yes you also come along]
and we speed off again,another thing aaush seems to love to do is point at other vehicles while at high speeds to let em know if they have a flat tire or something,when they obviously dont have a flat tire,he did this to 2 cabs and a freaking bus and all the vehicles slowed down to check out if they had a problem,oh by the way the 20 minute distance was covered in 10 minutes by ZB,it could have been faster had he not gotten confused about some directions and of course we had not played around with that "sonargachi" thing.
The scourges of calcutta.Nuff said.
So on this "Republic Day" as usual after the flag hoisting ceremony and all me building pals and I were just loitering about ,i rarely go down as well ,but there are occasions when i do join me pals,rare they are though.As i was saying,Zaman Bhai[one muscular freak who is ready to beat up as many people as possible],Sid[one of the 2 best pals i got in me complex who can deal with my intellect],Madhav[the other intellectual best pal of mine],Chintoo[dont know his real name but the guy is freaking tall] and Aaush[the real fucking freak of the complex] were all just loitering about in the parking lot.
But before we ended up there we had to take care of the flag hoisting and all that,so out of a complex of 200+ flats only freakin 30 people came that too at 10:45 ,15 minutes later than the stipulated time,so it was me zaman bhai and madhav as the only ass representatives from our age groups,and as we were about to sing the national anthem this guy Mohta bhai,who is a skinny cock eyed bloke takes out his cell phone and starts blabberring,zaman bhai would not let this go,"Arrey Mohta bhai,mobile mein kyu baat kar rahe ho,Jana Gana Mana goa,Sala Pakistani" [No offence meant to any Pakistanis out there],poor Mohta does nothing but limbers off,the ceremoney lasted no more than 5 minutes and after that we went to our parking lot.
We find this blokes dalmation is doing a round,and is now tied up to a pillar,so zaman bhai,madhav and i walk up to it,i keep my fucking distance from the pup coz i hate animals,cept when i eat em,but the other 2 blokes go right up to it.Everytime they want the dog to stand up or do anything for the matter of fact,the pup starts pissing all around,Zaman bhai gets fucking furious and starts blaring out in the parking lot
"I will piss on you,i will fuck you",but thats the normal reaction you would expect from any of my pals when they are getting pissed on from a kutta.
At around 11:15 or so comes down Sid ,freaks were busy shagging off at home,not that i denounce that act,but nationalistic pride should come before porn i guess,Aaush still hasnt picked up the phone even after texting him and calling him numerous times,so now its the 4 of us and then starts the real retardness,barring me the other 3 people go to a gym,i am too fucking lazy to do all that,and so are talking bout their biceps etc etc etc and they [sid and madhav ]start showing off their bazookas and all,Zaman bhai comes into the frame and as Sid is about to poke him and all he blares out
"agar te mujhe chuua ,zor se gaali dega"
Sid aint gonna get fazed by that after all we all are former STB students,and he does try to hit zaman bhai,who like a paranoid lady screams out in a bus when she feels someone brush her,did the same
"aaaaaeeeee laaaaauuuurrrraaaaa kaaaaaaa baaaalllll"
safe to say no one tried to do anything to zaman bhai for a few minutes at least.
Then came Aaush and Chintoo,chintoo didnt really say much apart from Zaman bhai pulling his leg all the time,regarding girls and all,Aaush came as a freak ,they all decided to go for a smoke outside the building ,i dont smoke,really i dont,so i stayed a few feet away while they all puffed and all,then they decided to go to a mandir,i had never ridden with these people so it was a first for me,out came a massive SUV ,which had DEFENCE written on it,i dont know why,so it was Aaush driving,Madhav [shotgun,yes who ever called out shotgun first would sit next to the driver],me and chintoo at the back seat,zaman bhai and sid right at the back,we also picked up rahul bhai,while aaush was driving around the complex he almost backed into a santro while we abused the shit out of him.
Off we went,though we had a stopover at another fag store for a few cigs ,zaman bhai stepped out and we drove off,leaving him behind,but he knew he had our weakness,the cigs,so we did one round and came back to pick him up,now the entire time when zaman bhai and sid were seated at the back they were constantly trying to molest one another and fighting at the back while Aaush was telling zaman bhai to try to fix the back light of the SUV and everytime he did that Aaush stepped on the brake giving bhai a good old shocka. As usual zama bhai retorted with
"AAAAAAuuuuuu laaaauuuurrrraaaaa mat kar"
So most of us are faggin about,sid threw a match box at Aaush while the guy was driving and out came a war of abusive words between him,mother father,vagina's nothing was left out,so finally we reached the mandir,me zaman bhai and chintoo didnt go into the mandir,zaman bhai was driving around and double parked,so bang on schedule came a police officer and old bloke who was yammering about telling us to move the car,while zaman bhai argued that it was a "Defence" car and that we would leave in minutes,and as said in a few minutes the other guys came out ,Aaush was now riding shotgun,Zaman bhai was driving ,oh dear lord save me he was driving.
Zaman bhai is a proper STB student who drives like a maniac to say the least,i dont think he even knows that cars have brakes,or that they should be driven at least in calcutta with a little control,he is like an indian michael schummacher,zipping across raods,traffic,pedestrians they are like chicanes to him,they are there,but they should fucking move when he is driving,a normal 15 minute journey takes less than 3 minutes for him.My first time,say a prayer and put on your seat belts,i aint saying that for dramatic effect,i was told to do that by Sid.This was the first time my mouth was shut ,i barely said anything throughout the ride,apart from one blowjob joke i made on madhav.
Zip zam zoom thats all i can say about ZB[zaman bhai],he even once took the wrong route and almost rammed into an auto when the auto driver said "kya chala rahe ho",he replied "tum toh bahut achcha chala rahe ho",then the auto sped off,when we crossed the signal we spotted the same auto,we stopped right next ti him and abused him and joked at him,then we realised it was some other auto driver who stared at us like he was possesed of something,he was shocked to say the least,now when Aaush rides shotgun,he always decides to climb out of the window and start acting cool and all,while ZB swerves the car about to keep the bloke inside.
While on a stetch we hit 100+ kmph in a city street ,we decided to have some fun,we stopped at asked a guy
"dada sonargachi[a red light district] kothai?" [where is sonargachi]
the guy looks into the car filled with like 8 perverts ,and replied back
"chudte jacho?" [going to fuck?]
ZB replies "Haan tumi o cholo" [yes you also come along]
and we speed off again,another thing aaush seems to love to do is point at other vehicles while at high speeds to let em know if they have a flat tire or something,when they obviously dont have a flat tire,he did this to 2 cabs and a freaking bus and all the vehicles slowed down to check out if they had a problem,oh by the way the 20 minute distance was covered in 10 minutes by ZB,it could have been faster had he not gotten confused about some directions and of course we had not played around with that "sonargachi" thing.
The scourges of calcutta.Nuff said.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Calcutta da citee of joay
Now let me get back to my old ways,lets forget bout the last blog,i fortunately have been all around the world and have visited many cities and countries.France,England,Singapore,The U.A.E to name a few and have even travelled a ton across India but i have always loved 2 cities ,Dubai ...well because my childhood was spent there ,a total of seven amazing years they were too,i mean shopping malls were everywhere,good people,easy to drive there fast food centres were everywhere...there was a KFC,Burger King,a Pizza hut,A Carl's Jr,a Pizza inn outlet around 5 minutes from my house so i guess my problem of obesity should be blamed on those factors....
The 2nd city i am in love with is Calcutta for a majority of reasons...the first reason is the weather,i love the rainy season....more so coz i never expereinced it in Dubai so any chance i get to be in the rain i take it up....the next reason is me pals.....although i have benn to a ton of places me best pals all are from Calcutta,no ego and all that shit absolutely perfect pals i got,who think like me ,who have a good sense of humour,who can abuse a ton like me....well all this does not apply to nagu the freak of nature....coz he is slow and idiotic but still he is a close pal....and the next reason is.....well......ummm....fuck there aint no other reason.....the truth is i lote Calcutta [lote=love/hate]....and i will let you know why.....why and how have people/things destroyed my hometown
well the first and most obvious reason to hate calcutta is for the bengali population and how they are
from bad accents,to acting oversmart ....they really take the cake,bad body odour ,stupid jokes i really hate em to the core[but i hate almost everyone to the core]....but the irony is that all me best pals are bengali and fortunately none of em have the characteristics mentioned above
the next reason i hate calcutta is the traffic and the public as a whole
constant jams,drivers racing like they are in formula 1....i do believe that any auto driver is miles better than michael schummacher.....india has a wealth of drivers who can squeeze a speeding vehicle between two large trucks and still have a mobile in one hand and a beedi in the other while abusing the truck drivers.....and as i said the people and public are just pathetic in calcutta...nuff said
the next reason i hate calcutta is the number of biharis in the city
they not only bring down the people on india as a whole they fucking destroy the somewhat bengali "good" heritage here.....i mean they pollute the city so much and have already infiltrated my family .my clean decent bengali family now has almost 50% members who are bihari and by bihari i mean real bihari ,speaking in their crap assed language ,their stupid ceremonies during weddings....which includes a song about abusing the in laws....yes thats rite...i never get invited to sing the songs ...for some "unknown" reason....
the next reason i hate the city is coz of me relatives....man they are a real pain in the ass....now only a few relatives are a pain but they are huge pains....the pain is similar to listening to a himesh song on a loudspeaker and you are tied to a chair while watching aap ka suroor....thats how bad some of em are...
but as i said i still love the city a lot
me pals are some of the best i have
my school was just as amazing...there was not one day in STB where there wouldnt be a fight or some stupid comic thing going on....and of course how can i forget i have to thank Calcutta for making me the abusive,idiotic rascist son of a gun i am......
The 2nd city i am in love with is Calcutta for a majority of reasons...the first reason is the weather,i love the rainy season....more so coz i never expereinced it in Dubai so any chance i get to be in the rain i take it up....the next reason is me pals.....although i have benn to a ton of places me best pals all are from Calcutta,no ego and all that shit absolutely perfect pals i got,who think like me ,who have a good sense of humour,who can abuse a ton like me....well all this does not apply to nagu the freak of nature....coz he is slow and idiotic but still he is a close pal....and the next reason is.....well......ummm....fuck there aint no other reason.....the truth is i lote Calcutta [lote=love/hate]....and i will let you know why.....why and how have people/things destroyed my hometown
well the first and most obvious reason to hate calcutta is for the bengali population and how they are
from bad accents,to acting oversmart ....they really take the cake,bad body odour ,stupid jokes i really hate em to the core[but i hate almost everyone to the core]....but the irony is that all me best pals are bengali and fortunately none of em have the characteristics mentioned above
the next reason i hate calcutta is the traffic and the public as a whole
constant jams,drivers racing like they are in formula 1....i do believe that any auto driver is miles better than michael schummacher.....india has a wealth of drivers who can squeeze a speeding vehicle between two large trucks and still have a mobile in one hand and a beedi in the other while abusing the truck drivers.....and as i said the people and public are just pathetic in calcutta...nuff said
the next reason i hate calcutta is the number of biharis in the city
they not only bring down the people on india as a whole they fucking destroy the somewhat bengali "good" heritage here.....i mean they pollute the city so much and have already infiltrated my family .my clean decent bengali family now has almost 50% members who are bihari and by bihari i mean real bihari ,speaking in their crap assed language ,their stupid ceremonies during weddings....which includes a song about abusing the in laws....yes thats rite...i never get invited to sing the songs ...for some "unknown" reason....
the next reason i hate the city is coz of me relatives....man they are a real pain in the ass....now only a few relatives are a pain but they are huge pains....the pain is similar to listening to a himesh song on a loudspeaker and you are tied to a chair while watching aap ka suroor....thats how bad some of em are...
but as i said i still love the city a lot
me pals are some of the best i have
my school was just as amazing...there was not one day in STB where there wouldnt be a fight or some stupid comic thing going on....and of course how can i forget i have to thank Calcutta for making me the abusive,idiotic rascist son of a gun i am......
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