As usual i will start by letting you all know how crappy my school was in a disciplinarian way at least....little or no respect given to the teachers or parents or even to the seniors......hell man it was a war zone out there.....survival of the fittest as they say.....
i tried staying clear of any impeding danger,conflict,fight etc....coz my mouth runs ar a 1000 words a minute but my reflexes are real slow....and i mean real slow......
i mean discipline ,respect werent words that we had in the dictionary of STB....not that half of the students could ever spell it.....so here are some instances of how "good" we were in school...of course i wasnt involved in any of these....but as we know....news spreads like fire....or some shit saying like that
CASE 1:THE SLAP
this happened during me class 10 pre final exams....and a teach called MR MOBILE [yes we called him that...coz he was more interested in his mobile rather than teaching any student....he would just chat away all day long on his cell rather than teach the damn subject he was supposed to teach so he was a prime target as it is coz he was as i call a "lappoo".......]
the dude was invigilating a class from the commerce section.....if you know our commerce section[any one of em] you know its real bad rite now.....
so he catches some guy cheating and swipes his paper away....now normally a student would beg for the paper to be returned or wait for a course of action from the teacher....but oh do we forget this is STB? can we forget this is a commerce student rite here?
NOPE
he gets up and demands the paper back from the teacher ,mobile says no way jose......student says gimme the paper or else.......
and then SLAP!
what a slap it was too......
the student whalloped the teacher......
MOBILE CONNECTION CUT GAYA........
score
students 1.....teachers 0
CASE 2:THE FILM
we had this computer sir who acted like he was something special in school,which he was coz he was physically handicapped...not gonna make no jokes on the disability.....but he had an attitude and was damn arrogant....he wasnt like that to his tution students...[i know coz i was one of em...would regularly get the question papers and score a ton in the exams......the only time that ever happened in cal].....
so he once had to be a substitute teacher for the roughest toughest meanest class in school 12 E.....that is a death wish for anyone in itself....but i shudder to feel what the comp sir might have felt.....so up he steps like a real man to take a whooping....and you know a person would normally just let the students be and hope the 45 minute class gets over ASAP...but oh no here comes the moneyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy....the dude enters like he is THE TERMINATOR...
"dont talk....sit down....i will call the principal...."
and he is proud thinkin that it worked....so as soon as he put his rump down on the teachers chair...up steps HAMEED...yes we all remember him from a certain previous post [check out MAA DA LADLA BIGAR GAYA]....and he locks the class door from the inside.......the sir is like
"hey open the door what are you doing"....well he and his pals sure as hell showed the teach what they were doing....
surrounded the poor bloke
wouldnt let him get up from his chair
some guy took out his cell
and made the teacher watch a porno!
hahahahahahahah man i dont care how much of a nice guy you are and how ever decent you can be....no GUY and i mean NO GUY ever gives up the chance to watch a porno...especially if its free.....
after the class we heard bout this bit from the commerce freaks....so i decided to ask sir bout this in the tution....
"sir i heard they made you sit in the chair and locked the door...."
he replies......"yes but they didnt do anything bad.....i infact locked it myself!...."
BLOODY LIAR!
"and sir i heard they made you watch a blue film"
yes for some reason we dont know pornos in india we all call em blue flix....
sir never answered back
"hey go finish you problems and then you can leave...finish it fast"
score
Teachers 0
Students XXXXX
CASE 3:THE LAST ASSEMBLY
this case occured during my last assembly in school before the ISC exams....lemme make the situation clear....we had just sacked the principal...school was a mess...teachers were pissed...students were always pissed...so we had an interm principal....FATHER RAJ....yeah some freak "father" from La Marts i think....and he would make sure there was an assembly everyday with all the students from class' 11 and 12....big fucking mistake right there
you dont hold assemblies with the commerce sections unless you want it to be your funeral....
plus the fact that Raj would make such crappy stories to teach us morals right throughout the assembly made it even more tedious....
so off we go......as soon as raj steps on the podium and starts jabbering away..
hameed yes him again....and a few of his pals....literally and believe me i dont make this shit up
it just happens in front of me.......
they sit down and form a sort of crude circle...and start clapping away singing songs....and act as if they are playin cards....right in front of all the teachers....
but as usual the teachers dont do jack....coz they dont have the cojones...
The shittest yet truest bit is that our batch the 2007 one was the best batch ever.....and from what i have heard from some of the juniors our school has turned into a dump.....not just coz some students are bad.....now all the students are worse...including the science ones....real sad......
Monday, June 29, 2009
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Maa da laadla bigar gaya
I would probably be the first person who hates references to hindi movie names and songs for real life...........like my bhabhi did at a wedding.....she considered me to be gay and also told me "not to go for many girls at one time like SANDWICH"......you know the freaky govinda flick which i only would tune into for the gloriously sexy raveena..........
so i would hate to bring in some hindi reference to any of my posts....but i have to make an exception for a rather exceptional post....thats right this one post could and probably is one of the best stories[true] ever to come out of STB
so lets make the scene right.....
Mr Yassin me class 8 maths sir had a huge tution group full o muslim kids.....most were ruffians and goondas at that....but the man had a heart of silver[not gold ] and would take his entire batch out for a picnic every year.....
the man had one flaw actually 2....
1:one of his hands would always be bent down ala gay style....like some gay fashion designer....well all of em are gay anyway
2 :he would talk to people like he had paan stuffed in his mouth although he never had one ever.........
so back to the story......his class had this one kid called shergill hameed...the name itself has a history in STB.....i cant reveal all coz would be on his hitlist then.....
so for all the people who dont know this guy lemme give you a brief idea of what he was...abusive....had "contacts".....had a ton o guts.......fought a lot....had ruffians for pals......get the picture?
so Yassin rented a couple of cars actually vans for the trip......he would accompany a few students in one and the other students would be with a driver in the other....and off they went....needless to say mr hameed was in the car without the teach.....
so he and his pals ask the driver to slow down and start faggin away...smoking away like there is no tommorrow ........its like a rock groups tour bus with the amount of smoke coming out......
after a few minutes they see in the distance......Yassin has stopped by the side of the road and is flaggin the other car to stop.....in a jiffy the guys butted out their cigs but the smoke was evidence for yassin to figure out that something was fishy......so in his traditional yassin self he asks
"GAAAAARIIIIIII SEEEEEEE DUUUUUAAAAAAAA KYUUU NIKAAAAL RAHA HAIIII??????"
hameed replied
"aaaoooo sirrr engine garam ho gaya engine garam ho gaya"......
yassin cant answer back...and they head off for the picnic......
when they come back after the picnic....yassin tries to grill everyone bout the "smoke" session
one by one students are asked if they had smoked in the car or not....and almost everyone said yes because Yassin used a brilliant tactic which no one can escape from....here is goes
"AAAACHAAAA ________ tum boooolooooo tummm cigarette piyaaa thaaaaa???"
as usual we are the best fibbers in calcutta
"nahi sir nahi piyaaaaa"
so then yassin uses some major leverage skills.....
"tum maa ka kasam kha kar bolo tum cigarette piya"
to which everyone said
"ha sir sorry sir..... cig piya tha...."
coz of course you cant dodge that bullet...although nothing may happen even if you do fib....but we indians consider it to be sacred and we gotta be righteous whenever out family comes into question
up steps HAMEED for the grilling.....
"achaaaa sergeeeeeeeellll tum bolo tum cigarette piya????"
"nahi sir hum nahi piya.........."
here it comes the BIG one
"tum maa ka kasam kha kar bolo tum cigarette nahi piya"
now before i tell you the response lets move into fast forward....after the grilling he comes out from the room and all his pals surround him and ask him what happened.....
and he replies back that yassin asked him if he did smoke and he replied no....then he asked him to tell him the truth.....using the classic maa ka kasam dialogue...........
to which he replied
" HAAN SIR MAA KASAM KHAKAR BOL RAHA HOO MAINE CIGARETTE NAHI PIYA....."
now we all got shocked by the response....i mean how can you say something like that coz we regard that we gotta tell the truth when someone asks for the maa kasam thingy
so we asked him....tum jhoot kyu bola?
he replies...
"sir bola tha maa ka kasam kha kar bolo.....hum bhi maa ka kasam kha liya....uska maa .....tera maa....kiska maa kya pata.....????"
whoa bullet dodged......king of retorts....check.....
so i would hate to bring in some hindi reference to any of my posts....but i have to make an exception for a rather exceptional post....thats right this one post could and probably is one of the best stories[true] ever to come out of STB
so lets make the scene right.....
Mr Yassin me class 8 maths sir had a huge tution group full o muslim kids.....most were ruffians and goondas at that....but the man had a heart of silver[not gold ] and would take his entire batch out for a picnic every year.....
the man had one flaw actually 2....
1:one of his hands would always be bent down ala gay style....like some gay fashion designer....well all of em are gay anyway
2 :he would talk to people like he had paan stuffed in his mouth although he never had one ever.........
so back to the story......his class had this one kid called shergill hameed...the name itself has a history in STB.....i cant reveal all coz would be on his hitlist then.....
so for all the people who dont know this guy lemme give you a brief idea of what he was...abusive....had "contacts".....had a ton o guts.......fought a lot....had ruffians for pals......get the picture?
so Yassin rented a couple of cars actually vans for the trip......he would accompany a few students in one and the other students would be with a driver in the other....and off they went....needless to say mr hameed was in the car without the teach.....
so he and his pals ask the driver to slow down and start faggin away...smoking away like there is no tommorrow ........its like a rock groups tour bus with the amount of smoke coming out......
after a few minutes they see in the distance......Yassin has stopped by the side of the road and is flaggin the other car to stop.....in a jiffy the guys butted out their cigs but the smoke was evidence for yassin to figure out that something was fishy......so in his traditional yassin self he asks
"GAAAAARIIIIIII SEEEEEEE DUUUUUAAAAAAAA KYUUU NIKAAAAL RAHA HAIIII??????"
hameed replied
"aaaoooo sirrr engine garam ho gaya engine garam ho gaya"......
yassin cant answer back...and they head off for the picnic......
when they come back after the picnic....yassin tries to grill everyone bout the "smoke" session
one by one students are asked if they had smoked in the car or not....and almost everyone said yes because Yassin used a brilliant tactic which no one can escape from....here is goes
"AAAACHAAAA ________ tum boooolooooo tummm cigarette piyaaa thaaaaa???"
as usual we are the best fibbers in calcutta
"nahi sir nahi piyaaaaa"
so then yassin uses some major leverage skills.....
"tum maa ka kasam kha kar bolo tum cigarette piya"
to which everyone said
"ha sir sorry sir..... cig piya tha...."
coz of course you cant dodge that bullet...although nothing may happen even if you do fib....but we indians consider it to be sacred and we gotta be righteous whenever out family comes into question
up steps HAMEED for the grilling.....
"achaaaa sergeeeeeeeellll tum bolo tum cigarette piya????"
"nahi sir hum nahi piya.........."
here it comes the BIG one
"tum maa ka kasam kha kar bolo tum cigarette nahi piya"
now before i tell you the response lets move into fast forward....after the grilling he comes out from the room and all his pals surround him and ask him what happened.....
and he replies back that yassin asked him if he did smoke and he replied no....then he asked him to tell him the truth.....using the classic maa ka kasam dialogue...........
to which he replied
" HAAN SIR MAA KASAM KHAKAR BOL RAHA HOO MAINE CIGARETTE NAHI PIYA....."
now we all got shocked by the response....i mean how can you say something like that coz we regard that we gotta tell the truth when someone asks for the maa kasam thingy
so we asked him....tum jhoot kyu bola?
he replies...
"sir bola tha maa ka kasam kha kar bolo.....hum bhi maa ka kasam kha liya....uska maa .....tera maa....kiska maa kya pata.....????"
whoa bullet dodged......king of retorts....check.....
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Desi Daroooooooo
Me college has 3 Fests.....one for the technical dept...thats EDGE....one for cultural stuff...ANAKRONOS and one Management fest thats Uniex[which i call UNISEX]....just for fun.....so me pals nikhil and sanket[shanky baby] decided 2 put their best foot forward for the UNIEX thing and decided 2 take part ina lot of stuff one being ADSPOOF....where a team gets a tagline and has 2 make an ad on it......the ad cant be the ad of the same product in which the tag line appears....
so we go 2 the qualifyin round....and there are around 7 groups......with 3 people being the most in a team.......so nikhil goes 2 pick up a chit from a bag containin the many tag lines......he licks one up and its in BONG...so we said "BOOJI NA BOOJI NA....[cant understand]..."....so he picks a new one.....same problem in bong...and another picked same prob again....finally we get a new one which is in ENGLISH
"THE TEAST OF INDIA"....yes i didnt spell the thing wrong thats what was written on the paper....we all know its..."THE TASTE OF INDIA"....amul butter...
so the 3 of us had decided that no matter what tag we get we gonna make an ad on CONDOMS....yeah SAY IT LOUD.....just when we were decidin bout the ad...a senior came up 2 us and said "GUYS NOTHIN VULGAR "....damn we thought oh well back 2 the drawing board........
then all of a sudden everyone gets off their chairs and stands up coz the princi came 2 judge the contest along with a couple more sirs......one sir was a real good guy explaining what all we were supposed to do....
back 2 the thinkin
i thought of tourism as an advertisement.......rasgollas also came up along with a few other things...
but we all decided on DESI DAROO....[DESI ALCOHOL].....
the ad was simple....
a alcoholic goes into a bar...asks for a drink.....he gets something...he throws it away sayin..."GIMME SOMETHING NEW...SOMETHING DESI...." and then DESI DAROO comes up ...he takes a sip and alls done........he enjoys the drink...says
"THIS IS GOOD....THIS IS DESI......"
from behind 2 of us were supposed 2 say like proper MEN
"DESI DAROO THE TASTE OF INDIA...."
SO THE COMP starts......a couple of guys made an ad on ZAPAK MAIL using the horlicks tagline....and so on....we got our chance....and we were supposed 2 brief the people bout our ad.....as soon as we said "DAROO" the teachers said we cant make an ad on that since it "AINT ALLOWED INDIA".......so we had 2make a surrogate ad.....using "DESI SODA"....same ad except soda used in place of "DAROO"......when the ad was finished we were supposed 2 say THE TASTE OF INDIA....WHICH FOR SOME REASON SHANKY DECIDED 2 SING OUT......
whenever a team finished an ad they were applauded....we didnt get nothing done.....everyone was more shocked as 2 how direct our ad was....including the princi........
the results were announced...and as expected we didnt win.......we came 5th out of 7 teams....
then sanket[shanky] gets all
big and says....damn it we should have made the ad on FURNITURE..........
so we go 2 the qualifyin round....and there are around 7 groups......with 3 people being the most in a team.......so nikhil goes 2 pick up a chit from a bag containin the many tag lines......he licks one up and its in BONG...so we said "BOOJI NA BOOJI NA....[cant understand]..."....so he picks a new one.....same problem in bong...and another picked same prob again....finally we get a new one which is in ENGLISH
"THE TEAST OF INDIA"....yes i didnt spell the thing wrong thats what was written on the paper....we all know its..."THE TASTE OF INDIA"....amul butter...
so the 3 of us had decided that no matter what tag we get we gonna make an ad on CONDOMS....yeah SAY IT LOUD.....just when we were decidin bout the ad...a senior came up 2 us and said "GUYS NOTHIN VULGAR "....damn we thought oh well back 2 the drawing board........
then all of a sudden everyone gets off their chairs and stands up coz the princi came 2 judge the contest along with a couple more sirs......one sir was a real good guy explaining what all we were supposed to do....
back 2 the thinkin
i thought of tourism as an advertisement.......rasgollas also came up along with a few other things...
but we all decided on DESI DAROO....[DESI ALCOHOL].....
the ad was simple....
a alcoholic goes into a bar...asks for a drink.....he gets something...he throws it away sayin..."GIMME SOMETHING NEW...SOMETHING DESI...." and then DESI DAROO comes up ...he takes a sip and alls done........he enjoys the drink...says
"THIS IS GOOD....THIS IS DESI......"
from behind 2 of us were supposed 2 say like proper MEN
"DESI DAROO THE TASTE OF INDIA...."
SO THE COMP starts......a couple of guys made an ad on ZAPAK MAIL using the horlicks tagline....and so on....we got our chance....and we were supposed 2 brief the people bout our ad.....as soon as we said "DAROO" the teachers said we cant make an ad on that since it "AINT ALLOWED INDIA".......so we had 2make a surrogate ad.....using "DESI SODA"....same ad except soda used in place of "DAROO"......when the ad was finished we were supposed 2 say THE TASTE OF INDIA....WHICH FOR SOME REASON SHANKY DECIDED 2 SING OUT......
whenever a team finished an ad they were applauded....we didnt get nothing done.....everyone was more shocked as 2 how direct our ad was....including the princi........
the results were announced...and as expected we didnt win.......we came 5th out of 7 teams....
then sanket[shanky] gets all
big and says....damn it we should have made the ad on FURNITURE..........
ELEPHANT PAPER PUPPET
A year or so ago the copa america final was held between the 2 greatest south american teams....THE ARGIES AND THE SAMBA BOYS[argentina and brazil]....due 2 the fact that the match was 2 happen at around 2:30 in the morning and last upto around 5 a couple of me pals decided 2 watch the game at me place like they always do on important matches.....[including the 2006 world cup]...so anyways......we[me babla and chintoo lee aka rohit].....had a blast coz we had come back from a dance recital of nagu's mom's.......and we spent the entire evening abusin the shit out of each other and spendin time remembering the god times when life wasnt all studies and it was mroe about how much u cld play.......
so the nite went on babla bought dinner...[coz that ass makes $$$$$] anyways dinner down the throat we watched some shit salma hayek movie.....and the nite then didnt seem 2 pass..chintoo got tired and fell asleep...so it was upto me and babla 2 keep our spirits up and not fall asleep.....surfin through channels at 2 in the nite searchin for something fun to watch is NOT a good thing......
surfin
surfin
surfin
hoping 2 find something worth watchin...when i came across a channel TAAZA TV...which is shown only in Calcutta run for and by the marru's of cal......they were showin KIDS TIME a two bit kids show .....i dont know who watches taht in india also......believe me.....
they were showin a segment where u create something for the child.....so this guy comes wearing a shirt which is half red half purple and with black polka dots on it.......he starts blabbering that he wants 2 make a
"ELEEEEEEEEEEEEEPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANT PAAAAAAAAAAAAPERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR PUPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT"
i aint exaggerating this is really how he did say it.......me and babla laughed out so loud that chintoo almost woke up.....so 2 make sure he wldnt miss the fun we beat him up so that he wld wake up......
the show continued and the guy made a bag out of some paper and these were his exact words 2 the kid who was helping him
"DEKHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HUMNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE THONGAAAAAA BANAYA........."[look we made a bag]
"ISKO KYA CHEEZ KE LIYE USE KARENGE????"[what can we use this for?]
"ISME AAP CHOCOLATEEEEEEEEEEEE GEMSSSSSSSSSSSSS DALLLLLLLLLLLLLLL AUR CHAWALLLLLLLLLLLLLL REAKH SAKTE HAIN"
[u can keep chocolates gems lentils rice in it]
lame shit as it was but it was damn funny....we didnt care bout the match after that we just spent the nite laughin at the guy tryin 2 be a comedian and a bad one at that........
unfortunately i cant get 2 see my favourite channel no more coz TATA SKY doesnt provide TAAZA tv......but if i ever find the link 2 that video[fat chance of tha hapenin]...i will put it up over here for sure...........
so the nite went on babla bought dinner...[coz that ass makes $$$$$] anyways dinner down the throat we watched some shit salma hayek movie.....and the nite then didnt seem 2 pass..chintoo got tired and fell asleep...so it was upto me and babla 2 keep our spirits up and not fall asleep.....surfin through channels at 2 in the nite searchin for something fun to watch is NOT a good thing......
surfin
surfin
surfin
hoping 2 find something worth watchin...when i came across a channel TAAZA TV...which is shown only in Calcutta run for and by the marru's of cal......they were showin KIDS TIME a two bit kids show .....i dont know who watches taht in india also......believe me.....
they were showin a segment where u create something for the child.....so this guy comes wearing a shirt which is half red half purple and with black polka dots on it.......he starts blabbering that he wants 2 make a
"ELEEEEEEEEEEEEEPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANT PAAAAAAAAAAAAPERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR PUPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT"
i aint exaggerating this is really how he did say it.......me and babla laughed out so loud that chintoo almost woke up.....so 2 make sure he wldnt miss the fun we beat him up so that he wld wake up......
the show continued and the guy made a bag out of some paper and these were his exact words 2 the kid who was helping him
"DEKHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HUMNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE THONGAAAAAA BANAYA........."[look we made a bag]
"ISKO KYA CHEEZ KE LIYE USE KARENGE????"[what can we use this for?]
"ISME AAP CHOCOLATEEEEEEEEEEEE GEMSSSSSSSSSSSSS DALLLLLLLLLLLLLLL AUR CHAWALLLLLLLLLLLLLL REAKH SAKTE HAIN"
[u can keep chocolates gems lentils rice in it]
lame shit as it was but it was damn funny....we didnt care bout the match after that we just spent the nite laughin at the guy tryin 2 be a comedian and a bad one at that........
unfortunately i cant get 2 see my favourite channel no more coz TATA SKY doesnt provide TAAZA tv......but if i ever find the link 2 that video[fat chance of tha hapenin]...i will put it up over here for sure...........
Classico
I recently found my old blog back again....it seemed that it was deleted but i guess the people at blogger got shit scared and brought it back......since i have started a new one i decided to bring back some of me best posts to date so here we go
THE BUS RIDE FROM HELL:
TECHNO INDIA
the only shit bit was it was located at Salt lake which is like a 90 minute bus ride from me place,i wasnt too thrilled bout that bit but beggars cant be choosers .......
so a few months into college i started using the bus properly
day in day out and believe me it is the most entertaining and frustating experience of me life so far
as soon as u get on a bus u can feel the energy from some people and the lack of energy from others
i personally love gettin into a bus and irritating the shit out of the people on the bus
not directly but indirectly.....that is i am with me pals and i talk a ton of shit to em
about my past relationships[or lack of] ,music,sports,politics anything that comes into my mind
and i scream it out all the time...not only that but i use expletives left rite and center
just today i was talking to me pal sanket and after every normal word i was using
either "FUCK","FUCKING" or "FUCKER"....with a few bastards and son of bitches thrown in for good measure
the look on people's faces is the best thing bout this
there are even some jerks who try to give me a stare and hope that i shut up but that just gives me a target i can pick on
"OH KAKU KE BHALLO LAGCHE NA?????
SALA....."
and no kaku ever turns back ,they get so bloody shit scared
another great thing i love bout buses is the fact that the conductor always tells us that there is space at the back no matter how many fat people,thin people or smelly people are in the bus
it fucking gets so conjusted at times that i feel that i may die from the lack of oxygen or even from the smell of certain people
even though i have a kickass time on a bus the WORST AND THE MOST DREADED thing in a bus is
PELVIC PELVIC
now for people who got no idea bout my jargon
pelvic is well bout a persons pelvic region
but
PELVIC PELVIC
this is another story.........this is when a person standing next to you on a bus decides to rub his pelvic region all over your sides,arms etc...hell the worst bit is the times when they get real close to ur face....and for some bloody reason its always the smelly people who get close for
PELVIC PELVIC
which really pisses me off
how come no hot tamale comes and decides to give pelvic to me.....i mean thats the least i can ask from the LORD above
not much as i got more than what i want
just one or two small things
like a chick like monica bellucci,money like bill gates and maybe keys to the playboy mansion
i know none of this will ever happen
but if it does......all me pals are gonna be damn happy......
THE BUS RIDE FROM HELL:
I dont ask for much in life..
i already have my ps3,some real good pals , all the porn i need,a ton of music,privacy u know that adult-teen kinda stuff so goin to me college was no biggie i was real happy a college did take me inTECHNO INDIA
the only shit bit was it was located at Salt lake which is like a 90 minute bus ride from me place,i wasnt too thrilled bout that bit but beggars cant be choosers .......
so a few months into college i started using the bus properly
day in day out and believe me it is the most entertaining and frustating experience of me life so far
as soon as u get on a bus u can feel the energy from some people and the lack of energy from others
i personally love gettin into a bus and irritating the shit out of the people on the bus
not directly but indirectly.....that is i am with me pals and i talk a ton of shit to em
about my past relationships[or lack of] ,music,sports,politics anything that comes into my mind
and i scream it out all the time...not only that but i use expletives left rite and center
just today i was talking to me pal sanket and after every normal word i was using
either "FUCK","FUCKING" or "FUCKER"....with a few bastards and son of bitches thrown in for good measure
the look on people's faces is the best thing bout this
there are even some jerks who try to give me a stare and hope that i shut up but that just gives me a target i can pick on
"OH KAKU KE BHALLO LAGCHE NA?????
SALA....."
and no kaku ever turns back ,they get so bloody shit scared
another great thing i love bout buses is the fact that the conductor always tells us that there is space at the back no matter how many fat people,thin people or smelly people are in the bus
it fucking gets so conjusted at times that i feel that i may die from the lack of oxygen or even from the smell of certain people
even though i have a kickass time on a bus the WORST AND THE MOST DREADED thing in a bus is
PELVIC PELVIC
now for people who got no idea bout my jargon
pelvic is well bout a persons pelvic region
but
PELVIC PELVIC
this is another story.........this is when a person standing next to you on a bus decides to rub his pelvic region all over your sides,arms etc...hell the worst bit is the times when they get real close to ur face....and for some bloody reason its always the smelly people who get close for
PELVIC PELVIC
which really pisses me off
how come no hot tamale comes and decides to give pelvic to me.....i mean thats the least i can ask from the LORD above
not much as i got more than what i want
just one or two small things
like a chick like monica bellucci,money like bill gates and maybe keys to the playboy mansion
i know none of this will ever happen
but if it does......all me pals are gonna be damn happy......
E=MC^2
In STB we didnt have the best of teachers......dont get me wrong....wait....fuck yeah we had real shit teachers....the list was endless....the teachers would often piss us off......we had this teach T K SHAH....for physics......i mean i know its ok to have a little pride in your academic excellence.....but dont go fucking boasting bout it from the 1st day of the new session
i had just passed the ICSE exams with around 78%......i aint a genius no more....so as per bengal tradition i was forced to take up science in me +2's even though i sucked at em......i took science with computers as me 6th subject which i was decent at.........
so a brand new session starts......well i thought this would be my best years in STB coz i did have me best pal Rohit in the same class.....so as bumchums we sat together and enters that BASTARD TIKU[Shah].......the jackass had tormented us in class 10 with his constant rambellings and strict disciplinarian methods of teaching
here is a notable excerpt from the douchebag
"I WILL GIVE YOU VERY SEVERE PUNISHMENT BOYZZZZZZZZZ"
am shit scared coz he would always carry a cane with him.......
"YOU NOW WILL HAVE VERY SEVER PUNISHMENT.........
STAND UP FOR THE ENTIRE CLASS......"
wait what?
thats crap man....i punish the public worse than that with my constant jabbering and abusing......
"NOW I WILL GIVE YOU EVEN MORE SEVER PUNISHMENT.....STAND AT THE BACK OF THE CLASS....."
WOW I AM SO FUCKING SCARED ...........sarcasm intended
so the douche was our class teacher for 2 years straight.......damn damn damn damn.......what a waste.....
he starts off by saying that he is a brilliant student and told us in some shit maharashtra board exam he secured something like 95% in physics maths and chemistry....and how he was a great student....where he spent his time teaching and all the historic details any normal person would have fallen asleep off....we couldnt do that coz he was the VP's ass licker.......only 1 person was paying complete 10000% attention to him ....it was his gay lover Partho Sarthi Laha.....first off all i dont think any "guy" can have such a name....but he did....
he would walk with his tit's popping out....and whenever he heard TIKU's shit voice...he would literally just run to the source of the sound....hell he was the only person in the world who would laugh at his shit hole jokes as well........
anyways TIKU then told us that if we didnt believe him .....he could bring in his papers and certificates and all just to prove that he did do the same.....fucking loser......
the guy had another problem as well....he suffered from some gastric problems....so he would constantly BURP all the while he was teaching....
and his burp wasntr a normal one....oh no...this was what he would burp
"GHEEEEOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWW"
"GHEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW"
and the worst bit was he never apologized for that.....not once ....never.....
but if he caught someone even trying to yawn or make any sort of muscular movement around the mouth....the guy would point him out and would start saying a ton of shit like
"dont spread germs all around"
"if you dont like physics why did you take science?"
once he was taking a physics class and told us if we had any doubts regarding any topic we could ask him....so me GUJJU pal Bhaveen got up and asked him a question bout some topic which was a year old....
the guy responded
"BHAVEEEEEEEN YOU ARRRRRRREEEEEEEEE A YEARRRRR LAATE....I CANT HELP YOU......"
SOB.....sala haram khor.......but i dont hold any grudge against him for all this....what i do hate him for is his biased attitude towards his tution students......he would often ask the weak students to join his tution indirectly....for example
i was a shit weak student in class 11 and 12
my scores in physics read like the bangladesh cricket teams score card against an aussie bowling attack
12
24
16
30
these were me scores in 4 exams in the +2's....i havent said anything bout me maths scores...thats another story
so the guy was giving the papers for the physics exam...and as usual i failed...miserably.....he looked at me and said...i will never fucking forget the mockery he made off me that day
"SAEEEEEEEDD YOU ARE LIKE SOURAV GANGULY...FAILING ALL THE TIME....."
till that it was fine....i mean come on i also have made a ton of jokes on guys flunking.....
the next line pissed me off to another level..........
"YOU NEED A JAGMOHAN DALMIYA TO PASS......"
son of a bitch...damn asshole.....so how do i get back at the asshole
well he teaches in an adjacent building to me complex on the first floor....that building just contains shops....and a coaching class.....that building is rite next to me gate.....so whenever he is teaching and i can here him.....coz its easy to hear that BELCH from a mile away.....i go up to the ground floor....rite beneath his window and shout out
"TEEEN RUPIYA KA CHICKEN PAKODA.........TEEN RUPIYA KA CHICKEN PAKODA.........."
he never does jack bout that......a lot more to follow of the miser we all loved to hate TIKU........
i had just passed the ICSE exams with around 78%......i aint a genius no more....so as per bengal tradition i was forced to take up science in me +2's even though i sucked at em......i took science with computers as me 6th subject which i was decent at.........
so a brand new session starts......well i thought this would be my best years in STB coz i did have me best pal Rohit in the same class.....so as bumchums we sat together and enters that BASTARD TIKU[Shah].......the jackass had tormented us in class 10 with his constant rambellings and strict disciplinarian methods of teaching
here is a notable excerpt from the douchebag
"I WILL GIVE YOU VERY SEVERE PUNISHMENT BOYZZZZZZZZZ"
am shit scared coz he would always carry a cane with him.......
"YOU NOW WILL HAVE VERY SEVER PUNISHMENT.........
STAND UP FOR THE ENTIRE CLASS......"
wait what?
thats crap man....i punish the public worse than that with my constant jabbering and abusing......
"NOW I WILL GIVE YOU EVEN MORE SEVER PUNISHMENT.....STAND AT THE BACK OF THE CLASS....."
WOW I AM SO FUCKING SCARED ...........sarcasm intended
so the douche was our class teacher for 2 years straight.......damn damn damn damn.......what a waste.....
he starts off by saying that he is a brilliant student and told us in some shit maharashtra board exam he secured something like 95% in physics maths and chemistry....and how he was a great student....where he spent his time teaching and all the historic details any normal person would have fallen asleep off....we couldnt do that coz he was the VP's ass licker.......only 1 person was paying complete 10000% attention to him ....it was his gay lover Partho Sarthi Laha.....first off all i dont think any "guy" can have such a name....but he did....
he would walk with his tit's popping out....and whenever he heard TIKU's shit voice...he would literally just run to the source of the sound....hell he was the only person in the world who would laugh at his shit hole jokes as well........
anyways TIKU then told us that if we didnt believe him .....he could bring in his papers and certificates and all just to prove that he did do the same.....fucking loser......
the guy had another problem as well....he suffered from some gastric problems....so he would constantly BURP all the while he was teaching....
and his burp wasntr a normal one....oh no...this was what he would burp
"GHEEEEOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWW"
"GHEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW"
and the worst bit was he never apologized for that.....not once ....never.....
but if he caught someone even trying to yawn or make any sort of muscular movement around the mouth....the guy would point him out and would start saying a ton of shit like
"dont spread germs all around"
"if you dont like physics why did you take science?"
once he was taking a physics class and told us if we had any doubts regarding any topic we could ask him....so me GUJJU pal Bhaveen got up and asked him a question bout some topic which was a year old....
the guy responded
"BHAVEEEEEEEN YOU ARRRRRRREEEEEEEEE A YEARRRRR LAATE....I CANT HELP YOU......"
SOB.....sala haram khor.......but i dont hold any grudge against him for all this....what i do hate him for is his biased attitude towards his tution students......he would often ask the weak students to join his tution indirectly....for example
i was a shit weak student in class 11 and 12
my scores in physics read like the bangladesh cricket teams score card against an aussie bowling attack
12
24
16
30
these were me scores in 4 exams in the +2's....i havent said anything bout me maths scores...thats another story
so the guy was giving the papers for the physics exam...and as usual i failed...miserably.....he looked at me and said...i will never fucking forget the mockery he made off me that day
"SAEEEEEEEDD YOU ARE LIKE SOURAV GANGULY...FAILING ALL THE TIME....."
till that it was fine....i mean come on i also have made a ton of jokes on guys flunking.....
the next line pissed me off to another level..........
"YOU NEED A JAGMOHAN DALMIYA TO PASS......"
son of a bitch...damn asshole.....so how do i get back at the asshole
well he teaches in an adjacent building to me complex on the first floor....that building just contains shops....and a coaching class.....that building is rite next to me gate.....so whenever he is teaching and i can here him.....coz its easy to hear that BELCH from a mile away.....i go up to the ground floor....rite beneath his window and shout out
"TEEEN RUPIYA KA CHICKEN PAKODA.........TEEN RUPIYA KA CHICKEN PAKODA.........."
he never does jack bout that......a lot more to follow of the miser we all loved to hate TIKU........
Friday, June 26, 2009
Desperado
Lets get one thing straight my love life hasnt been a good one......although i am 20 years old my one past relationship didnt materialize into anything big.....and i always have screwed up somehow or another regarding the mystery called as love.........thats why i have given up on that crap feeling....and i just whack and jack off as i please nowadays.........
but the Lord has been kind in certain ways to me coz when i did like a couple of chicks some real fantastic things happened with em and me of course...
CASE 1:This happened when i was in class 1 before i left Calcutta....i was studying in a school called DEW DROPS which was a small school in 95 but now is a proper school having grades upto 12 i think.....at my time it had just upto grade 4.....so we had one classroom for all the grades 1,2,3 and 4......i had this huge crush on a girl called Shweta.....who was in class 4....for some reason i liked her.....so one day i arrived late at school and was bombarded by the teacher as to why i was late.....i was almost in tears...so the teach felt a little guilty and told me to get to my seat in the calmest tone possible....unfortunately....[fortunately actually] my seat was already taken by some new kid....and there werent any seats left.....
damn i though i would have to stand the entire time.......or at least a period got over
but then the LORD shone all HIS MIGHT on me and the teacher said
"AAAAdeeeeem [in that irritating bengali tone]...why dont you sit on Shweta's lap? there isnt a seat for you....Shweta you dont mind do you?"
DAMN........shit......WOW......first time i ever got the chance to have contact with a chick........wont ever forget those 4 kickass school hours....didnt want the day to end....the next day i found out i didnt have to go to that school no more coz we were shifting to dubai...shit
CASE 2:when i shifted to Dubai i was enrolled in a school called OUR OWN ENGLISH HIGH SCHOOL....apart from the name being real freaky the guys and girls had different timings to prevent us guys meeting with the chix...damn.....we would come at around 12:30 and had classes till 6 PM where as the girls would have classes from 7 Am to 12 Pm
since i was a genius in that school i was forced into extra curricular activities....like being sent into a relay race...where i was tripped by a guy and half of my face was damaged beyond recognition and i had a plaster on me face for 2 days....all me teeth became loose and i had to eat PULP for 4 freakin weeks.....
i also often took part in elocutions and won for 6 years straight.......yes i was brilliant in those freak things back then.....even was up for the HOUSE MONITER in the year i left the school....anyways back to the story...since i was soooo fucking talented [pun fucking intended] i was forced to take part in a dance show which i was reluctant to take part in....but again the LORD was there for me....i had a chick as a partner.....oh sweet YES....i was in class 3 at the time.......
the chick was a pretty decent one as well......as i can remember we practiced for weeks....i had to miss school as i went to the practice auditorium and would just dance away with her....we were part of a group of like 7 pairs,.......
the BIG DAY ARRIVED....we danced our ass' off....touching feeling enjoyin[well i was at least]......we were supposed to do the same dance a day later and for my sinning and molesting of the kid the LORD made sure i couldnt dance.....i contracted CHICKEN POX FROM SOMEWHERE......SHITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
CASE 3:This final case occured quite a few years ago...around 5 years back when i was learning how to play me keyboards in me music class....where i had a huge crush on a chick called Sneha....everyone knows bout this incident....so we had a recital at some park...[skippin a ton to get to the juicy part]....
she was sitting on one end of a slide...where i was standing next to her trying to act COOL......cha man in it!
so looking here and there trying not to make it too obvious that i was staring at here...i peeked down at her and THE LORD AGAIN SHONE THROUGH....
she wasnt wearing no panties....could see her ass perfectly....it was a glorious sight.......i kept staring for what seemed such a short time......which actually was like 5 minutes...when i started hearing giggles......as i tried to take me eyes off that beautiful ass...i saw that almost everyone in the park was staring at me....
parents,teachers,students.....everyone......Sneha also started smiling for some reason and burst into giggles.......but unfortunately she never talked to me again....i did like a chick in music school again
and she turned out to be sneha's best friend.....we all know how that ended...she also never talked to me AGAIN...i did do some douche things...like constantly call her like some freaky stalker......but come on she didnt stop talking to me coz of that....or did she?
but the Lord has been kind in certain ways to me coz when i did like a couple of chicks some real fantastic things happened with em and me of course...
CASE 1:This happened when i was in class 1 before i left Calcutta....i was studying in a school called DEW DROPS which was a small school in 95 but now is a proper school having grades upto 12 i think.....at my time it had just upto grade 4.....so we had one classroom for all the grades 1,2,3 and 4......i had this huge crush on a girl called Shweta.....who was in class 4....for some reason i liked her.....so one day i arrived late at school and was bombarded by the teacher as to why i was late.....i was almost in tears...so the teach felt a little guilty and told me to get to my seat in the calmest tone possible....unfortunately....[fortunately actually] my seat was already taken by some new kid....and there werent any seats left.....
damn i though i would have to stand the entire time.......or at least a period got over
but then the LORD shone all HIS MIGHT on me and the teacher said
"AAAAdeeeeem [in that irritating bengali tone]...why dont you sit on Shweta's lap? there isnt a seat for you....Shweta you dont mind do you?"
DAMN........shit......WOW......first time i ever got the chance to have contact with a chick........wont ever forget those 4 kickass school hours....didnt want the day to end....the next day i found out i didnt have to go to that school no more coz we were shifting to dubai...shit
CASE 2:when i shifted to Dubai i was enrolled in a school called OUR OWN ENGLISH HIGH SCHOOL....apart from the name being real freaky the guys and girls had different timings to prevent us guys meeting with the chix...damn.....we would come at around 12:30 and had classes till 6 PM where as the girls would have classes from 7 Am to 12 Pm
since i was a genius in that school i was forced into extra curricular activities....like being sent into a relay race...where i was tripped by a guy and half of my face was damaged beyond recognition and i had a plaster on me face for 2 days....all me teeth became loose and i had to eat PULP for 4 freakin weeks.....
i also often took part in elocutions and won for 6 years straight.......yes i was brilliant in those freak things back then.....even was up for the HOUSE MONITER in the year i left the school....anyways back to the story...since i was soooo fucking talented [pun fucking intended] i was forced to take part in a dance show which i was reluctant to take part in....but again the LORD was there for me....i had a chick as a partner.....oh sweet YES....i was in class 3 at the time.......
the chick was a pretty decent one as well......as i can remember we practiced for weeks....i had to miss school as i went to the practice auditorium and would just dance away with her....we were part of a group of like 7 pairs,.......
the BIG DAY ARRIVED....we danced our ass' off....touching feeling enjoyin[well i was at least]......we were supposed to do the same dance a day later and for my sinning and molesting of the kid the LORD made sure i couldnt dance.....i contracted CHICKEN POX FROM SOMEWHERE......SHITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
CASE 3:This final case occured quite a few years ago...around 5 years back when i was learning how to play me keyboards in me music class....where i had a huge crush on a chick called Sneha....everyone knows bout this incident....so we had a recital at some park...[skippin a ton to get to the juicy part]....
she was sitting on one end of a slide...where i was standing next to her trying to act COOL......cha man in it!
so looking here and there trying not to make it too obvious that i was staring at here...i peeked down at her and THE LORD AGAIN SHONE THROUGH....
she wasnt wearing no panties....could see her ass perfectly....it was a glorious sight.......i kept staring for what seemed such a short time......which actually was like 5 minutes...when i started hearing giggles......as i tried to take me eyes off that beautiful ass...i saw that almost everyone in the park was staring at me....
parents,teachers,students.....everyone......Sneha also started smiling for some reason and burst into giggles.......but unfortunately she never talked to me again....i did like a chick in music school again
and she turned out to be sneha's best friend.....we all know how that ended...she also never talked to me AGAIN...i did do some douche things...like constantly call her like some freaky stalker......but come on she didnt stop talking to me coz of that....or did she?
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