To continue where I left off the last time, the wedding of the year was coming up, Rohit's sister's wedding and we were part of the crew which would "work" from the bride's side. This means just one thing, full on nonsense from the remaining 3 of us, Nagu, Babla and myself.
The most important thing Rohit/Chintoo told me was that his "friends" from mallu land would be coming, aka the NITK Suratkal people, classmates, southies, whatever you wanna call em, they were coming.
Rohit in fact told Babla and me not to make any southie jokes in front of certain people so that we don't offend em, which means we would offend em by making all sorts of jokes, see Rohit is a smart lad granted, came second in our school in the ISC exams,( really took his case that time) but his understanding of his friend's minds never seems to work, reverse psychology is what he should have done, "MAKE JOKES ON ALL OF EM" he should have said but he didn't and we did, make fun of the southies.
Before the scheduled date of the marriage it was time for the invasion, all of the NITK crew were coming over to stay at rohit's place, he had set up quite a few rooms in his building for the same, with beds, sheets and other facilities, the first day I went over I met Buddhesh, the first NITK bugger apart from Rohit whom I had met, a brilliant guy and with whom I had one of the best conversations, in case you people have forgotten this is the conversation again:
Buddhesh " You know Prasoona and I were............."
Me : " what? i didn't hear"
Buddh " she is my girlfriend"
Me : " WHAT????"
Buddh: " Yeah, you didn't know that, Rohit didn't tell you?" he says with a straight face
Me : "Fuck no!"
He calls Rohit over and I ask him
"WTF man? Buddhesh and Nalla are a couple?"
He looks at me like I am some crazy bugger, so does Buddh
Chintoo "WTF are you on?"
Me :" Arrey that's what Buddhesh said"
Buddh: " No, I said Classmate"
Me : "Fuck my hearing"
So we spent a good time chatting about how things were at NITK, the sodomy, the rapes and all, just kidding, it was nice to hear a bit more about Chintoo's "love" story and get the proper details instead of some half arsed ones.
I decided to stay over as the next day we had to go and collect bhabhiji, chintoo as usual went off to bed at 12 AM, which is late for him considering he would sleep at 9 PM in his school days and 10:30 PM in his college days, Buddhesh vouches for this.
Babla was supposed to turn up and he did in his all Rockstar glory coming in at a very early 3 AM, knocking us off sleep and then spending an hour talking about Ghosts, Jins ,Spirits and religion and no he was not drunk, the next day in the morning 6 AM we set off to receive the Bhabhiji,read that post if you want more details.
after the legendary pick up and drop off of the bhabhi, Rohit told me a few more friends were coming , so in the evening I set off for Rohit's place and found this huge bugger sitting in his living room, Joyraj was his name but everyone called him Zoyraz, since he could not pronounce the J and Rohit had a hell of a time to understand how he could spell his name. This guy was rohit's roommate for a couple of years and has the tag of being the laziest person at NITK, oh and for some reason he does not speak much, so I made sure he would speak more, a lot moe by constantly telling him every single day he was there
"JOYRAJ TU KUCH BOLTA NAHIN, KUCH TOH BOL YAAR"
Everyday, this went on and on and I trolled him like hell but the guy never did much but smile and walk about, he did respond but never in the STB way.
The other people I met during the invasion was Anudeep, the poor guy who is supposed to hang out with a lazy bum like me in Calcutta but we never do and this other guy from OOEHS!, yeah he had seen me a lotta times but I did not remember him, maybe it was due to teh fact he had shaved his head completely or it was due to the fact that I can't remember people from a week or 2 back, how would I remember him in he was my school mate 10 years back.
There was a final onslaught a day later from the real southies, people that Rohit had warned me not to make jokes on, could not socialize with em as much as I wanted to, most of the time I was with the 4 guys and Bhabhiji making lame comments and jokes.
The real fun was to begin soon enough, while we all were preparing for the grand occasion, Rohit was shitting in his pants, all of us wanted Rohit to get some alone time with Bhabhiji but that never happened since he went into beserk mode in trying to to get all the work done on time and plus, he knew if he did get some alone time , we the friends of his would make sure we all were part of the alone time.
He would remember this alone time, forever.
Coming up Part 3: The D Day
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Saturday, February 18, 2012
The Wedding Part 1
As stated in the earlier post, there is nothing bigger for an Indian family than a wedding, suffice to say Chintoo's family quite rightly feel the same way, especially when the marriage is of an elder sister.
Tension and nerves are on the max since they were on the female side of the marriage, Chintoo however was always of the belief that everything and everyone should be cool and calm rather than freak out about the smallest and most minor hiccups.
The wedding was not just big in terms of us being from the bride's side but rather it felt like a proper family wedding, "You guys have to work" said chintoo, yeah right.
To be truthful weddings are boring and quite stressful for both families, this one was not going to be that, with the retardness of the Babla, Nagu and myself, plus the fact that bhabhiji was to come to meet chintoo, it was going to be one hell of a marriage.
the first day I went over to chintoo's place, I met his sister for the first time, the only other time I think she got a glimpse of me was when I blatantly showed the middle finger to Rohit on his terrace while we played football and his sister and mom were looking at us from an adjoining terrace, thank God she did not recognize me. That day was the first time I would get to meet the groom's family as well, since we decided to go to their "sangeet".
The one fear I had was they were Kashmiri Pandits and well one thing everyone knows is that they beat the shit out of Kashmiri muslims and vice versa, plus it does not make it any better when you are known to make racist comments and that your friends are constantly pulling your leg and reminding you of that.
Nagu, Chintoo and I got into the back of a sumo with a few of his relatives and this one girl who seemed to be the typical hoity toity that one expects to find in every wedding, while she is blabbering away about how life in Italy is and how it is not affected by the credit crisis as much as the other nations and how she is a student there and how they have a 3 hour lunch break, Nagu looks at me, makes a stupid face and shakes his head like he is trying to tell me something, that something was that miss hoity toity was a long time back a crush of Rohit's, as Nagu kept on saying
"Life comes full circle,man"
We reach the place, which was somewhere in salt lake, Kashmir house it was called, just to scare me off as well. We get off and are welcomed, Rohit, la familia minus the bride, All of us were wearing something fitting the occasion, be it a suit or a kurta, yes even I was in a kurta, Nagu however seemed like he came from some crazy literary meet and that his soul has been hounded by the dead poets society or some shit, unshaven, hair a mess, crazy half jacket and a half arsed sense of style does not help either.
Calling him a fucking "porter" the entire journey would affect every normal person but Nagu takes it in his stride, as said we reach "Kashmir house" and are warmly greeted, then they start serving us tea, the dick that I am always refuses tea, so I politely say
"Am sorry I don't drink tea"
Somehow , someone seems to get offended, pop comes a lady and forces me literally to take the cup and drink the tea in front of her
"Its Kashmiri chai, its not normal tea, do try, you must try, you have to"
I can't say no now, since half the bloody place is looking at me, like I have sinned massively and am going to spend the rest of eternity in hell. The other ceremonies now start taking place, which means, I get the same lady coming over to me and explaining every single detail of every single custom there is. I know she means well but come on, me , customs? really?
Babla arrives in all his grandeur ,like a star, late and right from a show. Enters and is specifically told not to abuse much and also about the presence of Rohit's wanna be ex.
Anyways, they start the singing bit and oh dear lord can they sing and play, apart from being hot kashmiri women, they can sing and belt out songs like a jukebox, constantly going on and on and on, like there is not stopping a class 5 hurricane.
When its time for food as usual I get a little shock since there is no chicken but a brilliant substitute is there, lotus stem, yes, lotus fucking stem, and its not just one preparation , its like the main course there. The kashmiri potato was brilliant and so were the papads but the star of the show was the fried lotus stem. Of course we must have a substitute for the tight bengali preparation of mutton in which we need teeth like a lion's to eat, here we had some lotus curry which Nagu seemed to enjoy and eat like well he is a lion eating a dead rabbit, ripping stuff out with his teeth, our constant whining about his dress sense brought the beast out in him.
Food done, groom met and all done, we head back to the car, 4 fat arses in the back of a Tata sumo and a few relatives and miss hoity toity in the same car. Babla starts singing out random songs and all, then we start the crazy business of singing
"Phooolo ka taaaaro ko sabka kehna hai, ek lakhon mein meri behna hai
saari umaar humme sang rehna hai"
for the southies and mallus out there who don't know hindi
"Flowers and stars all say that my sister is one in a 100000
we shall stay forever together"
We all were directing it , not at Rohit's sister but rather his wanna be ex for an absolute legendary dialogue that was spoken around 10-12 years ago when love first starts to hit our hearts. Crushed back then not anymore cos move over hoity bitch, Bhabhiji is here and thank God for that.
PS: rohit's mom understood the entire context of the song.
Part 2 coming up
Tension and nerves are on the max since they were on the female side of the marriage, Chintoo however was always of the belief that everything and everyone should be cool and calm rather than freak out about the smallest and most minor hiccups.
The wedding was not just big in terms of us being from the bride's side but rather it felt like a proper family wedding, "You guys have to work" said chintoo, yeah right.
To be truthful weddings are boring and quite stressful for both families, this one was not going to be that, with the retardness of the Babla, Nagu and myself, plus the fact that bhabhiji was to come to meet chintoo, it was going to be one hell of a marriage.
the first day I went over to chintoo's place, I met his sister for the first time, the only other time I think she got a glimpse of me was when I blatantly showed the middle finger to Rohit on his terrace while we played football and his sister and mom were looking at us from an adjoining terrace, thank God she did not recognize me. That day was the first time I would get to meet the groom's family as well, since we decided to go to their "sangeet".
The one fear I had was they were Kashmiri Pandits and well one thing everyone knows is that they beat the shit out of Kashmiri muslims and vice versa, plus it does not make it any better when you are known to make racist comments and that your friends are constantly pulling your leg and reminding you of that.
Nagu, Chintoo and I got into the back of a sumo with a few of his relatives and this one girl who seemed to be the typical hoity toity that one expects to find in every wedding, while she is blabbering away about how life in Italy is and how it is not affected by the credit crisis as much as the other nations and how she is a student there and how they have a 3 hour lunch break, Nagu looks at me, makes a stupid face and shakes his head like he is trying to tell me something, that something was that miss hoity toity was a long time back a crush of Rohit's, as Nagu kept on saying
"Life comes full circle,man"
We reach the place, which was somewhere in salt lake, Kashmir house it was called, just to scare me off as well. We get off and are welcomed, Rohit, la familia minus the bride, All of us were wearing something fitting the occasion, be it a suit or a kurta, yes even I was in a kurta, Nagu however seemed like he came from some crazy literary meet and that his soul has been hounded by the dead poets society or some shit, unshaven, hair a mess, crazy half jacket and a half arsed sense of style does not help either.
Calling him a fucking "porter" the entire journey would affect every normal person but Nagu takes it in his stride, as said we reach "Kashmir house" and are warmly greeted, then they start serving us tea, the dick that I am always refuses tea, so I politely say
"Am sorry I don't drink tea"
Somehow , someone seems to get offended, pop comes a lady and forces me literally to take the cup and drink the tea in front of her
"Its Kashmiri chai, its not normal tea, do try, you must try, you have to"
I can't say no now, since half the bloody place is looking at me, like I have sinned massively and am going to spend the rest of eternity in hell. The other ceremonies now start taking place, which means, I get the same lady coming over to me and explaining every single detail of every single custom there is. I know she means well but come on, me , customs? really?
Babla arrives in all his grandeur ,like a star, late and right from a show. Enters and is specifically told not to abuse much and also about the presence of Rohit's wanna be ex.
Anyways, they start the singing bit and oh dear lord can they sing and play, apart from being hot kashmiri women, they can sing and belt out songs like a jukebox, constantly going on and on and on, like there is not stopping a class 5 hurricane.
When its time for food as usual I get a little shock since there is no chicken but a brilliant substitute is there, lotus stem, yes, lotus fucking stem, and its not just one preparation , its like the main course there. The kashmiri potato was brilliant and so were the papads but the star of the show was the fried lotus stem. Of course we must have a substitute for the tight bengali preparation of mutton in which we need teeth like a lion's to eat, here we had some lotus curry which Nagu seemed to enjoy and eat like well he is a lion eating a dead rabbit, ripping stuff out with his teeth, our constant whining about his dress sense brought the beast out in him.
Food done, groom met and all done, we head back to the car, 4 fat arses in the back of a Tata sumo and a few relatives and miss hoity toity in the same car. Babla starts singing out random songs and all, then we start the crazy business of singing
"Phooolo ka taaaaro ko sabka kehna hai, ek lakhon mein meri behna hai
saari umaar humme sang rehna hai"
for the southies and mallus out there who don't know hindi
"Flowers and stars all say that my sister is one in a 100000
we shall stay forever together"
We all were directing it , not at Rohit's sister but rather his wanna be ex for an absolute legendary dialogue that was spoken around 10-12 years ago when love first starts to hit our hearts. Crushed back then not anymore cos move over hoity bitch, Bhabhiji is here and thank God for that.
PS: rohit's mom understood the entire context of the song.
Part 2 coming up
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Bhabhiji
Weddings are completely crazy, especially in India, you get the crazy relatives always asking you "When is your wedding?" or "Oh my how much he/she has grown". Pretty embarrassing stuff happens, of course there must be some drama from some family member at the wedding.
I never really work hard during my relatives weddings, so when Chintoo told me that Nagu, Babla and I would do at least some work for his and now my sister's wedding, it seemed quite odd, nevertheless that whole wedding bit is for the next blog post, this time we have just one thing to discuss, "Bhabhiji"
You see, a long time back I had made a prophecy , Rohit would be the one who would get married first amongst the 4 of us, chintoo might have been small, shy and bashful with women but he seems to have the strongest bond with the female species, one specimen in fact. Babla might have some argument with that but lets not dwell into that.
While jokes have been made about how they got together, rejection, approval, that whole romantic beach thingy and all, Babla and I only cared about one thing, meeting the lady who took dear Chintoo's heart away.
When we found out that we would be receiving Rohit's better half from the airport, we thought "Screw the other southie buggers coming over, we just wanna meet her", the typical kameene we are.
The flight was at 6 in the morning, babla and I stayed over at Rohit's where we had a meeting with another of his NITK pals, Buddhesh, nice guy and all, when we were chatting I found something rather freaky
Buddhesh " You know Prasoona and I were............."
Me : " what? i didn't hear"
Buddh " she is my girlfriend"
Me : " WHAT????"
Buddh: " Yeah, you didn't know that, Rohit didn't tell you?" he says with a straight face
Me : "Fuck no!"
He calls Rohit over and I ask him
"WTF man? Buddhesh and Nalla are a couple?"
He looks at me like I am some crazy bugger, so does Buddh
Chintoo "WTF are you on?"
Me :" Arrey that's what Buddhesh said"
Buddh: " No, I said Classmate"
Me : "Fuck my hearing"
Anyways while Babla gave a nice night time lecture about Pagans,Belief, Religion and jinns till 4 in the morning, we were up by 6 to reach the airport since now rohit told us the flight was at 7:30. Screw bathing and all, we just put on some random clothes in the winter morning and off we went, Nagu joined us from his place.
We reached the airport by 6:30, having more than an hour in hand, since planes are always late, we went over to a CCD to have a good old breakfast, chocolate cake slice, sandwiches and the lot. After we were done, which took a good 45 mins, Babla went to the loo, he came back in 5 mins.
Me :" You went for a crap?"
Babla: "yes but, the toilets suck ass"
Me :" yeah I know its bad in almost all places here, hence I have a list of places where i can crap, like Malls and all"
We continue this conversation while we are waiting at the arrival gates, I keep blabbering about how shit these toilets in the Calcutta international airport is and how I don't even dream about pissing there, when my dear Nagu bursts out
"You know about Railway toilets?
i have fucking stayed over at railway stations
I have pissed there
I have crapped there
I have even had a bath there and changed my clothes there"
In his typical loud voice
We look around, every body who was there, especially this old uncle are staring at us like I walked in with a bomb and yelled something in the airport.
Now we had not met bhabhiji at all, Nagu had met her when he was in Bangalore for the Metallica concert, so he was our eyes, as you know a picture is different from reality, so every time some lady was walking past the gate we looked at Nagu for the sign if it was her or not. The arrival board first showed her flight status at around 7 AM, flipping wildly, we are expecting it to show "arrived" but it shows "DELAYED".
I let out a FUCK and start dialing Chintoo's number, babla tells me to wait and then it starts flipping again and baam this time it has arrived
"YAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY" we all scream, again said uncle looking at us like we just shot him in the leg.
After a little time this short sweet lady comes out and she looks at us and smiles at us, we turn back , nagu gives us the nod of approval and I scream out in this shrill voice "BHAAAAABHIIIIIJIIIIIIIIII", again everyone is looking at well me.
The first meeting with the bhabhiji was good, I mean the 3 of us ate her head when we were going back to Rohit's , was a long 90 minute ride, which I don't think she will ever forget.
Oh and now after being part of the nonsense and merryment we can safely say that bhabhiji is part of the group
Not just coz we got a name for her, like every member of the group but that she can take a joke and I mean a lotta jokes.
A toast to bhabhiji!!!
May the next time you come to calcutta say "Chintoo Weds Bhabhiji"
I never really work hard during my relatives weddings, so when Chintoo told me that Nagu, Babla and I would do at least some work for his and now my sister's wedding, it seemed quite odd, nevertheless that whole wedding bit is for the next blog post, this time we have just one thing to discuss, "Bhabhiji"
You see, a long time back I had made a prophecy , Rohit would be the one who would get married first amongst the 4 of us, chintoo might have been small, shy and bashful with women but he seems to have the strongest bond with the female species, one specimen in fact. Babla might have some argument with that but lets not dwell into that.
While jokes have been made about how they got together, rejection, approval, that whole romantic beach thingy and all, Babla and I only cared about one thing, meeting the lady who took dear Chintoo's heart away.
When we found out that we would be receiving Rohit's better half from the airport, we thought "Screw the other southie buggers coming over, we just wanna meet her", the typical kameene we are.
The flight was at 6 in the morning, babla and I stayed over at Rohit's where we had a meeting with another of his NITK pals, Buddhesh, nice guy and all, when we were chatting I found something rather freaky
Buddhesh " You know Prasoona and I were............."
Me : " what? i didn't hear"
Buddh " she is my girlfriend"
Me : " WHAT????"
Buddh: " Yeah, you didn't know that, Rohit didn't tell you?" he says with a straight face
Me : "Fuck no!"
He calls Rohit over and I ask him
"WTF man? Buddhesh and Nalla are a couple?"
He looks at me like I am some crazy bugger, so does Buddh
Chintoo "WTF are you on?"
Me :" Arrey that's what Buddhesh said"
Buddh: " No, I said Classmate"
Me : "Fuck my hearing"
Anyways while Babla gave a nice night time lecture about Pagans,Belief, Religion and jinns till 4 in the morning, we were up by 6 to reach the airport since now rohit told us the flight was at 7:30. Screw bathing and all, we just put on some random clothes in the winter morning and off we went, Nagu joined us from his place.
We reached the airport by 6:30, having more than an hour in hand, since planes are always late, we went over to a CCD to have a good old breakfast, chocolate cake slice, sandwiches and the lot. After we were done, which took a good 45 mins, Babla went to the loo, he came back in 5 mins.
Me :" You went for a crap?"
Babla: "yes but, the toilets suck ass"
Me :" yeah I know its bad in almost all places here, hence I have a list of places where i can crap, like Malls and all"
We continue this conversation while we are waiting at the arrival gates, I keep blabbering about how shit these toilets in the Calcutta international airport is and how I don't even dream about pissing there, when my dear Nagu bursts out
"You know about Railway toilets?
i have fucking stayed over at railway stations
I have pissed there
I have crapped there
I have even had a bath there and changed my clothes there"
In his typical loud voice
We look around, every body who was there, especially this old uncle are staring at us like I walked in with a bomb and yelled something in the airport.
Now we had not met bhabhiji at all, Nagu had met her when he was in Bangalore for the Metallica concert, so he was our eyes, as you know a picture is different from reality, so every time some lady was walking past the gate we looked at Nagu for the sign if it was her or not. The arrival board first showed her flight status at around 7 AM, flipping wildly, we are expecting it to show "arrived" but it shows "DELAYED".
I let out a FUCK and start dialing Chintoo's number, babla tells me to wait and then it starts flipping again and baam this time it has arrived
"YAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY" we all scream, again said uncle looking at us like we just shot him in the leg.
After a little time this short sweet lady comes out and she looks at us and smiles at us, we turn back , nagu gives us the nod of approval and I scream out in this shrill voice "BHAAAAABHIIIIIJIIIIIIIIII", again everyone is looking at well me.
The first meeting with the bhabhiji was good, I mean the 3 of us ate her head when we were going back to Rohit's , was a long 90 minute ride, which I don't think she will ever forget.
Oh and now after being part of the nonsense and merryment we can safely say that bhabhiji is part of the group
Not just coz we got a name for her, like every member of the group but that she can take a joke and I mean a lotta jokes.
A toast to bhabhiji!!!
May the next time you come to calcutta say "Chintoo Weds Bhabhiji"
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Drinking Buddies
Its time when boys turned into men , now that all of us are working we rarely get a chance to meet each other, the 4 of us , Chintoo, Nagu , Babla and me. Chintoo because he is far away in gujju land for some crazy yet almost right reason he stays in a place called Dahej [dowry] in hindi terms and he had come to Calcutta recently because of his sister's marriage [more on that later].
Babla because he is mostly busy due to his numerous shows spread across India, big superstar he is playing in his band and Nagu because he is an idiot and is always busy with excuses like "thesis" and his wannabe girlfriend whom he says does not like him but still is always with him sharing pads in another city and going around like crazy all the time.
So thanks to the Sista's marriage the 4 of us met up and while the wedding , as every wedding goes, needed a lot of work and we all were very busy with it, meeting relatives, rohit's set of mallu friends and of course Bhabhiji, when everything was done and pushed away the 4 of us had to go for a night out. This night out had to be curtailed since all of us had office or practice or a flight to catch or "thesis", so Babla comes up with the plan to go to Tangra, Calcutta's china town, great food, cheap booze and lots of food options.
We meet up after I got done with office and in our search for a cab we got into a pool car coz cuntish taxi drivers won't go to Tangra coz its too late, its freaking 7:30 PM, the night has just started and they start acting like douches. Well we in the pool car were no worse, screaming, hurling abuses at one another like the world wont end, one typical comment was that " I love xyz girl but you know I do stuff with other girls but I really REALLY love this girl", one bugger retorts "bhai, tu bol yeh kya pyaar hai? ", the third one says " Sorry man, I have never had such love that I love one girl but fuck about with 16 others, aisa pyaar mera kabhi hua nahin"
The drive was long but fun, abuses, shameless acts of indecency, the driver was petrified and was happy to drop us off at the doorstep of the restaurant/bar and drove off like he had his wife expecting a baby in the car.
Babla knew this place well, we could see that as the waiters were all happy seeing him, of course they would be, he is the size of a baby elephant, probably ate like one the last time he was here. The order was given and Babla said "You have to try the duck, its amazing", while the rest of em drank beer, vodka, whiskey etc etc etc, the 4th bugger who wont drink was me, now what to do? I decide time to troll around, I order a thumbs up, after downing half of that I get me a sprite, mix it and whay hay! it looks like a pint of beer,
"Quick take a picture of this, and wait for my family to go all retard on me"
While the prawn chips, wontons and fish dishes were being sent back and forth like a whore being shared by 4 cheap friends, the real star of the night was the duck, thank fuck I had duck, especially the Peking Duck, oh and while the rest of em got a little high from the alcohol, i got high from drinking a thumbs up, a coke, a fanta, a sprite and a 7 up, just missed out on the Limca, told the waiter
"Next time, I will have the rest as well, namely, the Limca, the soda and a bottle of water"
Now when people get drank they gotta do something crazy, Nagu and Babla are proper alcoholics, so after being "alcoholized" they didn't do anything cray, Chintoo on the other hand whips out his cell phone and like last time, calls his "girl" and spends like 30-40 mins just talking to her,when we leave we had to make sure Chintoo came back from the loo, we thought he would drop his cell in the toilet and start speaking to his wiener.
He comes back and we decide to take an auto to go back to Park Circus, while we get into an auto, the auto is stopped before it can move by a guy on a bike, seems the auto driver had bumped into the biker and now he wanted retribution.
While the auto driver maintained his innocence, after around 10 mins of to and fro and being let off, we could see the guilt on his face and his tone of voice, even though all 4 of us were high, the cool breeze and a trippy auto ride is all we needed.
After dropping babla off we set off to return to the lan of Khidderpore, getting off as Rohit and Nagu needed to walk a bit before they got the high out of em, the night was brilliant, no one knows when we may meet like this again and get high, this day we created a new set of names for one another.
"Drinking Buddies
Tipsy Wipsy : Babla
Pukey: Chintoo
Drunkard : Nagu
Musalman : Me, Duh!
Say "Hello"!
"Blaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuuuu"
Ooooh Pukey did a baaaaad thing"
Babla because he is mostly busy due to his numerous shows spread across India, big superstar he is playing in his band and Nagu because he is an idiot and is always busy with excuses like "thesis" and his wannabe girlfriend whom he says does not like him but still is always with him sharing pads in another city and going around like crazy all the time.
So thanks to the Sista's marriage the 4 of us met up and while the wedding , as every wedding goes, needed a lot of work and we all were very busy with it, meeting relatives, rohit's set of mallu friends and of course Bhabhiji, when everything was done and pushed away the 4 of us had to go for a night out. This night out had to be curtailed since all of us had office or practice or a flight to catch or "thesis", so Babla comes up with the plan to go to Tangra, Calcutta's china town, great food, cheap booze and lots of food options.
We meet up after I got done with office and in our search for a cab we got into a pool car coz cuntish taxi drivers won't go to Tangra coz its too late, its freaking 7:30 PM, the night has just started and they start acting like douches. Well we in the pool car were no worse, screaming, hurling abuses at one another like the world wont end, one typical comment was that " I love xyz girl but you know I do stuff with other girls but I really REALLY love this girl", one bugger retorts "bhai, tu bol yeh kya pyaar hai? ", the third one says " Sorry man, I have never had such love that I love one girl but fuck about with 16 others, aisa pyaar mera kabhi hua nahin"
The drive was long but fun, abuses, shameless acts of indecency, the driver was petrified and was happy to drop us off at the doorstep of the restaurant/bar and drove off like he had his wife expecting a baby in the car.
Babla knew this place well, we could see that as the waiters were all happy seeing him, of course they would be, he is the size of a baby elephant, probably ate like one the last time he was here. The order was given and Babla said "You have to try the duck, its amazing", while the rest of em drank beer, vodka, whiskey etc etc etc, the 4th bugger who wont drink was me, now what to do? I decide time to troll around, I order a thumbs up, after downing half of that I get me a sprite, mix it and whay hay! it looks like a pint of beer,
"Quick take a picture of this, and wait for my family to go all retard on me"
While the prawn chips, wontons and fish dishes were being sent back and forth like a whore being shared by 4 cheap friends, the real star of the night was the duck, thank fuck I had duck, especially the Peking Duck, oh and while the rest of em got a little high from the alcohol, i got high from drinking a thumbs up, a coke, a fanta, a sprite and a 7 up, just missed out on the Limca, told the waiter
"Next time, I will have the rest as well, namely, the Limca, the soda and a bottle of water"
Now when people get drank they gotta do something crazy, Nagu and Babla are proper alcoholics, so after being "alcoholized" they didn't do anything cray, Chintoo on the other hand whips out his cell phone and like last time, calls his "girl" and spends like 30-40 mins just talking to her,when we leave we had to make sure Chintoo came back from the loo, we thought he would drop his cell in the toilet and start speaking to his wiener.
He comes back and we decide to take an auto to go back to Park Circus, while we get into an auto, the auto is stopped before it can move by a guy on a bike, seems the auto driver had bumped into the biker and now he wanted retribution.
While the auto driver maintained his innocence, after around 10 mins of to and fro and being let off, we could see the guilt on his face and his tone of voice, even though all 4 of us were high, the cool breeze and a trippy auto ride is all we needed.
After dropping babla off we set off to return to the lan of Khidderpore, getting off as Rohit and Nagu needed to walk a bit before they got the high out of em, the night was brilliant, no one knows when we may meet like this again and get high, this day we created a new set of names for one another.
"Drinking Buddies
Tipsy Wipsy : Babla
Pukey: Chintoo
Drunkard : Nagu
Musalman : Me, Duh!
Say "Hello"!
"Blaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuuuu"
Ooooh Pukey did a baaaaad thing"
Friday, January 20, 2012
Trollfest
Before I write about the title , this is my 100th post on this blogspot, so that in itself deserves a celebration. The blog has been up for almost 2 years now, probably the longest thing I have even done apart from being in educational institutes or loving good old fashion KFC for as long a period of time as this, so yay me .
Back to business, today we had our yearly function for our college, will not name the function but suffice to say its only fun when you can go full on berserk. I was looking forward to it this time since I had worked my ass off for a couple of weeks, by work I mean a proper corporate job and not some work as in finding a new pornstar and downloading a ton of videos, SOPA should put a stop to that real soon.
So meeting up with some kickass besties was the #1 job of the day, met the Manko man in his last weekend in cal before he leaves for mallu land, Hyderabad, but he is not sad about it as he will get to meet a ton of hot muslim chicks, proper muslim chicks, and he calls me a racist.
Also had a plan to meet up a couple of my college besties since I started working, I have not been able to meet em, today was that day.
This day will not just be remembered for me having met a few friends and had a normal sit down fun time, reaching the said function way late in the afternoon even though the whole thing started at around 9 AM proves how much "boss" I can be, still met my friends and I decided to be the massive dick troll I can be.
First target to face my wrath was Mriganka a typical manc, who runs like a girl without a proper center of gravity using his arms for balance while running like some barbie toy, gave him the Big Show Bear hug a lotta times, pushed him about and generally bullied him but the sport didn't mind, after all I had met him after a month or so.
The next targets were the other students of the college, putting up a cultural fest is good and all but if you know you are shit you should just stay away from singing dancing and acting and all that crap, the sad fact is everyone thinks they are Robert Downey Jr or Morgan Freeman or Freddy Mercury , the fact in reality is they are Rebecca Black or Bieber.
After trolling on a person real hard and picking on him while he was on stage trying to sing wearing a white kurta , to which I constantly bellowed "You look saxy" to "I love the design on your Kurta, who is the designer" to the oh so normal "Once More" chant even though the act should have been stopped half way, Things as usual must go awry and out of hand and yes for once I did go overboard and went on a troll spree , shouting obscenities and picking on almost any crap act that went on stage, simple fact is if you are shit you should be told the thing to your face, you are not a 2 year old kid who will be scarred for life. If your parents/relatives/teachers never let the law down on how much shit you can be in those artistic works then you need a friend to say it and if your shit assed scared friends can't do it then I take the mantle and let you know the damn truth before you go on and make a complete arse of yourself in front of much important people.
Of course no one understands the true genius of my caliber while they get a first hand experience of my madness, you see I need to explain it for these people who don't get it, they aren't as intelligent as I am and neither are most people sensible enough to understand what I say, always said the genius that is the Bonbon will be missed after I am gone, so as I said, parents were pissed, so were the teachers and even before the function was over, all me friends and I went over and had dinner before anyone else.
Trolled?
Fuck yes and very well indeed.
Back to business, today we had our yearly function for our college, will not name the function but suffice to say its only fun when you can go full on berserk. I was looking forward to it this time since I had worked my ass off for a couple of weeks, by work I mean a proper corporate job and not some work as in finding a new pornstar and downloading a ton of videos, SOPA should put a stop to that real soon.
So meeting up with some kickass besties was the #1 job of the day, met the Manko man in his last weekend in cal before he leaves for mallu land, Hyderabad, but he is not sad about it as he will get to meet a ton of hot muslim chicks, proper muslim chicks, and he calls me a racist.
Also had a plan to meet up a couple of my college besties since I started working, I have not been able to meet em, today was that day.
This day will not just be remembered for me having met a few friends and had a normal sit down fun time, reaching the said function way late in the afternoon even though the whole thing started at around 9 AM proves how much "boss" I can be, still met my friends and I decided to be the massive dick troll I can be.
First target to face my wrath was Mriganka a typical manc, who runs like a girl without a proper center of gravity using his arms for balance while running like some barbie toy, gave him the Big Show Bear hug a lotta times, pushed him about and generally bullied him but the sport didn't mind, after all I had met him after a month or so.
The next targets were the other students of the college, putting up a cultural fest is good and all but if you know you are shit you should just stay away from singing dancing and acting and all that crap, the sad fact is everyone thinks they are Robert Downey Jr or Morgan Freeman or Freddy Mercury , the fact in reality is they are Rebecca Black or Bieber.
After trolling on a person real hard and picking on him while he was on stage trying to sing wearing a white kurta , to which I constantly bellowed "You look saxy" to "I love the design on your Kurta, who is the designer" to the oh so normal "Once More" chant even though the act should have been stopped half way, Things as usual must go awry and out of hand and yes for once I did go overboard and went on a troll spree , shouting obscenities and picking on almost any crap act that went on stage, simple fact is if you are shit you should be told the thing to your face, you are not a 2 year old kid who will be scarred for life. If your parents/relatives/teachers never let the law down on how much shit you can be in those artistic works then you need a friend to say it and if your shit assed scared friends can't do it then I take the mantle and let you know the damn truth before you go on and make a complete arse of yourself in front of much important people.
Of course no one understands the true genius of my caliber while they get a first hand experience of my madness, you see I need to explain it for these people who don't get it, they aren't as intelligent as I am and neither are most people sensible enough to understand what I say, always said the genius that is the Bonbon will be missed after I am gone, so as I said, parents were pissed, so were the teachers and even before the function was over, all me friends and I went over and had dinner before anyone else.
Trolled?
Fuck yes and very well indeed.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Be a douche campaign
Hypocrisy has a limit, even the most illogical person is allowed to be a hypocrite and all but something really got my goose the other day, while I was watching a WWE RAW broadcast, they suddenly pop up with this promo, not of some old Wrestler coming back with a new gimmick or some mega super pay per view which will suck, they came out with this "Be a Star" campaign, where they are trying to weed out "bullying" from schools and how one in 3 students in America are bullied in some form, HHH and Steph McMahon were talking about supporting the campaign but that is nonsensical.
I mean the entire history of wrestling , at least the WWE era is about bullying and roughing people up for no reason at all. On a false pretext of acting like macho men and women fighting over petty causes like ex gfs, belts and who is stronger but they don't go and issue challenges most of the time, unlike "face/good" wrestlers who would go face a person properly, its the hell/bad guys who attack people from behind, come in groups of threes and try to take a person out. Recently Natalya and Beth Phoenix were on a tear, making bitches cry, literally, Eve Torres, Kelly Kelly were a couple of their victims. Where was the bully, sorry anti bully campaign there?
Highly hypocritical and I cannot believe how anyone could support the campaign.
Don't get me wrong here, I am not in favor of physical bullying, coz that is the sissies way out, but mental bullying is fantastic, makes you sharper and immune to the atrocious things that people say about you either behind your back or in your face.
STB made me a star, not because I am some super student who scored 99% in an exam, i got 98.55% in MAT but its not about that, it made me a immune to abuses that hurl about in the world. The way women look away disgusted when they hear an abuse, if they ever were in STG, they would know how to deal with shit like this. It is not like the world does not abuse you when you aren't in front of a person, hell I say we should invest in an abusive class for all students, teach em how to deal with abuses being hurled at you, you know start a new campaign as all this abuse and bullying will make you stronger no matter what.
So here is a fuck off you worthless cunt who should have been wasted in the bloody toilet rather than let to rot in a human's womb for 9 months to everyone.
Happy abusing/bullying
Don't be a star, BE A DOUCHE
I mean the entire history of wrestling , at least the WWE era is about bullying and roughing people up for no reason at all. On a false pretext of acting like macho men and women fighting over petty causes like ex gfs, belts and who is stronger but they don't go and issue challenges most of the time, unlike "face/good" wrestlers who would go face a person properly, its the hell/bad guys who attack people from behind, come in groups of threes and try to take a person out. Recently Natalya and Beth Phoenix were on a tear, making bitches cry, literally, Eve Torres, Kelly Kelly were a couple of their victims. Where was the bully, sorry anti bully campaign there?
Highly hypocritical and I cannot believe how anyone could support the campaign.
Don't get me wrong here, I am not in favor of physical bullying, coz that is the sissies way out, but mental bullying is fantastic, makes you sharper and immune to the atrocious things that people say about you either behind your back or in your face.
STB made me a star, not because I am some super student who scored 99% in an exam, i got 98.55% in MAT but its not about that, it made me a immune to abuses that hurl about in the world. The way women look away disgusted when they hear an abuse, if they ever were in STG, they would know how to deal with shit like this. It is not like the world does not abuse you when you aren't in front of a person, hell I say we should invest in an abusive class for all students, teach em how to deal with abuses being hurled at you, you know start a new campaign as all this abuse and bullying will make you stronger no matter what.
So here is a fuck off you worthless cunt who should have been wasted in the bloody toilet rather than let to rot in a human's womb for 9 months to everyone.
Happy abusing/bullying
Don't be a star, BE A DOUCHE
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
The start of something new
The new year never starts off with a bang, at least not for me. For the past 22 years its always been the same crap, meeting up with friends and ushering a new year which will be just as crappy as it used to be.
This year however things are a changing, coz I be working now. No more crap about going to college and taking notes in class, no more examinations where last minute mugging will get me the marks to pass. Hell no its time to really graduate and move out.
Joining a company, whose name I shall not divulge since its value might go down , sarcasm, is a scary proposition, especially for a guy like me who has probably never had more than 2 days in a row where he has not cracked a shit stupid joke or made someone laugh. Behaving in a proper disciplined manner is hard especially in a new organization, well the thing basically is, one month of scouting people, 2nd month of taking em down, one at a time , like I did in college.
The day comes and I reach on time with the other folks, for once no one is late and well heading into an office without the stupid "intern" tag is a relief, the office and building is magnificent, the lift is awesome as hell and fast. The people more importantly are genuinely good, you know sometimes in an organization people are out to get you since you are the newbie , like a breaking in ceremony, its not the same here.
Everyone is helpful, cheerful[for now, wait till the deadlines come],happy and all. The induction process as whole is a great deal of top level people and telling us about the various functions in the organization which means I still have to write a lotta stuff and continue learning here, fortunately the learning here is good and it will actually be of some use in the future for sure.
The timing is not bad either, I gotta be there by 9 , my house is like 15 minutes away by transport, not much of an issue and I get to leave by 7 ish, so pretty good for a first organization, while these are some of the trivial technical issues, the more important things are,
The toilet, you know my laws are there and the 11th Law states : You are only comfortable in that office/residence/institution when you can shit there comfortably.
So I am always on the lookout for good dump holes and this organization at least in the 5th floor has a kickass toilet which has already lost its "virginity" the 10th floor one where I will be working is not upto the standards, so when I need to dump off, off to the 5th floor I shall go.
The other important thing is that there is free foooooood, I get free fucking lunch that too from 2 different vendors who each provide 3 options for non veg everyday and you can set the menu before hand for the next week, amazing!!!!
The other jitters would be about my boss but fortunately again my boss, so far, touch wood, fingers crossed and all , has been really helpful, yes I do piss him off once in a while but he has been really helpful, for once I don't have to go through the STB tirade and all , maybe for once I could do the STB thingy on some people and really teach em a thing or two, I wont but its always nice to have an option.
So there you have it, my first week at work, not a lot of responsibilities as of yet, still going through training,the Lord is on my side for this one, hopefully I will have a decent enough time here and enjoy as many years as I possibly can.
Oh and I got my first debit card today, thats right bitches, I be earning and burning dough from February onwards, oh yeah!
This year however things are a changing, coz I be working now. No more crap about going to college and taking notes in class, no more examinations where last minute mugging will get me the marks to pass. Hell no its time to really graduate and move out.
Joining a company, whose name I shall not divulge since its value might go down , sarcasm, is a scary proposition, especially for a guy like me who has probably never had more than 2 days in a row where he has not cracked a shit stupid joke or made someone laugh. Behaving in a proper disciplined manner is hard especially in a new organization, well the thing basically is, one month of scouting people, 2nd month of taking em down, one at a time , like I did in college.
The day comes and I reach on time with the other folks, for once no one is late and well heading into an office without the stupid "intern" tag is a relief, the office and building is magnificent, the lift is awesome as hell and fast. The people more importantly are genuinely good, you know sometimes in an organization people are out to get you since you are the newbie , like a breaking in ceremony, its not the same here.
Everyone is helpful, cheerful[for now, wait till the deadlines come],happy and all. The induction process as whole is a great deal of top level people and telling us about the various functions in the organization which means I still have to write a lotta stuff and continue learning here, fortunately the learning here is good and it will actually be of some use in the future for sure.
The timing is not bad either, I gotta be there by 9 , my house is like 15 minutes away by transport, not much of an issue and I get to leave by 7 ish, so pretty good for a first organization, while these are some of the trivial technical issues, the more important things are,
The toilet, you know my laws are there and the 11th Law states : You are only comfortable in that office/residence/institution when you can shit there comfortably.
So I am always on the lookout for good dump holes and this organization at least in the 5th floor has a kickass toilet which has already lost its "virginity" the 10th floor one where I will be working is not upto the standards, so when I need to dump off, off to the 5th floor I shall go.
The other important thing is that there is free foooooood, I get free fucking lunch that too from 2 different vendors who each provide 3 options for non veg everyday and you can set the menu before hand for the next week, amazing!!!!
The other jitters would be about my boss but fortunately again my boss, so far, touch wood, fingers crossed and all , has been really helpful, yes I do piss him off once in a while but he has been really helpful, for once I don't have to go through the STB tirade and all , maybe for once I could do the STB thingy on some people and really teach em a thing or two, I wont but its always nice to have an option.
So there you have it, my first week at work, not a lot of responsibilities as of yet, still going through training,the Lord is on my side for this one, hopefully I will have a decent enough time here and enjoy as many years as I possibly can.
Oh and I got my first debit card today, thats right bitches, I be earning and burning dough from February onwards, oh yeah!
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