As stated in the earlier post, there is nothing bigger for an Indian family than a wedding, suffice to say Chintoo's family quite rightly feel the same way, especially when the marriage is of an elder sister.
Tension and nerves are on the max since they were on the female side of the marriage, Chintoo however was always of the belief that everything and everyone should be cool and calm rather than freak out about the smallest and most minor hiccups.
The wedding was not just big in terms of us being from the bride's side but rather it felt like a proper family wedding, "You guys have to work" said chintoo, yeah right.
To be truthful weddings are boring and quite stressful for both families, this one was not going to be that, with the retardness of the Babla, Nagu and myself, plus the fact that bhabhiji was to come to meet chintoo, it was going to be one hell of a marriage.
the first day I went over to chintoo's place, I met his sister for the first time, the only other time I think she got a glimpse of me was when I blatantly showed the middle finger to Rohit on his terrace while we played football and his sister and mom were looking at us from an adjoining terrace, thank God she did not recognize me. That day was the first time I would get to meet the groom's family as well, since we decided to go to their "sangeet".
The one fear I had was they were Kashmiri Pandits and well one thing everyone knows is that they beat the shit out of Kashmiri muslims and vice versa, plus it does not make it any better when you are known to make racist comments and that your friends are constantly pulling your leg and reminding you of that.
Nagu, Chintoo and I got into the back of a sumo with a few of his relatives and this one girl who seemed to be the typical hoity toity that one expects to find in every wedding, while she is blabbering away about how life in Italy is and how it is not affected by the credit crisis as much as the other nations and how she is a student there and how they have a 3 hour lunch break, Nagu looks at me, makes a stupid face and shakes his head like he is trying to tell me something, that something was that miss hoity toity was a long time back a crush of Rohit's, as Nagu kept on saying
"Life comes full circle,man"
We reach the place, which was somewhere in salt lake, Kashmir house it was called, just to scare me off as well. We get off and are welcomed, Rohit, la familia minus the bride, All of us were wearing something fitting the occasion, be it a suit or a kurta, yes even I was in a kurta, Nagu however seemed like he came from some crazy literary meet and that his soul has been hounded by the dead poets society or some shit, unshaven, hair a mess, crazy half jacket and a half arsed sense of style does not help either.
Calling him a fucking "porter" the entire journey would affect every normal person but Nagu takes it in his stride, as said we reach "Kashmir house" and are warmly greeted, then they start serving us tea, the dick that I am always refuses tea, so I politely say
"Am sorry I don't drink tea"
Somehow , someone seems to get offended, pop comes a lady and forces me literally to take the cup and drink the tea in front of her
"Its Kashmiri chai, its not normal tea, do try, you must try, you have to"
I can't say no now, since half the bloody place is looking at me, like I have sinned massively and am going to spend the rest of eternity in hell. The other ceremonies now start taking place, which means, I get the same lady coming over to me and explaining every single detail of every single custom there is. I know she means well but come on, me , customs? really?
Babla arrives in all his grandeur ,like a star, late and right from a show. Enters and is specifically told not to abuse much and also about the presence of Rohit's wanna be ex.
Anyways, they start the singing bit and oh dear lord can they sing and play, apart from being hot kashmiri women, they can sing and belt out songs like a jukebox, constantly going on and on and on, like there is not stopping a class 5 hurricane.
When its time for food as usual I get a little shock since there is no chicken but a brilliant substitute is there, lotus stem, yes, lotus fucking stem, and its not just one preparation , its like the main course there. The kashmiri potato was brilliant and so were the papads but the star of the show was the fried lotus stem. Of course we must have a substitute for the tight bengali preparation of mutton in which we need teeth like a lion's to eat, here we had some lotus curry which Nagu seemed to enjoy and eat like well he is a lion eating a dead rabbit, ripping stuff out with his teeth, our constant whining about his dress sense brought the beast out in him.
Food done, groom met and all done, we head back to the car, 4 fat arses in the back of a Tata sumo and a few relatives and miss hoity toity in the same car. Babla starts singing out random songs and all, then we start the crazy business of singing
"Phooolo ka taaaaro ko sabka kehna hai, ek lakhon mein meri behna hai
saari umaar humme sang rehna hai"
for the southies and mallus out there who don't know hindi
"Flowers and stars all say that my sister is one in a 100000
we shall stay forever together"
We all were directing it , not at Rohit's sister but rather his wanna be ex for an absolute legendary dialogue that was spoken around 10-12 years ago when love first starts to hit our hearts. Crushed back then not anymore cos move over hoity bitch, Bhabhiji is here and thank God for that.
PS: rohit's mom understood the entire context of the song.
Part 2 coming up
Showing posts with label Chintoo. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Chintoo. Show all posts
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Bhabhiji
Weddings are completely crazy, especially in India, you get the crazy relatives always asking you "When is your wedding?" or "Oh my how much he/she has grown". Pretty embarrassing stuff happens, of course there must be some drama from some family member at the wedding.
I never really work hard during my relatives weddings, so when Chintoo told me that Nagu, Babla and I would do at least some work for his and now my sister's wedding, it seemed quite odd, nevertheless that whole wedding bit is for the next blog post, this time we have just one thing to discuss, "Bhabhiji"
You see, a long time back I had made a prophecy , Rohit would be the one who would get married first amongst the 4 of us, chintoo might have been small, shy and bashful with women but he seems to have the strongest bond with the female species, one specimen in fact. Babla might have some argument with that but lets not dwell into that.
While jokes have been made about how they got together, rejection, approval, that whole romantic beach thingy and all, Babla and I only cared about one thing, meeting the lady who took dear Chintoo's heart away.
When we found out that we would be receiving Rohit's better half from the airport, we thought "Screw the other southie buggers coming over, we just wanna meet her", the typical kameene we are.
The flight was at 6 in the morning, babla and I stayed over at Rohit's where we had a meeting with another of his NITK pals, Buddhesh, nice guy and all, when we were chatting I found something rather freaky
Buddhesh " You know Prasoona and I were............."
Me : " what? i didn't hear"
Buddh " she is my girlfriend"
Me : " WHAT????"
Buddh: " Yeah, you didn't know that, Rohit didn't tell you?" he says with a straight face
Me : "Fuck no!"
He calls Rohit over and I ask him
"WTF man? Buddhesh and Nalla are a couple?"
He looks at me like I am some crazy bugger, so does Buddh
Chintoo "WTF are you on?"
Me :" Arrey that's what Buddhesh said"
Buddh: " No, I said Classmate"
Me : "Fuck my hearing"
Anyways while Babla gave a nice night time lecture about Pagans,Belief, Religion and jinns till 4 in the morning, we were up by 6 to reach the airport since now rohit told us the flight was at 7:30. Screw bathing and all, we just put on some random clothes in the winter morning and off we went, Nagu joined us from his place.
We reached the airport by 6:30, having more than an hour in hand, since planes are always late, we went over to a CCD to have a good old breakfast, chocolate cake slice, sandwiches and the lot. After we were done, which took a good 45 mins, Babla went to the loo, he came back in 5 mins.
Me :" You went for a crap?"
Babla: "yes but, the toilets suck ass"
Me :" yeah I know its bad in almost all places here, hence I have a list of places where i can crap, like Malls and all"
We continue this conversation while we are waiting at the arrival gates, I keep blabbering about how shit these toilets in the Calcutta international airport is and how I don't even dream about pissing there, when my dear Nagu bursts out
"You know about Railway toilets?
i have fucking stayed over at railway stations
I have pissed there
I have crapped there
I have even had a bath there and changed my clothes there"
In his typical loud voice
We look around, every body who was there, especially this old uncle are staring at us like I walked in with a bomb and yelled something in the airport.
Now we had not met bhabhiji at all, Nagu had met her when he was in Bangalore for the Metallica concert, so he was our eyes, as you know a picture is different from reality, so every time some lady was walking past the gate we looked at Nagu for the sign if it was her or not. The arrival board first showed her flight status at around 7 AM, flipping wildly, we are expecting it to show "arrived" but it shows "DELAYED".
I let out a FUCK and start dialing Chintoo's number, babla tells me to wait and then it starts flipping again and baam this time it has arrived
"YAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY" we all scream, again said uncle looking at us like we just shot him in the leg.
After a little time this short sweet lady comes out and she looks at us and smiles at us, we turn back , nagu gives us the nod of approval and I scream out in this shrill voice "BHAAAAABHIIIIIJIIIIIIIIII", again everyone is looking at well me.
The first meeting with the bhabhiji was good, I mean the 3 of us ate her head when we were going back to Rohit's , was a long 90 minute ride, which I don't think she will ever forget.
Oh and now after being part of the nonsense and merryment we can safely say that bhabhiji is part of the group
Not just coz we got a name for her, like every member of the group but that she can take a joke and I mean a lotta jokes.
A toast to bhabhiji!!!
May the next time you come to calcutta say "Chintoo Weds Bhabhiji"
I never really work hard during my relatives weddings, so when Chintoo told me that Nagu, Babla and I would do at least some work for his and now my sister's wedding, it seemed quite odd, nevertheless that whole wedding bit is for the next blog post, this time we have just one thing to discuss, "Bhabhiji"
You see, a long time back I had made a prophecy , Rohit would be the one who would get married first amongst the 4 of us, chintoo might have been small, shy and bashful with women but he seems to have the strongest bond with the female species, one specimen in fact. Babla might have some argument with that but lets not dwell into that.
While jokes have been made about how they got together, rejection, approval, that whole romantic beach thingy and all, Babla and I only cared about one thing, meeting the lady who took dear Chintoo's heart away.
When we found out that we would be receiving Rohit's better half from the airport, we thought "Screw the other southie buggers coming over, we just wanna meet her", the typical kameene we are.
The flight was at 6 in the morning, babla and I stayed over at Rohit's where we had a meeting with another of his NITK pals, Buddhesh, nice guy and all, when we were chatting I found something rather freaky
Buddhesh " You know Prasoona and I were............."
Me : " what? i didn't hear"
Buddh " she is my girlfriend"
Me : " WHAT????"
Buddh: " Yeah, you didn't know that, Rohit didn't tell you?" he says with a straight face
Me : "Fuck no!"
He calls Rohit over and I ask him
"WTF man? Buddhesh and Nalla are a couple?"
He looks at me like I am some crazy bugger, so does Buddh
Chintoo "WTF are you on?"
Me :" Arrey that's what Buddhesh said"
Buddh: " No, I said Classmate"
Me : "Fuck my hearing"
Anyways while Babla gave a nice night time lecture about Pagans,Belief, Religion and jinns till 4 in the morning, we were up by 6 to reach the airport since now rohit told us the flight was at 7:30. Screw bathing and all, we just put on some random clothes in the winter morning and off we went, Nagu joined us from his place.
We reached the airport by 6:30, having more than an hour in hand, since planes are always late, we went over to a CCD to have a good old breakfast, chocolate cake slice, sandwiches and the lot. After we were done, which took a good 45 mins, Babla went to the loo, he came back in 5 mins.
Me :" You went for a crap?"
Babla: "yes but, the toilets suck ass"
Me :" yeah I know its bad in almost all places here, hence I have a list of places where i can crap, like Malls and all"
We continue this conversation while we are waiting at the arrival gates, I keep blabbering about how shit these toilets in the Calcutta international airport is and how I don't even dream about pissing there, when my dear Nagu bursts out
"You know about Railway toilets?
i have fucking stayed over at railway stations
I have pissed there
I have crapped there
I have even had a bath there and changed my clothes there"
In his typical loud voice
We look around, every body who was there, especially this old uncle are staring at us like I walked in with a bomb and yelled something in the airport.
Now we had not met bhabhiji at all, Nagu had met her when he was in Bangalore for the Metallica concert, so he was our eyes, as you know a picture is different from reality, so every time some lady was walking past the gate we looked at Nagu for the sign if it was her or not. The arrival board first showed her flight status at around 7 AM, flipping wildly, we are expecting it to show "arrived" but it shows "DELAYED".
I let out a FUCK and start dialing Chintoo's number, babla tells me to wait and then it starts flipping again and baam this time it has arrived
"YAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY" we all scream, again said uncle looking at us like we just shot him in the leg.
After a little time this short sweet lady comes out and she looks at us and smiles at us, we turn back , nagu gives us the nod of approval and I scream out in this shrill voice "BHAAAAABHIIIIIJIIIIIIIIII", again everyone is looking at well me.
The first meeting with the bhabhiji was good, I mean the 3 of us ate her head when we were going back to Rohit's , was a long 90 minute ride, which I don't think she will ever forget.
Oh and now after being part of the nonsense and merryment we can safely say that bhabhiji is part of the group
Not just coz we got a name for her, like every member of the group but that she can take a joke and I mean a lotta jokes.
A toast to bhabhiji!!!
May the next time you come to calcutta say "Chintoo Weds Bhabhiji"
Monday, July 18, 2011
East, South and now West.
India is a huge country, the seventh largest in size and with 1.2 billion people living in it. It's not new to hear about the cultural diversity and all that spans all across the nation, while most of us go for holidays for a few days to certain parts, living in different regions of the country does help you appreciate the place even more, this post is not about me , its about my best friend Chintoo Lee Aka Rohit Sarkar.
Now Chintoo had been living in Calcutta all his life and when he came second in our school in the ISC and as usual doing well in all em crazy entrance exams, he was hell bound to leave the city, he was not going to spend another 4 years studying in Calcutta, he wanted to see other places, get away from it all as it were. So one of the best colleges , recently the bugger came and showed me an online site which rated his college as a top 10 college for engineering, NITK Suratkal is where he applied and got through as well.
Now this is a foreign land for him, I believe it is in Karnataka, pardon me but its just mallu land for me, so Chintoo got a new name for the next 4 years, "Mallu", even saved his contact info as Rohit Mallu. As usual he tried to explain how Suratkal is nowhere near Kerala and all but as usual it was in vain and all of the close bunch of friends would call him mallu. Don't go calling me all racist and all but he would get so affected by being in south India it was untrue, he would start and end every sentence with "dude" but this dude was not a normal dude but one spoken with a southie accent, I have nothing against it, used to but not now, but that was never his normal speaking tone and the first few days of him coming for his holidays in calcutta were spent trying to get that southerness out of him and returning him into a bong.
Suratkal as a place was always nice as he showed his endless pictures, the private beach and all but it was in the middle of nowhere and to reach town it would take a hour or two hour bus ride either to Bangalore or Mangalore. Again in the campus there would be no non veg items available barring egg, so Mallu would have to travel to the city in the weekend to get a taste of chicken, mutton etc, the bong that he is , he must have missed his fried fish and prawn/shrimp curry, bengali style.
Being away from the family does have its perks though, not much in chintoo's case, doesn't do drugs, doesn't drink [a lot ], does not smoke, but he did explore a lot of other avenues, became a kick ass musician, picked up a new language, would not bathe for classes, the good old hostel life. While coming back to Calcutta was something he always looked forward to and meeting up with us, he would not be upset about going back to college as he had a kick ass time.
College is also about getting chicks, now Chintoo was never that crazy assed maagibaaz that float around everywhere they go, but he did get his girl in college, the true hallmark of being a grown up and getting into college, while all this was fine, the new language and people played havoc with this bloke and now with the "dude" and southie accent , he now also abuses, yes I know everyone would be saying
"That is typical for a STB student"
While we would say, Chutia, Randi, Harami, etc etc etc, he says "Bitch"
"Shut up Bitch", "Lose some weight Bitch", "Exercise Bitch", guess he has been watching those BDSM videos I keep in my HD.
His other "thing" was coming for a holiday during the puja every year and telling us all "I doubt If I can make it next year, will probably stay back and do some stuff for extra credit". He said this, but never meant it, he would be back no matter what every year during the Puja, the lure of the bangalee is strong I guess.
4 years down the line, he gets a job, with Reliance, he did something in metallurgy, never was good at remembering anything related to education, so he now shifts from south India to Gujarat, from south to west, although originally from the east the state is called West Bengal, though it is in the east.
He was supposed to be at a place called Baruch, Babla made it sound like some random place where criminals are overflowing and shouting out the name "BAROOOOOOOOOCH" in a loud crazy tone. The place is located like 60 kms from Ahmedabad, and the train was to stop at that station for 60 seconds only, we told Chintoo to practice getting off the station as he had around 2 bags, a suitcase and his guitar to carry.
So off he goes for another adventure, he calls me a few days after reaching the phone and is absolutely pissed, he is now staying in a place called "Dahej", which means Dowry in english, while I crack the normal dowry related jokes that everyone would, he tells me the entire place is deserted, only dogs and cows roam about, its a "friggin village". The city is located quite a bit away although he does get to eat chicken there, one good thing, oh I told him to tell people he is not staying in Dahej but rather The Hague,Switzerland, as long as people don't know the difference it wont hurt them.
Before chintoo left we made sure he learned a lot of Gujju words so as to make communication easier, so it meant that every hindi phrase was to end with "che", simple and easy for him, he says he will work there for at least a year and then see what he will do, apart from going to multiplexes which were showing "Harry Potter aur Mauth ka saugadar", yes all movies are dubbed in hindi or gujurati.
I know the next time I meet him in Jan he will have a new Gujju accent, just will try to make sure he does not forget his south Indian heritage, or the bengali one.
Now Chintoo had been living in Calcutta all his life and when he came second in our school in the ISC and as usual doing well in all em crazy entrance exams, he was hell bound to leave the city, he was not going to spend another 4 years studying in Calcutta, he wanted to see other places, get away from it all as it were. So one of the best colleges , recently the bugger came and showed me an online site which rated his college as a top 10 college for engineering, NITK Suratkal is where he applied and got through as well.
Now this is a foreign land for him, I believe it is in Karnataka, pardon me but its just mallu land for me, so Chintoo got a new name for the next 4 years, "Mallu", even saved his contact info as Rohit Mallu. As usual he tried to explain how Suratkal is nowhere near Kerala and all but as usual it was in vain and all of the close bunch of friends would call him mallu. Don't go calling me all racist and all but he would get so affected by being in south India it was untrue, he would start and end every sentence with "dude" but this dude was not a normal dude but one spoken with a southie accent, I have nothing against it, used to but not now, but that was never his normal speaking tone and the first few days of him coming for his holidays in calcutta were spent trying to get that southerness out of him and returning him into a bong.
Suratkal as a place was always nice as he showed his endless pictures, the private beach and all but it was in the middle of nowhere and to reach town it would take a hour or two hour bus ride either to Bangalore or Mangalore. Again in the campus there would be no non veg items available barring egg, so Mallu would have to travel to the city in the weekend to get a taste of chicken, mutton etc, the bong that he is , he must have missed his fried fish and prawn/shrimp curry, bengali style.
Being away from the family does have its perks though, not much in chintoo's case, doesn't do drugs, doesn't drink [a lot ], does not smoke, but he did explore a lot of other avenues, became a kick ass musician, picked up a new language, would not bathe for classes, the good old hostel life. While coming back to Calcutta was something he always looked forward to and meeting up with us, he would not be upset about going back to college as he had a kick ass time.
College is also about getting chicks, now Chintoo was never that crazy assed maagibaaz that float around everywhere they go, but he did get his girl in college, the true hallmark of being a grown up and getting into college, while all this was fine, the new language and people played havoc with this bloke and now with the "dude" and southie accent , he now also abuses, yes I know everyone would be saying
"That is typical for a STB student"
While we would say, Chutia, Randi, Harami, etc etc etc, he says "Bitch"
"Shut up Bitch", "Lose some weight Bitch", "Exercise Bitch", guess he has been watching those BDSM videos I keep in my HD.
His other "thing" was coming for a holiday during the puja every year and telling us all "I doubt If I can make it next year, will probably stay back and do some stuff for extra credit". He said this, but never meant it, he would be back no matter what every year during the Puja, the lure of the bangalee is strong I guess.
4 years down the line, he gets a job, with Reliance, he did something in metallurgy, never was good at remembering anything related to education, so he now shifts from south India to Gujarat, from south to west, although originally from the east the state is called West Bengal, though it is in the east.
He was supposed to be at a place called Baruch, Babla made it sound like some random place where criminals are overflowing and shouting out the name "BAROOOOOOOOOCH" in a loud crazy tone. The place is located like 60 kms from Ahmedabad, and the train was to stop at that station for 60 seconds only, we told Chintoo to practice getting off the station as he had around 2 bags, a suitcase and his guitar to carry.
So off he goes for another adventure, he calls me a few days after reaching the phone and is absolutely pissed, he is now staying in a place called "Dahej", which means Dowry in english, while I crack the normal dowry related jokes that everyone would, he tells me the entire place is deserted, only dogs and cows roam about, its a "friggin village". The city is located quite a bit away although he does get to eat chicken there, one good thing, oh I told him to tell people he is not staying in Dahej but rather The Hague,Switzerland, as long as people don't know the difference it wont hurt them.
Before chintoo left we made sure he learned a lot of Gujju words so as to make communication easier, so it meant that every hindi phrase was to end with "che", simple and easy for him, he says he will work there for at least a year and then see what he will do, apart from going to multiplexes which were showing "Harry Potter aur Mauth ka saugadar", yes all movies are dubbed in hindi or gujurati.
I know the next time I meet him in Jan he will have a new Gujju accent, just will try to make sure he does not forget his south Indian heritage, or the bengali one.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Two and a half "high" men
I have often been told that drunks bear their soul out and say whatever comes to their mind, things that are deep inside their heart are also laid out bare to the rest of the world in a heap of realization, laughter, seriousness, empty bottles and glasses , sorrow with just a whiff of alcohol, well not a whiff, more like they put on Eu De Alcohol made by Tommy Hilfiger or something.
When Chintoo came back to calcutta, Babla laid down one day that there would be a booze session one day, with me included in it,Chintoo, babla , Nagu and I accepted, me of course would not touch any more alcohol, that whole vodka thingy was a mistake and God will forgive me for that, well I may burn in hell for all the porno but I sure as hell ain't going down because of booze.
They were to drink and drink a lot, so a plan was made as to which day they would get smashed, that day didn't come as Nagu ran away like a douche to Bangalore for no reason, it was left to the three of us, while I was adamant that I would not drink, babla was all about making me smoke some weed.
"Fucker, If you don't drink YOU HAVE TO SMOKE WEED"
Although I agreed, I knew I wouldn't have any from that man whore, as we call him. On the day we planned to get drunk, Babla as usual did not come on time, to be fair we don't expect him to, he has become a big star ever since India's Got Talent and the fuck all has lost all his sense of time and weight management, looks like a friggin balloon, hell his "squeeze" did not recognize him from some pics which were taken around a year back. Using that line "Babla is pregnant" has become old now, he seems to have a gestation period of like 3 years now.
Getting back to the point, we reached the pub at around 6, but we didn't enter as we thought it was way too early to start, well Rohit thought it was way too early, so off we went to a place I hate a lot and haven't been to in like a year or two, a bookstore, Oxford's, seeing em geeks and nerds there trying to be cool and reading some shit, for once I fell out of place, it was that bad, leaving that place was a relief for me, the last book I read was for a presentation, that too I got the summary online, Chintoo and I did have one moment to remember, we found the rack that contained the erotica, well I found it, pointed it out to chintoo who walked away as usual, especially now since he is committed , no more porno for me amigo ,poor lad.
Next stop was the bar, it was around 7 PM and we expected to get a table, unfortunately all the tables were filled up, hell people were waiting on the others to leave, its friggin 7 and people are out to get drunk, this is my Calcutta.
After waiting a few minutes we finally got the worst table at the pub, but it was still a place to sit, as Chintoo said "We came here to get sloshed, not worry about the seats you chut".
Chintoo had come with a game plan, eat less, drink more, and he started with a Budweiser beer, while I started with a pepsi and a plate of chips, Babla had instructed chintoo to drink slowly and to take his time, I also ordered the Chicken Ala Kiev, for the people not in the know, that is chicken, stuffed with bread, butter and cheese , then deep fried, can't go wrong there, no fucking way. While the kiev took almost 40 minutes to arrive, we dug in on the chips , when the kiev did come and we started hoggin on that, Babla entered looking fat overgrown and pregnant, we are used to seeing him now, wearing an XXXXL shirt to cover his bulge.
While Rohit was all about how the beer was light and gave him a little buzz, the real drunk from our group came up and started with whiskey, 30 mls to start with,here the fun begins, while the first shot was not anything worth talking about barring the fact that Babla was on a solo mission to finish all of the "chanachur " in the pub, at one point of time he was told that the chanachur was finished.
The next set of drinks were 60 ML whiskey shots or whatever they can be called, diluted with water or pepsi, after the 3rd drink things started to get interesting. Chintoo finally drunk called his girl up and spend nearly 20 minutes saying "I love you" and then the next 10 minutes in a drunk state saying "I am sorry, I am sorry".
Babla on the other hand was more worried about making things "Fly" in a weird looney tone. "Adeem, FLYYYYYYYYY, no say it right, FFFFFEEEEEELLLLLLLAAAAAAAIIIIII"
That was the third drink, after the 6th one they were completely out, now as I had said earlier, people say what they keep in their hearts and tell what they see as the truth, some of which I found out are :-
Chintoo says:
"Dude, play the keyboards a lot more, you were good, play em"
"
Dude, I love my girl friend man, truly", awwwwww, bloody wuss
"Babla, in these times kids are getting heart attacks , work out man, fuck no, I will call you out every day and run with you, pact signed, Adeem is the witness"
"Adeem you were the most articulate person in that debate I went with"
"I love you guys, you are always there for me, you guys are my best friends" sans nagu
"I know there will be problems in our friendship but whatever happens we will be together man, always"
"I love your music babla, you guys are great but try to keep steady on one thing and don't shift about"
"I know Adeem is going to make a lot of jokes on us now"
A typical set of statements from one of the brainiest students around and not totally unexpected.
Babla says :
"Adeem, when you said you were not going to drink, I called you a "fucking Chut", but man, Now I respect you and your religion, truly Musalmans will rule the world"
Apocalyptic future ruled by me and my disciples?, it will happen, mark my words
"I am not a man whore!"
"You know adeem, I will fuck one of your in laws, no , don't stop me man, am sorry I know you wont like it, but I will fuck one of your in laws at your marriage, I will, its not a joke"
"Lets all make a vow, that when we get married we will have a bachelors party, each one of us, and by party I mean booze and strippers"
again, another set of typical expected statements from Babla.
After the drinking came the "We need to go home"
This was to be a daunting prospect as I was the "designated take these drunks home sober" guy, while Babla is a fucking drunk with no respect for himself or anyone else, Rohit was warned that he should not come back home clinging to the walls for support, Both of em had to be brought down the stairs as I feared they would fall having no balance.
Leaving the pub, Babla started in all his glory, "I want to have a roll"
"Let me go man, I want to have a roll" He did get his chicken roll, which he says they fucked up, ate half and threw the rest in the dustbin.
Then he started "Chocolate", Ala Spongebob, "CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He got that Cadbury Silk chocolate and I ate more than he did, Rohit did not eat any as he was still following, drink more eat less.
Babla continued by looking for a taxi trying to go to Southern Avenue, now in Calcutta, after 9 PM taxis flatly refuse to go some places, so while he was getting a lot of no's , the drivers were getting the choicest of abuses in any and every language, not even their mother's were spared, while he had no balance or sense, he had that much of an idea to do all this right in front of a cop car.
Rohit on the other hand, spent all this time talking out of his drunk ass to his girl, she had got this other line which was of some professors or something and she was getting quite upset, she even told me to get him home safe and make sure that he calls her tomorrow. Rohit also had the presence of mind to tell me to move babla away from the cop car.
Babla then had started a new vicious attack on the Marwari community , called them mother fuckers, in fact he was going to the roll shop and chocolate shop and shouting obscenities to the said community, he also asked Rohit to ask his girl if they were madar chods or not.
A taxi did agree, and while they got in to get some paan, I did smoke what I told babla I would, I even burnt a hole in my shirt and burnt a part of my jeans and the crappily rolled "fag" fell on my lap, sorry babla but I blamed you for this.
Southern Avenue came and we met Adil, Gujju Jhuthani and Bihari, while they knew Babla as the sad drunk he is, They had never seen Chintoo drunk, to be fair none of us expected chintoo to get drunk ever,while chintoo was feeling crappy and always asking people
"dude do I sound drunk?
I can't go home drunk
shit my dad will kill me"
Gujju and Adil were reassuring him that nothing would happen as chintoo now has a job and is a graduate and all, He IS A MAN!
Babla was in form, abusing gujju, marus, losing his balance, kicking gujju, wanting to eat food and of course "Oh fuck its on fire", the video is posted here.
After half an hour sitting there, chintoo finally puked, he couldn't hold it in much longer and off we went home, I got dropped off first as Babla was now sober enough to go home, while chintoo was falling over in the cab, they reached home safe and sound while plans are being made for the next session, of course this time I will be prepared and of course I wont drink.
Oh yeah the "fag" didn't have much of an effect on me, maybe I didn't take it in properly, but what the hell, I did it, and I probably wont do it again.
as I said , the Video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jKXnD-Cea98
When Chintoo came back to calcutta, Babla laid down one day that there would be a booze session one day, with me included in it,Chintoo, babla , Nagu and I accepted, me of course would not touch any more alcohol, that whole vodka thingy was a mistake and God will forgive me for that, well I may burn in hell for all the porno but I sure as hell ain't going down because of booze.
They were to drink and drink a lot, so a plan was made as to which day they would get smashed, that day didn't come as Nagu ran away like a douche to Bangalore for no reason, it was left to the three of us, while I was adamant that I would not drink, babla was all about making me smoke some weed.
"Fucker, If you don't drink YOU HAVE TO SMOKE WEED"
Although I agreed, I knew I wouldn't have any from that man whore, as we call him. On the day we planned to get drunk, Babla as usual did not come on time, to be fair we don't expect him to, he has become a big star ever since India's Got Talent and the fuck all has lost all his sense of time and weight management, looks like a friggin balloon, hell his "squeeze" did not recognize him from some pics which were taken around a year back. Using that line "Babla is pregnant" has become old now, he seems to have a gestation period of like 3 years now.
Getting back to the point, we reached the pub at around 6, but we didn't enter as we thought it was way too early to start, well Rohit thought it was way too early, so off we went to a place I hate a lot and haven't been to in like a year or two, a bookstore, Oxford's, seeing em geeks and nerds there trying to be cool and reading some shit, for once I fell out of place, it was that bad, leaving that place was a relief for me, the last book I read was for a presentation, that too I got the summary online, Chintoo and I did have one moment to remember, we found the rack that contained the erotica, well I found it, pointed it out to chintoo who walked away as usual, especially now since he is committed , no more porno for me amigo ,poor lad.
Next stop was the bar, it was around 7 PM and we expected to get a table, unfortunately all the tables were filled up, hell people were waiting on the others to leave, its friggin 7 and people are out to get drunk, this is my Calcutta.
After waiting a few minutes we finally got the worst table at the pub, but it was still a place to sit, as Chintoo said "We came here to get sloshed, not worry about the seats you chut".
Chintoo had come with a game plan, eat less, drink more, and he started with a Budweiser beer, while I started with a pepsi and a plate of chips, Babla had instructed chintoo to drink slowly and to take his time, I also ordered the Chicken Ala Kiev, for the people not in the know, that is chicken, stuffed with bread, butter and cheese , then deep fried, can't go wrong there, no fucking way. While the kiev took almost 40 minutes to arrive, we dug in on the chips , when the kiev did come and we started hoggin on that, Babla entered looking fat overgrown and pregnant, we are used to seeing him now, wearing an XXXXL shirt to cover his bulge.
While Rohit was all about how the beer was light and gave him a little buzz, the real drunk from our group came up and started with whiskey, 30 mls to start with,here the fun begins, while the first shot was not anything worth talking about barring the fact that Babla was on a solo mission to finish all of the "chanachur " in the pub, at one point of time he was told that the chanachur was finished.
The next set of drinks were 60 ML whiskey shots or whatever they can be called, diluted with water or pepsi, after the 3rd drink things started to get interesting. Chintoo finally drunk called his girl up and spend nearly 20 minutes saying "I love you" and then the next 10 minutes in a drunk state saying "I am sorry, I am sorry".
Babla on the other hand was more worried about making things "Fly" in a weird looney tone. "Adeem, FLYYYYYYYYY, no say it right, FFFFFEEEEEELLLLLLLAAAAAAAIIIIII"
That was the third drink, after the 6th one they were completely out, now as I had said earlier, people say what they keep in their hearts and tell what they see as the truth, some of which I found out are :-
Chintoo says:
"Dude, play the keyboards a lot more, you were good, play em"
"
Dude, I love my girl friend man, truly", awwwwww, bloody wuss
"Babla, in these times kids are getting heart attacks , work out man, fuck no, I will call you out every day and run with you, pact signed, Adeem is the witness"
"Adeem you were the most articulate person in that debate I went with"
"I love you guys, you are always there for me, you guys are my best friends" sans nagu
"I know there will be problems in our friendship but whatever happens we will be together man, always"
"I love your music babla, you guys are great but try to keep steady on one thing and don't shift about"
"I know Adeem is going to make a lot of jokes on us now"
A typical set of statements from one of the brainiest students around and not totally unexpected.
Babla says :
"Adeem, when you said you were not going to drink, I called you a "fucking Chut", but man, Now I respect you and your religion, truly Musalmans will rule the world"
Apocalyptic future ruled by me and my disciples?, it will happen, mark my words
"I am not a man whore!"
"You know adeem, I will fuck one of your in laws, no , don't stop me man, am sorry I know you wont like it, but I will fuck one of your in laws at your marriage, I will, its not a joke"
"Lets all make a vow, that when we get married we will have a bachelors party, each one of us, and by party I mean booze and strippers"
again, another set of typical expected statements from Babla.
After the drinking came the "We need to go home"
This was to be a daunting prospect as I was the "designated take these drunks home sober" guy, while Babla is a fucking drunk with no respect for himself or anyone else, Rohit was warned that he should not come back home clinging to the walls for support, Both of em had to be brought down the stairs as I feared they would fall having no balance.
Leaving the pub, Babla started in all his glory, "I want to have a roll"
"Let me go man, I want to have a roll" He did get his chicken roll, which he says they fucked up, ate half and threw the rest in the dustbin.
Then he started "Chocolate", Ala Spongebob, "CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He got that Cadbury Silk chocolate and I ate more than he did, Rohit did not eat any as he was still following, drink more eat less.
Babla continued by looking for a taxi trying to go to Southern Avenue, now in Calcutta, after 9 PM taxis flatly refuse to go some places, so while he was getting a lot of no's , the drivers were getting the choicest of abuses in any and every language, not even their mother's were spared, while he had no balance or sense, he had that much of an idea to do all this right in front of a cop car.
Rohit on the other hand, spent all this time talking out of his drunk ass to his girl, she had got this other line which was of some professors or something and she was getting quite upset, she even told me to get him home safe and make sure that he calls her tomorrow. Rohit also had the presence of mind to tell me to move babla away from the cop car.
Babla then had started a new vicious attack on the Marwari community , called them mother fuckers, in fact he was going to the roll shop and chocolate shop and shouting obscenities to the said community, he also asked Rohit to ask his girl if they were madar chods or not.
A taxi did agree, and while they got in to get some paan, I did smoke what I told babla I would, I even burnt a hole in my shirt and burnt a part of my jeans and the crappily rolled "fag" fell on my lap, sorry babla but I blamed you for this.
Southern Avenue came and we met Adil, Gujju Jhuthani and Bihari, while they knew Babla as the sad drunk he is, They had never seen Chintoo drunk, to be fair none of us expected chintoo to get drunk ever,while chintoo was feeling crappy and always asking people
"dude do I sound drunk?
I can't go home drunk
shit my dad will kill me"
Gujju and Adil were reassuring him that nothing would happen as chintoo now has a job and is a graduate and all, He IS A MAN!
Babla was in form, abusing gujju, marus, losing his balance, kicking gujju, wanting to eat food and of course "Oh fuck its on fire", the video is posted here.
After half an hour sitting there, chintoo finally puked, he couldn't hold it in much longer and off we went home, I got dropped off first as Babla was now sober enough to go home, while chintoo was falling over in the cab, they reached home safe and sound while plans are being made for the next session, of course this time I will be prepared and of course I wont drink.
Oh yeah the "fag" didn't have much of an effect on me, maybe I didn't take it in properly, but what the hell, I did it, and I probably wont do it again.
as I said , the Video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jKXnD-Cea98
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