Calcutta da citee of joay

Now let me get back to my old ways,lets forget bout the last blog,i fortunately have been all around the world and have visited many cities and countries.France,England,Singapore,The U.A.E to name a few and have even travelled a ton across India but i have always loved 2 cities ,Dubai ...well because my childhood was spent there ,a total of seven amazing years they were too,i mean shopping malls were everywhere,good people,easy to drive there fast food centres were everywhere...there was a KFC,Burger King,a Pizza hut,A Carl's Jr,a Pizza inn outlet around 5 minutes from my house so i guess my problem of obesity should be blamed on those factors....

The 2nd city i am in love with is Calcutta for a majority of reasons...the first reason is the weather,i love the rainy season....more so coz i never expereinced it in Dubai so any chance i get to be in the rain i take it up....the next reason is me pals.....although i have benn to a ton of places me best pals all are from Calcutta,no ego and all that shit absolutely perfect pals i got,who think like me ,who have a good sense of humour,who can abuse a ton like me....well all this does not apply to nagu the freak of nature....coz he is slow and idiotic but still he is a close pal....and the next reason is.....well......ummm....fuck there aint no other reason.....the truth is i lote Calcutta [lote=love/hate]....and i will let you know why.....why and how have people/things destroyed my hometown

well the first and most obvious reason to hate calcutta is for the bengali population and how they are
from bad accents,to acting oversmart ....they really take the cake,bad body odour ,stupid jokes i really hate em to the core[but i hate almost everyone to the core]....but the irony is that all me best pals are bengali and fortunately none of em have the characteristics mentioned above

the next reason i hate calcutta is the traffic and the public as a whole
constant jams,drivers racing like they are in formula 1....i do believe that any auto driver is miles better than michael schummacher.....india has a wealth of drivers who can squeeze a speeding vehicle between two large trucks and still have a mobile in one hand and a beedi in the other while abusing the truck drivers.....and as i said the people and public are just pathetic in calcutta...nuff said

the next reason i hate calcutta is the number of biharis in the city
they not only bring down the people on india as a whole they fucking destroy the somewhat bengali "good" heritage here.....i mean they pollute the city so much and have already infiltrated my family .my clean decent bengali family now has almost 50% members who are bihari and by bihari i mean real bihari ,speaking in their crap assed language ,their stupid ceremonies during weddings....which includes a song about abusing the in laws....yes thats rite...i never get invited to sing the songs ...for some "unknown" reason....

the next reason i hate the city is coz of me relatives....man they are a real pain in the ass....now only a few relatives are a pain but they are huge pains....the pain is similar to listening to a himesh song on a loudspeaker and you are tied to a chair while watching aap ka suroor....thats how bad some of em are...

but as i said i still love the city a lot
me pals are some of the best i have
my school was just as amazing...there was not one day in STB where there wouldnt be a fight or some stupid comic thing going on....and of course how can i forget i have to thank Calcutta for making me the abusive,idiotic rascist son of a gun i am......

Dance Dance Dance!

Now we all know i am a "man" with numerous talents ....abusing...joking....finding good porno.....making wisecracks.......knowing a good deal bout a ton of sports.....even playing my synth quite well......but the one thing i have miserably failed at is dancing...[and studying...but thats another story for another day].....dancing is the one thing that i just cant seem to do....and its not coz i look stupid and idiotic when i do it....i look the same when i do or try anything....and i would dance even if i looked like a drunk on his birthday....i have absolutely no shame at all...as most of you would and should know by now.....but some sort of fear grips me over whenever music is played and people ask or invite me to dance....

usually i end up making some lame ass excuse like "my leg hurts...." or "i had too much to eat"....the latter is true most of the time.....but the real reason is i hate to dance....and this is something i attribute to my problems with dancing.....

we all know bout the time i had a dance with a chick in class 3.....well after the dance i contracted chicken pox from somewhere.....i thought that was just a problem with the other sex...[gays dont count.....lesbians are girls].....but the real problem came up when i had to attend a girls birthday party 10-11 years ago...

so lemme make up the scene....
my family would come to calcutta with me of course during me summer vacations...so i had a couple of months away from the heat and beauty of dubai....and would end up in the sweet monsoon and lame dirt of calcutta.....and as per indian tradition each day and or night we would be invited to some lame persons house for supper......nevertheless i HAD to accompany me parents most of the time....else me relatives and the like would bitch bout it all the time.....and since i have a ton o bihari relatives[i HATE BIHARIS].....it still prevails nowadays......so again...back to the topic....me aunt [the one married to me mom's brother...is bihari ...] has 7 brothers YES 7 brothers each one of em has around 2 children each and the eldest has 5......and well it was one of the 5s bdays sometime in august.....
actually it was of the eldest of the 5 who is a chick by the way...[the story has another bihari angle to it....it will be ellaborated later on]......so as usual i had to go to the stupid bday....and man was it bad....

i was around 9-10 years old....and guess what at the bday there were only chix....chix galore.....now i would usually like that but since most of the chix were bihari....it just made me feel real sick.....so i sit down silently beside me mom...[i am 2 different beasts ...depending on which public i am with]....and i am just waiting for the day to end......i ate the cake and the food and the sode pop....just end the day....

now there were a couple of guys present and they were a few years older than me....and again as indian bday parties go....boom...boom boom....musics on....dance on!....
yup every tom dick harry gujju bihari bangali....and any other ethnicity present there were dancing away to lame ass songs....which i cant remember...the next bit i do......the BIHARI aunts start jabbering away and all off a sudden ask

"Adeeeeem naaacheeee ga nahii????"
me mom knows i will do something stupid and rash and says
"nahi bonny nahi naachega"
but the biharis wont give up and they keep pestering me and me mom all the time.......
"Nachoo na beta thoda sa....please
Beta nachoo na aunty ke liye"
why the fuck would i dance for any aunty?
i would dance for britney but not any more.....coz of what happens.....they got me real rilled up when they said
"kuch dubai ka naaach dikhao"
i was like...u wanna see dubai dance...i will fucking show a dubai dance......
i get off my seat.....
the musics turned up
the dance "floor" is full o people including the 2 guys a punjabi and another musalman.....like me....
and since i didnt wanna offend any chicks....i start dancing around with the 2 guys......who get surprised as to why i was dancing...so picture this...
i am sweating like a cow....
got no rhythm...got no taste ....got no skills.....but i start dancing....shaking my ass....
flailing my arms like a rag doll...
shaking my head like buddhia [the kid marathon runner from orrissa]
not to forget my PELVIC THRUSTS

yup PELVIC PELVIC IS ON BITCH
am dancing away not giving a damn as to what is on...
i make a ton of offensive gestures to everyone around.....
the punjabi guy was dancing with his legs split a little...that was an invitation for me....i slid under his legs....shaking my chest all along.....he went under me legs...i slid accross the room.....and when i was done.....

everyone was stunned....no one was cheering or clapping....or moving to say the least....they were just staring.......staring like zombies.....me mom just came over grabbed me hand...and dragged me out of there......it was only later i learnt my folly....as i had made a complete jackass of myself to almost everyone i knew from one side of the family....[the bihari side]....me mom was like
"you are never dancing again"
i replied "yes mom dont worry i aint dancing again"....and thats why i never danced or will ever dance again......

of course there were other issues caused by my dancing as that me mom never took to a girls birthday until i became 18.....
and of course the other thing which i learnt that day was how to make a complete fool out of myself....which i must say is actually the best feeling in the world.....as i do that all the time ...everyday.....thanks to dancing!