The 3rd member of the gang of best pals is Nagu ,aka Somraj Sarkar,this guys name was fairly easy to put together due to his mannerisms and by what he is called at home.As all of you must know by now,if you didnt already,all bengali children have a pet name,no matter how easy their name may be easy to pronounce or even if the name is something unique,every bengali kid has a pet name ,thats the rule.
So we have Babla,Rohit is called Tiga[although he is happy with the name,since it is somewhat similar to Ex Fulham manager Jean "Tiga"na,I have Bonny ,and thus Somraj being a bong has "Raja" and since the freak[and believe me he is the freakiest of the lot] would always stick his tongue out to show his disliking of anything i put 2 and 2 together and Baam Naga-raja [King cobra] was born,so to cut it down we started calling him Nagu.
The first time i met the bloke was in class 10,he used to sit behind my bench and he seemed to be a normal bloke,a proper normal guy is hard to find in my school STB,but this guy would keep his trap shut,do nothing,in fact his friend Debapratim was the one who would do all the madness between the two,so i thought he was the mellow bong kid in school who wouldnt do anything to upset people because he was afraid of getting beaten up.
Our friendship initially grew because we were in the same hindi class[wow 2 bongs taking hindi as their 2nd language,we werent able to let that pass because chintoo would have a right go at us,"Betray" and all],there was football to discuss as well,typically he is a manc cunt,but we became the best of pals due to the school band,i was asked to join and play along with nagu,babla,gablu[roshan],adil ,afzal.Nagu was the drummer and we all had our first practice i remember at Babla's Granny's but ever since that day we have always practiced at nagu's.
This bloke is probably confused about his orientation as well,from the time i remembered asking him a very important question his answer has always confused me
q:if you had a choice would you spend a night with the hottest female of your choice or your favorite drum kit?
A:Drumkit,every single fucking time.
Wow is all i can say,and plus he has never had even a go at a relationship,not even an inkling for it,again credit has to be given but since he is a retard it doesnt make it any better.
Again the other bengali characteristic pops up here,being related to music somehow or another,he is a decent drummer though,but his drumming skills and all arent the most distinguishing factor about the bloke in the group,so to recap
Babla=Abuser/Comedian,Chintoo=Geek/Wanna be tall guy,Me=I am the glue that holds the gang together,Comedian/Abuser/Catalyst/Typical Harami comment maker.
Nagu is the slow,dumb freak,now he is slow,but he isnt a freak because of that,he is the real freak because of his actions and emotions or lack of sometimes.
For eg:Some time in diwali we all were at nagu's terrace[i wasnt there] so the guys were all looking up at the sky and a few firecrackers started lighting up the sky
Nagu ,points to the sky and says casually "eh boom,.........Boom.......boom" ,pointing at every burst cracker,with no emotion at all,but he continued saying "boom" everytime something lit off.
Then there are times he tries to prove his stupidity and ignorance,chintoo,nagu and i were at chintoo's,and we were talking about our favorite author's,Chintoo had a ton of Hercule Poiree books or something,i remember making a ton of jokes on em,Agatha Christie as well,i think they were the same book,so i told em "Anon" is my favorite author,i dont read too many books barring game manuals or game magazines,so the 3 of us have a nice chuckle,then after 5 minutes nagu asks "Eh Who is Anon?",so we give him the benefit of the doubt and tell him "Anon is short for Anonymous",Nagu goes "Ohhhhh ok",5 minutes later "Eh Who is Anonymous?"
Then there was the great FA cup joke when Liverpool beat Manu 1-0 in 2006,and he is telling us the next day in school
Nagu:did you see Peter Crouch being busted open by Drogba?
Rohit:Drogba plays for Chelsea.....
Oh yeah whenever something wrong is said in front of him or he wants to interrupt someone,he makes retarded sounds from his mouth ,for eg if anyone has said some wrong fact or something he goes "eh burrrrrrrrrrr pup click clack booomp" and then he starts talking,although i think he does it to make himself the center of attention.
Normally a calm cool guy,sometimes he loses his cool and when you touch a nerve he goes berserk,if anyone constantly pisses him off,mostly me or babla he would shout out "Boka choda ,Khankeer Chele ,Khisti Khabi?"[Translation "Bak chod,Randi ka bachcha,gaali khayega?],oh and he has the strength of like 5-6 men,babla,chintoo and i cant hold him down,we tried but we fail every single time.So he is the wrong person to mess around with.
The avid footballer he is,and we are as well,so almost every alternate day at Rohit's we would play footie,Rohit + Babla,Me+Nagu+Manko,the 3 of us would be together because we didnt have skills and we all are overweight,well nagu aint but he is slow,Nagu though would make excellent runs and would invariably end up being right in front of goal,ball gets crossed and he is standing like a foot in front of the goal line,and then when you think he will finish,the finishing touch by nagu always ended with the ball hitting the roof's ledge,no goal,he did this every time we played like 15 times out of the 16 times he would have a chance at goal,thats talent.
He also sports a beard second to that of a criminal,full fledged beard + moustache combo,he even scared my cousin sister who now refers to him as "daari waala",we gifted him a shaving set on his 16 birthday i remember,he is unrecognisable when he is clean shaven ,he probably will get arrested one day for not looking like the person in his ID card or some,else a terrorist or something for sure.
Right now he is studying Architecture at BESU,he always had a dream about being an "arky" as he calls it ,i remember him being pummeled every single day by his seniors as it was part of ragging,but he couldnt rag his juniors,bloody chutia,nevertheless,his dream was always to build the roof for court where the Wimbledon finals are played,i think that dream is over as i heard the construction for the roof has begun or is finished,not sure,but i coaxed him to build ,or at least he will plan my next house,as he always reminds me,since he is an "arky" ,he will only make plans and not take part in the building process as he is not an engineer,typical lazy bastard.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Babla Man
Babla man is the ideal superhero everyone needs,he is based on a pal of mine Babla,oh well he aint no superhero or anything,but the most kickass times are with this freak of nature called Babla.
Interesting Fact:His name Babla [Soumyadeep Bhattachraya] is actually his father's name as well,the students at STB would call each other by their father's name,if they ever found it out that is.Fortunately for us we did find out his dad's name and thus a legacy was created,a legend was born and all the other cliches we use,its still not enough to describe the bloke.
The first time i met him was in class 10 when Manko man[his sidekick of sorts] brought him over to my place for a little gaming session,those were the days ,one on one matches on WWE Smackdown :Here comes the pain,ass whopping everyone ,but back to the topic,the guy seemed normal like i was normal in class 10,bit by bit little by little the different layers and phases of the Babla would be seen.
Phase 1:His first phase was the comedian/abuser phase,which still continues,it is legendary stuff in our school,i have to admit this guy is the funniest person i know,i say,half the story is how it is presented and all his stories kick ass even the crappy ones,king of comebacks,the prince of abusing,[am just carrying on this blokes legacy],he wrote so many good plays during this phase,which seem to
be lost now in his dark desolate house,or maybe in his cleavage ,i dont know,some of the titles i remember were "Somraj and the Security":an amazing love story,:Sumit and Trina:a porno story,and it goes on and on and on.
Everyday before class started and during recess all the boys from class 10A and 10B would come to one of the classes and hear the best
recital of the play,he spent so many hours writing the screenplay and dialogues ,it was magical, those days they are irreplaceable.
Phase 2:This phase wasnt much of a long one but it was still a phase,where he had 4[fore] fathers,namely his Physics teacher who abandoned him a few years later ,Adil[guitar god] the lead guitarist in the band for which he plays,Dave Mustaine it was i think the 3rd one and the 4th one was his biological father.We would pull his leg everyday about his fathers and which one was his real one and all.Classic shit.
Phase 3:The longest phase which has been going strong for a good 4-5 years now,the music phase,where he picked up the guitar and played every single fucking day without worrying about damaging his digits or even worrying about his studies,although as every bengali knows,when exams come we all go into bengali mode[no friends,no tv,no nothing,just books],he played every day to impress his father[Adil] and he was finally accepted into the music group and all.He would have gone nuts had that not happened.This phase also includes mini phases of liking and disliking bands,one day he would abuse a particular band and a few months later they had become the best in the world ,but thats babla for you,confused soul to the max.
This phase also included another mini phase,the dark lyrics phase,when Babla wrote a ton of lyrics to be used in songs all about death and the Devil ,you get the Idea,this was from where "Black Saddath" was formed,coz i didnt know Black Sabbath and when they were talking about it i thought it was "Black Saddath".
Of course phases were just a bit of madness of the bloke,there have been a ton of other retard incidents,especially during football games,one was when he was kicked square in the nuts by Ritu Daman Singh,the bloke had kicked the football with all his might square at Babla's nuts from like a distance of 2 metres at the most ,Babla was rolling about in pain,holding his nose[apparently that helps to
reduce the pain or something],he was shouting...
"I cant breathe ,i cant breathe",ever the smart alec i am i reply "Abey dont hold your nose,then you can breathe" ,man he was pissed at me ,but not as pissed as the whole Antara Haldar thingy,where i created a fake profile on orkut and this bastard fell hook, line and sinker thinking i was some metal chick ,the look on his face after it the truth was revealed to him after 3 months of toying around was hilarious.
Then there were dives when we played footie,he would dive like a ballerina who is the daughter of Arjen Robben and Cristiano ronaldo,performing triple klutzes and all before his huge frame would fall down slowly to make sure he wasnt hurt,and then he would do the chris benoit pain reaction whenever Benoit would miss the flying headbutt.
The "Gham" and "Ghem" was also every present,the "gham" was the ton of sweat he would pour out everyday,the "ghem" was his big fat ego coming out,his ego would be such a huge failing that we even named a shot after it,"The Ghem" Shot ,which basically was a crazy shot with all force but no direction,infact he was often told "No ghem Shots allowed" ,whenever we played in a small area.The Bastard still would do ghem shots and we would have to bring the ball back.
Another such incident was the "fubu" incident where he ripped Kumarjit not one but 3-4 new assholes when we went to play[music] at the blokes para,the fucking dog kumarjit was acting smart and treated us like shit at the place,well Babla didnt let him off the hook and was abusing the shit out of him in his own backyard on a mic,at 3 in the afternoon ,even when the mike was cut off babla followed him
around and abused him and his locality for another half an hour.
Then there was this huge 500 word scrap sent to Sumitano Dickhead about his sister and other relatives just to abuse the shit out of him,to be honest it was very well constructed and his bio background was the catalyst for the amazing scrap,sumit did find out who it was but man that was classic.
Although school has ended and college has started Babla is the one bloke who has kept the friendship intact,he makes sure,infact we make sure that amongst the 3 of us left in cal from the "group" [Babla,Nagu,chintoo and i] we make sure [babla ,nagu and i] that we meet at least once in 2 weeks,to share the tales of the fucktards in our colleges,oh what we STB students wouldnt do for another STB
college that taught all the courses we want :X
Infact we have made sure our "dosti" will stay strong,as we have decided what to call each other's children ,i think Nagu has the "Suorer Bachcha" thing reserved for his kids and Babla has the "khankeer chele" reserved as well.
Humlog Jeet ke Aayenge!
PS:He is the reason why the whole "Betray" system was made and rules were created to define who is a "Betray" or not,I know its grammatically wrong but its way more funny this way.
Interesting Fact:His name Babla [Soumyadeep Bhattachraya] is actually his father's name as well,the students at STB would call each other by their father's name,if they ever found it out that is.Fortunately for us we did find out his dad's name and thus a legacy was created,a legend was born and all the other cliches we use,its still not enough to describe the bloke.
The first time i met him was in class 10 when Manko man[his sidekick of sorts] brought him over to my place for a little gaming session,those were the days ,one on one matches on WWE Smackdown :Here comes the pain,ass whopping everyone ,but back to the topic,the guy seemed normal like i was normal in class 10,bit by bit little by little the different layers and phases of the Babla would be seen.
Phase 1:His first phase was the comedian/abuser phase,which still continues,it is legendary stuff in our school,i have to admit this guy is the funniest person i know,i say,half the story is how it is presented and all his stories kick ass even the crappy ones,king of comebacks,the prince of abusing,[am just carrying on this blokes legacy],he wrote so many good plays during this phase,which seem to
be lost now in his dark desolate house,or maybe in his cleavage ,i dont know,some of the titles i remember were "Somraj and the Security":an amazing love story,:Sumit and Trina:a porno story,and it goes on and on and on.
Everyday before class started and during recess all the boys from class 10A and 10B would come to one of the classes and hear the best
recital of the play,he spent so many hours writing the screenplay and dialogues ,it was magical, those days they are irreplaceable.
Phase 2:This phase wasnt much of a long one but it was still a phase,where he had 4[fore] fathers,namely his Physics teacher who abandoned him a few years later ,Adil[guitar god] the lead guitarist in the band for which he plays,Dave Mustaine it was i think the 3rd one and the 4th one was his biological father.We would pull his leg everyday about his fathers and which one was his real one and all.Classic shit.
Phase 3:The longest phase which has been going strong for a good 4-5 years now,the music phase,where he picked up the guitar and played every single fucking day without worrying about damaging his digits or even worrying about his studies,although as every bengali knows,when exams come we all go into bengali mode[no friends,no tv,no nothing,just books],he played every day to impress his father[Adil] and he was finally accepted into the music group and all.He would have gone nuts had that not happened.This phase also includes mini phases of liking and disliking bands,one day he would abuse a particular band and a few months later they had become the best in the world ,but thats babla for you,confused soul to the max.
This phase also included another mini phase,the dark lyrics phase,when Babla wrote a ton of lyrics to be used in songs all about death and the Devil ,you get the Idea,this was from where "Black Saddath" was formed,coz i didnt know Black Sabbath and when they were talking about it i thought it was "Black Saddath".
Of course phases were just a bit of madness of the bloke,there have been a ton of other retard incidents,especially during football games,one was when he was kicked square in the nuts by Ritu Daman Singh,the bloke had kicked the football with all his might square at Babla's nuts from like a distance of 2 metres at the most ,Babla was rolling about in pain,holding his nose[apparently that helps to
reduce the pain or something],he was shouting...
"I cant breathe ,i cant breathe",ever the smart alec i am i reply "Abey dont hold your nose,then you can breathe" ,man he was pissed at me ,but not as pissed as the whole Antara Haldar thingy,where i created a fake profile on orkut and this bastard fell hook, line and sinker thinking i was some metal chick ,the look on his face after it the truth was revealed to him after 3 months of toying around was hilarious.
Then there were dives when we played footie,he would dive like a ballerina who is the daughter of Arjen Robben and Cristiano ronaldo,performing triple klutzes and all before his huge frame would fall down slowly to make sure he wasnt hurt,and then he would do the chris benoit pain reaction whenever Benoit would miss the flying headbutt.
The "Gham" and "Ghem" was also every present,the "gham" was the ton of sweat he would pour out everyday,the "ghem" was his big fat ego coming out,his ego would be such a huge failing that we even named a shot after it,"The Ghem" Shot ,which basically was a crazy shot with all force but no direction,infact he was often told "No ghem Shots allowed" ,whenever we played in a small area.The Bastard still would do ghem shots and we would have to bring the ball back.
Another such incident was the "fubu" incident where he ripped Kumarjit not one but 3-4 new assholes when we went to play[music] at the blokes para,the fucking dog kumarjit was acting smart and treated us like shit at the place,well Babla didnt let him off the hook and was abusing the shit out of him in his own backyard on a mic,at 3 in the afternoon ,even when the mike was cut off babla followed him
around and abused him and his locality for another half an hour.
Then there was this huge 500 word scrap sent to Sumitano Dickhead about his sister and other relatives just to abuse the shit out of him,to be honest it was very well constructed and his bio background was the catalyst for the amazing scrap,sumit did find out who it was but man that was classic.
Although school has ended and college has started Babla is the one bloke who has kept the friendship intact,he makes sure,infact we make sure that amongst the 3 of us left in cal from the "group" [Babla,Nagu,chintoo and i] we make sure [babla ,nagu and i] that we meet at least once in 2 weeks,to share the tales of the fucktards in our colleges,oh what we STB students wouldnt do for another STB
college that taught all the courses we want :X
Infact we have made sure our "dosti" will stay strong,as we have decided what to call each other's children ,i think Nagu has the "Suorer Bachcha" thing reserved for his kids and Babla has the "khankeer chele" reserved as well.
Humlog Jeet ke Aayenge!
PS:He is the reason why the whole "Betray" system was made and rules were created to define who is a "Betray" or not,I know its grammatically wrong but its way more funny this way.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Chintoo Lee
This isnt a post about some retard brother of Bruce lee or some stupid indian Pj about a lee,this is a post about one of my best friends ever ,probably my first best
friend from Calcutta,a certain Rohit Sarkar.We first met in 8E of a certain St Thomas Boys school,the most notorious of all schools in Calcutta,but he wasnt like the typical STB students,rather he was cultured,respectable,soft spoken and the like,that all changed with our friendship though.
I remember the first time i talked to him regarding a notebook i had borrowed from him,the entire day i had been abused by every numbskull in the class just because my hindi wasnt good and i would talk about Dubai all the time[anyone would when they came from Dubai and had to study in STB] so as i expected a barrage of khankee ,chodu,chutia and the like,when i returned the book and said "Thank you",he replied "Mention not ,Please",Wow i didnt get abused,gotta be friends with this guy,i thought and that i did.
Rohit is one of the shortest people i know but that hasnt hurt him in his IQ and studies,the most intelligent person i have probably met,smart and kickass in studies,i remember he scored around 96% in ISC and he missed topping our school by some 6-7 marks,i ripped into him calling him a disgrace to the bengali heritage and that he cant ever show his face to his parents,should commit suicide and that i cant call him a friend anymore,because i was ashamed to be his pal,he retorted back.
"Tum laura kitna laya? 70%? sala chutia"
True but still coming first is the only thing for a bengali.
A brilliant sportsperson as well,cricket,football were two of his passions,he was a pretty good cricketer too,played for the bengal U something side for a long time,
he considered himself to be the Arjen Robben of school,sala Manc jumped ship to Chelski for the money,douchebag of the best kind i guess.We would often play on his terrace we included Babla,Nagu,Manko man and I,brilliant footballing ,the scoreline would often read 20-19 or some shit like that,and after the game when all of us would be sweaty and tired *poof* ,off went his shirt and he would start doing push ups for no fucking reason.A typical STB retard i guess.
OF course since he is a bengali just studies and sports wouldnt cut it for him,so he was also a prefect and would take part in almost every competition possible
As the great Ricky Bobby said "First or Last',that seemed to be this blokes motto as well,taking part in everything and trying to Win[so i guess Jeet ke aaoge was
in him from back then].He was so happy when he heard that he was going to host the first every spelling bee of our school,he would taunt us and bloat about him
hosting the shit hole event so much our ears bled,he started bloating about it around 2 weeks before the bee,that turd KC[our english maam] gave him the honor of being the first ever host of the bee and all.
The big day came and we were all in the crowd,waiting to see what Chintoo would do,he came on stage and as soon as he was about to start the round,after taking the introductions KC came on stage and she started hosting the show,Rohit spent the next 90 minutes just passing the mike from one participant to another,he was so embarrassed,but we well more specifically I wasnt let him off the hook so easily,taunted the poor bloke to death,that was certainly amazing,a few weeks later however he took his revenge while i was standing answering a question and i tried to sit down,he pulled the chair from beneath me and smack a fat guy fell and hit his head real fucking hard on the desk behind him,the whole class loled like hell,and Buladi[maths teacher] gave him a roasting,most people didnt give a shit to what Buladi said,so it really didnt matter.
He is acredited by creating one of the best oneliners i heard,when Buladi was about to hit someone with a ruler [this was in class 12] he shouted "Maar Randi Maar", brilliant.He is also called the Silent Assassin,not because he is some sort of martial artist but because of KC and me yet again,this time in class she was naming the students who would score 90 in ISC atleast in English,Aman,Achin,Ranjeet,Rishab,Adil,Sumit,Ramnik,and then a pause,now rohit sat near the window and i sat beside him,so he was covered by my big frame and all,KC says
"Where is that little boy? Rohit .......OOOOOOOOHhhhhhhh there he is sitting like a silent boy in the corner,a silent fellow he is too" in her crummy made up british wannabe accent
"Silent" i though,and i start talking in the same british cunt accent that KC was "OOOOOOHHHHHHH Rohit is a silent Assassin because he will score a 90 in ISC english,Silent assassin kills people by riding his cycle ,wow what a silent assassin,oooooooohhhhhh you little cheeky devil"
Cheeky devil he may be,but he is one of my best friends and now he is studying in NITK Suratkal,malluland as i call it,so whenever he comes back to cal he comes with his mallu english accent which we try to fix,and he goes back there with a fixed accent and then fucks it agains when he reaches there.
Oh and one more thing,people blame me for talking about porno all the time and all,but most people dont know that it was this clean little punk who got me started
with the porno surfing.
"Google >Pictures>Advanced settings>Turn Safety Filter off>Search for any female actors name + nude"
You horny cheeky bastard you.
friend from Calcutta,a certain Rohit Sarkar.We first met in 8E of a certain St Thomas Boys school,the most notorious of all schools in Calcutta,but he wasnt like the typical STB students,rather he was cultured,respectable,soft spoken and the like,that all changed with our friendship though.
I remember the first time i talked to him regarding a notebook i had borrowed from him,the entire day i had been abused by every numbskull in the class just because my hindi wasnt good and i would talk about Dubai all the time[anyone would when they came from Dubai and had to study in STB] so as i expected a barrage of khankee ,chodu,chutia and the like,when i returned the book and said "Thank you",he replied "Mention not ,Please",Wow i didnt get abused,gotta be friends with this guy,i thought and that i did.
Rohit is one of the shortest people i know but that hasnt hurt him in his IQ and studies,the most intelligent person i have probably met,smart and kickass in studies,i remember he scored around 96% in ISC and he missed topping our school by some 6-7 marks,i ripped into him calling him a disgrace to the bengali heritage and that he cant ever show his face to his parents,should commit suicide and that i cant call him a friend anymore,because i was ashamed to be his pal,he retorted back.
"Tum laura kitna laya? 70%? sala chutia"
True but still coming first is the only thing for a bengali.
A brilliant sportsperson as well,cricket,football were two of his passions,he was a pretty good cricketer too,played for the bengal U something side for a long time,
he considered himself to be the Arjen Robben of school,sala Manc jumped ship to Chelski for the money,douchebag of the best kind i guess.We would often play on his terrace we included Babla,Nagu,Manko man and I,brilliant footballing ,the scoreline would often read 20-19 or some shit like that,and after the game when all of us would be sweaty and tired *poof* ,off went his shirt and he would start doing push ups for no fucking reason.A typical STB retard i guess.
OF course since he is a bengali just studies and sports wouldnt cut it for him,so he was also a prefect and would take part in almost every competition possible
As the great Ricky Bobby said "First or Last',that seemed to be this blokes motto as well,taking part in everything and trying to Win[so i guess Jeet ke aaoge was
in him from back then].He was so happy when he heard that he was going to host the first every spelling bee of our school,he would taunt us and bloat about him
hosting the shit hole event so much our ears bled,he started bloating about it around 2 weeks before the bee,that turd KC[our english maam] gave him the honor of being the first ever host of the bee and all.
The big day came and we were all in the crowd,waiting to see what Chintoo would do,he came on stage and as soon as he was about to start the round,after taking the introductions KC came on stage and she started hosting the show,Rohit spent the next 90 minutes just passing the mike from one participant to another,he was so embarrassed,but we well more specifically I wasnt let him off the hook so easily,taunted the poor bloke to death,that was certainly amazing,a few weeks later however he took his revenge while i was standing answering a question and i tried to sit down,he pulled the chair from beneath me and smack a fat guy fell and hit his head real fucking hard on the desk behind him,the whole class loled like hell,and Buladi[maths teacher] gave him a roasting,most people didnt give a shit to what Buladi said,so it really didnt matter.
He is acredited by creating one of the best oneliners i heard,when Buladi was about to hit someone with a ruler [this was in class 12] he shouted "Maar Randi Maar", brilliant.He is also called the Silent Assassin,not because he is some sort of martial artist but because of KC and me yet again,this time in class she was naming the students who would score 90 in ISC atleast in English,Aman,Achin,Ranjeet,Rishab,Adil,Sumit,Ramnik,and then a pause,now rohit sat near the window and i sat beside him,so he was covered by my big frame and all,KC says
"Where is that little boy? Rohit .......OOOOOOOOHhhhhhhh there he is sitting like a silent boy in the corner,a silent fellow he is too" in her crummy made up british wannabe accent
"Silent" i though,and i start talking in the same british cunt accent that KC was "OOOOOOHHHHHHH Rohit is a silent Assassin because he will score a 90 in ISC english,Silent assassin kills people by riding his cycle ,wow what a silent assassin,oooooooohhhhhh you little cheeky devil"
Cheeky devil he may be,but he is one of my best friends and now he is studying in NITK Suratkal,malluland as i call it,so whenever he comes back to cal he comes with his mallu english accent which we try to fix,and he goes back there with a fixed accent and then fucks it agains when he reaches there.
Oh and one more thing,people blame me for talking about porno all the time and all,but most people dont know that it was this clean little punk who got me started
with the porno surfing.
"Google >Pictures>Advanced settings>Turn Safety Filter off>Search for any female actors name + nude"
You horny cheeky bastard you.
Friday, February 19, 2010
My first music attempt
Well this is my first attempt at electronica/electro pop
hope you people like it,its named Bitonia 222
http://www.4shared.com/file/225065343/adb38f39/Bonbon_Kayzee_-_Bitonia_222.html
http://host.hackerbox.org/download.php?file=032573b6b1d21963600514116bedd471
http://rapidshare.com/files/352464406/Bitonia.mp3.html
hope you people like it,its named Bitonia 222
http://www.4shared.com/file/225065343/adb38f39/Bonbon_Kayzee_-_Bitonia_222.html
http://host.hackerbox.org/download.php?file=032573b6b1d21963600514116bedd471
http://rapidshare.com/files/352464406/Bitonia.mp3.html
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Fire + Bownies + Ice Cream!
Those people who have known me long enough should know by now that i am not the biggest fan of vegetarian food,i mean i cant bear the thing because there is no vegetable no matter how it is cooked that has the texture of meat,so getting an invitation to a marriage where vegetarian food is on the menu is a must avoid for me.I avoid most marriage functions except the ones which are family related or if of a close friend who has personally called me,case in point Nishant,completely veggie food but i still went there coz i still consider him to be one of my best friends and so does he.
A few days back i got an invitation to a wedding from the complex at the Horticulture gardens or thats at least what its called,now i wouldnt have gone but the invitee made sure that i was to come by letting me know that all me pals from the building would be coming [ZB,Aaush,Rahul bhai and Rahul] ,Madhav and his younger brother Naren/Narain[dont know how his name is spelt] both would be there as it was their cousin's wedding.So all decked up i was ,which means i wore a crummy shirt and all [i hate shirts] and was trying to look as decent as possible.ZB drobe his dad ,me dad,another uncle from the building and me to the wedding,and so we entered ,The Ideal towers gangs were there in full flow,one gang was the above 40's-45's-50's and the other gang was the above 18's,although none of us look anything like 18.
As soon as we entered the place Naren tagged along with us ,good little kid he is,for now at least, ZB and the gang met up,i was there as well,since the gang was there only one thing could go on "chiggi",now dont think chiggi is that stupid little song from that hindi film Blue [or as they would say BBBBOOLLLLLOO] chiggi is the quint essentiel part of daily life in Ideal Towers or in fact in most friend circles where we gotta make fun of one another no matter how sick or disgusting it gets.
As usual since it was a marwari wedding there were a ton of starters and snacks [all veggie of course] we had pakoras vadas soups custard and all while there were a ton of things to drink ,from cold coffee with ice cream,to some freaky orange drink with ice cream,everything was pretty good,i hogged on the vadas the most,they were small triangle bits but man they were oh so tasty.
Now i must mention one thing,whenever i am forced to go to one of these veggie weddings i prefer to hog on the dessert rather than the main course,but usually the dessert consists of some crummy indian things,mithai and all which to be frank i get to eat almost everyday if there is a need for it,i love however the continental and baked goods,so as the oh so good hosts they were[and i aint being sarcastic madhav and naren were exceptional hosts] they now took us to the dinner counters which were divided into many stalls ,Indian ,Chinese ,Sweets ,Dessert ,yes there were separate stalls for Sweets and Desserts.
So the first attack was on the chinese stall,i must say the chinese was pretty good,just if there was a presence of shredded chicken it would have been perfect but who cares,the food was free.Naren and Madhav then take us to te sweets counter but i was the least interested in it,ZB did eat a ton of sweets but i wanted to try out the brownie i had overheard they were good,infact one of Naren's friends ate around 5 brownies.So i ask em both where were the brownies and they did take me to the place,Madhav told the waiters/cooks to give me as many brownies as i would like,i asked for 3 ,and then something totally unexpected was to happen.
The brownies were kept on a plate ,next to a stove and a pan,i dont know why,as soon as i asked for the brownie a guy puts three of em into the pan and starts heating em over the stove then he adds some chocolate sauce and flambes it[you know where the entire thing catches fire and all] i didnt know what he was to do ,and since i am a dickhead i stood right next to thee fire,almost got burnt,the brownies did get burnt and they were brilliant,so 3 brownies and a scoop of ice cream plus a slice of pineapple cake,amazing,and i have to say this,and i mean it from my heart mind soul everything that was THE BEST dessert i had in the past one year,yes going back to January 2009,that was the last memorable time i had a good ,wait fucking awesome dessert and today topped it ,i had another 3 brownies and ice cream again ,hell it was so fucking good that i did tell madhav.
"Man this is fucking good best fucking dessert i have had in a year"
To which he was a little embarrassed because it was his family members and all present there and well my colourful language isnt the best advert of his friends,nevertheless both the brothers were quite happy that we hogged our ass' off,to end it all i must say one thing i never liked nor will ever like vegetarian cuisine but hell man if there is a dessert platter like this all hail vegeteranian cuisine.[Vegeteranian is like mediterranean cuisine,just bear with me ]
A few days back i got an invitation to a wedding from the complex at the Horticulture gardens or thats at least what its called,now i wouldnt have gone but the invitee made sure that i was to come by letting me know that all me pals from the building would be coming [ZB,Aaush,Rahul bhai and Rahul] ,Madhav and his younger brother Naren/Narain[dont know how his name is spelt] both would be there as it was their cousin's wedding.So all decked up i was ,which means i wore a crummy shirt and all [i hate shirts] and was trying to look as decent as possible.ZB drobe his dad ,me dad,another uncle from the building and me to the wedding,and so we entered ,The Ideal towers gangs were there in full flow,one gang was the above 40's-45's-50's and the other gang was the above 18's,although none of us look anything like 18.
As soon as we entered the place Naren tagged along with us ,good little kid he is,for now at least, ZB and the gang met up,i was there as well,since the gang was there only one thing could go on "chiggi",now dont think chiggi is that stupid little song from that hindi film Blue [or as they would say BBBBOOLLLLLOO] chiggi is the quint essentiel part of daily life in Ideal Towers or in fact in most friend circles where we gotta make fun of one another no matter how sick or disgusting it gets.
As usual since it was a marwari wedding there were a ton of starters and snacks [all veggie of course] we had pakoras vadas soups custard and all while there were a ton of things to drink ,from cold coffee with ice cream,to some freaky orange drink with ice cream,everything was pretty good,i hogged on the vadas the most,they were small triangle bits but man they were oh so tasty.
Now i must mention one thing,whenever i am forced to go to one of these veggie weddings i prefer to hog on the dessert rather than the main course,but usually the dessert consists of some crummy indian things,mithai and all which to be frank i get to eat almost everyday if there is a need for it,i love however the continental and baked goods,so as the oh so good hosts they were[and i aint being sarcastic madhav and naren were exceptional hosts] they now took us to the dinner counters which were divided into many stalls ,Indian ,Chinese ,Sweets ,Dessert ,yes there were separate stalls for Sweets and Desserts.
So the first attack was on the chinese stall,i must say the chinese was pretty good,just if there was a presence of shredded chicken it would have been perfect but who cares,the food was free.Naren and Madhav then take us to te sweets counter but i was the least interested in it,ZB did eat a ton of sweets but i wanted to try out the brownie i had overheard they were good,infact one of Naren's friends ate around 5 brownies.So i ask em both where were the brownies and they did take me to the place,Madhav told the waiters/cooks to give me as many brownies as i would like,i asked for 3 ,and then something totally unexpected was to happen.
The brownies were kept on a plate ,next to a stove and a pan,i dont know why,as soon as i asked for the brownie a guy puts three of em into the pan and starts heating em over the stove then he adds some chocolate sauce and flambes it[you know where the entire thing catches fire and all] i didnt know what he was to do ,and since i am a dickhead i stood right next to thee fire,almost got burnt,the brownies did get burnt and they were brilliant,so 3 brownies and a scoop of ice cream plus a slice of pineapple cake,amazing,and i have to say this,and i mean it from my heart mind soul everything that was THE BEST dessert i had in the past one year,yes going back to January 2009,that was the last memorable time i had a good ,wait fucking awesome dessert and today topped it ,i had another 3 brownies and ice cream again ,hell it was so fucking good that i did tell madhav.
"Man this is fucking good best fucking dessert i have had in a year"
To which he was a little embarrassed because it was his family members and all present there and well my colourful language isnt the best advert of his friends,nevertheless both the brothers were quite happy that we hogged our ass' off,to end it all i must say one thing i never liked nor will ever like vegetarian cuisine but hell man if there is a dessert platter like this all hail vegeteranian cuisine.[Vegeteranian is like mediterranean cuisine,just bear with me ]
Friday, February 5, 2010
A Classy Birthday to you!
Now one of me best pals had his birthday recently,twas Babla's special night,another birthday to somewhat celebrate and enjoy,so after wishing the bloke in the now oh so fashionable 12 midnight time and all i was expecting a treat or something at least,but knowing the bugger i didnt think i would get the call for a treat anytime soon after all he is part of a kickass pro band "Weaponshop"[listen to these guys they are amazing] ,he is in a some what steady relationship and is an all around jackass.Since he was in a relationship i had bet my bottom dollar that he would spend his special night with someone special *wink wink*.However something extra ordinary was to happen.
Now for most of me pals in me special group a birthday is a day to spent time with your pals,mostly consisting of decent food,nothing too pricey nothing too cheap,after all the enjoyment is in the company rather than the place.Thats what we always do,all the time,in fact most of me pals birthdays are celebrated at our houses,there being a couple of exceptions of course,most of us are pennyless bastards.
So i get a call from babla on his birthday at around 6 PM,so i knew either he was to come to me place or was gonna treat us for his birthday[one thing i dont understand is why the person whose birthday is being celebrated must treat the other blokes,it should be the other way around] anyways ,babla calls and asks me "did nagu call you up ?,he didnt? fine meet me at the Taj at 8 PM,bring nagu along"
Now The Taj is this really classy pricey 5 star hotel in Calcutta,like the Taj in Bombay and the like,when he said meet me at the taj there was a little confusion,i mean surely babla wont treat us at the taj,i mean its next to impossible for him to treat us there,i called nagu up and he was surprised about the Taj invitation as well,so we meet up at around 7:45,the Taj is like a 10 minute walk from my place,So while we walk we are discussing where we would eat...
Me:Abey can you believe it,saala humlog ko Taj mein khilayega babla
Nagu:Eeeeeehhhh Adeeeeem Kariiiiim you really think he would treat us there?,its babla we are talking about
Me:Fuck man yeah,i bet he is there talking about some gig he will play,probably from there we will head off somewhere
Nagu:yes of course...
We end up at the Taj bang on time coz of the punctual freaks we are and that w dont have much work to do at all,we call babla up and he says its gonna take him 15 minutes ,so we are waiting by the main gate and i can see the nervousness of the guards,bloody they were scared shit of us both standing next to the gate and all,we wait still and then get pissed coz as usual babla is ever so late ,so we call him up and he tells us heis 5 minutes away and that we should go inside and ask for a reservation in the name of "Mr Upadhyay",i am thinkin who the fuck is it?
Nagu comes up ,"thats Swagat",Rich man Swagat,now we add it up,Swagat is giving the treat,so we go into the Taj security check and all we enter and we were told by babla to go to the "Hub",when we did enter the waiter asked us about a table and we replied that we had a reservation in the name of mr Upadhyay.
So we see a table for 12 and the both of us sit at one end of the table opposite to each other,now the wait begins coz as usual babla must be late and very fucking late he must always be,so 15 minutes are gone and the waiters are now getting apprehensive and so are we,
"what the fuck is taking babla so fucking long?",a waiter comes up to us and says
"till the other people come ,here is some bread"
and he gives us some bread with some dip,now me and nagu dont know what to do,should we eat the bread now or wait or dont eat it at all?
we sit for like 10 minutes before another of babla's pals comes,some guy from me own college Techno india a first year BBA student,who spoke in the American accent and all,he starts eating the bread and then we start eating it as well out of sheer embarrassment.
Then at around 9 came Swagat and Babla ,Swagat also had one of his pals The Bugguria,nonetheless we had our usual tirade of cheap jokes,abuses,acting crummy and cruddy while we waited for the others we had a few side dishes which were fish fingers ,chicken tikkas ,and a bowl of soup [tomato] for The bugguria.The next to come was Babla's girl,Mritika[i have no freaking idea why the hell there is a M in front of a normal name,but thats bengalism i guess] and so babla shifts from sitting next to me and nagu and now sits with his girl at the other end of the table,by the time its 9:30 Adil,gujju ,Hasan bhaiya[adils brother] and Sourish come and i guess that was the end of the guest list.If i missed someone fuck off coz you didnt make an impression on me.
So we ordered some pizzas pasta,biryani[which had to have a couple of boiled eggs in it coz it was the bday boys wish i guess],rogen ghost ,a chicken dish and some roti,as usual gujju was the butt of all the jokes,with things being thrown at him,his special desert being eaten by everyone but as usual if you felt a little sorry for the bloke[gujju] for being picked on he does do some rather idiotic things,like this time all off a sudden he starts searching frantically for his cell phone and he cant find it,then all of a sudden he remembers that he left it with the security people,you see when we were entering the Taj we had to let our belongings through a metal detector and then we could take it back after it had been checked but gujju didnt take it back and he was relieved that it was still with em and he started eating,he was then fucking told to go and get it from em coz it would get stolen,the light bulb finaly came on for the gujju.He did get his cell in the end.Lucky punk.
The dinner ended at around 11:30 with us staggering outside like a bunch of drunks and our eternal wait for a cab for the others wasnt boring or nothing,babla nagu and i lived close by and when you have the company of good friends time does fly,the others did get a cab later one at around midnight,while babla walked his lady to the cab,she was walking along the edge of the road like some drunk punk.A pretty kickass birthday nevertheless the bill of course was footed by Swagat.
Oh yeah Note:The best bit of the treat was calling Chintoo up and pissing him off about where we were and what we were eating and all,another NOTE the pasta that was priced at 500 bucks a plate tasted like half boiled maggi i kid you not,nagu and Hasan Bhai can vouch for this.
Now for most of me pals in me special group a birthday is a day to spent time with your pals,mostly consisting of decent food,nothing too pricey nothing too cheap,after all the enjoyment is in the company rather than the place.Thats what we always do,all the time,in fact most of me pals birthdays are celebrated at our houses,there being a couple of exceptions of course,most of us are pennyless bastards.
So i get a call from babla on his birthday at around 6 PM,so i knew either he was to come to me place or was gonna treat us for his birthday[one thing i dont understand is why the person whose birthday is being celebrated must treat the other blokes,it should be the other way around] anyways ,babla calls and asks me "did nagu call you up ?,he didnt? fine meet me at the Taj at 8 PM,bring nagu along"
Now The Taj is this really classy pricey 5 star hotel in Calcutta,like the Taj in Bombay and the like,when he said meet me at the taj there was a little confusion,i mean surely babla wont treat us at the taj,i mean its next to impossible for him to treat us there,i called nagu up and he was surprised about the Taj invitation as well,so we meet up at around 7:45,the Taj is like a 10 minute walk from my place,So while we walk we are discussing where we would eat...
Me:Abey can you believe it,saala humlog ko Taj mein khilayega babla
Nagu:Eeeeeehhhh Adeeeeem Kariiiiim you really think he would treat us there?,its babla we are talking about
Me:Fuck man yeah,i bet he is there talking about some gig he will play,probably from there we will head off somewhere
Nagu:yes of course...
We end up at the Taj bang on time coz of the punctual freaks we are and that w dont have much work to do at all,we call babla up and he says its gonna take him 15 minutes ,so we are waiting by the main gate and i can see the nervousness of the guards,bloody they were scared shit of us both standing next to the gate and all,we wait still and then get pissed coz as usual babla is ever so late ,so we call him up and he tells us heis 5 minutes away and that we should go inside and ask for a reservation in the name of "Mr Upadhyay",i am thinkin who the fuck is it?
Nagu comes up ,"thats Swagat",Rich man Swagat,now we add it up,Swagat is giving the treat,so we go into the Taj security check and all we enter and we were told by babla to go to the "Hub",when we did enter the waiter asked us about a table and we replied that we had a reservation in the name of mr Upadhyay.
So we see a table for 12 and the both of us sit at one end of the table opposite to each other,now the wait begins coz as usual babla must be late and very fucking late he must always be,so 15 minutes are gone and the waiters are now getting apprehensive and so are we,
"what the fuck is taking babla so fucking long?",a waiter comes up to us and says
"till the other people come ,here is some bread"
and he gives us some bread with some dip,now me and nagu dont know what to do,should we eat the bread now or wait or dont eat it at all?
we sit for like 10 minutes before another of babla's pals comes,some guy from me own college Techno india a first year BBA student,who spoke in the American accent and all,he starts eating the bread and then we start eating it as well out of sheer embarrassment.
Then at around 9 came Swagat and Babla ,Swagat also had one of his pals The Bugguria,nonetheless we had our usual tirade of cheap jokes,abuses,acting crummy and cruddy while we waited for the others we had a few side dishes which were fish fingers ,chicken tikkas ,and a bowl of soup [tomato] for The bugguria.The next to come was Babla's girl,Mritika[i have no freaking idea why the hell there is a M in front of a normal name,but thats bengalism i guess] and so babla shifts from sitting next to me and nagu and now sits with his girl at the other end of the table,by the time its 9:30 Adil,gujju ,Hasan bhaiya[adils brother] and Sourish come and i guess that was the end of the guest list.If i missed someone fuck off coz you didnt make an impression on me.
So we ordered some pizzas pasta,biryani[which had to have a couple of boiled eggs in it coz it was the bday boys wish i guess],rogen ghost ,a chicken dish and some roti,as usual gujju was the butt of all the jokes,with things being thrown at him,his special desert being eaten by everyone but as usual if you felt a little sorry for the bloke[gujju] for being picked on he does do some rather idiotic things,like this time all off a sudden he starts searching frantically for his cell phone and he cant find it,then all of a sudden he remembers that he left it with the security people,you see when we were entering the Taj we had to let our belongings through a metal detector and then we could take it back after it had been checked but gujju didnt take it back and he was relieved that it was still with em and he started eating,he was then fucking told to go and get it from em coz it would get stolen,the light bulb finaly came on for the gujju.He did get his cell in the end.Lucky punk.
The dinner ended at around 11:30 with us staggering outside like a bunch of drunks and our eternal wait for a cab for the others wasnt boring or nothing,babla nagu and i lived close by and when you have the company of good friends time does fly,the others did get a cab later one at around midnight,while babla walked his lady to the cab,she was walking along the edge of the road like some drunk punk.A pretty kickass birthday nevertheless the bill of course was footed by Swagat.
Oh yeah Note:The best bit of the treat was calling Chintoo up and pissing him off about where we were and what we were eating and all,another NOTE the pasta that was priced at 500 bucks a plate tasted like half boiled maggi i kid you not,nagu and Hasan Bhai can vouch for this.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Republic Day well fucking spent
Now we all should know that i am not the kind of person who likes going out regularly,i mean a movie once in a couple of weeks is the max i can do with,or the probability of meeting all me best pals on alternate days but they mostly come over to my place ,an outing is a rarity for me coz there isnt much out there for either a freak like me in calcutta or for a lame ass like me.
So on this "Republic Day" as usual after the flag hoisting ceremony and all me building pals and I were just loitering about ,i rarely go down as well ,but there are occasions when i do join me pals,rare they are though.As i was saying,Zaman Bhai[one muscular freak who is ready to beat up as many people as possible],Sid[one of the 2 best pals i got in me complex who can deal with my intellect],Madhav[the other intellectual best pal of mine],Chintoo[dont know his real name but the guy is freaking tall] and Aaush[the real fucking freak of the complex] were all just loitering about in the parking lot.
But before we ended up there we had to take care of the flag hoisting and all that,so out of a complex of 200+ flats only freakin 30 people came that too at 10:45 ,15 minutes later than the stipulated time,so it was me zaman bhai and madhav as the only ass representatives from our age groups,and as we were about to sing the national anthem this guy Mohta bhai,who is a skinny cock eyed bloke takes out his cell phone and starts blabberring,zaman bhai would not let this go,"Arrey Mohta bhai,mobile mein kyu baat kar rahe ho,Jana Gana Mana goa,Sala Pakistani" [No offence meant to any Pakistanis out there],poor Mohta does nothing but limbers off,the ceremoney lasted no more than 5 minutes and after that we went to our parking lot.
We find this blokes dalmation is doing a round,and is now tied up to a pillar,so zaman bhai,madhav and i walk up to it,i keep my fucking distance from the pup coz i hate animals,cept when i eat em,but the other 2 blokes go right up to it.Everytime they want the dog to stand up or do anything for the matter of fact,the pup starts pissing all around,Zaman bhai gets fucking furious and starts blaring out in the parking lot
"I will piss on you,i will fuck you",but thats the normal reaction you would expect from any of my pals when they are getting pissed on from a kutta.
At around 11:15 or so comes down Sid ,freaks were busy shagging off at home,not that i denounce that act,but nationalistic pride should come before porn i guess,Aaush still hasnt picked up the phone even after texting him and calling him numerous times,so now its the 4 of us and then starts the real retardness,barring me the other 3 people go to a gym,i am too fucking lazy to do all that,and so are talking bout their biceps etc etc etc and they [sid and madhav ]start showing off their bazookas and all,Zaman bhai comes into the frame and as Sid is about to poke him and all he blares out
"agar te mujhe chuua ,zor se gaali dega"
Sid aint gonna get fazed by that after all we all are former STB students,and he does try to hit zaman bhai,who like a paranoid lady screams out in a bus when she feels someone brush her,did the same
"aaaaaeeeee laaaaauuuurrrraaaaa kaaaaaaa baaaalllll"
safe to say no one tried to do anything to zaman bhai for a few minutes at least.
Then came Aaush and Chintoo,chintoo didnt really say much apart from Zaman bhai pulling his leg all the time,regarding girls and all,Aaush came as a freak ,they all decided to go for a smoke outside the building ,i dont smoke,really i dont,so i stayed a few feet away while they all puffed and all,then they decided to go to a mandir,i had never ridden with these people so it was a first for me,out came a massive SUV ,which had DEFENCE written on it,i dont know why,so it was Aaush driving,Madhav [shotgun,yes who ever called out shotgun first would sit next to the driver],me and chintoo at the back seat,zaman bhai and sid right at the back,we also picked up rahul bhai,while aaush was driving around the complex he almost backed into a santro while we abused the shit out of him.
Off we went,though we had a stopover at another fag store for a few cigs ,zaman bhai stepped out and we drove off,leaving him behind,but he knew he had our weakness,the cigs,so we did one round and came back to pick him up,now the entire time when zaman bhai and sid were seated at the back they were constantly trying to molest one another and fighting at the back while Aaush was telling zaman bhai to try to fix the back light of the SUV and everytime he did that Aaush stepped on the brake giving bhai a good old shocka. As usual zama bhai retorted with
"AAAAAAuuuuuu laaaauuuurrrraaaaa mat kar"
So most of us are faggin about,sid threw a match box at Aaush while the guy was driving and out came a war of abusive words between him,mother father,vagina's nothing was left out,so finally we reached the mandir,me zaman bhai and chintoo didnt go into the mandir,zaman bhai was driving around and double parked,so bang on schedule came a police officer and old bloke who was yammering about telling us to move the car,while zaman bhai argued that it was a "Defence" car and that we would leave in minutes,and as said in a few minutes the other guys came out ,Aaush was now riding shotgun,Zaman bhai was driving ,oh dear lord save me he was driving.
Zaman bhai is a proper STB student who drives like a maniac to say the least,i dont think he even knows that cars have brakes,or that they should be driven at least in calcutta with a little control,he is like an indian michael schummacher,zipping across raods,traffic,pedestrians they are like chicanes to him,they are there,but they should fucking move when he is driving,a normal 15 minute journey takes less than 3 minutes for him.My first time,say a prayer and put on your seat belts,i aint saying that for dramatic effect,i was told to do that by Sid.This was the first time my mouth was shut ,i barely said anything throughout the ride,apart from one blowjob joke i made on madhav.
Zip zam zoom thats all i can say about ZB[zaman bhai],he even once took the wrong route and almost rammed into an auto when the auto driver said "kya chala rahe ho",he replied "tum toh bahut achcha chala rahe ho",then the auto sped off,when we crossed the signal we spotted the same auto,we stopped right next ti him and abused him and joked at him,then we realised it was some other auto driver who stared at us like he was possesed of something,he was shocked to say the least,now when Aaush rides shotgun,he always decides to climb out of the window and start acting cool and all,while ZB swerves the car about to keep the bloke inside.
While on a stetch we hit 100+ kmph in a city street ,we decided to have some fun,we stopped at asked a guy
"dada sonargachi[a red light district] kothai?" [where is sonargachi]
the guy looks into the car filled with like 8 perverts ,and replied back
"chudte jacho?" [going to fuck?]
ZB replies "Haan tumi o cholo" [yes you also come along]
and we speed off again,another thing aaush seems to love to do is point at other vehicles while at high speeds to let em know if they have a flat tire or something,when they obviously dont have a flat tire,he did this to 2 cabs and a freaking bus and all the vehicles slowed down to check out if they had a problem,oh by the way the 20 minute distance was covered in 10 minutes by ZB,it could have been faster had he not gotten confused about some directions and of course we had not played around with that "sonargachi" thing.
The scourges of calcutta.Nuff said.
So on this "Republic Day" as usual after the flag hoisting ceremony and all me building pals and I were just loitering about ,i rarely go down as well ,but there are occasions when i do join me pals,rare they are though.As i was saying,Zaman Bhai[one muscular freak who is ready to beat up as many people as possible],Sid[one of the 2 best pals i got in me complex who can deal with my intellect],Madhav[the other intellectual best pal of mine],Chintoo[dont know his real name but the guy is freaking tall] and Aaush[the real fucking freak of the complex] were all just loitering about in the parking lot.
But before we ended up there we had to take care of the flag hoisting and all that,so out of a complex of 200+ flats only freakin 30 people came that too at 10:45 ,15 minutes later than the stipulated time,so it was me zaman bhai and madhav as the only ass representatives from our age groups,and as we were about to sing the national anthem this guy Mohta bhai,who is a skinny cock eyed bloke takes out his cell phone and starts blabberring,zaman bhai would not let this go,"Arrey Mohta bhai,mobile mein kyu baat kar rahe ho,Jana Gana Mana goa,Sala Pakistani" [No offence meant to any Pakistanis out there],poor Mohta does nothing but limbers off,the ceremoney lasted no more than 5 minutes and after that we went to our parking lot.
We find this blokes dalmation is doing a round,and is now tied up to a pillar,so zaman bhai,madhav and i walk up to it,i keep my fucking distance from the pup coz i hate animals,cept when i eat em,but the other 2 blokes go right up to it.Everytime they want the dog to stand up or do anything for the matter of fact,the pup starts pissing all around,Zaman bhai gets fucking furious and starts blaring out in the parking lot
"I will piss on you,i will fuck you",but thats the normal reaction you would expect from any of my pals when they are getting pissed on from a kutta.
At around 11:15 or so comes down Sid ,freaks were busy shagging off at home,not that i denounce that act,but nationalistic pride should come before porn i guess,Aaush still hasnt picked up the phone even after texting him and calling him numerous times,so now its the 4 of us and then starts the real retardness,barring me the other 3 people go to a gym,i am too fucking lazy to do all that,and so are talking bout their biceps etc etc etc and they [sid and madhav ]start showing off their bazookas and all,Zaman bhai comes into the frame and as Sid is about to poke him and all he blares out
"agar te mujhe chuua ,zor se gaali dega"
Sid aint gonna get fazed by that after all we all are former STB students,and he does try to hit zaman bhai,who like a paranoid lady screams out in a bus when she feels someone brush her,did the same
"aaaaaeeeee laaaaauuuurrrraaaaa kaaaaaaa baaaalllll"
safe to say no one tried to do anything to zaman bhai for a few minutes at least.
Then came Aaush and Chintoo,chintoo didnt really say much apart from Zaman bhai pulling his leg all the time,regarding girls and all,Aaush came as a freak ,they all decided to go for a smoke outside the building ,i dont smoke,really i dont,so i stayed a few feet away while they all puffed and all,then they decided to go to a mandir,i had never ridden with these people so it was a first for me,out came a massive SUV ,which had DEFENCE written on it,i dont know why,so it was Aaush driving,Madhav [shotgun,yes who ever called out shotgun first would sit next to the driver],me and chintoo at the back seat,zaman bhai and sid right at the back,we also picked up rahul bhai,while aaush was driving around the complex he almost backed into a santro while we abused the shit out of him.
Off we went,though we had a stopover at another fag store for a few cigs ,zaman bhai stepped out and we drove off,leaving him behind,but he knew he had our weakness,the cigs,so we did one round and came back to pick him up,now the entire time when zaman bhai and sid were seated at the back they were constantly trying to molest one another and fighting at the back while Aaush was telling zaman bhai to try to fix the back light of the SUV and everytime he did that Aaush stepped on the brake giving bhai a good old shocka. As usual zama bhai retorted with
"AAAAAAuuuuuu laaaauuuurrrraaaaa mat kar"
So most of us are faggin about,sid threw a match box at Aaush while the guy was driving and out came a war of abusive words between him,mother father,vagina's nothing was left out,so finally we reached the mandir,me zaman bhai and chintoo didnt go into the mandir,zaman bhai was driving around and double parked,so bang on schedule came a police officer and old bloke who was yammering about telling us to move the car,while zaman bhai argued that it was a "Defence" car and that we would leave in minutes,and as said in a few minutes the other guys came out ,Aaush was now riding shotgun,Zaman bhai was driving ,oh dear lord save me he was driving.
Zaman bhai is a proper STB student who drives like a maniac to say the least,i dont think he even knows that cars have brakes,or that they should be driven at least in calcutta with a little control,he is like an indian michael schummacher,zipping across raods,traffic,pedestrians they are like chicanes to him,they are there,but they should fucking move when he is driving,a normal 15 minute journey takes less than 3 minutes for him.My first time,say a prayer and put on your seat belts,i aint saying that for dramatic effect,i was told to do that by Sid.This was the first time my mouth was shut ,i barely said anything throughout the ride,apart from one blowjob joke i made on madhav.
Zip zam zoom thats all i can say about ZB[zaman bhai],he even once took the wrong route and almost rammed into an auto when the auto driver said "kya chala rahe ho",he replied "tum toh bahut achcha chala rahe ho",then the auto sped off,when we crossed the signal we spotted the same auto,we stopped right next ti him and abused him and joked at him,then we realised it was some other auto driver who stared at us like he was possesed of something,he was shocked to say the least,now when Aaush rides shotgun,he always decides to climb out of the window and start acting cool and all,while ZB swerves the car about to keep the bloke inside.
While on a stetch we hit 100+ kmph in a city street ,we decided to have some fun,we stopped at asked a guy
"dada sonargachi[a red light district] kothai?" [where is sonargachi]
the guy looks into the car filled with like 8 perverts ,and replied back
"chudte jacho?" [going to fuck?]
ZB replies "Haan tumi o cholo" [yes you also come along]
and we speed off again,another thing aaush seems to love to do is point at other vehicles while at high speeds to let em know if they have a flat tire or something,when they obviously dont have a flat tire,he did this to 2 cabs and a freaking bus and all the vehicles slowed down to check out if they had a problem,oh by the way the 20 minute distance was covered in 10 minutes by ZB,it could have been faster had he not gotten confused about some directions and of course we had not played around with that "sonargachi" thing.
The scourges of calcutta.Nuff said.
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