Drinking Buddies

Its time when boys turned into men , now that all of us are working we rarely get a chance to meet each other, the 4 of us , Chintoo, Nagu , Babla and me. Chintoo because he is far away in gujju land for some crazy yet almost right reason he stays in a place called Dahej [dowry] in hindi terms and he had come to Calcutta recently because of his sister's marriage [more on that later].

Babla because he is mostly busy due to his numerous shows spread across India, big superstar he is playing in his band and Nagu because he is an idiot and is always busy with excuses like "thesis" and his wannabe girlfriend whom he says does not like him but still is always with him sharing pads in another city and going around like crazy all the time.

So thanks to the Sista's marriage the 4 of us met up and while the wedding , as every wedding goes, needed a lot of work and we all were very busy with it, meeting relatives, rohit's set of mallu friends and of course Bhabhiji, when everything was done and pushed away the 4 of us had to go for a night out. This night out had to be curtailed since all of us had office or practice or a flight to catch or "thesis", so Babla comes up with the plan to go to Tangra, Calcutta's china town, great food, cheap booze and lots of food options.

We meet up after I got done with office and in our search for a cab we got into a pool car coz cuntish taxi drivers won't go to Tangra coz its too late, its freaking 7:30 PM, the night has just started and they start acting like douches. Well we in the pool car were no worse, screaming, hurling abuses at one another like the world wont end, one typical comment was that " I love xyz girl but you know I do stuff with other girls but I really REALLY love this girl", one bugger retorts "bhai, tu bol yeh kya pyaar hai? ", the third one says " Sorry man, I have never had such love that I love one girl but fuck about with 16 others, aisa pyaar mera kabhi hua nahin"

The drive was long but fun, abuses, shameless acts of indecency, the driver was petrified and was happy to drop us off at the doorstep of the restaurant/bar and drove off like he had his wife expecting a baby in the car.

Babla knew this place well, we could see that as the waiters were all happy seeing him, of course they would be, he is the size of a baby elephant, probably ate like one the last time he was here. The order was given and Babla said "You have to try the duck, its amazing", while the rest of em drank beer, vodka, whiskey etc etc etc, the 4th bugger who wont drink was me, now what to do? I decide time to troll around, I order a thumbs up, after downing half of that I get me a sprite, mix it and whay hay! it looks like a pint of beer,

"Quick take a picture of this, and wait for my family to go all retard on me"

While the prawn chips, wontons and fish dishes were being sent back and forth like a whore being shared by 4 cheap friends, the real star of the night was the duck, thank fuck I had duck, especially the Peking Duck, oh and while the rest of em got a little high from the alcohol, i got high from drinking a thumbs up, a coke, a fanta, a sprite and a 7 up, just missed out on the Limca, told the waiter
"Next time, I will have the rest as well, namely, the Limca, the soda and a bottle of water"

Now when people get drank they gotta do something crazy, Nagu and Babla are proper alcoholics, so after being "alcoholized" they didn't do anything cray, Chintoo on the other hand whips out his cell phone and like last time, calls his "girl" and spends like 30-40 mins just talking to her,when we leave we had to make sure Chintoo came back from the loo, we thought he would drop his cell in the toilet and start speaking to his wiener.

He comes back and we decide to take an auto to go back to Park Circus, while we get into an auto, the auto is stopped before it can move by a guy on a bike, seems the auto driver had bumped into the biker and now he wanted retribution.

While the auto driver maintained his innocence, after around 10 mins of to and fro and being let off, we could see the guilt on his face and his tone of voice, even though all 4 of us were high, the cool breeze and a trippy auto ride is all we needed.

After dropping babla off we set off to return to the lan of Khidderpore, getting off as Rohit and Nagu needed to walk a bit before they got the high out of em, the night was brilliant, no one knows when we may meet like this again and get high, this day we created a new set of names for one another.

"Drinking Buddies

Tipsy Wipsy : Babla
Pukey: Chintoo
Drunkard : Nagu
Musalman : Me, Duh!

Say "Hello"!

"Blaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuuuu"

Ooooh Pukey did a baaaaad thing"

Trollfest

Before I write about the title , this is my 100th post on this blogspot, so that in itself deserves a celebration. The blog has been up for almost 2 years now, probably the longest thing I have even done apart from being in educational institutes or loving good old fashion KFC for as long a period of time as this, so yay me .

Back to business, today we had our yearly function for our college, will not name the function but suffice to say its only fun when you can go full on berserk. I was looking forward to it this time since I had worked my ass off for a couple of weeks, by work I mean a proper corporate job and not some work as in finding a new pornstar and downloading a ton of videos, SOPA should put a stop to that real soon.

So meeting up with some kickass besties was the #1 job of the day, met the Manko man in his last weekend in cal before he leaves for mallu land, Hyderabad, but he is not sad about it as he will get to meet a ton of hot muslim chicks, proper muslim chicks, and he calls me a racist.

Also had a plan to meet up a couple of my college besties since I started working, I have not been able to meet em, today was that day.

This day will not just be remembered for me having met a few friends and had a normal sit down fun time, reaching the said function way late in the afternoon even though the whole thing started at around 9 AM proves how much "boss" I can be, still met my friends and I decided to be the massive dick troll I can be.

First target to face my wrath was Mriganka a typical manc, who runs like a girl without a proper center of gravity using his arms for balance while running like some barbie toy, gave him the Big Show Bear hug a lotta times, pushed him about and generally bullied him but the sport didn't mind, after all I had met him after a month or so.

The next targets were the other students of the college, putting up a cultural fest is good and all but if you know you are shit you should just stay away from singing dancing and acting and all that crap, the sad fact is everyone thinks they are Robert Downey Jr or Morgan Freeman or Freddy Mercury , the fact in reality is they are Rebecca Black or Bieber.

After trolling on a person real hard and picking on him while he was on stage trying to sing wearing a white kurta , to which I constantly bellowed "You look saxy" to "I love the design on your Kurta, who is the designer" to the oh so normal "Once More" chant even though the act should have been stopped half way, Things as usual must go awry and out of hand and yes for once I did go overboard and went on a troll spree , shouting obscenities and picking on almost any crap act that went on stage, simple fact is if you are shit you should be told the thing to your face, you are not a 2 year old kid who will be scarred for life. If your parents/relatives/teachers never let the law down on how much shit you can be in those artistic works then you need a friend to say it and if your shit assed scared friends can't do it then I take the mantle and let you know the damn truth before you go on and make a complete arse of yourself in front of much important people.

Of course no one understands the true genius of my caliber while they get a first hand experience of my madness, you see I need to explain it for these people who don't get it, they aren't as intelligent as I am and neither are most people sensible enough to understand what I say, always said the genius that is the Bonbon will be missed after I am gone, so as I said, parents were pissed, so were the teachers and even before the function was over, all me friends and I went over and had dinner before anyone else.

Trolled?
Fuck yes and very well indeed.

Be a douche campaign

Hypocrisy has a limit, even the most illogical person is allowed to be a hypocrite and all but something really got my goose the other day, while I was watching a WWE RAW broadcast, they suddenly pop up with this promo, not of some old Wrestler coming back with a new gimmick or some mega super pay per view which will suck, they came out with this "Be a Star" campaign, where they are trying to weed out "bullying" from schools and how one in 3 students in America are bullied in some form, HHH and Steph McMahon were talking about supporting the campaign but that is nonsensical.

I mean the entire history of wrestling , at least the WWE era is about bullying and roughing people up for no reason at all. On a false pretext of acting like macho men and women fighting over petty causes like ex gfs, belts and who is stronger but they don't go and issue challenges most of the time, unlike "face/good" wrestlers who would go face a person properly, its the hell/bad guys who attack people from behind, come in groups of threes and try to take a person out. Recently Natalya and Beth Phoenix were on a tear, making bitches cry, literally, Eve Torres, Kelly Kelly were a couple of their victims. Where was the bully, sorry anti bully campaign there?
Highly hypocritical and I cannot believe how anyone could support the campaign.

Don't get me wrong here, I am not in favor of physical bullying, coz that is the sissies way out, but mental bullying is fantastic, makes you sharper and immune to the atrocious things that people say about you either behind your back or in your face.

STB made me a star, not because I am some super student who scored 99% in an exam, i got 98.55% in MAT but its not about that, it made me a immune to abuses that hurl about in the world. The way women look away disgusted when they hear an abuse, if they ever were in STG, they would know how to deal with shit like this. It is not like the world does not abuse you when you aren't in front of a person, hell I say we should invest in an abusive class for all students, teach em how to deal with abuses being hurled at you, you know start a new campaign as all this abuse and bullying will make you stronger no matter what.

So here is a fuck off you worthless cunt who should have been wasted in the bloody toilet rather than let to rot in a human's womb for 9 months to everyone.

Happy abusing/bullying

Don't be a star, BE A DOUCHE

The start of something new

The new year never starts off with a bang, at least not for me. For the past 22 years its always been the same crap, meeting up with friends and ushering a new year which will be just as crappy as it used to be.

This year however things are a changing, coz I be working now. No more crap about going to college and taking notes in class, no more examinations where last minute mugging will get me the marks to pass. Hell no its time to really graduate and move out.

Joining a company, whose name I shall not divulge since its value might go down , sarcasm, is a scary proposition, especially for a guy like me who has probably never had more than 2 days in a row where he has not cracked a shit stupid joke or made someone laugh. Behaving in a proper disciplined manner is hard especially in a new organization, well the thing basically is, one month of scouting people, 2nd month of taking em down, one at a time , like I did in college.

The day comes and I reach on time with the other folks, for once no one is late and well heading into an office without the stupid "intern" tag is a relief, the office and building is magnificent, the lift is awesome as hell and fast. The people more importantly are genuinely good, you know sometimes in an organization people are out to get you since you are the newbie , like a breaking in ceremony, its not the same here.

Everyone is helpful, cheerful[for now, wait till the deadlines come],happy and all. The induction process as whole is a great deal of top level people and telling us about the various functions in the organization which means I still have to write a lotta stuff and continue learning here, fortunately the learning here is good and it will actually be of some use in the future for sure.

The timing is not bad either, I gotta be there by 9 , my house is like 15 minutes away by transport, not much of an issue and I get to leave by 7 ish, so pretty good for a first organization, while these are some of the trivial technical issues, the more important things are,

The toilet, you know my laws are there and the 11th Law states : You are only comfortable in that office/residence/institution when you can shit there comfortably.

So I am always on the lookout for good dump holes and this organization at least in the 5th floor has a kickass toilet which has already lost its "virginity" the 10th floor one where I will be working is not upto the standards, so when I need to dump off, off to the 5th floor I shall go.

The other important thing is that there is free foooooood, I get free fucking lunch that too from 2 different vendors who each provide 3 options for non veg everyday and you can set the menu before hand for the next week, amazing!!!!

The other jitters would be about my boss but fortunately again my boss, so far, touch wood, fingers crossed and all , has been really helpful, yes I do piss him off once in a while but he has been really helpful, for once I don't have to go through the STB tirade and all , maybe for once I could do the STB thingy on some people and really teach em a thing or two, I wont but its always nice to have an option.

So there you have it, my first week at work, not a lot of responsibilities as of yet, still going through training,the Lord is on my side for this one, hopefully I will have a decent enough time here and enjoy as many years as I possibly can.

Oh and I got my first debit card today, thats right bitches, I be earning and burning dough from February onwards, oh yeah!

The Zone/ God Mode

16 years ago, my Dad brought home a NES. A Nintendo entertainment system for the few sods who don't know what a NES stands for, this one device basically changed my life. Playing the likes of Mario, Duck Hunt, Contra and the likes opened up a crazy fantasy filled world to me where a fat ass like me could kick some ass like no one else could.

Proper gamers would get the idea of what I will be blogging about by the 2nd part of the title but for the people who don't play video games (I don't know how you cannot game), What I am talking about is the ability to be kickass while playing any game. They say form is temporary class is permanent and this is absolutely true in almost every part of life.

Take gaming for example, there are games and then there are games which want to kick your ass in case you think you are better than that. Devil May Cry 3 was the first such game which absolutely obliterated the player, until every player knew every trick up Dante's long sleeves , so well that in his sleep he could play DMC3 without getting killed. Ninja Gaiden is another such game which wants to show people that you could be a Ninja, fantastic but there are a million other ninjas which can and will kill you. Simple really.

For a few of the pussy's who could not take the literal pummeling and abuse people came up with hacks, cheats etc, the greatest cheat which almost every computer game and a few console games would have was GOD MODE, where you could not die, have infinite ammo and pretty much be GOD in the game. Sure I have played a few games with that "God mode" cheat on but only after I complete the game, this whole GOD mode changed again when God Of War was launched, you were a soldier/God/Son of Zeus [yes spoiler] and go on a rampage like never before with some slick weapons and the like, an amazing storyline makes this a game worth playing again and again, with or without God mode, does not make a difference.

However, the God mode is sometimes in built , you play a game so well that basically you are unbeatable, no one can get you be it the CPU or any friend who challenges you, you go on a crazy run, beating all the opponents no matter how strong they are. Your class is there, your form is infinite and you are GOD.

Recently, while playing Fifa 12 after a couple of weeks of college, the game seemed tougher, opponents were scoring last minute winners or game leveling goals, frustration was kicking in and then I got it, you need the perfect atmosphere the kickass. So midnight, parents gone to bed, not one sound from the outside, lights off and a ton of my favourite music and I go on a mofucking rampage ,destroying the best teams with even my reserves. This was not God mode, more like a crazy zone where you can't see or feel anything else but the game, like you are part of the game.

The greatest example of the zone would be a midnight stint of Burnout 3/Revenge where the game is so freaking brilliant , well I can't describe it, to experience the greatest Zone ever you have to play Burnout.

2011 more like 2007

My friends at UA (Underground Authority) have become proper celebrities in and around this state at least. People jump on them for pictures and autographs, try to have a chat with em and just have a blast at their shows.

So when Babla (bass player) came over to my place with Nagu, they told me that UA would be performing at my school, STB at their fest, Melange. There is always a sense of nostalgia whenever you hear about your school, especially the one which has created and given so many stories for you to lather on people, so it was not a tough decision to make, the batch of 2007 was going back to school in 2011.

In typical UA fashion, since they are big superstars, they wanted the best slot to play and were scheduled to play from 4 PM, while I was in college getting some work done, I was sure I was going to miss them perform at school, fortunately or typically they were late and the show was to start at a quarter to 7.

Running back home from college and then running to school, I met up with Nagu and we entered, before entering, I was asked "Pass? where is your pass?"
To which Nagu replied "Don't worry, he is a part of UA"
Rock and roll motherhumpers!

I met up with Babla on stage, he was preparing for the shit which would make the STB guys believers. All this was fine, after all I did go to see my friends play, however we must not forget its STB and where there is STB there is bound to be madness and babali.

So the first thing I see, apart from our glorious buildings and that massive field of ours, was gold hair, yes , Gold fucking colored hair , guys had bleached their hair, put on sun glasses when it was 7 in the evening and it was pitch black. Somethings just wont change, as soon as we enter we hear the patented abuses about mothers fathers and all. The new thing which I saw was the presence of a lot of cars and those cars weren't of the people performing but rather of the boys out here to impress the chicks with their money, guys wearing white suits also littered the place. Financial meltdown? fuck no.

Lets not forget to mention the sound people, now I was one of the few privileged people to stand on a platform with the sound console and all, so there were pros manning the sound , making the acoustics and reverb and all that shit work well, we had this guy with his laptop recording the entire show and then we had the guy on lights. Now this guy was a pro I believe but he was from school, so it was quite freaky to see him play around on the lights console thinking he is Dj Tiesto or that chinese bloke form Linkin Park who would play with the samplers. I take a closer look and that fag is moving about like he is on fire and is playing the gig of his life, he had this assistant also acting like this guy was actually doing some shit but all he was doing was headbanging and moving his fingers on switches which he was not moving or touching. Impress the maagis? He tries.

Then the show starts and the crowd are rapturous, the guys are belting out their hindi numbers since we must remember STB don't do english, hindi is what they know and are receptive to. So receptive that a guy jumps on stage and dances his arse off only for one of the UA staff to push him off stage, while the song is on, then starts the madness

"Bhai ko dhakka kyu maara?" and this group of students are now ganging up on the bloke who tried to make sure nothing bad happened, song had to be stopped the people had to be separated by the members of the band, see, you can't change STB, no matter how many changes you make to the principal or how you govern it. Made me feel so warm inside, nothing has changed.

The last few minutes were us walking around the many corridors and classrooms we frequented so many times, it was seriously a brilliant moment, no teachers, just 5 guys walking around the classrooms , buildings and running about like mad people on the field.

For 2 hours at least I was not a person who is supposed to start working for a firm in a few months, rather it felt like I had started my schooling life all over again only that it began in STB and I was with my best friends, not being gay , just wish those days lasted a bit more, college life has nothing on school life.

STB all the way.

Fast cars, beautiful women and Maagas

Salt Lake is one crazy place, especially Sector 5, the hub of IT companies, colleges and basically a population whose average age would be somewhere around the mid 20's. Its not a wow factor to say that there are many hot women here all either studying or working in said organizations, so where there are women there must be maagas. Lets take the case of the auto drivers in the area who should only allow like 3 people to sit in the auto make sure there are around 6, also making sure the women sit right beside him although there seems to be no space available to em they just make it happen.

So back to this incident, normally I return home in a shuttle/pool car/carpool etc, its basically boiled down to a choice of either stuffing yourself in a Maruti Omni, a shit van which runs on LPG and most are in shit conditions, 6 people sit in the back facing one another and one sits next to the driver. This car is the "legal" illegal pool car (don't ask this is a long story).

The other options range from a AC bus, which you rarely get to Innovas,Sumos and Indicas, which all charge less than the Omni but the Omni has a greater number of cars so its a bit of a tough choice to make, I found an Omni and decided to get in as I wanted to get home ASAP.

Now I was sitting next to one of the sliding doors and 3 other men were also seated, then this lady comes and wants to sit near the other sliding door as she fears about molestation and the like, I don't blame her, things like that do happen, but she fights with the other men and finally gets her wish.

Blabbering on the phone, this lady, decent enough for a bang tells the guy sitting next to him to "Close the door", the man does not think twice since he was gaping at the lady and slams the door, I am listening to music and then I hear shrieks and screams, the lady is screaming, "My fingers, my fingers", fucking chutia lady had rested her hand right on the ridge where the closes, and idiot man decided to shut the door on it as he was too busy gawking at chutia lady.

The driver stops the car immediately, the door is opened and I fear that the lady must have had some parts of her finger chopped off , my fear is justified when I see this other guy jump out of the car and starts searching for something.

I think to myself "Oh Fuck it, she lost some fingers, bloody hell"
The man comes back into the car , he went out to get his mobile and the mobile was safe even though it was run over by a bus, the lady's fingers were fine as well, just a little sore. Now this story would seem a little tragic, so the guy who slammed the door is apologizing profusely to her and asking her how is she and how are her fingers.

The other people give her advice from warm water to ice being applied on the fingers, the lady seems alright now, even taking part of the blame for putting her hand near the door. So for the rest of the journey, Maaga man, AKA Idiot Man AKA the guy who slammed the door, is hitting like hell on the lady, it was so obvious, I wanted to throw up in the car.

The lady is also continuously chatting with the guy and it seems they have hit it off, oh glory for us all, we are seeing a match being made. Right before we reach our destination the guy decides to kick it up and says

"I am sure, aapke ghar mein (at your home), someone is upset and saying 'Who hurt my daughter?' he is a kamina, like your mom " [yes he did use this line on her, to check if she had a bf or not"

Without missing a beat the lady replies
"Mummy toh nahi but Saas zaroor bolegi" (Maybe not mom but my mother in law would say this)
Snap!
The guy's smile just turned into a frown and I could not stop laughing, I laughed so hard at the poor sod, he didn't say anything more to the lady.

This just proves two things
1:Women are sad who try to take advantage of sods
2:Men are maagas who will hit on women, any woman.

BTW, these 2 things just prove a couple of my laws.

4th Law:No matter how beautiful or ugly a girl is,no matter what the

place or situation is,there will always be a maaga to hit on said girl.

1st Law:The total number of problems at any situation is directly proportional to the number of larkis present there.