I have often been told that drunks bear their soul out and say whatever comes to their mind, things that are deep inside their heart are also laid out bare to the rest of the world in a heap of realization, laughter, seriousness, empty bottles and glasses , sorrow with just a whiff of alcohol, well not a whiff, more like they put on Eu De Alcohol made by Tommy Hilfiger or something.
When Chintoo came back to calcutta, Babla laid down one day that there would be a booze session one day, with me included in it,Chintoo, babla , Nagu and I accepted, me of course would not touch any more alcohol, that whole vodka thingy was a mistake and God will forgive me for that, well I may burn in hell for all the porno but I sure as hell ain't going down because of booze.
They were to drink and drink a lot, so a plan was made as to which day they would get smashed, that day didn't come as Nagu ran away like a douche to Bangalore for no reason, it was left to the three of us, while I was adamant that I would not drink, babla was all about making me smoke some weed.
"Fucker, If you don't drink YOU HAVE TO SMOKE WEED"
Although I agreed, I knew I wouldn't have any from that man whore, as we call him. On the day we planned to get drunk, Babla as usual did not come on time, to be fair we don't expect him to, he has become a big star ever since India's Got Talent and the fuck all has lost all his sense of time and weight management, looks like a friggin balloon, hell his "squeeze" did not recognize him from some pics which were taken around a year back. Using that line "Babla is pregnant" has become old now, he seems to have a gestation period of like 3 years now.
Getting back to the point, we reached the pub at around 6, but we didn't enter as we thought it was way too early to start, well Rohit thought it was way too early, so off we went to a place I hate a lot and haven't been to in like a year or two, a bookstore, Oxford's, seeing em geeks and nerds there trying to be cool and reading some shit, for once I fell out of place, it was that bad, leaving that place was a relief for me, the last book I read was for a presentation, that too I got the summary online, Chintoo and I did have one moment to remember, we found the rack that contained the erotica, well I found it, pointed it out to chintoo who walked away as usual, especially now since he is committed , no more porno for me amigo ,poor lad.
Next stop was the bar, it was around 7 PM and we expected to get a table, unfortunately all the tables were filled up, hell people were waiting on the others to leave, its friggin 7 and people are out to get drunk, this is my Calcutta.
After waiting a few minutes we finally got the worst table at the pub, but it was still a place to sit, as Chintoo said "We came here to get sloshed, not worry about the seats you chut".
Chintoo had come with a game plan, eat less, drink more, and he started with a Budweiser beer, while I started with a pepsi and a plate of chips, Babla had instructed chintoo to drink slowly and to take his time, I also ordered the Chicken Ala Kiev, for the people not in the know, that is chicken, stuffed with bread, butter and cheese , then deep fried, can't go wrong there, no fucking way. While the kiev took almost 40 minutes to arrive, we dug in on the chips , when the kiev did come and we started hoggin on that, Babla entered looking fat overgrown and pregnant, we are used to seeing him now, wearing an XXXXL shirt to cover his bulge.
While Rohit was all about how the beer was light and gave him a little buzz, the real drunk from our group came up and started with whiskey, 30 mls to start with,here the fun begins, while the first shot was not anything worth talking about barring the fact that Babla was on a solo mission to finish all of the "chanachur " in the pub, at one point of time he was told that the chanachur was finished.
The next set of drinks were 60 ML whiskey shots or whatever they can be called, diluted with water or pepsi, after the 3rd drink things started to get interesting. Chintoo finally drunk called his girl up and spend nearly 20 minutes saying "I love you" and then the next 10 minutes in a drunk state saying "I am sorry, I am sorry".
Babla on the other hand was more worried about making things "Fly" in a weird looney tone. "Adeem, FLYYYYYYYYY, no say it right, FFFFFEEEEEELLLLLLLAAAAAAAIIIIII"
That was the third drink, after the 6th one they were completely out, now as I had said earlier, people say what they keep in their hearts and tell what they see as the truth, some of which I found out are :-
Chintoo says:
"Dude, play the keyboards a lot more, you were good, play em"
"
Dude, I love my girl friend man, truly", awwwwww, bloody wuss
"Babla, in these times kids are getting heart attacks , work out man, fuck no, I will call you out every day and run with you, pact signed, Adeem is the witness"
"Adeem you were the most articulate person in that debate I went with"
"I love you guys, you are always there for me, you guys are my best friends" sans nagu
"I know there will be problems in our friendship but whatever happens we will be together man, always"
"I love your music babla, you guys are great but try to keep steady on one thing and don't shift about"
"I know Adeem is going to make a lot of jokes on us now"
A typical set of statements from one of the brainiest students around and not totally unexpected.
Babla says :
"Adeem, when you said you were not going to drink, I called you a "fucking Chut", but man, Now I respect you and your religion, truly Musalmans will rule the world"
Apocalyptic future ruled by me and my disciples?, it will happen, mark my words
"I am not a man whore!"
"You know adeem, I will fuck one of your in laws, no , don't stop me man, am sorry I know you wont like it, but I will fuck one of your in laws at your marriage, I will, its not a joke"
"Lets all make a vow, that when we get married we will have a bachelors party, each one of us, and by party I mean booze and strippers"
again, another set of typical expected statements from Babla.
After the drinking came the "We need to go home"
This was to be a daunting prospect as I was the "designated take these drunks home sober" guy, while Babla is a fucking drunk with no respect for himself or anyone else, Rohit was warned that he should not come back home clinging to the walls for support, Both of em had to be brought down the stairs as I feared they would fall having no balance.
Leaving the pub, Babla started in all his glory, "I want to have a roll"
"Let me go man, I want to have a roll" He did get his chicken roll, which he says they fucked up, ate half and threw the rest in the dustbin.
Then he started "Chocolate", Ala Spongebob, "CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He got that Cadbury Silk chocolate and I ate more than he did, Rohit did not eat any as he was still following, drink more eat less.
Babla continued by looking for a taxi trying to go to Southern Avenue, now in Calcutta, after 9 PM taxis flatly refuse to go some places, so while he was getting a lot of no's , the drivers were getting the choicest of abuses in any and every language, not even their mother's were spared, while he had no balance or sense, he had that much of an idea to do all this right in front of a cop car.
Rohit on the other hand, spent all this time talking out of his drunk ass to his girl, she had got this other line which was of some professors or something and she was getting quite upset, she even told me to get him home safe and make sure that he calls her tomorrow. Rohit also had the presence of mind to tell me to move babla away from the cop car.
Babla then had started a new vicious attack on the Marwari community , called them mother fuckers, in fact he was going to the roll shop and chocolate shop and shouting obscenities to the said community, he also asked Rohit to ask his girl if they were madar chods or not.
A taxi did agree, and while they got in to get some paan, I did smoke what I told babla I would, I even burnt a hole in my shirt and burnt a part of my jeans and the crappily rolled "fag" fell on my lap, sorry babla but I blamed you for this.
Southern Avenue came and we met Adil, Gujju Jhuthani and Bihari, while they knew Babla as the sad drunk he is, They had never seen Chintoo drunk, to be fair none of us expected chintoo to get drunk ever,while chintoo was feeling crappy and always asking people
"dude do I sound drunk?
I can't go home drunk
shit my dad will kill me"
Gujju and Adil were reassuring him that nothing would happen as chintoo now has a job and is a graduate and all, He IS A MAN!
Babla was in form, abusing gujju, marus, losing his balance, kicking gujju, wanting to eat food and of course "Oh fuck its on fire", the video is posted here.
After half an hour sitting there, chintoo finally puked, he couldn't hold it in much longer and off we went home, I got dropped off first as Babla was now sober enough to go home, while chintoo was falling over in the cab, they reached home safe and sound while plans are being made for the next session, of course this time I will be prepared and of course I wont drink.
Oh yeah the "fag" didn't have much of an effect on me, maybe I didn't take it in properly, but what the hell, I did it, and I probably wont do it again.
as I said , the Video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jKXnD-Cea98
dude.. this is confidential shit....
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