The love story finally revealed : 2 scots and an English man

There are some love stories that should not be told. They cause great pain and strife to all involved. The time has come to reveal the true love story between 3 gentlemen, and I really mean "gentle". 
This story has drama, pain, sorrow, laughter, happiness, alcoholism and all that is expected from a love story. Enjoy.

Howard webb was signed to be the main player for United

Webb, celebrating one of the goals with his United teammates

Things were going brilliantly for the pair and United.

The love of another scot was tempting but.....

But nothing can replace true love

Webb doing his best Arsene Wenger impression "I did not see it"

New found money, new found love.

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No time to talk crap
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HIRAMANEK
My 2nd Blog!

http://hiramanek.blogspot.com/

The case of the missing shoe

My school is known for all the gundas and criminals from all around the locality,from threatening the cricket team,to starting a fight,to throwing hot
tea at the face of college students,STB were always numero uno in crime.So it should as no surprise that some stealing and looting often occured in school from mobiles to pens to even notebooks to text books ,you leave all your stuff behind at your own peril.

So again it should come as nothing new that i was also the victim of a criminal activity,which turned out to be he stupidity of an asshole.
As i said a lot of things would often at me school and since we were the science students we often had to visit the labs,physics,chemistry,biology and computer labs were all used exclusively by us,the 3 science labs were ok but the computer lab had this one quirky rule that whoever would enter would have to take off their shoes,fro some freaking reason the teachers were allowed to wear shoes in the lab but not us,so we had to leave the shoes on a rack outside the lab.

Next to the lab was the class of 12 E,the most notorious sons of guns in our school,they would fight,abuse and tr to beat up not only themselves but the teachers as well,they locked up a teacher and made him see a porno as well.We had like a hour of computer lab classes once a week and whenever we would come out of the class the shoes would magically dissappear,they wouldnt be on the racks but "mysteriously" they would be found beneath the staircase all in a heap.Fucking class 12 E assholes would throw em everytime they had a chance.That was stlll fine but a few weeks after that a fatter pal of mine came up to me after the computer class as he couldnt find his shoes,the dumb sons of bitches stole his pair of shoes.Size 9 they were i remember and since he was a bengali he wa in fear of returning home without his shoes,but he had to face the
brunt of walking to his bus without shoes ,only in socks.

He did have to ultimately buy a new pair but a few weeks later i was the next victim,as i came out of the lab and me pals were putting on their shoes,i couldnt find my pair ,frantically i searched every nook and corner of the floor ,even below the staircase but it wasnt to be found,and as usual my computer teachers were of no help at all,saying they cant help me at all, and that i should have been more careful wilth my belongings

Me pal rohit[chintoo] and i were searching all over and i was made to walk back to me class on socks when sumitano dickhead comes running over to me and tells me

"Hey Adeem remember Abhijeet sur[the guy whos shoes were stolen previously"
"yeah i remember that fat ass"
"Well you better catch him fast coz i saw him grabbing a pair of shoes from the rack and he kept it in his bag"

So off we went followed by an angry mob of 5 because i was fucking pissed off at walking almost 200-300 metres without my shoes,he was fortunately standing next to the triangle island we had near our building and since it was recess he didnt go off to class.
So i confronted him

"Hey Suar why did you take my shoes"
Sur:"I didnt take your shoes ,these are my shoes"
Me:"From where the fuck did you find em"
Sur:"I found em at the shoe rack,these are my shoes which i lost a few weeks back"
Rohit:"How the fuck do you know these are your shoes?"
Sur:"Coz they are size 9"

Thats when we all blew our fuses,what the fuck is he the only person in the world who has size 9 shoes,look at the fucktards audacity to not only steal a pair,keep em in his bag but also expect that no one else would have size 9 shoes fucking asshole
Nevertheless he did have to return my pair of shoes back ,he did realise his mistake after we threatened his ass off,but i did feel his pain though i didnt have to walk a lot of distance without his shoes,you could say i did walk 300 metres in his shoes.

My name Jaki Kabir

St Thomas' is like a goldmine for a diverse range of students,we had the gays,we had the straights,we had the bisexuals,we had the comedians,we had the abusers,we had the quite folk,we had the geeks, we had the nerds,we had the losers,we had those perfect people,we had the jocks,we had the cocks,we had it all cept of course females coz its an all boys school and of course we had the good old
fashioned freaks of nature.

The first few pals i made in the school turned out to be the freakiest bunch ever,one guy became a drug addict in fact two of em are hardcore drug addicts ,another is an alcoholic,but no one takes the cake like my good friend Zaki Kabir does,i mean he is so freaky you dont even need to get him drunk to watch him in full flowing action.

Built like a typical tough guy ,the only reason people didnt consider him tough was coz he was way short,i mean not very short but if you are shorter than me i will pick on you every single day of your life,the dude did have a good set of muscles and all that.A decent enough sportsperson and all around complete retard.

He would often come to my class,during recess,just to see us,most of his good friends were in science and he was in commerce,or he would come just to fuck around i dont know,and all off a sudden he would just start singing any romantic song is his loud booming voice for no reason,i cant remember which songs but for sure some SRK movie songs,and as ever present there would be one guy sitting on
a desk oblivious to what is going on ,he would not even be part of the group or even the conversation but as soon as he would hear some music on ,boom he would start banging on the desk ,keeping a set rhythm while Zaki would keep on singing one song after another,fucking medley.

Then of course since he was an STB student ,he was always on the verge of starting a fight,often his singing would lead to a build up to a fight ,but we knew the drill he would never fight ,he just wanted to show he wasnt fazed or scared of no one,still we would play the part of peace maker,holding back the 2 people who wanted to "rip" each other to shreds
"Nahi bhai chorr de woh bachcha hai"
"Kya Zaki chor na yaar sala har din ladhai kyu karta hain?"

The greatest hits collection of Zaki constitute of some of his craziness and absolute stupidity,for example one day we were waiting to cross the road,now if you people dont know Calcutta is notorious for hit and runs,especially by buses,and so we all are waiting for a bus to pass,the bus had slowed down to let off some passengers and was reving up to accelerate when

BOOOOOOM!......BOOOOM!

two fucking huge hits from his hand to the bus drivers entrance,and the bus stops in its tracks,the bus driver is flummoxed

Zaki:AAAAAEEEEEEE RUUUUUK RUUUUUUK .......
and he crosses unfaced ,while we scamper to cross the street,we were just gald the driver didnt step on the accelerator and run over the bloke but i guess Zaki could have stopped that also.

In class 10 he was the moniter of the class,trying to keep the class disciplined in STB is no easy job i can assure you of that,but Zaki would try his level best and as usual when the ruckus would be too loud and uncontrollable up would step the great leader of the masses,bang his hand on the teachers desk
shout out
"IF ANY BODY WILL TALK I WILL HIT YOU[pointing to babla]"
Babla:arrey hum kya kiya ,humko kyu marega?

and of course when a teacher would come to class ,Zaki would shout out
"Whole the class stand up"
yes we can....and we will.....

But the blokes greatest one liner still remains an amazing memory and this would happen on a regular basis,this conversation
Me:Achcha Zaki tum toh STB mein 12 saal se par rahe ho
Zaki:ha yes ha
Me:STB english medium school hain na bhai
Zaki:ha hain
Me:Achca toh tum 5 line english ka bol do without errors aur main maan jaoonga ke tum english jaante ho
Zaki:Theek hai Adeem......My name Jaki Kabir.....

WRONG!
The first fucking line is wrong and he had been in the school from class 1 right upto 12 and the guy couldnt speak one straight line of english,and the worst bit is that everytime,everyday i would ask him this question his response would be the same
MY NAME JAKI KABIR
MY NAME JAKI KABIR

S-P-E-L-L-O-M-A-......oh fuck off

I dont really know what is wrong with the normal "sports" in the world,i mean football,cricket,hockey,motor racing...all are great forms of sport and competition,but for some reason thats not good enough for the americans,they came up with basketball,"american" football,ice hockey[ok give that one to the canadians as well] and the great american past time baseball.They are the only
people who do play these sports seriously and they win ,well most of the times barring Spain's gold medal in Basketball or the domination of The Soviet Union and Canada in hockey,and the best pitcher in the MLB is CC Sabathia who aint American and well the the best Hitters in the game are A Rod,Ichiro Suzuki and Big Papi none of em americans....well that just proves they cant win their own created games as well.....so now we know the reason for the creation of other crappy "sport" events ,like stacking,where they stack cups real fast and in formations and all,and of course the one craze which has hit almost every nation "THE SPELLING BEE"....which was broadcast on ESPN of all channels for a few years till ABC got the rights,you know where a stupid kid comes up and spells real hard words which no one has ever heard off and which no one ever uses,by the way the people who normally win this spelling bee are indian americans.....so there we go

As usual we Indians were not far behind,well actually STB was not far behind,trying to prove that it is a
modern school with a ton of talented and smart kids ,they came up with their own SPELL O MANIA.....which was held first in 2006 i think,i remember K C ,that english freaky maam who would make such crappy pronunciations of words....like ocarina was "oh-kareeena".....so she was one of the judges and heads in creating and organizing the entire competition,there was a prelim where the students were asked to spell out words on a paper and those who got most right would be selected,i didnt get through but a few of me pals did,Chintoo also got through but he was later told that he would have to be the Emcee or host of the FIRST EVER ANNUAL SPELLOMANIA of STB,wow what an honour.....Chintoo couldnt shut up for a couple of days,
Chintoo:I am going to be the host man,i will control the show....
he would go on and on and on and on until some one would shut him up......but that wouldnt be enough to tell him to cut the crap,he would continue later and go on and on.....but the Dark Lord's above and below had a special plan for his bloating and gloating

So as usual the day of he competition came,everyone was excited coz we would get to miss the last 3 periods of the day......yaaaaay.......but only the science students got that privilege,we went into the hall and saw that the teams were already on stage,the 6 houses were all present with 2 representatives for each house.....Rohit was on the stage with the mic getting all prepped up for his day.....and then KC
entered with a few more teachers and Harami Wheatley who as usual started off by saying that we must be quite,not make noise,be respectful....in his fucking pitiful english anglo 'i am so much better and whiter than you guys' tone....fucking randwa.......but as usual we didnt give a fuck to him and as per usual the show /competition started off much later than expected,so Rohit started off his speech....Chintoo[rohit] made the introductions and was using emacculate english,fucking geeko.....so as he is about to start the first round,KC jumps on stage and takes the mic from him and she also makes a crap assed speech,and as rohit is expecting the mic to come back to him,KC starts the competitions....rohit confused just stands on the stage.....while KC does all off the emceeing and all
that.....while Rohit ends up just passing the mic around from one set of contestants to another.......the poor bloke didnt even get a chance to ask one question....while KC was doing all her dramabazee...rohit was just standing in one corner of the stage and passing the mic whenever KC decided to make him a part.......

Rohit did have a closing speech but after the speech he was the joke of the month ,and as you people know me i wouldnt let him off the hook so easily,i mean he had to pay for his gloating...sala waiter ban gaya.....what was the most important thing you did all day???....oh yeah pass the mike....this went on and on and on till one day the "silent assassin" thingy came up thanks to KC again....that is a story for
another day....

We were part of a 2nd Spellomania as well,this time also it hink Rohit was the emcee....but whoever it was he did have more power and control over the show,the only funny bit was when Kaps Baba was asked to spell a word and he got it round and while we were applauding he raised his right hand Nazi style....right infront of our then Princi Fuller....who also looked like a Nazi with his Hitler Moustache.....well i guess thats why Kaps did do it.....just to impress another Nazi.....from one to another i guess....All H-A-I-L............TING!

The Gentelmens Game.....NOT [edited]

Cricket was a game created for all those tea loving snobbish blokes who had too much time to waste and too little time to get dirty,played exclusively in whites with only actually 4 men in the fold of the game,it was to say the least a easy slow game played by em British folk at the start before they decided to "spread" the game around[which meant colonization of a ton of countries including India].

The sport however has taken huge strides in India ,hell we are the best team in the world if not the richest and most powerful,but this is not what i wanted to write about,i want to let you people know how cricket was played in the fine institute called St Thomas' Boys School Kidderpore.

NOTE:I never actually took part in any of the sports but this is an account of what me pals chintoo[rohit] and babla had to deal with on a regular basis and believe me it was hilarious.

Both of me pals played for the same team[house,lytton] and they are real good players both of em were in the Bengal u9's and under 13's before they got sick of the corruption and they quit.
So obviously they were "star" players,in fact one of em was the captain of the team and they were playing for the most senior squad of the school the U20s.....so they werent crap

Although i did not see any of the games ,a lot of people have confirmed all of these "incidents" which i love talking bout all the time....so off we go

During one of the round robin games me pals had to play the team of the Gunda or at least one of the gundas of school Mahindar.....yup he was built just like the BOLERO ....fucking huge guy and well built and the fact that he was more than 22 years old made it hell to deal with him,he was like one of the Godfathers in school....everyone would call him "Bhai" out of fear and respect...

So "Bhai" was fielding near the boundary and ROHIT[it wasnt babla it was chintoo] was facing the first delivery of the game,was some bloke who was bowling cant remember who,so Bhai comes running all the way to Babla and....

Bhai:OO ladka bowling karega .....aur tum chor dega....out ho jayega first ball.......nahi to......
ROHIT:Ha ha bai no problems....theek hai

First Ball....WIDE
Second Ball....WIDE
Third Ball....NO BALL

Mahinder again comes running....
Bhai:Aye......KYA KAR RAHA HAI? OUT HONE BOLA NA??????
ROHIT:Arrey Bhai woh toh kharaab bowling kar raha hai
Bhai[to bowler]:Aye Seedha bowling karega.......woh baal chor dega

Next ball:Wide

Now Bhai was getting frustated.....
Next ball.......WHALLOPPED BY ROHIT......ITS A SIX!!!!!!
ROHIT turns to the crowd for adulation and celebration,then its all silent....ROHIT then realizes his error....MAHINDER IS PISSED ,HE IS RED AND HE IS BAYING FOR BLOOD.......comes up and warns ROHIT like they always did in STB
"Aaab tere ko bahaar dekh lega......school ke bahaar"
ROHIT is shit scared now but still he makes an amazing match winning knock....which knocked out mahinders team.....oh for shame
much worse was to follow as when Mahinders team came out to bat of all people......babla was the star fielder and he picks up an amazing catch and as he turns around the horror is pasted on his face....he drops the ball in fear as he just caught out BHAI!.....MAHINDER BHAI....BHAI threatened babla even more than rohit
later as babla is walking past school he spots mahinder and is about to run when

Mahinder:PAAALABHI NAAAAAAAAAAA PAAALABHIIIII NAAAAAA!
although he did catch babla he didnt do anything cpet congratulate him.....phew bullet dodged!

But of course since babla's team was playing so well there were bound to be repercussions.....so one day before another match a couple of guys call babla and chintoo towards em.....nervously they go towards em........
One guy takes out his hanky and in it is a piece of crumpled paper,actually its a crumpled page or something...babla cant get a good look......
The guy:Tu jaanta yeh kya hai????.....yeh BAIL certificate hai.....bhai ko police thoda din pehle chora ekbalpur thana se.....
NOTE:this bhai is another "bhai from school" not to be confused with mahinder
Bhai bola kharaab khelne toh tu kharaab hi khelega......and he walks away

Another guy comes who is from babla's house lytton and asks him what the other bloke said....to which babla laid out the details......the guy then tells babla.....[and again i kid you not......GRAPHIC LANGUAGE AHEAD.....]

the new guy:Koi tere ko kuch bhi bolega na....hum ko bol....hum uska maa ka "bur" mein ghoos jayenge.....ITNA BARAA BAAT HUM BOL DIYA.....

Dont know if the talk was big but that vagina sure as hell would be huge to fit this guy in

By the way Babla and Chintoo's team did win the tournament....they werent beaten up or anything....they were just plain old lucky.....not to get beaten up that is.

PS:THIS IS AN EDIT AS I HAD MIXED UP WHAT ROHIT AND BABLA HAD DONE TO "BHAI" DURING THE GAME.....

Raha Aaha Aaha

As usual i start off being totally indebted to the one and only STBS,which for some freaking reason is NOT a circus but is rather an established school [for freaks].The students are and always were freaky,take my case for example,but the freakiness didnt end up just with the students ,oh no,it would infect the teachers as well.

So we had a ton of freaky teachers to talk about but the one teach that actually stands out the most was and i presume he still is teaching is Mr Raha,now the bloke was a typical bengali teacher who spoke in that awful bengali accent and thought he knew a lot,he did know a lot coz he had the most degrees in teaching and all,so what does that mean in our school?
He taught,and i aint kidding about this,physics,chemistry,biology,math,bengali and english.
I think he did teach history and geography but i aint sure about that,and he didnt teach these subjects to the junior classes ,oh no sir, he would teach the 9th and 10th standards and all,but as much as you may think he was a genius ,he was a freak and a damn good one at that

One think you people must realize by now or at least i have come up with a "theory" that more a person studies/learns in life and by learn i mean academically,the more stupid and freaky he gets,raha was a prime example of my "theory",back to the topic.

Raha had a real bad accent but then most bengalis do,but his logic was the real killer in class,of course his grasp of the english language also would contribute to his downfall,for eg:"Mr Fulllaaar[Fuller our princi of that time] haas tooo daughtar ,both of them aargh gaarls",well of course they shld be

"Draw aaa carcle of aany shape",well that shldnt be hard at all should it?

But of course he wouldnt freak us out with his "one liners" related to maths or females oh no,he would do stand up comedy with unknowing participants from the class
there was a bloke called Tausif or something like that whose parents had been called by Raha

so here is what would happen everyday for a few days
Raha:Tausif where aargh your paarants??
Tausif:Aee sir father out of station ,mother sick

next day
Raha:Tausif where aargh your paarants??
Tausif:Aee sir father out of station ,mother sick

the next day
Raha:Tausif where aargh your paarants??
Tausif:Aee sir father out of station ,mother sick

and this went on and on and on till.....
Raha:Tausif where aargh your paarants??
Tausif:Aee sir father out of station ,mother sick
RAHA:AAAe FAATAAR MAAATHAR BRAAATHAR SEEESSTER ALL OUT OF STATION ALL SEEECK?

and then even after this rebuke when tausif didnt bring his parents Raha lost it and
Raha:Tausif you write on piece of paper...you aargh orphaaaan....write it now!

Oh and of course he is the one who came up with my favorite one liner of probably all time
so he comes into class all angry and pissed off,it was the moral science class and during that time the infamous Dhananjoy case was up [if you dont know this guy raped and murdered a girl]...so raha is real pissed,comes into class and ...
Raha:EVERYBODY DHANANJOY,YOU DHANANJOY[pointing at a student],YOU DHANANJOY,WHOLE SOCIETY DHANANJOY.........
wow i mean we didnt even have to piss him off for this one off freakiness

oh no....one day during winter we went to school and this winter was damn cold and frosty ,i was literally in layers of clothing and if i am in layers with all me fat still on me it was bloody cold,i see in the distance a hazy figure coming out from the fog and guess who?...of course it was him and get this he was wearing a shawl,a vest,a pair of shorts and a monkey cap.....thats it.....

and of course he also cldnt give up a chance to screw up when he tried to impress a pal of mine with his "grasp" over the english language,so chintoo[rohit] meets raha a year or so after leaving school and he is talking bout where he is goin and where and what he will do in the future and what plans he has[rohit that is]...raha listens to him deeply and comes up with

Raha:Yees yees its good....you should not bee a sheeep without ladder...

Rohit thinks to himself "why the fuck shld i be a ship without a ladder?...."
then he understand raha meant "rudder"
we shld not be a ship without a rudder.............
Touche mate well said.....

Goooooaaaaaaalllllllll

Now it wont take a rocket scientist to guess what this blog will be about,its about me love for football,the game which is played by most people in the world,the International body FIFA has around 150+ members,which is the most by any sports body in the world,the fact that really pisses me off is that apart from cricket no sport in India gets any support at all,in hockey we were gold winners 8 times in the Olympics,but we failed to qualify in the 2008 Olympics,hell we the India football team were invited to play in the 1950 Fifa world cup,but we didnt go to the event coz we didnt have no shoes....and that is a fact not a made up story.....its true

Back to the point,football is the one sport i watch any time i get,any team,any league will do[European mostly]....and the one club that i support more than any other club is of course Liverpool Fc which most of you should have known by now,for those numbnuts who dont know a thing bout us
1:Liverpool is the most successful English Club in terms for Winning the League 18 times but we are now tied with Malchoda Utd who also have 18 now

2:Liverpool is the most successful English club in Europe with 5 Champions league Titles....yes more than Malchoda,More than Chelshit[they havent won any european cups] and Arsenal

so again as you all should know i support my club through thick and thin.....no nonsense of switching clucs like chintoo did...i know you changed your allegiances from Manure to chelshit coz of the money.....so every time there is a liverpool game on the emotions run riot and i end up abusing,celebrating or just pissing people off....here are the top celebrations done in the past few years

1:Liverpool 1-0 Chelsea [2003 Premier league]
Michael 'Judas' Owen scored in the 90th minute
One of those games where i was thinking that the goal would just not come,but it did come in the 90th minute and i was so freaking happy i started jumpin and screaming and shouting at the top of me voice on me old rickety bed which was quite fragile....this i did at around 10:30 pm which was late nite at that time not anymore....so a crack is heard....next thing i know my dad comes running in me room and finds me sandwiched between a mattress and a lotta plywood

2:AC Milan 3-3 Liverpool [2005 champions league final]
We won the game 4-3 on Pens after trailing 3-0 at halftime...the greatest comeback in history probably
All Liverpool fans remember this one...that amazing night in Istanbul,its only us the Liverpool fans who thought maybe we can win this after Milan ripped us apart and were leading and cruising at halftime 3-0...i remember me friends askin me the next day
"By how many did Milan win"
i replied "We won on Penalties.....fuck yeah....fuck fuck fuck"
they didnt watch the entire game coz they thought the match was over
so rite after Dudek saved Shevchenko's penalty cue the dancing and celebrating,[no shouting this time...i was warned]...but since i was sleeping on the floor....coz me bed was broken...i slipped and hit my head on my desk....i started seeing more stars than a boxer who got punched by Iron Mike Tyson

3:West 3-3 Liverpool[2006 FA Cup final]
We win again on Pens
Stevie G scores probably one of the best and greatest FA cup goals in the 94th minute
i remember i was shifting and taking stuff from me old flat to me new one and i had to keep tabs on the score from a pal of mine....and when i heard that we won the Cup i was screaming and shouting and me dad was like
"what the hell is wrong why are you shouting? its just a football game"
i replied
"thats the passion dad...you wont understand you manure supporter"

4:Manchester UTD 1-4 Liverpool [March 2009]
A hammering at OLd trafford
the day when we raped our greatest and most hated rivals crap u at old trafford....i was watching the game with a manure pal of mine 'manko' and when Gaynaldo scored from a pen i was like "oh no here we go again" but then Torres made Vidic look like his bitch and Vander sar was licking his own gaad [ass]......stevie made evra his bitch got a pen and kissed the Badge and the camera....amazing...Fabulous Aurelio scored a majestic free kick and just to spice things up Nemanja Bitch itch was sent off.....and to rub salt into the festering wound...our 3rd choice Left back playing as a winger scored a goal looping the ball over Vander gaaars head....and i was abusing and making fun of manko so much that he left before the final whistle blew...and he vowed never to come to watch a manu game at my place.......

5:Fulham 0-1 Liverpool [March 2009]
Benny scores again at the death
While we hammered away at Fulham ,hitting the post 3 times in the game it was a feeling of deja vu,thinking we would not win the game...but Benny popped up and scored again at the death 94th minute...it was like 1:30 Am over here and me dad popped into me room to charge up his cell phone as soon as Benny scored i jumped up and started screaming and shouting and abusing away...all this while holding my dad

Me dad learnt a lesson and now never NEVER comes into me room while a football game is on!

Gujju Che che

Before i start this rant i want to make one thing clear.....i dont hate gujjus or any other caste creed etc....i just like making fun of them coz they deserve it,people make fun of others behind their backs ,i like to do it when they are the audience....so dont go all UN and all on my ass and call me a rascist.....
i hate everyone equally.....even myself.....and so i begin

I know a ton of gujjus,the problem is they seem to be everywhere in this world,they and biharis of course,time and time again i find them invading my space and all.....i mean in school what was the probability of finding gujjus in Calcutta near kidderpore in probably the most rowdy school of all time....that when they have a proper gujju school/college in calcutta ,Bhaggu as people call it...and of course they had La Marts which is like a gujju haven.....but in me class i had around 3-4 gujjus...who all were nice...but they were freaks...which is actually a requisite to be a student of STB.

I remember Bhaveen Jhutani,a teacher called him Bhavani Jawanee....or was that us....no wait we used to call him Kutta Bhawanee,or even better Jhutanee....the dude is/was a great bass player....but that bit is overshadowed by his "gujjuness"....relating to stupid behaviour and crazy assed gestures and all,which have to be seen to be believed......then of course then was Harsh Niket Seta har baap ka beta.....but this guy was mellow not like the typical gujjus .....he was the nice guy actually in school...didnt ever cross no one or say shit or anything like that at all.....

of course they are not the only gujjus i have met in me life....and they obviously arent even close to the reason why i do make fun gujjus....actually bhaveen is a reason....another pal i met is sanket in college....and he is gujju personafied.....paisa paisa paisa.....thats more or less what he can think about
i remember in me first year o college how much he wanted me sandy and nikhil to join that stupid money laundering scheme ebizz.....fucking carzy assed scheme it was too other than that he is a good guy cept he has low tolerance levels of anything and is very and i mean very violent....but for some reason he keeps on sayin "i am not violent"

speaking of speaking....another thing is the accent....where they seem to close their noses while trying to speak ....its like a himesh song or something like that......of course all the indian states and their residents have their own accents so i cant just rip of the gujjus alone but the real reason i have to rip on em gujjus is that 50% of chix i have ever fallen for were gujju....sneha vakharia and ronica jethwa....God damn em caused me so much trauma and tension and pain....i dont
think i can fall for a chick ever again...cept of course if they are SUPER HOT and by super hot i mean meltdown...as in i will melt into a liquid seeing them,their body temperature is so fucking high that all objects around em will melt and liquify....and then the liquids will evaporate.....the chick has to be so hot
that a mirage can be seen some distance away from the chick coz she is so hot....

and of course my forte is pissing people off so how do you piss off a gujju?
the credit here must go to babla who came up with an innovative Q+A
Q:How do you spell gujju?
A:M-a-d-a-r-c-h-o-d

of course there is a mellow version of this which i use
Q:How do you spell gujju?
A:zhe-you-zhe-zhe-you

Q.A.M

Q.A.M aint some special task force ,they aint like the R.A.F[the rapid action force which gets deployed in certain dangerous regions to control the crowds]...no my friends i am goin to introduce all of you to a freak,idiot,loser....unlike myself of course....all my freakiness is classy not crassy......so QAM is/was and unfortunately will always be..Quazi Abdul Mabud....he was one of me class mates for a year in the lovely little city called STB[St thomas boys for all you ignorant losers]....now QAM was not like the normal STb guys ...which isnt a good thing....he was more like most of the people i seem to meet in calcutta[i will get to that in me later blogs]....

I met the bloke in class 8 when i first came to calcutta.....a decent enough guy he was,,,athletic,dark skinned....but nevertheless a good bloke....at least that was the first impression of him that i got....of course he turned out to be a pain rite up the asshole.....like a 12 inch cock up a virgins ass....thats the kinda pain he has become....

why do i hate him ? i hate almost everyone but some people just have a special place in me heart like this guy[more people are gonna get ripped soon].....

for one this guy thinks he is the greatest thing to ever happen to our school,people tend to forget the greatest thing to happen in our school is actually our proximity to kidderpore....and its people of course......so now i will give you all true incidents as i always do......

1: he always tries to be a teachers pet:i remember once his mother was very ill.....now a normal person is not expected to be cheerful and rosy all the while...i know there will be doom and gloom rite on their face...this bloke went to a teacher for no apparent fucking reason....blurted out his "sad" thing and then the sir told us that we should sympathize with/for him.....i dont know why the fuck will i let everyone know if i am having a shit time in life......but still i can give him the benefit of the doubt for this one case

2:during an examination in STB....a peon came over to check on the different electrical devices in the classroom...coz we had a habit of destroying school property......and one fan was not working coz the blades were bent almost to 90 degrees.......so the peon tried blaming us......but we shot back saying we didnt do it.....when later a teacher asked us outside the class as to what had happened.....QAM jumped on his cheap ass and started letting the teacher know everything in his broke ass english and then tried to show the fucking fan in its right angled position
"madam.....the fan is laik theeeees"[i know the correct spelling of all words in quotes but i gotta explain as to how this loser would speak]

3:sports :since the guy was pretty athletic he was made the house captain or some shit like dat.....so every time he would threaten the then fat kid me....
"i will make you march all day.....you hae to take part"
"you have to be the 'anchor' for the tug of war"
this would happen every year

4:the l'aura':since the guy was later made as the school vice captian.....really he was .....he had this shit hole aura bout him....thinking he was probably one of the best students around in STB....and so he had "authority"....i took care of that

so one day while we the class 12 students were returning home after our exams....some class 5-6 kids saw QAM....and they started you know oogling him...
"look look its the school vice captain"
"he must be relly respected"
"how can we be like you?"
they asked him
the dumbass actually replied back
"hard work and study well....then you can be like me"
fucking douche bag never was ranked even in the top ten in any class....probably failed KG as well....so i took care of levelling the field
i shot back
"yeh yeh hai humlog ka vice captain?
he cant do anything......nothing he can do.....bloody useless fucker......."
and of course followed by my loud obnoxious laugh....[which took a lot of years of training]........the kids also started to laugh...so did a few of me pals......
QAM retorted back....
"Adeem if you dont stop...i will make you cry..."
yeah like by talking away all me porno....dumb loser.......

he even called me once for help coz he was...get this.....watching porno over the internet with a pal in his pal's place....and he couldnt delete the "history" from the internet explorer.....
i replied "i cant help you....i use firefox...."

the king of all comebacks was of course shot out by babla.....while we were in class 12....there was this huge john cena hype...he had this "i quit" match.....so QAM comes over to us and starts blabbering away in his cheap ass english...
"blah blah blah.....when i am done with you ...you will have two words to say.......
I QUIT!"
babla retorts
"no the words will be
AEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE RANDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII"
that shut him up for good......

Mirzanoor

This blog is about probably one of the greatest students ever to have graced our fine school STB,i am of course talking bout Mirzanoor whose second name i cannot remember.....yes this guy was and probably is one of the shining members of our school but he was never known for his academic brilliance like you all must think....well you all must know by now that my school wasnt known for its academic performance.....well the girls school was always wayyyyyy better than the guys school.....as i was saying this guy MIRZANOOR was/is a small kid in STB who would always speak in bengali but when he spoke in english it was hilarious....last i heard about him was that he was driving a cab around calcutta and once was caught red handed shop lifting at Forum.....yes the same one i go to see flix.......

one of his best and meanest jokes was on a bloke called Alistar....by the name you would know he was a white guy as we indians called an "Anglo" i remember just a couple of Anglos in me school Cedric and Alistar......so as per all norms the minority group is always picked on by some other low life....i was picked on quite a bit during my early years but i had never seen a white guy getting picked on
well that was until i came to STB that is.....
so Alistar apparently had this amazingly hot smoking gorgeous sister....and so mirzanoor would often go to him and shout out to his face
"AAAIIII HAAAAD AAAAEEEE FOOOOOCCCCCCKKKKKK
AAAAIII WEEEELLL FOOCCCCCKKKK SUZZZZAAAAAANNNE"
suzane was of course alistar's sister.....but the funny thing was alistar never retorted back.....i guess he was really scared coz he was a minority in the school or at least in the science batch on class 9-10

Of course Mirzanoor didnt pick on just the white guys in school.....oh no...he wouldnt leave anyone let alone one of the most lame ass teachers ever Dr Alok Sarkar ....who was a biology teacher,now he was a typically bong...the glasses...the cheap shirt....the bad accent.....the punctuality...the etiquette....and of course being ball less .......
so one day he was showing us an experiment as to how some plants produce oxygen underwater....you know the one in which a plant is kept underwater and it produces oxygen bubbles which rise up from the bottom of the water and rise to the top.....so the experiment was on and the teacher/sir/loser Alok was waiting fo the bubbles to rise....and when they started he asked us in his cheap bong accent....
"Boyz wheeech gaaaass eeessss theeees?"

mirzanoor was sitting rite up in front next to Alok and said
"Sir thees is Fooocking gas.......
Focking gas......."
now normally a teacher would slap the student ....but since this was Alok all he did was tattle and tell all to the Bio head Pachu....yes his name is pachu gopal dutta....i dont make this shit up ....i just tell it......and of course pachu took no action as well.......losers

but its not that our dear friend mirza never got what he deserved....he was taught a lesson once....by one the students in fact a guy called imrano.....yes the same guy who uploaded a ton o pics on orkut as to how "cool" he looked[he actually looked more gay than bobby darling]....but nevertheless...here goes the incident

as usual mirza was trying to pester someone and he found his target....it was to be imrano.....so he constantly is bugging him all the time....pestering him...calling him names....and the sort....you know the STB treatment as i would call it.....and off he goes.....
imrano on the other hand tries to keep cool and warns the guy a couple of times and tells him either to shut up or face the consequences.....but my dear mirza when will thou learn that you cant win em all....so he keeps on ripping on poor old imran.........imran finally snaps and heads to mirza to beat him up....
mirza to his credit doesnt run away but like some heavyweight boxer acts cocky and responds in his ever so irritating but funny voice
"Ebaare hobee fiiighhhhtiiiiiiinnnnng"
now the cockiness is good for ay boxer and i thought that mirza would whallop imran....and 5 mins later it was all done....

imran was back in his chair....mirza was in his.....but imran beat the living day lights out of mirza....got him in a headlock and gave him a ton of punches....
mirza ended up seeing a ton of stars and was holding his head in pain.....for once he did NOT have a comback.....

OWWW FOCKING STARS!

The Chronicles of Hairnia

While i was in Dubai i had this one place to get me a haircut,nice place,completely AC.....hell man the barber would give me a candy bar after me haircut ,nice comfy chair,good clean barbers.....you know a proper place for a haircut.....all for like 10 Dirhams or if you convert it now its like 70 bucks......but i didnt go to the palce coz it was nice and decent...i would go coz of its close proximity to my house........

so when i shifted to calcutta....i knew i was gonna be in for a rough ride........first of all none of the barbershops near me house had any such thing like an AC....so the first couple of times me dad took me to the barbers.....then one week i decided fuck that i will go on my own....i dont need no dad.......
now we must get one thing clear.....earlier i wouldnt wear me glasses while i went to the barbers.....for some reason i dont know....i just woudnt wear em......so off i went for a haircut........this happened in around 2003

now in me old locality there were a ton of afghanistanis and all....not in Dubai but in Calcutta....yes the infamous Jamal Para.......you will know bout it as soon as you go there....so as i was saying there were two places for getting a haircut there......now since i never wore me glasses to the place...i coudlnt differentiete one from the other.....so i went into one.....as usual they guys were just sitting bout eating their breakfast........
"baetho bhai baetho.........naashta karle ......"
so i sat.....after a few minutes the guy gets up and says.....
"achcha aapke baaal ka rang kya kare?
red....ya gold?"

i got the fuck out of there......so i went into the next place....this place would be my spot for haircutting for the next 3 years or so...before i shifted out of the hell hole.....
now this second place....was another crap heap.....broken chairs....cheap haircuts[the reason i went there in the first place].....and often they would not have any electricity....so no fans or nothing.......i would sweat like a turkey on thanksgiving.......and the thing that really pissed me off was their sense of hygeine ......they had a really bad sense....i mean all the barbers their had a cold no matter what time of the year you went....summer....yes...winter...yes.....monsoon....yes......which woudnt be a problem.....but then idiots would always cough on the hair cutting "utensils"....coughing on the metal objects is bad enough ....they wouldnt even wash em off....hell they would directly use the same on me hair....plus if i was real lucky....they would sneeze on me as well....but no apologies or anything.....they all have a work to do after all....fucking assholes
hell man and the abuses they would hurl at one another.....it was almost like a bunch of poets at a recital....now i wouldnt feel uncomfortable at all....coz i have practiced the art of abusing in 3 languages.....hindi,bengali and english.....but you know no one shld be abusing all the time[cept me and me pals of course....plus we do have some limits...] but these people would just go on and on and on and on....like they were gonna get a noble prize for literature.....the last thing i remember bout them assholes is that they once said
"aapka baal kutta ka doom ke tarah hai.....har waqt khara ho jaata hai"
son of a bitch just do your job....leave the wisecracks to me....asshole

so a few years later i shifted to a better locale.....a better housing complex....better class of people.....better locality does not ensure a better hair cut........i go to the "new" place....which is just slightly better than the old one....or so i thought.....as usual they dont have electricity whenever i go......or the sneeze on me while doing their job....the abusing is still there...plus they are biharis cutting my hair......they often botch up my hair......but now at least i wear me glasses to the place....coz am real scared of getting run over by some car.....

now i have this other problem....for some reason i just wont get my haircut done when people want me to.....like me dad oftens screams and shouts out loud for me to get me hair cut done....
"get it done by saturday.....or else you wont have a house to come back to"
i just dont feel like gettin it done on that said day....and i dont do this coz its me dad...even when me mom or granny or any other person i know tells me to get a haircut ...i just wont ......
but when i do set my mind for the task i will get it done no matter what happens.....
recently i decided to get my haircut on a thursday.....and i went to the place....they had no electricity.....so the guy asked me to come later....i said
"no way......aaaj hi baaaal kato nahin toh main 2 mahine baad aaoonga"
so thanks to my stubborness i was the only person gettin a haircut on that day....people would come and walk away seeing that they would die of the heat.....and they were wondering as to why a freak was cutting his hair now.....plus my barber was so pissed....he kept on sayin....
"aaap kal nahin aa sakte hai?....kal aa jate toh achcha hota"
i would be like
"just do your job.....aapna kaam karo na"
and so he continued on ..............sloggin away in the heat.....poor bloke....i did tip him though.....so that should cheer him up......

hell i didnt wanna go to the barbers so bad....that i was asking all me relatives if they would cut my hair......i also said...they would not be liable for any thing they do to me hair....but no one took me offer.....
so to all you people...the offer is still open....gimme any God Damn haircut possible......at me own home of course....you are free to do what you want....coz i really dont wanna go to the barbers any more.....
really i dont........

Breast Feeding

Now we all know how important it is for a child to grow big and strong,drinking milk is a very important part of it,not to mention breast feeding by the mother.....so again we start off this episode in me school
the time when Father Raj ruled....you know when our principal got sacked[who had gotten cozy in a bed with another teacher],the time when our evs teacher accused a accounts sir of sexual harassment ....hell the time when we found a condom beneath the bio lab and around a 100 students surrounded it....the crowd had to be dispersed by the Vice princi,who was a douche bag.......ahh yes the GOLDEN DAYS

so as per normal all the class 12 students with the class 11 students were lined up for the assembly,we had Father Raj as usual blabber out some cock and bull story teaching us some stupid moral which we may never ever understand anyways,
my class was as usual perfect in line coz our douche sir Tiku wanted to impress the authorita[looking at you cartman] and as usual the commerce section guys were just lying about here and there.....having no praticular class......jabbering away as much as they liked without any consequences which we science students hated....i mean how come they never fell into trouble for thei nonsense and we did?

well this day changed that just a bit and out of it came a fuckingly funny incident

so on this day not only did FATHER RAJ make an appearence but also BARRY O BRIAN.....yes the same guy who is the brother of DEREK O BRIAN,noted Quiz master and Trinamul congress pollitician......Barry had come coz he was part of the school board or something....so on a hot summers day mr brian[who was and is really obese...i mean he has moobies,[man boobs] a huge potbelly .....now you get the picture].......so the poor bloke is sweating away....in the heat melting literally and he is pink in color....coz of the heat and his fair skin tone........

so back to the best bit....hameed[yes he seems to be part of all that was funny yet wrong in STB] is chatting away with another pal of his....now hameed was standing behind a huge guy so he cldnt be easily spotted but the other bloke was seen quite easily ....laughin away at all the crap hameed was sayin....i know coz i was standing right next to hameed....this next bit was amazing......

so barry sees the other bloke talking and laughing and shouts out
"HEY YOU....YES YOU AT THE END OF THE LINE.......COME UP HERE"......

Barry slapped the living daylights out of the guy but that was a victory for the "disciplined" people like me....the real deal was when the bloke was goin up to the stage hameed makes a smart ass comment to the guy who was scared as it is

"JA BE JA BARRY BULA RAHA HAI.......BARRY O BRIAN DUDU PILAYEGA"

hahahahahahahaha
oh to go back to the glory days.......

DISCIPLINE!

As usual i will start by letting you all know how crappy my school was in a disciplinarian way at least....little or no respect given to the teachers or parents or even to the seniors......hell man it was a war zone out there.....survival of the fittest as they say.....
i tried staying clear of any impeding danger,conflict,fight etc....coz my mouth runs ar a 1000 words a minute but my reflexes are real slow....and i mean real slow......

i mean discipline ,respect werent words that we had in the dictionary of STB....not that half of the students could ever spell it.....so here are some instances of how "good" we were in school...of course i wasnt involved in any of these....but as we know....news spreads like fire....or some shit saying like that

CASE 1:THE SLAP
this happened during me class 10 pre final exams....and a teach called MR MOBILE [yes we called him that...coz he was more interested in his mobile rather than teaching any student....he would just chat away all day long on his cell rather than teach the damn subject he was supposed to teach so he was a prime target as it is coz he was as i call a "lappoo".......]
the dude was invigilating a class from the commerce section.....if you know our commerce section[any one of em] you know its real bad rite now.....
so he catches some guy cheating and swipes his paper away....now normally a student would beg for the paper to be returned or wait for a course of action from the teacher....but oh do we forget this is STB? can we forget this is a commerce student rite here?
NOPE
he gets up and demands the paper back from the teacher ,mobile says no way jose......student says gimme the paper or else.......

and then SLAP!
what a slap it was too......
the student whalloped the teacher......
MOBILE CONNECTION CUT GAYA........
score
students 1.....teachers 0

CASE 2:THE FILM
we had this computer sir who acted like he was something special in school,which he was coz he was physically handicapped...not gonna make no jokes on the disability.....but he had an attitude and was damn arrogant....he wasnt like that to his tution students...[i know coz i was one of em...would regularly get the question papers and score a ton in the exams......the only time that ever happened in cal].....
so he once had to be a substitute teacher for the roughest toughest meanest class in school 12 E.....that is a death wish for anyone in itself....but i shudder to feel what the comp sir might have felt.....so up he steps like a real man to take a whooping....and you know a person would normally just let the students be and hope the 45 minute class gets over ASAP...but oh no here comes the moneyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy....the dude enters like he is THE TERMINATOR...
"dont talk....sit down....i will call the principal...."
and he is proud thinkin that it worked....so as soon as he put his rump down on the teachers chair...up steps HAMEED...yes we all remember him from a certain previous post [check out MAA DA LADLA BIGAR GAYA]....and he locks the class door from the inside.......the sir is like
"hey open the door what are you doing"....well he and his pals sure as hell showed the teach what they were doing....
surrounded the poor bloke
wouldnt let him get up from his chair
some guy took out his cell
and made the teacher watch a porno!
hahahahahahahah man i dont care how much of a nice guy you are and how ever decent you can be....no GUY and i mean NO GUY ever gives up the chance to watch a porno...especially if its free.....

after the class we heard bout this bit from the commerce freaks....so i decided to ask sir bout this in the tution....
"sir i heard they made you sit in the chair and locked the door...."
he replies......"yes but they didnt do anything bad.....i infact locked it myself!...."
BLOODY LIAR!
"and sir i heard they made you watch a blue film"
yes for some reason we dont know pornos in india we all call em blue flix....
sir never answered back
"hey go finish you problems and then you can leave...finish it fast"
score
Teachers 0
Students XXXXX

CASE 3:THE LAST ASSEMBLY
this case occured during my last assembly in school before the ISC exams....lemme make the situation clear....we had just sacked the principal...school was a mess...teachers were pissed...students were always pissed...so we had an interm principal....FATHER RAJ....yeah some freak "father" from La Marts i think....and he would make sure there was an assembly everyday with all the students from class' 11 and 12....big fucking mistake right there
you dont hold assemblies with the commerce sections unless you want it to be your funeral....
plus the fact that Raj would make such crappy stories to teach us morals right throughout the assembly made it even more tedious....
so off we go......as soon as raj steps on the podium and starts jabbering away..
hameed yes him again....and a few of his pals....literally and believe me i dont make this shit up
it just happens in front of me.......
they sit down and form a sort of crude circle...and start clapping away singing songs....and act as if they are playin cards....right in front of all the teachers....
but as usual the teachers dont do jack....coz they dont have the cojones...

The shittest yet truest bit is that our batch the 2007 one was the best batch ever.....and from what i have heard from some of the juniors our school has turned into a dump.....not just coz some students are bad.....now all the students are worse...including the science ones....real sad......

Maa da laadla bigar gaya

I would probably be the first person who hates references to hindi movie names and songs for real life...........like my bhabhi did at a wedding.....she considered me to be gay and also told me "not to go for many girls at one time like SANDWICH"......you know the freaky govinda flick which i only would tune into for the gloriously sexy raveena..........
so i would hate to bring in some hindi reference to any of my posts....but i have to make an exception for a rather exceptional post....thats right this one post could and probably is one of the best stories[true] ever to come out of STB
so lets make the scene right.....

Mr Yassin me class 8 maths sir had a huge tution group full o muslim kids.....most were ruffians and goondas at that....but the man had a heart of silver[not gold ] and would take his entire batch out for a picnic every year.....
the man had one flaw actually 2....

1:one of his hands would always be bent down ala gay style....like some gay fashion designer....well all of em are gay anyway

2 :he would talk to people like he had paan stuffed in his mouth although he never had one ever.........

so back to the story......his class had this one kid called shergill hameed...the name itself has a history in STB.....i cant reveal all coz would be on his hitlist then.....
so for all the people who dont know this guy lemme give you a brief idea of what he was...abusive....had "contacts".....had a ton o guts.......fought a lot....had ruffians for pals......get the picture?

so Yassin rented a couple of cars actually vans for the trip......he would accompany a few students in one and the other students would be with a driver in the other....and off they went....needless to say mr hameed was in the car without the teach.....

so he and his pals ask the driver to slow down and start faggin away...smoking away like there is no tommorrow ........its like a rock groups tour bus with the amount of smoke coming out......
after a few minutes they see in the distance......Yassin has stopped by the side of the road and is flaggin the other car to stop.....in a jiffy the guys butted out their cigs but the smoke was evidence for yassin to figure out that something was fishy......so in his traditional yassin self he asks

"GAAAAARIIIIIII SEEEEEEE DUUUUUAAAAAAAA KYUUU NIKAAAAL RAHA HAIIII??????"
hameed replied
"aaaoooo sirrr engine garam ho gaya engine garam ho gaya"......
yassin cant answer back...and they head off for the picnic......
when they come back after the picnic....yassin tries to grill everyone bout the "smoke" session
one by one students are asked if they had smoked in the car or not....and almost everyone said yes because Yassin used a brilliant tactic which no one can escape from....here is goes
"AAAACHAAAA ________ tum boooolooooo tummm cigarette piyaaa thaaaaa???"
as usual we are the best fibbers in calcutta
"nahi sir nahi piyaaaaa"
so then yassin uses some major leverage skills.....
"tum maa ka kasam kha kar bolo tum cigarette piya"
to which everyone said
"ha sir sorry sir..... cig piya tha...."
coz of course you cant dodge that bullet...although nothing may happen even if you do fib....but we indians consider it to be sacred and we gotta be righteous whenever out family comes into question

up steps HAMEED for the grilling.....
"achaaaa sergeeeeeeeellll tum bolo tum cigarette piya????"
"nahi sir hum nahi piya.........."
here it comes the BIG one

"tum maa ka kasam kha kar bolo tum cigarette nahi piya"
now before i tell you the response lets move into fast forward....after the grilling he comes out from the room and all his pals surround him and ask him what happened.....
and he replies back that yassin asked him if he did smoke and he replied no....then he asked him to tell him the truth.....using the classic maa ka kasam dialogue...........
to which he replied
" HAAN SIR MAA KASAM KHAKAR BOL RAHA HOO MAINE CIGARETTE NAHI PIYA....."
now we all got shocked by the response....i mean how can you say something like that coz we regard that we gotta tell the truth when someone asks for the maa kasam thingy
so we asked him....tum jhoot kyu bola?
he replies...

"sir bola tha maa ka kasam kha kar bolo.....hum bhi maa ka kasam kha liya....uska maa .....tera maa....kiska maa kya pata.....????"

whoa bullet dodged......king of retorts....check.....

ELEPHANT PAPER PUPPET

A year or so ago the copa america final was held between the 2 greatest south american teams....THE ARGIES AND THE SAMBA BOYS[argentina and brazil]....due 2 the fact that the match was 2 happen at around 2:30 in the morning and last upto around 5 a couple of me pals decided 2 watch the game at me place like they always do on important matches.....[including the 2006 world cup]...so anyways......we[me babla and chintoo lee aka rohit].....had a blast coz we had come back from a dance recital of nagu's mom's.......and we spent the entire evening abusin the shit out of each other and spendin time remembering the god times when life wasnt all studies and it was mroe about how much u cld play.......
so the nite went on babla bought dinner...[coz that ass makes $$$$$] anyways dinner down the throat we watched some shit salma hayek movie.....and the nite then didnt seem 2 pass..chintoo got tired and fell asleep...so it was upto me and babla 2 keep our spirits up and not fall asleep.....surfin through channels at 2 in the nite searchin for something fun to watch is NOT a good thing......
surfin
surfin
surfin
hoping 2 find something worth watchin...when i came across a channel TAAZA TV...which is shown only in Calcutta run for and by the marru's of cal......they were showin KIDS TIME a two bit kids show .....i dont know who watches taht in india also......believe me.....
they were showin a segment where u create something for the child.....so this guy comes wearing a shirt which is half red half purple and with black polka dots on it.......he starts blabbering that he wants 2 make a
"ELEEEEEEEEEEEEEPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANT PAAAAAAAAAAAAPERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR PUPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT"
i aint exaggerating this is really how he did say it.......me and babla laughed out so loud that chintoo almost woke up.....so 2 make sure he wldnt miss the fun we beat him up so that he wld wake up......
the show continued and the guy made a bag out of some paper and these were his exact words 2 the kid who was helping him

"DEKHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HUMNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE THONGAAAAAA BANAYA........."[look we made a bag]
"ISKO KYA CHEEZ KE LIYE USE KARENGE????"[what can we use this for?]
"ISME AAP CHOCOLATEEEEEEEEEEEE GEMSSSSSSSSSSSSS DALLLLLLLLLLLLLLL AUR CHAWALLLLLLLLLLLLLL REAKH SAKTE HAIN"
[u can keep chocolates gems lentils rice in it]
lame shit as it was but it was damn funny....we didnt care bout the match after that we just spent the nite laughin at the guy tryin 2 be a comedian and a bad one at that........

unfortunately i cant get 2 see my favourite channel no more coz TATA SKY doesnt provide TAAZA tv......but if i ever find the link 2 that video[fat chance of tha hapenin]...i will put it up over here for sure...........

Pope kiska baap hai?????????

My school was noted for its ruffian ways and really crappy behaviour .......from the mild abuses that we all hurl at each other on a daily basis.....to the good old fights which occured on a regular basis outside the school ......each and everyday was excitement personafied in school......hell it was the best past time we had apart from Tv and me ps'[which sadly are no more]........

anyways this one story is just the typical run of the mill things that would happen in STB [St thomas' boys].....this incident did happen before i joined the school but thanks to manko and his brilliant impersonation of a teach and one of his pals....this is tattooed in me memory and of all me pals as well

so here it goes
in our main building all the 6,7,8 and 9 classes were present.....the 6 and 7 classes would occupy the first floor,the 2nd floory was by the 8 and 9 classes and then there was the roof.....the vice principals office ,the library and the auditorium were on the ground floor.......
so me pals were in class 7 E i think.......and it was some period in which no teacher came......
which in STB terms means a full on brawl....chalk being thrown about,papers flying,abuses hurled ,just a full on blast of STB really.......

so this guy Debayan [Roddo] who is a drug addict by the way......yup me school did have a ton o druggos ......so he was standing near the classroom entrance....which also happened to be near the staircase leading to the ground floor.......so he starts peeping down and sees a certain english teacher by the name of POPE.....Mr Pope.....freaking whitey who would smoke all day long......Pope and cigs were like pimps and hoes....one cant be without the other......
so the druggo Roddo spots pope and starts shouting in his idiotic tone
"AAAAEEEEEE POPE.......POPE......POPE......POPE....."
now his tone is like a mixture of a drunk and a person high....which figures coz he is a drug addict......so after shouting out this he steps into the classroom.....

in A FLASH MR POPE runs up the stairs and catches hold of Roddo.....i mean the guy moved real fast.....fasted than any car ever.....probably faster than Usain Bolt as well......

unbelievably he caught hold of the freak and started hammering him left right and center ......that was funny enough but during the thrashing Pope kept on repeating this one line to Roddo

"POPE TERA BAAP HAI????
POPE TERA BAAP HAI?????"

fuck that shit....dont think any teacher would have wanted Roddo as their kid....so i guess Roddo was happy enough that he was getting a teach to be like a step dad or something......
to this "question" Roddo gave the most fitting reply for any occasion in STB
"aaee SORRY SIIIIIRRRRR".....

Pope tera baap hain remains a classic to this day....laughin off to this everyday this just cant be forgotten.....although it would have been a much more hilarious bit if someone had acted out the parts of Roddo and Pope but i guess this will have to do for now.....

POPE TERA BAAP HAI?