The love story finally revealed : 2 scots and an English man

There are some love stories that should not be told. They cause great pain and strife to all involved. The time has come to reveal the true love story between 3 gentlemen, and I really mean "gentle". 
This story has drama, pain, sorrow, laughter, happiness, alcoholism and all that is expected from a love story. Enjoy.

Howard webb was signed to be the main player for United

Webb, celebrating one of the goals with his United teammates

Things were going brilliantly for the pair and United.

The love of another scot was tempting but.....

But nothing can replace true love

Webb doing his best Arsene Wenger impression "I did not see it"

New found money, new found love.

Babla Man

Babla man is the ideal superhero everyone needs,he is based on a pal of mine Babla,oh well he aint no superhero or anything,but the most kickass times are with this freak of nature called Babla.

Interesting Fact:His name Babla [Soumyadeep Bhattachraya] is actually his father's name as well,the students at STB would call each other by their father's name,if they ever found it out that is.Fortunately for us we did find out his dad's name and thus a legacy was created,a legend was born and all the other cliches we use,its still not enough to describe the bloke.

The first time i met him was in class 10 when Manko man[his sidekick of sorts] brought him over to my place for a little gaming session,those were the days ,one on one matches on WWE Smackdown :Here comes the pain,ass whopping everyone ,but back to the topic,the guy seemed normal like i was normal in class 10,bit by bit little by little the different layers and phases of the Babla would be seen.

Phase 1:His first phase was the comedian/abuser phase,which still continues,it is legendary stuff in our school,i have to admit this guy is the funniest person i know,i say,half the story is how it is presented and all his stories kick ass even the crappy ones,king of comebacks,the prince of abusing,[am just carrying on this blokes legacy],he wrote so many good plays during this phase,which seem to
be lost now in his dark desolate house,or maybe in his cleavage ,i dont know,some of the titles i remember were "Somraj and the Security":an amazing love story,:Sumit and Trina:a porno story,and it goes on and on and on.
Everyday before class started and during recess all the boys from class 10A and 10B would come to one of the classes and hear the best
recital of the play,he spent so many hours writing the screenplay and dialogues ,it was magical, those days they are irreplaceable.

Phase 2:This phase wasnt much of a long one but it was still a phase,where he had 4[fore] fathers,namely his Physics teacher who abandoned him a few years later ,Adil[guitar god] the lead guitarist in the band for which he plays,Dave Mustaine it was i think the 3rd one and the 4th one was his biological father.We would pull his leg everyday about his fathers and which one was his real one and all.Classic shit.

Phase 3:The longest phase which has been going strong for a good 4-5 years now,the music phase,where he picked up the guitar and played every single fucking day without worrying about damaging his digits or even worrying about his studies,although as every bengali knows,when exams come we all go into bengali mode[no friends,no tv,no nothing,just books],he played every day to impress his father[Adil] and he was finally accepted into the music group and all.He would have gone nuts had that not happened.This phase also includes mini phases of liking and disliking bands,one day he would abuse a particular band and a few months later they had become the best in the world ,but thats babla for you,confused soul to the max.
This phase also included another mini phase,the dark lyrics phase,when Babla wrote a ton of lyrics to be used in songs all about death and the Devil ,you get the Idea,this was from where "Black Saddath" was formed,coz i didnt know Black Sabbath and when they were talking about it i thought it was "Black Saddath".

Of course phases were just a bit of madness of the bloke,there have been a ton of other retard incidents,especially during football games,one was when he was kicked square in the nuts by Ritu Daman Singh,the bloke had kicked the football with all his might square at Babla's nuts from like a distance of 2 metres at the most ,Babla was rolling about in pain,holding his nose[apparently that helps to
reduce the pain or something],he was shouting...
"I cant breathe ,i cant breathe",ever the smart alec i am i reply "Abey dont hold your nose,then you can breathe" ,man he was pissed at me ,but not as pissed as the whole Antara Haldar thingy,where i created a fake profile on orkut and this bastard fell hook, line and sinker thinking i was some metal chick ,the look on his face after it the truth was revealed to him after 3 months of toying around was hilarious.

Then there were dives when we played footie,he would dive like a ballerina who is the daughter of Arjen Robben and Cristiano ronaldo,performing triple klutzes and all before his huge frame would fall down slowly to make sure he wasnt hurt,and then he would do the chris benoit pain reaction whenever Benoit would miss the flying headbutt.

The "Gham" and "Ghem" was also every present,the "gham" was the ton of sweat he would pour out everyday,the "ghem" was his big fat ego coming out,his ego would be such a huge failing that we even named a shot after it,"The Ghem" Shot ,which basically was a crazy shot with all force but no direction,infact he was often told "No ghem Shots allowed" ,whenever we played in a small area.The Bastard still would do ghem shots and we would have to bring the ball back.

Another such incident was the "fubu" incident where he ripped Kumarjit not one but 3-4 new assholes when we went to play[music] at the blokes para,the fucking dog kumarjit was acting smart and treated us like shit at the place,well Babla didnt let him off the hook and was abusing the shit out of him in his own backyard on a mic,at 3 in the afternoon ,even when the mike was cut off babla followed him
around and abused him and his locality for another half an hour.

Then there was this huge 500 word scrap sent to Sumitano Dickhead about his sister and other relatives just to abuse the shit out of him,to be honest it was very well constructed and his bio background was the catalyst for the amazing scrap,sumit did find out who it was but man that was classic.

Although school has ended and college has started Babla is the one bloke who has kept the friendship intact,he makes sure,infact we make sure that amongst the 3 of us left in cal from the "group" [Babla,Nagu,chintoo and i] we make sure [babla ,nagu and i] that we meet at least once in 2 weeks,to share the tales of the fucktards in our colleges,oh what we STB students wouldnt do for another STB
college that taught all the courses we want :X

Infact we have made sure our "dosti" will stay strong,as we have decided what to call each other's children ,i think Nagu has the "Suorer Bachcha" thing reserved for his kids and Babla has the "khankeer chele" reserved as well.


Humlog Jeet ke Aayenge!

PS:He is the reason why the whole "Betray" system was made and rules were created to define who is a "Betray" or not,I know its grammatically wrong but its way more funny this way.

Republic Day well fucking spent

Now we all should know that i am not the kind of person who likes going out regularly,i mean a movie once in a couple of weeks is the max i can do with,or the probability of meeting all me best pals on alternate days but they mostly come over to my place ,an outing is a rarity for me coz there isnt much out there for either a freak like me in calcutta or for a lame ass like me.

So on this "Republic Day" as usual after the flag hoisting ceremony and all me building pals and I were just loitering about ,i rarely go down as well ,but there are occasions when i do join me pals,rare they are though.As i was saying,Zaman Bhai[one muscular freak who is ready to beat up as many people as possible],Sid[one of the 2 best pals i got in me complex who can deal with my intellect],Madhav[the other intellectual best pal of mine],Chintoo[dont know his real name but the guy is freaking tall] and Aaush[the real fucking freak of the complex] were all just loitering about in the parking lot.

But before we ended up there we had to take care of the flag hoisting and all that,so out of a complex of 200+ flats only freakin 30 people came that too at 10:45 ,15 minutes later than the stipulated time,so it was me zaman bhai and madhav as the only ass representatives from our age groups,and as we were about to sing the national anthem this guy Mohta bhai,who is a skinny cock eyed bloke takes out his cell phone and starts blabberring,zaman bhai would not let this go,"Arrey Mohta bhai,mobile mein kyu baat kar rahe ho,Jana Gana Mana goa,Sala Pakistani" [No offence meant to any Pakistanis out there],poor Mohta does nothing but limbers off,the ceremoney lasted no more than 5 minutes and after that we went to our parking lot.

We find this blokes dalmation is doing a round,and is now tied up to a pillar,so zaman bhai,madhav and i walk up to it,i keep my fucking distance from the pup coz i hate animals,cept when i eat em,but the other 2 blokes go right up to it.Everytime they want the dog to stand up or do anything for the matter of fact,the pup starts pissing all around,Zaman bhai gets fucking furious and starts blaring out in the parking lot
"I will piss on you,i will fuck you",but thats the normal reaction you would expect from any of my pals when they are getting pissed on from a kutta.

At around 11:15 or so comes down Sid ,freaks were busy shagging off at home,not that i denounce that act,but nationalistic pride should come before porn i guess,Aaush still hasnt picked up the phone even after texting him and calling him numerous times,so now its the 4 of us and then starts the real retardness,barring me the other 3 people go to a gym,i am too fucking lazy to do all that,and so are talking bout their biceps etc etc etc and they [sid and madhav ]start showing off their bazookas and all,Zaman bhai comes into the frame and as Sid is about to poke him and all he blares out
"agar te mujhe chuua ,zor se gaali dega"
Sid aint gonna get fazed by that after all we all are former STB students,and he does try to hit zaman bhai,who like a paranoid lady screams out in a bus when she feels someone brush her,did the same
"aaaaaeeeee laaaaauuuurrrraaaaa kaaaaaaa baaaalllll"
safe to say no one tried to do anything to zaman bhai for a few minutes at least.

Then came Aaush and Chintoo,chintoo didnt really say much apart from Zaman bhai pulling his leg all the time,regarding girls and all,Aaush came as a freak ,they all decided to go for a smoke outside the building ,i dont smoke,really i dont,so i stayed a few feet away while they all puffed and all,then they decided to go to a mandir,i had never ridden with these people so it was a first for me,out came a massive SUV ,which had DEFENCE written on it,i dont know why,so it was Aaush driving,Madhav [shotgun,yes who ever called out shotgun first would sit next to the driver],me and chintoo at the back seat,zaman bhai and sid right at the back,we also picked up rahul bhai,while aaush was driving around the complex he almost backed into a santro while we abused the shit out of him.

Off we went,though we had a stopover at another fag store for a few cigs ,zaman bhai stepped out and we drove off,leaving him behind,but he knew he had our weakness,the cigs,so we did one round and came back to pick him up,now the entire time when zaman bhai and sid were seated at the back they were constantly trying to molest one another and fighting at the back while Aaush was telling zaman bhai to try to fix the back light of the SUV and everytime he did that Aaush stepped on the brake giving bhai a good old shocka. As usual zama bhai retorted with
"AAAAAAuuuuuu laaaauuuurrrraaaaa mat kar"

So most of us are faggin about,sid threw a match box at Aaush while the guy was driving and out came a war of abusive words between him,mother father,vagina's nothing was left out,so finally we reached the mandir,me zaman bhai and chintoo didnt go into the mandir,zaman bhai was driving around and double parked,so bang on schedule came a police officer and old bloke who was yammering about telling us to move the car,while zaman bhai argued that it was a "Defence" car and that we would leave in minutes,and as said in a few minutes the other guys came out ,Aaush was now riding shotgun,Zaman bhai was driving ,oh dear lord save me he was driving.

Zaman bhai is a proper STB student who drives like a maniac to say the least,i dont think he even knows that cars have brakes,or that they should be driven at least in calcutta with a little control,he is like an indian michael schummacher,zipping across raods,traffic,pedestrians they are like chicanes to him,they are there,but they should fucking move when he is driving,a normal 15 minute journey takes less than 3 minutes for him.My first time,say a prayer and put on your seat belts,i aint saying that for dramatic effect,i was told to do that by Sid.This was the first time my mouth was shut ,i barely said anything throughout the ride,apart from one blowjob joke i made on madhav.

Zip zam zoom thats all i can say about ZB[zaman bhai],he even once took the wrong route and almost rammed into an auto when the auto driver said "kya chala rahe ho",he replied "tum toh bahut achcha chala rahe ho",then the auto sped off,when we crossed the signal we spotted the same auto,we stopped right next ti him and abused him and joked at him,then we realised it was some other auto driver who stared at us like he was possesed of something,he was shocked to say the least,now when Aaush rides shotgun,he always decides to climb out of the window and start acting cool and all,while ZB swerves the car about to keep the bloke inside.

While on a stetch we hit 100+ kmph in a city street ,we decided to have some fun,we stopped at asked a guy
"dada sonargachi[a red light district] kothai?" [where is sonargachi]
the guy looks into the car filled with like 8 perverts ,and replied back
"chudte jacho?" [going to fuck?]
ZB replies "Haan tumi o cholo" [yes you also come along]
and we speed off again,another thing aaush seems to love to do is point at other vehicles while at high speeds to let em know if they have a flat tire or something,when they obviously dont have a flat tire,he did this to 2 cabs and a freaking bus and all the vehicles slowed down to check out if they had a problem,oh by the way the 20 minute distance was covered in 10 minutes by ZB,it could have been faster had he not gotten confused about some directions and of course we had not played around with that "sonargachi" thing.

The scourges of calcutta.Nuff said.

Retardos

Now of course you people know about the ton of retards in me school,some of em were really freaky,the studious group often constituted of the gays,and there is this incident when a couple of studiays[thats studious gays] were chatting to one another another,and they had some argument so one gay slapped the fuck out of the other,i think it was sourjo or anirudho who got slapped,now what would a Mard/man do if he got hit,that to way fucking hard,well heaven and hell would open up,the skies would have hailstones falling and wrath would be unleashed on earth,but hell no the chakka decides to poke[like that facebook poke] the other guy and then retorts
"I believe i hit you"
Gay cunt

Then there was August Muni who was actually retarded,once i remember,in fact me pal told me that often Muni would sit in the last bench of the class and play around with his ding dong bell[penis,dick,laura for all of you who dont know what i am talking about] and he would do this regularly
But i must say this,he was the best penalty kick taker in the world,no one could ever guess which way he was gonna go coz he was cock eyed,i kid you not,i dont think anyone ever saved any of his penalties

Of course there was Imrano ronaldo gaynaldo,who thought he was cristiano ronaldo,he certainly got that gay persona perfectly in college though,i remember chatting with him in class 10 when he said that if he would do well in these board exams his dad would take him to,again i kid you not,manchester and he would try out and get into the MANU U-17 team and would play for em,that dream changed and he then wanted to go to Anderlecht in Belgium coz it was a sister club of MANU,that didnt happen also,
Imrano's greatest joke of course was that regarding Mr Forran,a teacher with whom we played a lotta football during thw winter vacations in out school,everyday at 6 AM we would go to the field to play,one such saturday chintoo and i reached the field and no one was there barring imrano who told us that
"Mr Forran has gone to Canada......he wont come back"

A few weeks later school opened and funnily enough we saw Mr Forran walking around
we went to him and asked him
"Sir we heard you had gone to Canada....how come you are here back"
Forran replied
"Who told you this?
That imran gadwa right,bloody fool has been telling everyone i have gone to Canada,i bloody told him i was going to Kerela"

That of course wasnt the only time we made fun of our dear imrano
as probably the greatest 2 liner ever made by any student in STB,here it goes

"Imran gaya kathmandu,imran gaya kathmandu
sab usko dekh kar bol....GANDU GANDU GANDU"

My name Jaki Kabir

St Thomas' is like a goldmine for a diverse range of students,we had the gays,we had the straights,we had the bisexuals,we had the comedians,we had the abusers,we had the quite folk,we had the geeks, we had the nerds,we had the losers,we had those perfect people,we had the jocks,we had the cocks,we had it all cept of course females coz its an all boys school and of course we had the good old
fashioned freaks of nature.

The first few pals i made in the school turned out to be the freakiest bunch ever,one guy became a drug addict in fact two of em are hardcore drug addicts ,another is an alcoholic,but no one takes the cake like my good friend Zaki Kabir does,i mean he is so freaky you dont even need to get him drunk to watch him in full flowing action.

Built like a typical tough guy ,the only reason people didnt consider him tough was coz he was way short,i mean not very short but if you are shorter than me i will pick on you every single day of your life,the dude did have a good set of muscles and all that.A decent enough sportsperson and all around complete retard.

He would often come to my class,during recess,just to see us,most of his good friends were in science and he was in commerce,or he would come just to fuck around i dont know,and all off a sudden he would just start singing any romantic song is his loud booming voice for no reason,i cant remember which songs but for sure some SRK movie songs,and as ever present there would be one guy sitting on
a desk oblivious to what is going on ,he would not even be part of the group or even the conversation but as soon as he would hear some music on ,boom he would start banging on the desk ,keeping a set rhythm while Zaki would keep on singing one song after another,fucking medley.

Then of course since he was an STB student ,he was always on the verge of starting a fight,often his singing would lead to a build up to a fight ,but we knew the drill he would never fight ,he just wanted to show he wasnt fazed or scared of no one,still we would play the part of peace maker,holding back the 2 people who wanted to "rip" each other to shreds
"Nahi bhai chorr de woh bachcha hai"
"Kya Zaki chor na yaar sala har din ladhai kyu karta hain?"

The greatest hits collection of Zaki constitute of some of his craziness and absolute stupidity,for example one day we were waiting to cross the road,now if you people dont know Calcutta is notorious for hit and runs,especially by buses,and so we all are waiting for a bus to pass,the bus had slowed down to let off some passengers and was reving up to accelerate when

BOOOOOOM!......BOOOOM!

two fucking huge hits from his hand to the bus drivers entrance,and the bus stops in its tracks,the bus driver is flummoxed

Zaki:AAAAAEEEEEEE RUUUUUK RUUUUUUK .......
and he crosses unfaced ,while we scamper to cross the street,we were just gald the driver didnt step on the accelerator and run over the bloke but i guess Zaki could have stopped that also.

In class 10 he was the moniter of the class,trying to keep the class disciplined in STB is no easy job i can assure you of that,but Zaki would try his level best and as usual when the ruckus would be too loud and uncontrollable up would step the great leader of the masses,bang his hand on the teachers desk
shout out
"IF ANY BODY WILL TALK I WILL HIT YOU[pointing to babla]"
Babla:arrey hum kya kiya ,humko kyu marega?

and of course when a teacher would come to class ,Zaki would shout out
"Whole the class stand up"
yes we can....and we will.....

But the blokes greatest one liner still remains an amazing memory and this would happen on a regular basis,this conversation
Me:Achcha Zaki tum toh STB mein 12 saal se par rahe ho
Zaki:ha yes ha
Me:STB english medium school hain na bhai
Zaki:ha hain
Me:Achca toh tum 5 line english ka bol do without errors aur main maan jaoonga ke tum english jaante ho
Zaki:Theek hai Adeem......My name Jaki Kabir.....

WRONG!
The first fucking line is wrong and he had been in the school from class 1 right upto 12 and the guy couldnt speak one straight line of english,and the worst bit is that everytime,everyday i would ask him this question his response would be the same
MY NAME JAKI KABIR
MY NAME JAKI KABIR

The Gentelmens Game.....NOT [edited]

Cricket was a game created for all those tea loving snobbish blokes who had too much time to waste and too little time to get dirty,played exclusively in whites with only actually 4 men in the fold of the game,it was to say the least a easy slow game played by em British folk at the start before they decided to "spread" the game around[which meant colonization of a ton of countries including India].

The sport however has taken huge strides in India ,hell we are the best team in the world if not the richest and most powerful,but this is not what i wanted to write about,i want to let you people know how cricket was played in the fine institute called St Thomas' Boys School Kidderpore.

NOTE:I never actually took part in any of the sports but this is an account of what me pals chintoo[rohit] and babla had to deal with on a regular basis and believe me it was hilarious.

Both of me pals played for the same team[house,lytton] and they are real good players both of em were in the Bengal u9's and under 13's before they got sick of the corruption and they quit.
So obviously they were "star" players,in fact one of em was the captain of the team and they were playing for the most senior squad of the school the U20s.....so they werent crap

Although i did not see any of the games ,a lot of people have confirmed all of these "incidents" which i love talking bout all the time....so off we go

During one of the round robin games me pals had to play the team of the Gunda or at least one of the gundas of school Mahindar.....yup he was built just like the BOLERO ....fucking huge guy and well built and the fact that he was more than 22 years old made it hell to deal with him,he was like one of the Godfathers in school....everyone would call him "Bhai" out of fear and respect...

So "Bhai" was fielding near the boundary and ROHIT[it wasnt babla it was chintoo] was facing the first delivery of the game,was some bloke who was bowling cant remember who,so Bhai comes running all the way to Babla and....

Bhai:OO ladka bowling karega .....aur tum chor dega....out ho jayega first ball.......nahi to......
ROHIT:Ha ha bai no problems....theek hai

First Ball....WIDE
Second Ball....WIDE
Third Ball....NO BALL

Mahinder again comes running....
Bhai:Aye......KYA KAR RAHA HAI? OUT HONE BOLA NA??????
ROHIT:Arrey Bhai woh toh kharaab bowling kar raha hai
Bhai[to bowler]:Aye Seedha bowling karega.......woh baal chor dega

Next ball:Wide

Now Bhai was getting frustated.....
Next ball.......WHALLOPPED BY ROHIT......ITS A SIX!!!!!!
ROHIT turns to the crowd for adulation and celebration,then its all silent....ROHIT then realizes his error....MAHINDER IS PISSED ,HE IS RED AND HE IS BAYING FOR BLOOD.......comes up and warns ROHIT like they always did in STB
"Aaab tere ko bahaar dekh lega......school ke bahaar"
ROHIT is shit scared now but still he makes an amazing match winning knock....which knocked out mahinders team.....oh for shame
much worse was to follow as when Mahinders team came out to bat of all people......babla was the star fielder and he picks up an amazing catch and as he turns around the horror is pasted on his face....he drops the ball in fear as he just caught out BHAI!.....MAHINDER BHAI....BHAI threatened babla even more than rohit
later as babla is walking past school he spots mahinder and is about to run when

Mahinder:PAAALABHI NAAAAAAAAAAA PAAALABHIIIII NAAAAAA!
although he did catch babla he didnt do anything cpet congratulate him.....phew bullet dodged!

But of course since babla's team was playing so well there were bound to be repercussions.....so one day before another match a couple of guys call babla and chintoo towards em.....nervously they go towards em........
One guy takes out his hanky and in it is a piece of crumpled paper,actually its a crumpled page or something...babla cant get a good look......
The guy:Tu jaanta yeh kya hai????.....yeh BAIL certificate hai.....bhai ko police thoda din pehle chora ekbalpur thana se.....
NOTE:this bhai is another "bhai from school" not to be confused with mahinder
Bhai bola kharaab khelne toh tu kharaab hi khelega......and he walks away

Another guy comes who is from babla's house lytton and asks him what the other bloke said....to which babla laid out the details......the guy then tells babla.....[and again i kid you not......GRAPHIC LANGUAGE AHEAD.....]

the new guy:Koi tere ko kuch bhi bolega na....hum ko bol....hum uska maa ka "bur" mein ghoos jayenge.....ITNA BARAA BAAT HUM BOL DIYA.....

Dont know if the talk was big but that vagina sure as hell would be huge to fit this guy in

By the way Babla and Chintoo's team did win the tournament....they werent beaten up or anything....they were just plain old lucky.....not to get beaten up that is.

PS:THIS IS AN EDIT AS I HAD MIXED UP WHAT ROHIT AND BABLA HAD DONE TO "BHAI" DURING THE GAME.....

Bula Di jaana mein kaun?

This is not a article to bleat about the sexuality of India or the fact that we got a ton of HIV infected people and all that crap about using condoms and all,that is for another day when i actually have that "chance" of "doing it".No this is for the great maths teacher we got in class 12 to replace another freak.

The sad fact is that this teacher came to replace G Francis Sagunthar,i called hin shakuntala ,the guy was an amazing maths teacher but was an all and out freak,i mean he would start doing sums mentally all the time,speak in his crummy south indian accent,where the "yex"[x] is the same as "yes"[s]...for example

"The enneth term of the yexeth number is the whyeth term of the pee-eth number,if yex is yes and why is yay find the numbers"....what?
what?
no really what?

so when we heard that this bloke is leaving the school[to go to an all girls school] we all were happy[cept the geeks who loved the freak],we thought we would get a teacher who would teach us well or at least who wont be a freak but as usual its STB,we dont get that kinda luck.

So a day later came a teacher ,short and fat, ok looks dont count in school,and off she went to teach,well for starters she knew nothing about the subject and would try to force us to study,what ultimately became of around 35 boys trying to study ended up being 5 boys studying hard and the rest doing whatever the hell they like.

Me and me pals would just talk bout shit and watch the fun that happened in class,she would try so hard to try and control the students but to no avail,the bengali group would do their thing,the geeks their own thing,the comedians would do their own thing,for example akshay would put his feet up and use the table and his harmonica singing out Himesh songs one after another in his comical fashion

"TUMMMMMM ....................................DILLLLL MEEEEIIIN........SHAEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDD HUAAAAA

five minutes of silence then

"AAAAHISSSTAAAA.......AAAAAAHIIIISSSTAAAA"

socks off,shoes off and off he would go on singing,in fact once one of his shoes got thrown towards the teach and it missed her fortunately,so akshay went all hop about on one leg trying to retrieve his one shoe.....and then came one of the best dialogues i heard in school,
the teach got pissed off at akshay and was trying to hit him[she never did hit him but still]
chintoo got so pissed off he blurted out
"MAAAR RANDI AUR MAAAAAR"
from that day she was called BULADI
we never found out her real name.....

another time the bengali group were playing cricket using an exam board and pieces of paper ,when one guy got pissed and threw a piece of bread as a ball and the bloke whalloped it,and it landed straight on Buladi's head,she didnt say nothing bout butter was on her.

The icing on the cake was when we stuffed her cell phone with porno,and this was an elaborate plan made with a lot of care and planning,
so one day she comes to class and as usual leaves her cell phone on her table,so while some of the gujju and marru party distracted her using the ploy of having problems with some sums,she became so happy that someone asked for her help that she completely forgot bout the cell,it was aatish,gokul,seta,harsh shah ,ripu all distracted her,then Guha[r.i.p] took her cell,switched on the bluetooth and trasnferred some shit into it.....man after that she never let go of her cell.........

the sad fact that we found out a few months later was she used to teach somewhere else,we would wonder where the hell would a cheap teacher like that teach,and then the beans got spilt,she used to teach and i kid you not in Bahrain,now for all those who are geographically challeneged,Bahrain is a small country near U.A.E,where i resided for 7 years,and when me pals found out about this they never let me live this down,mocking me and buladi every time she would come into class,damn it.

MAAAR RANDI MAAAAAR!

Pope kiska baap hai?????????

My school was noted for its ruffian ways and really crappy behaviour .......from the mild abuses that we all hurl at each other on a daily basis.....to the good old fights which occured on a regular basis outside the school ......each and everyday was excitement personafied in school......hell it was the best past time we had apart from Tv and me ps'[which sadly are no more]........

anyways this one story is just the typical run of the mill things that would happen in STB [St thomas' boys].....this incident did happen before i joined the school but thanks to manko and his brilliant impersonation of a teach and one of his pals....this is tattooed in me memory and of all me pals as well

so here it goes
in our main building all the 6,7,8 and 9 classes were present.....the 6 and 7 classes would occupy the first floor,the 2nd floory was by the 8 and 9 classes and then there was the roof.....the vice principals office ,the library and the auditorium were on the ground floor.......
so me pals were in class 7 E i think.......and it was some period in which no teacher came......
which in STB terms means a full on brawl....chalk being thrown about,papers flying,abuses hurled ,just a full on blast of STB really.......

so this guy Debayan [Roddo] who is a drug addict by the way......yup me school did have a ton o druggos ......so he was standing near the classroom entrance....which also happened to be near the staircase leading to the ground floor.......so he starts peeping down and sees a certain english teacher by the name of POPE.....Mr Pope.....freaking whitey who would smoke all day long......Pope and cigs were like pimps and hoes....one cant be without the other......
so the druggo Roddo spots pope and starts shouting in his idiotic tone
"AAAAEEEEEE POPE.......POPE......POPE......POPE....."
now his tone is like a mixture of a drunk and a person high....which figures coz he is a drug addict......so after shouting out this he steps into the classroom.....

in A FLASH MR POPE runs up the stairs and catches hold of Roddo.....i mean the guy moved real fast.....fasted than any car ever.....probably faster than Usain Bolt as well......

unbelievably he caught hold of the freak and started hammering him left right and center ......that was funny enough but during the thrashing Pope kept on repeating this one line to Roddo

"POPE TERA BAAP HAI????
POPE TERA BAAP HAI?????"

fuck that shit....dont think any teacher would have wanted Roddo as their kid....so i guess Roddo was happy enough that he was getting a teach to be like a step dad or something......
to this "question" Roddo gave the most fitting reply for any occasion in STB
"aaee SORRY SIIIIIRRRRR".....

Pope tera baap hain remains a classic to this day....laughin off to this everyday this just cant be forgotten.....although it would have been a much more hilarious bit if someone had acted out the parts of Roddo and Pope but i guess this will have to do for now.....

POPE TERA BAAP HAI?