Pester Power, Thums Up and a Jeet!

People always believe that once you start working full time, a person starts understanding the value of a job, grows as a person, understands responsibilities and takes ownership of their actions. I would love those people to meet me because I fail at all the check boxes above. The only reason I do go to work is if I don't my dad will literally kick me to office. In office I am the normal troll that I am outside office, constantly talking bullshit (Bhaat as we call it), eating heads, making stupid comments and just acting like a freak, pretty normal for me.

While I have shared stories regarding prank calling people within office, stealing juice from lunch boxes and making lives a living hell, recently I seem to have honed my skills and every day post 6:30 PM I start my bhaat session. 

The people who feel the brunt of all this are the colleagues nearby, from the new guy who is to get married soon (constantly tell him, "Your life is over....."), to the finance manager who once got off his chair to try and kick me when I tried to talk about how trains are stopped in Guwahati as elephants get on the track to mate since its mating season, to Enakshi, Neha and Tanya who have to bear the most since I really go crazy at them, especially Tanya who seems to be just as crazy as me and also has her own set of "bhaat" lines to share.

Enough of that, I wasn't pleased just trolling about the colleagues, now its time for the office boys. Yes, those tireless workers who constantly listen and do as they are told. "Bring me coffee", "Bring these print outs", "Go to Mr. X and get his signature on this", its a thankless job in reality and just to rub it in, I wanted them to be part of the trolling and pestering also. Which means they were gonna be the butt of the jokes.

So we have this Tanmay, Tanmay da as we affectionately call him, he works tirelessly bringing tea and coffee to all that need and demand it. I however, don't drink caffeine , I avoid tea and coffee since always, not that I hate the drink, its just that I don't want some hot liquid in me to kickstart my system. So he comes and provides refreshing drinks to all while I get nothing that I want, so I start telling him everyday

"Tanmay da, aamar Thums up kothai?" (Tanmay da, where is my thums up?"

Initially he was taken aback since no one ever makes such nonsensical remarks. This continued for a couple of weeks and I started really pestering him.
"Where is my thums up? I want it today" of course spoken in broken bengali.

Then when I saw that even that was not going to work , I started to bring in the emotional blackmail.

"You will only bring the thums up when I put down my papers"

This also continued for a few days and everyone would have a good laugh because its all a joke and whatever I do say is in good faith, I dont say stuff to hurt people just to bring smiles and of course piss them off.

Last thursday while we were setting up for lunch this happens

Don't worry, I just left a little cola in it before I took the snap. ITS STILL COLA!

Tanmay da brought 2 cups of Cola for us, Tanya, Neha and I were having lunch and we were so surprised it was un freaking believable, Tanmay then says "Sob Theek?" (Everything ok? ) with a smile and thats when it all fell into place. My pestering worked and I got my free cola

Of course a lotta comments have come about this, some one said that the poor soul actually had to take out money from his pocket or how much I actually got on his nerves that he had to bring me a cola to shut me up, which didn't work cos I told him "Kalke o aanben" (bring some tomorrow as well)

Of course this doesn't bode well for me as pointed out, I was to get the cola the day I resigned, ummm ok.......???? 

Drinking Buddies

Its time when boys turned into men , now that all of us are working we rarely get a chance to meet each other, the 4 of us , Chintoo, Nagu , Babla and me. Chintoo because he is far away in gujju land for some crazy yet almost right reason he stays in a place called Dahej [dowry] in hindi terms and he had come to Calcutta recently because of his sister's marriage [more on that later].

Babla because he is mostly busy due to his numerous shows spread across India, big superstar he is playing in his band and Nagu because he is an idiot and is always busy with excuses like "thesis" and his wannabe girlfriend whom he says does not like him but still is always with him sharing pads in another city and going around like crazy all the time.

So thanks to the Sista's marriage the 4 of us met up and while the wedding , as every wedding goes, needed a lot of work and we all were very busy with it, meeting relatives, rohit's set of mallu friends and of course Bhabhiji, when everything was done and pushed away the 4 of us had to go for a night out. This night out had to be curtailed since all of us had office or practice or a flight to catch or "thesis", so Babla comes up with the plan to go to Tangra, Calcutta's china town, great food, cheap booze and lots of food options.

We meet up after I got done with office and in our search for a cab we got into a pool car coz cuntish taxi drivers won't go to Tangra coz its too late, its freaking 7:30 PM, the night has just started and they start acting like douches. Well we in the pool car were no worse, screaming, hurling abuses at one another like the world wont end, one typical comment was that " I love xyz girl but you know I do stuff with other girls but I really REALLY love this girl", one bugger retorts "bhai, tu bol yeh kya pyaar hai? ", the third one says " Sorry man, I have never had such love that I love one girl but fuck about with 16 others, aisa pyaar mera kabhi hua nahin"

The drive was long but fun, abuses, shameless acts of indecency, the driver was petrified and was happy to drop us off at the doorstep of the restaurant/bar and drove off like he had his wife expecting a baby in the car.

Babla knew this place well, we could see that as the waiters were all happy seeing him, of course they would be, he is the size of a baby elephant, probably ate like one the last time he was here. The order was given and Babla said "You have to try the duck, its amazing", while the rest of em drank beer, vodka, whiskey etc etc etc, the 4th bugger who wont drink was me, now what to do? I decide time to troll around, I order a thumbs up, after downing half of that I get me a sprite, mix it and whay hay! it looks like a pint of beer,

"Quick take a picture of this, and wait for my family to go all retard on me"

While the prawn chips, wontons and fish dishes were being sent back and forth like a whore being shared by 4 cheap friends, the real star of the night was the duck, thank fuck I had duck, especially the Peking Duck, oh and while the rest of em got a little high from the alcohol, i got high from drinking a thumbs up, a coke, a fanta, a sprite and a 7 up, just missed out on the Limca, told the waiter
"Next time, I will have the rest as well, namely, the Limca, the soda and a bottle of water"

Now when people get drank they gotta do something crazy, Nagu and Babla are proper alcoholics, so after being "alcoholized" they didn't do anything cray, Chintoo on the other hand whips out his cell phone and like last time, calls his "girl" and spends like 30-40 mins just talking to her,when we leave we had to make sure Chintoo came back from the loo, we thought he would drop his cell in the toilet and start speaking to his wiener.

He comes back and we decide to take an auto to go back to Park Circus, while we get into an auto, the auto is stopped before it can move by a guy on a bike, seems the auto driver had bumped into the biker and now he wanted retribution.

While the auto driver maintained his innocence, after around 10 mins of to and fro and being let off, we could see the guilt on his face and his tone of voice, even though all 4 of us were high, the cool breeze and a trippy auto ride is all we needed.

After dropping babla off we set off to return to the lan of Khidderpore, getting off as Rohit and Nagu needed to walk a bit before they got the high out of em, the night was brilliant, no one knows when we may meet like this again and get high, this day we created a new set of names for one another.

"Drinking Buddies

Tipsy Wipsy : Babla
Pukey: Chintoo
Drunkard : Nagu
Musalman : Me, Duh!

Say "Hello"!

"Blaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuuuu"

Ooooh Pukey did a baaaaad thing"